Story: Beyond All Limits
Author: Steph (stephanie406@juno.com)
Disclaimer: Don't own Alias, or any characters thus portrayed. It all belongs to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot Productions, ABC, etc.
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Spoilers/Summary : post "After Thirty Years"; Vaughn's alive, and Sydney's been captured
Distribution: I'd love it if you would, just let me know where it's going! CD all day any day!
The plane landed. A look out the window confirmed that it was late in LA. Darkness was the blanket thickly lain upon the city. Somber. It was a good word for how he felt. Numb. The pain had numbed him to all reality except for the fact that Sydney was gone.
Darkness had become the incredibly deep void that had swallowed Vaughn whole.
Maybe it was better this way.
Two days ago, he'd loved her, been so devoted that he had followed her nearly blindly to all ends of the earth. Funny thing was, he'd thought he'd followed with his eyes wide open. At least now, he could marginally understand the depth and meaning behind the quirky little phrase 'eyes wide shut'. Because when it came to Sydney Bristow, that's what he was and had always been. Thinking he knew what he was saying, doing, believing—but really, he'd been just a man who'd fallen in love and was blind to anything but the woman he'd do anything for. He'd been aware, and at the same time, unaware and masked from clarity, choice and reason.
Those hours he'd spent on the plane had given him time to think. And he'd come to a few conclusions.
He loved her. And he knew he always would. But he also knew that if he didn't get out of this soon, either there would be hell to pay, or he'd be dead. Besides which, the level to which his emotional involvement had risen to could have many adverse results, only one of which could be Sydney dying. Michael Vaughn was smart enough to realize that he'd have to leave. He wouldn't until she was safely home, unless he was given no choice. He wouldn't be what stood between his country and taking down SD-6, not when he'd worked so hard, so long, to help achieve that very goal.
It very well was a selfish decision on his part, to leave it all behind. To save his heart, his life, while he could. While he still had the option to make that decision for himself. Besides, no matter what he decided now, the result would ultimately be the same. He wouldn't be her handler anymore, but if she called needing him, he'd drop everything and go. Not exactly the healthiest thing in the world.
That he'd become so blind and spineless in love made him sick. He'd help them get her back (if they'd even allow that considering his latest actions). And then he would leave, start anew, and pray that, in time, he could forget the woman who'd pledged her love and walked away. Because she'd always be walking away from him (Duty and responsibility before love. Always do what's expected, even if it's not right and not what you want to do).
And now, here Vaughn was in Devlin's office. