(Authors' Note: Christa and I never thought we'd write another chapter, but we did. And yes, there will be more, eventually.)
Disclaimer: Christa and I do not own Lord of the Rings. Lara and Gwen are us. We do not own Mountain Dew either. The Coven of Darkness is a fictitious band.
Chapter 2: The Return to Middle Earth
The sun was shining on New York City that day. It was all shiny and stuff. But, anyway, Legolas Greenleaf was getting up to go to work in the studio apartment that he shared with several other people. It was quite crowded, what with the entire fellowship of the Ring being there (minus Gimli and Gandalf who were still in Middle Earth somewhere). It had been about a year since he and his comrades had been transported to Middle Earth by the use of a small glowy stone. Legolas was now happily married to a normal (well, as normal as you can get) modern woman named Gwen and was working as a meteorologist for a local weather station. The fact that he knew nothing about weather did not stop him from doing his job.
Sam was in the kitchenette of the apartment, making coffee. "Hello Legolas! Top of the morning to you."
"Hello Sam," Legolas said, "Is anyone else awake?"
"Just me and Mr. Frodo."
"You know Sam, it's been a year since we left Middle Earth, you don't have to call him 'Mr.' anymore. Relax, chill," Legolas suggested.
"Well, it reminds me of home…"
"Suit yourself. I personally LOVE it here!" He looked at his watch and realized that he was late. "Sorry Sam, gotta go!" Legolas ran out of the door, briefcase in hand.
The next person to awaken was Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor, chief of the Dunedain, and FORMER fiancee of Arwen Undomiel daughter of Elrond Half-Elven. He was now married to a girl named Lara and was a member of an unsuccessful rock band called 'The Coven of Darkness'.
"Morning Sam!" Called Aragorn as he entered the kitchen.
Before anyone could say another word, Merry and Pippin charged the kitchen, dressed in pajamas with bunny feet. "What's for breakfast, Sam?" exclaimed Pippin.
Merry was trying to look as subdued as possible, considering that he was supposed to be the serious one and all.
"For you two, nothing with SUGAR," Sam said, with extra emphasis on the word 'sugar'.
"What?" Merry said, "We haven't had Mountian Dew in weeks!"
"That's because we haven't been BUYING it for you," Sam said, "Not since the last time! The neighbor's poor cat will never be the same!"
"It's not our fault that the cat was allergic to fish food!"
Aragorn sighed heavily. Lara and Gwen walked in, looking very tired.
"Good morning Sam. I hope you have coffee. Lots of coffee. I hope to GOD you have coffee," muttered Gwen.
Lara walked over to Aragorn and gave him a light kiss. "Good morning honey. Do you have work today?"
"You mean rehearsal?"
"Yeah. Sam, coffee please. I have drama rehearsal with the evil drama company and the evil drama director."
"Okaaaaaaaaayyy," Sam said warily, "Here's your coffee. Now back away."
"Sorry Sam, it's just that life sucks, even though we are married to the two hottest and sweetest guys ever born, and we have a house full of friends who aren't even supposed to exist: Life. Still. Sucks."
"Why is that, do you think?" asked Frodo, who had just walked in.
"It's our jobs," Gwen said.
"Well, why don't you quit?"
"You see, we're supposed to have this thing called loyalty."
"Oh, I see. Now I have to watch my stories, excuse me." Frodo made a beeline for the television.
Boromir walked in. He didn't look that good. He looked like he had been drinking, even though he had never touched alcohol. He hadn't been able to find a job in a year. Although he had tried, most notably as a clown for the parties of small children. His mutt Mikey, trotted behind him, looking quite cheerful, considering that he was a dog and had no cares.
Boromir didn't say much. He just sat down and drank the coffee Sam offered to him.
"Lordy, look at the time!" Lara exclaimed as she looked at the clock, "We gotta get out of here!" She and Gwen left the house. Aragorn followed them out of the apartment, guitar in hand, headed for rehearsal in a semi-decent part of town.
Boromir faced the hobbits. "What do you guys think you're going to do today?"
Frodo said something about not going out so he wouldn't miss his soaps.
Merry and Pippin said "Uh, we're going…shopping! Yes, uh, shopping!"
"NO MOUNTAIN DEW!" Sam shouted.
"We wouldn't dream of it," Merry said sarcastically. Merry and Pippin darted out of the apartment.
Boromir turned to Sam. "What are you doing today?"
