By Sparrow AKA HobbitatHeart
It must be noted, at this point, that Ron Weasley was never a particularly talented wizard. He came from a nice family, true, was heir to some of the finest sorcerers of all time, and, though he didn't know it at the age of 15, would eventually be the brother and brother-in-law respectively of George and Hermione Weasley, the co-founders of a great wizarding school off the coast of Florida. (All this, of course, is beside the point entirely and has no relevance to the story, but was a sneaky way to add one of the author's favourite couples into an otherwise unrelated tale).
Anyhow, going back to the "plot", Ron had much the same amount of talent as Neville, though no aptitude for Herbology, and so quite a bit less skill than the previously mentioned Longbottom. He had a better chance of being struck by lightning twice while eating jellybeans and singing a Britney Spears song and then diving into a vat of melted chocolate than defeating a powerful dark wizard, which isn't to say he didn't try. The second part, not the jellybean thing.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-But-Will-Be-Anyway-Because-This-Is-A-Fanfic-And-Thus-Even-The-Most-Supersitious-Characters-Are-Allowed-To-Say-Voldemort had wandered somewhere outside Hogwarts grounds and was living quite comfortably amidst his unicorn pals in a small house in the Forbidden Forest. As Hagrid was under the impression he was an animal of some kind, Old Voldie was well fed by eating dead blast-ended skrewts and enjoyed life to a certain degree. Then that pesky Potter kid came along.
Harry had good intentions; he'd kill the Dark Lord, save the world, and all that other stuff Harry tends to do. He had his wand, a nice encyclopedia of curses memorized, and lots of bravery. Though Dumbledore could have eliminated Voldemort sufficiently by himself, he sent Harry into the forest all alone in the middle of the night anyway, because he was secretly evil and sinister as well as quite old and tired. But the Valiant Ron (his nickname yet again improved from the "Wonderful Weasley" of the first chapter) refused to let his friend go in there and kill himself. It would follow, due to Ron's limited thought process, that he would join Harry and get them both killed.
And thus the boys took the invisibility cloak, a very nifty accessory, and crept into the Forbidden Forest and toward obvious doom. I know what you're thinking: "Harry would be smarter than that. Harry would leave Ron behind, get someone who actually knew what they were doing, and then venture forward." However, Harry was a tiny bit dense, though not so much as his redheaded comrade, and besides that didn't have any other close friends except for Hermione, whom both boys forgot about the existence of the great majority of the time.
That-Evil-Guy-Who-Has-Many-Names leapt theatrically from behind a tree, though he didn't actually see his currently invisible enemies. It is a well known fact that Tom Marvolo Riddle the Second had always wanted to be in musical theatre rather than that boring being wicked thing, but didn't have the talent, so he often jumped out from behind trees and sung random bits of cruelty to help pursue his dream. Ron, in an action some would characterize as courageous and some as stupid (for the sake of the story, we'll take the last one), threw off the invisibility cloak with equal dramatic fervor and drew out his wand.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" the witless Weasley exclaimed, as this was the only spell he knew by heart with absolute certainty. Unfortunately, as it has been mentioned he lacks talent when it comes to that sort of thing, he mispronounced it, much the same way as his movie alter ego played by Rupert Grint. Thus, instead of lifting Voldemort off the ground, which would have been rather useless anyway, his "Wingardium Levi-oh-saw" made the already scary-looking wizard in front him grow taller, stronger, and scarier. Why this happened, exactly, is a fact unknown to all, except maybe Hermione, who would have been a heck of a lot more useful in this sort of situation.
The exceedingly frightening Wizard-Who-Has-More-Talent-And-Evilness-Than-Certain-People drew out his wand and murmured a dark spell that sounded something like a strange variation on the word "idiot" and directed the curse toward Ron. Suddenly, in the spot where the boy who was not the Boy Who Lived had stood, there was a beautiful bouquet of roses. Voldemort lifted the flowers off the ground and presented them to Harry. "I know I've tried to kill you about a million times and made you an orphan and stuff," admitted He-Who-Has-Been-Named-In-Multiple-Ways, "but I'm really and truly sorry about all that and I want to start all over again." He smiled, a particularly unpleasant gesture to watch. "Friends?"
Harry took the flowers, grinned, and skipped back to Hogwarts with Voldemort, who was immediately forgiven for all his crimes by everyone and was Harry's best friend for the rest of time. The Weasleys never noticed they had one less child, and no one thought to comment about the way the bouquet of flowers often screamed in misery from time to time.
All in all, they all lived happily ever after.
...Except Ron.
