Finally.the finale.sorry it took so long.well, read on.oh and btw, its
short so.so you can blame me.
*~*
I bit my lip as the door locked behind her. I knew that'd be the last time I'd ever see her again, face to face. The last time I'd had talked with her again. My best friend, my only friend, Cassie.
I knew I couldn't stay, someone might come. But I also couldn't leave. The very essence of my friends existed in this barn. It had been our salvation, our hideout. Leaning back, I closed my eyes. The memories were fresh just as relief was always welcoming, the victories were satisfying and the pain.the pain was haunting. Haunting. Screaming, slashing, killing. The roars, the agony, and the blood. Blood everywhere. Red, spilling blood. Dark, soaking blood.
I was on the floor, clutching my knees tight against my chest. And I was crying. Salty tears streamed silently down my cheeks. And I let them. Because, I told myself, that would be the last time I ever cried for war, for bloodshed, for battle. And there I sat, rocking back and forth, somehow finding comfort in the animals through the cold misery. A faint smile played on my lips as, from the rafters [the same place Tobias used to sit to keep watch] a bald eagle sat and stared at me with the deepest eyes imaginable, eyes that reflected knowledge and caring and hope. Almost as if understood, almost as if it knew what I was going through.
*~*
I was back in the barn. Well, not exactly the real barn, an image, a hologram maybe. The Ellimist had powers that I would never understand, but for now, this was better than pitch-black emptiness. And I liked it. I found comfort in it, even if those memories seemed to leak out and seep from the very walls. Good or bad, right or wrong, joyous or sorrowful, I had to learn to live with them. Just as Cassie had. Cassie. How could I do this? I couldn't even let go of Cassie. How would I face my past? And if I could see Jake again, or Tobias, Ax or Marco, would I be able to keep myself together? I wanted to see them again so much. Just us, the Animorphs, all together, safe. Alive. And yet I didn't. I didn't want to see them again. All they would do is make me feel more guilty and hurt. I know that they are dead. Gone. Like I would have been. Maybe even with them. "I hate you, Ellimist," I shouted angrily, "It's all your fault! Why'd you have to bring me back? What can I do here? I'm no use! Change it! Take it back! Bring me back." I could feel the anger well up inside me. It wasn't my fault. He brought me here. He brought me into this. And he shouldn't have.
*~*
I had been thinking for hours now, maybe even days. Or maybe it had only been a few minutes. Who could tell? Well, I sure couldn't. That's right. I was annoyed, and I should be left alone when I'm alone. Except there was a problem, there was no one to leave me alone. I was alone. I had wondered how long it would take before I became lonely. I was stuck here. What else could I do? I wasn't the Ellimist. He didn't teach me what to do. Was there even anything to do? Wasn't the war over anyway? 'Weren't there enough people dead?' I thought bitterly. "Aren't there?" I screamed into the quiet. Why didn't the animals move? Why were they silent and still? Weren't they alive? "No, they aren't," I yelled bitingly, "No, they're just like me. Not dead, not alive, they're just like me." My own cries of anger gave me comfort, just to hear a voice, even if it was my own. I choked as the tears threatened to fall. I had vowed not to cry, I told myself. "I had vowed not to cry for war, not this," I whispered quietly to the unmoving animals, and the tears slipped. "Just take me back," I whispered, "Anywhere but here. Just take me back. I'll take myself back. I'll go. But I can't..can't you? Please.take me back.anywhere.. please..I'm begging you.please.just take me back.I know you can hear me.please.I'm begging you.please." I started to sob, uncontrollably. I was shaking. I was alone. And most of all, I was afraid.
*~*
Suddenly I felt exhausted. I didn't want to argue anymore. I didn't want to do anything. I just.wanted to go away.fade away into the night. Leave my duty, leave this role the Ellimist had intended me play. Just go, wherever, whatever. All I wanted was to disappear, to dissolve into the blackness that had once scared me. Now I wanted to be a part of it. But I couldn't, I was still in the barn. And as I drifted off, as I floated away, the memories returned. But these memories were happy, they calmed my soul, my spirit, they made me smile. Marco.Jake.Ax.Tobias.They were all there. Cassie.sweet Cassie.she had been different from us.lucky Cassie.Goodbye.And even while I faded away, as content as I could imagine, the barn's image stayed clear and the eyes of the eagle shone clearer in my memory than ever before. They shone, with knowledge and wisdom and courage, hope and faith and joy. And love. All the things that I had ever wanted, anything I had ever cared for, all the things that I ever desired to be. And all the things that I was.
*~*
Was it good? Was it ok? Was it bad? Should I redo it? Should I continue? Should I just leave it? Should I change it? Will you review? Can you please? Should I start another fic? As you can see, I have a lot of unanswered questions, and I need your help to answer them so.I'd love your opinion. As for my own opinion.umm..i guess it was ok. It could have been longer. I bit twisted. Her emotions take a kind of strange turn. I actually have an alternate ending, should I post it up? The only thing is I haven't finished.:P and I probably don't intend to.:P ok, ok, I'll try.