"Oh, I don't know. I really miss living in Middle Earth, It seems like it was so much better back then."
Boromir laughed softly. "Hey, I know what you mean. But hey, I've got Mikey now, so it's all good." At the mention of his name, Mikey jumped up and down happily.
Sam launched into a vehement tirade. "Yeah, I know. Everyone has found something good in New York. Something that makes them happy. Something that brightens their pathetic, miserable existence on this planet. Frodo has his soap operas, Merry and Pippin have discovered the wonders of sugar, Aragorn has Lara and his band, Legolas has Gwen and his weather reporting job-everyone has found SOMETHING. Except for me."
"Oh. Well, I hope you find something," Boromir said casually.
Sam seemed not to hear him. He just stared blankly into space. He had a way to send them ALL back to Middle Earth. He knew a way to get everyone back. He couldn't do it yet, but soon…
Boromir jumped about ten feet in the air when he heard Sam muttering something about 'soon, my precious, soon'.
Later that evening, everyone was at home except for Merry and Pippin. Legolas was boring Gwen to tears with tales of his exploits in the wide, wide world of meteorology. Aragorn was playing Lara some of the band's latest music, music that was so bad, that he probably came up with it in the last second.
Frodo was still glued to the TV, watching Guiding Light for the 90th time that day. Boromir was drinking a mug of root beer and playing solitaire with Mikey at his feet. Sam, for some reason, was sitting cross-legged in a corner near Boromir, rocking back and forth, stroking something no one could see. He was muttering "My….precious…." in a raspy voice.
Boromir sighed heavily and turned to look at Sam. "My God Sam, you sound just like that Gollum chap, what is with you?" Boromir leaned over Sam's shoulder and gasped as he saw the small blue glowy stone that had started this whole mess in the first place.
When Sam noticed that Boromir saw it, he leaped in front of the television and held the stone up on high shouting "YES! Yes! I have the power to take you ALL back to Middle Earth. Yes! YES!"
Frodo shouted "Sam! You're blocking the screen I CAN'T SEE TONY AND MARA!"
All of a sudden, Merry and Pippin burst in, carrying bags of various sizes and quantities of Mountain Dew.
"Hey, it's that strange thing that transported us to another time, place, and dimension!" Boromir exclaimed.
Suddenly, there was a great blast of light and everyone disappeared.
Disclaimer: Christa and I do not own Lord of the Rings. Lara and Gwen are us. We do not own Mountain Dew either. The Coven of Darkness is a fictitious band.
Chapter 2: The Return to Middle Earth
The sun was shining on New York City that day. It was all shiny and stuff. But, anyway, Legolas Greenleaf was getting up to go to work in the studio apartment that he shared with several other people. It was quite crowded, what with the entire fellowship of the Ring being there (minus Gimli and Gandalf who were still in Middle Earth somewhere). It had been about a year since he and his comrades had been transported to Middle Earth by the use of a small glowy stone. Legolas was now happily married to a normal (well, as normal as you can get) modern woman named Gwen and was working as a meteorologist for a local weather station. The fact that he knew nothing about weather did not stop him from doing his job.
Sam was in the kitchenette of the apartment, making coffee. "Hello Legolas! Top of the morning to you."
"Hello Sam," Legolas said, "Is anyone else awake?"
"Just me and Mr. Frodo."
"You know Sam, it's been a year since we left Middle Earth, you don't have to call him 'Mr.' anymore. Relax, chill," Legolas suggested.
"Well, it reminds me of home…"
"Suit yourself. I personally LOVE it here!" He looked at his watch and realized that he was late. "Sorry Sam, gotta go!" Legolas ran out of the door, briefcase in hand.
The next person to awaken was Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor, chief of the Dunedain, and FORMER fiancee of Arwen Undomiel daughter of Elrond Half-Elven. He was now married to a girl named Lara and was a member of an unsuccessful rock band called 'The Coven of Darkness'.
"Morning Sam!" Called Aragorn as he entered the kitchen.
Before anyone could say another word, Merry and Pippin charged the kitchen, dressed in pajamas with bunny feet. "What's for breakfast, Sam?" exclaimed Pippin.
Merry was trying to look as subdued as possible, considering that he was supposed to be the serious one and all.
"For you two, nothing with SUGAR," Sam said, with extra emphasis on the word 'sugar'.
"What?" Merry said, "We haven't had Mountian Dew in weeks!"
"That's because we haven't been BUYING it for you," Sam said, "Not since the last time! The neighbor's poor cat will never be the same!"
