Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or Moulin Rouge.

I'm So Sorry
by Sangwaelen

My voice, mingled with Christian's, rang in the air as the velvet curtain closed. Somehow the ending of "Spectacular Spectacular" had been amazing, though it was improvised. I had already known that my first performance would also be my last, and even as the audience cheers rose to our ears, so did the blood in my throat. What little energy I had left suddenly left me, and I sank to the floor, couging and weezing.

"Satine! Satine, darling... Tell me, tell me, what's the matter? tell me... Satine.. what's the matter, darling?" Christian's voice sounded far away and too close all at the same time. I tried to raise my head. I had to tell him something, but my throat was filled, and I was struggling simply to breath. I felt something warm on my lips, and then saw Christian's eyes widen with horror, his finger touching the side of my mouth. "God... oh my god! SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP!" My mind was racing. Silly boy, oh, you silly boy. It's too late for help. Too late. Can't you see that? You don't know anything, my naive penniless poet. You're only mine because you want to be. I have to tell you, I must.

"I'm sorry, Christian. I..." I can do this. Tell him. He deserves to know. "I..." What am I doing? He doesn't need to know. It would break him. Mind is racing, light is fading, breath is leaving. Finish it. "I... I'm dying." I can feel him breaking, shuddering.

"Shh-hhh.." He's leaning into me, choking back. He's warm, and I'm so very cold. So...cold.

"I'm so sorry." Sorry for introducing you to this life. Sorry for bringing you into the underworld, I'm sorry for the false promises. I'm sorry for not ever telling you the truth.

"You'll be all right. You'll be all right. All right..." I don't have the energy to correct him. He knows, he knows what he says is only a hollow wish, a vain hope. He can't be in denial for much longer. I'm so cold. My entire body numb with cold. It hurts, this cold.

"I'm cold... I'm cold... cold... Hold me..." Those arms, the arms I've memorized by touch, pull me in closer. His damp warmth only touches the surface of this invisible ice. "You've got to go on Christian."

"Can't go on without you..." Oh, if I had never been in your life. So sorry, so sorry. Stupid boy.

"You've got so much... to give. Tell our story, Christian." Make something out of this. Don't let your soul die when I do.

"No..." He's crying now. Choking on sobs, shuddering. I feel like I'm getting heavier, and all I can taste is blood. Somewhere I will find the strength to convince him. He can't be wasted simply because of me. Simply because of some common whore.

"Yes..." I'm gasping, choking. "Yes...promise me." I know he'll say yes. He does love me. He'll say yes. His answer comes to me softly, only half spoken. He's choking on sobs whilst I choke on my own blood. I know that word is the last thing I'll ever hear.

"I will..." I can't see anything now. My eyes refuse to focus, and I'm slowly slipping into a warm, comfortable silence. "I'll always be with you." My body has gone lax, and I no longer feel the pain.

I'm so sorry Christian. I'm so sorry. I couldn't tell you. You are already broken without me, how could I? Sitting there, cradling my cold, empty shell. I wanted to tell you. Perhaps I should have told you, but it's too late now.

I'm so sorry Christian. I never loved you.

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A/N: All right, let me explain. I personally don't believe that Satine would really be thinking these things, this idea just came into my head one day, and I had to write it down. I believe Satine truly did love Christian. So don't kill me.