In the end though, thank you SO much for reading anyway. emberyn
*~*
I bit my lip as the door locked behind her. I knew that'd be the last time I'd ever see her again, face to face. The last time I'd had talked with her again. My best friend, my only friend, Cassie.
I knew I couldn't stay, someone might come. But I also couldn't leave. The very essence of my friends existed in this barn. It had been our salvation, our hideout. Leaning back, I closed my eyes. The memories were fresh just as relief was always welcoming, the victories were satisfying and the pain.the pain was haunting. Haunting. Screaming, slashing, killing. The roars, the agony, and the blood. Blood everywhere. Red, spilling blood. Dark, soaking blood.
I was on the floor, clutching my knees tight against my chest. And I was crying. Salty tears streamed silently down my cheeks. And I let them. Because, I told myself, that would be the last time I ever cried for war, for bloodshed, for battle. And there I sat, rocking back and forth, somehow finding comfort in the animals through the cold misery. A faint smile played on my lips as, from the rafters [the same place Tobias used to sit to keep watch] a bald eagle sat and stared at me with the deepest eyes imaginable, eyes that reflected knowledge and caring and hope. Almost as if understood, almost as if it knew what I was going through.
*~*
I was back in the barn. Well, not exactly the real barn, an image, a hologram maybe. The Ellimist had powers that I would never understand, but for now, this was better than pitch-black emptiness. And I liked it. I found comfort in it, even if those memories seemed to leak out and seep from the very walls. Good or bad, right or wrong, joyous or sorrowful, I had to learn to live with them. Just as Cassie had. Cassie. How could I do this? I couldn't even let go of Cassie. How would I face my past? And if I could see Jake again, or Tobias, Ax or Marco, would I be able to keep myself together? I wanted to see them again so much. Just us, the Animorphs, all together, safe. Alive. And yet I didn't. I didn't want to see them again. All they would do is make me feel more guilty and hurt. I know that they are dead. Gone. Like I would have been. Maybe even with them. "I hate you, Ellimist," I shouted angrily, "It's all your fault! Why'd you have to bring me back? What can I do here? I'm no use! Change it! Take it back! Bring me back." I could feel the anger well up inside me. It wasn't my fault. He brought me here. He brought me into this. And he shouldn't have.
*~*
I had been thinking for hours now, maybe even days. Or maybe it had only been a few minutes. Who could tell? Well, I sure couldn't. That's right. I was annoyed, and I should be left alone when I'm alone. Except there was a problem, there was no one to leave me alone. I was alone. I had wondered how long it would take before I became lonely. I was stuck here. What else could I do? I wasn't the Ellimist. He didn't teach me what to do. Was there even anything to do? Wasn't the war over anyway? 'Weren't there enough people dead?' I thought bitterly. "Aren't there?" I screamed into the quiet. Why didn't the animals move? Why were they silent and still? Weren't they alive? "No, they aren't," I yelled bitingly, "No, they're just like me. Not dead, not alive, they're just like me." My own cries of anger gave me comfort, just to hear a voice, even if it was my own. I choked as the tears threatened to fall. I had vowed not to cry, I told myself. "I had vowed not to cry for war, not this," I whispered quietly to the unmoving animals, and the tears slipped. "Just take me back," I whispered, "Anywhere but here. Just take me back. I'll take myself back. I'll go. But I can't..can't you? Please.take me back.anywhere.. please..I'm begging you.please.just take me back.I know you can hear me.please.I'm begging you.please." I started to sob, uncontrollably. I was shaking. I was alone. And most of all, I was afraid.
*~*
Suddenly I felt exhausted. I didn't want to argue anymore. I didn't want to do anything. I just.wanted to go away.fade away into the night. Leave my duty, leave this role the Ellimist had intended me play. Just go, wherever, whatever. All I wanted was to disappear, to dissolve into the blackness that had once scared me. Now I wanted to be a part of it. But I couldn't, I was still in the barn. And as I drifted off, as I floated away, the memories returned. But these memories were happy, they calmed my soul, my spirit, they made me smile. Marco.Jake.Ax.Tobias.They were all there. Cassie.sweet Cassie.she had been different from us.lucky Cassie.Goodbye.And even while I faded away, as content as I could imagine, the barn's image stayed clear and the eyes of the eagle shone clearer in my memory than ever before. They shone, with knowledge and wisdom and courage, hope and faith and joy. And love. All the things that I had ever wanted, anything I had ever cared for, all the things that I ever desired to be. And all the things that I was.
*~*
Was it good? Was it ok? Was it bad? Should I redo it? Should I continue? Should I just leave it? Should I change it? Will you review? Can you please? Should I start another fic? As you can see, I have a lot of unanswered questions, and I need your help to answer them so.I'd love your opinion. As for my own opinion.umm..i guess it was ok. It could have been longer. I bit twisted. Her emotions take a kind of strange turn. I actually have an alternate ending, should I post it up? The only thing is I haven't finished.:P and I probably don't intend to.:P ok, ok, I'll try.
In the end though, thank you SO much for reading anyway. emberyn