"It's not our fault that the cat was allergic to fish food!"
Aragorn sighed heavily. Lara and Gwen walked in, looking very tired.
"Good morning Sam. I hope you have coffee. Lots of coffee. I hope to GOD you have coffee," muttered Gwen.
Lara walked over to Aragorn and gave him a light kiss. "Good morning honey. Do you have work today?"
"You mean rehearsal?"
"Yeah. Sam, coffee please. I have drama rehearsal with the evil drama company and the evil drama director."
"Okaaaaaaaaayyy," Sam said warily, "Here's your coffee. Now back away."
"Sorry Sam, it's just that life sucks, even though we are married to the two hottest and sweetest guys ever born, and we have a house full of friends who aren't even supposed to exist: Life. Still. Sucks."
"Why is that, do you think?" asked Frodo, who had just walked in.
"It's our jobs," Gwen said.
"Well, why don't you quit?"
"You see, we're supposed to have this thing called loyalty."
"Oh, I see. Now I have to watch my stories, excuse me." Frodo made a beeline for the television.
Boromir walked in. He didn't look that good. He looked like he had been drinking, even though he had never touched alcohol. He hadn't been able to find a job in a year. Although he had tried, most notably as a clown for the parties of small children. His mutt Mikey, trotted behind him, looking quite cheerful, considering that he was a dog and had no cares.
Boromir didn't say much. He just sat down and drank the coffee Sam offered to him.
"Lordy, look at the time!" Lara exclaimed as she looked at the clock, "We gotta get out of here!" She and Gwen left the house. Aragorn followed them out of the apartment, guitar in hand, headed for rehearsal in a semi-decent part of town.
Boromir faced the hobbits. "What do you guys think you're going to do today?"
Frodo said something about not going out so he wouldn't miss his soaps.
Merry and Pippin said "Uh, we're going…shopping! Yes, uh, shopping!"
"NO MOUNTAIN DEW!" Sam shouted.
"We wouldn't dream of it," Merry said sarcastically. Merry and Pippin darted out of the apartment.
Boromir turned to Sam. "What are you doing today?"
"Oh, I don't know. I really miss living in Middle Earth, It seems like it was so much better back then."
Boromir laughed softly. "Hey, I know what you mean. But hey, I've got Mikey now, so it's all good." At the mention of his name, Mikey jumped up and down happily.
Sam launched into a vehement tirade. "Yeah, I know. Everyone has found something good in New York. Something that makes them happy. Something that brightens their pathetic, miserable existence on this planet. Frodo has his soap operas, Merry and Pippin have discovered the wonders of sugar, Aragorn has Lara and his band, Legolas has Gwen and his weather reporting job-everyone has found SOMETHING. Except for me."
"Oh. Well, I hope you find something," Boromir said casually.
Sam seemed not to hear him. He just stared blankly into space. He had a way to send them ALL back to Middle Earth. He knew a way to get everyone back. He couldn't do it yet, but soon…
Boromir jumped about ten feet in the air when he heard Sam muttering something about 'soon, my precious, soon'.
Later that evening, everyone was at home except for Merry and Pippin. Legolas was boring Gwen to tears with tales of his exploits in the wide, wide world of meteorology. Aragorn was playing Lara some of the band's latest music, music that was so bad, that he probably came up with it in the last second.
Frodo was still glued to the TV, watching Guiding Light for the 90th time that day. Boromir was drinking a mug of root beer and playing solitaire with Mikey at his feet. Sam, for some reason, was sitting cross-legged in a corner near Boromir, rocking back and forth, stroking something no one could see. He was muttering "My….precious…." in a raspy voice.
Boromir sighed heavily and turned to look at Sam. "My God Sam, you sound just like that Gollum chap, what is with you?" Boromir leaned over Sam's shoulder and gasped as he saw the small blue glowy stone that had started this whole mess in the first place.
When Sam noticed that Boromir saw it, he leaped in front of the television and held the stone up on high shouting "YES! Yes! I have the power to take you ALL back to Middle Earth. Yes! YES!"
Frodo shouted "Sam! You're blocking the screen I CAN'T SEE TONY AND MARA!"
All of a sudden, Merry and Pippin burst in, carrying bags of various sizes and quantities of Mountain Dew.
"Hey, it's that strange thing that transported us to another time, place, and dimension!" Boromir exclaimed.
Suddenly, there was a great blast of light and everyone disappeared.
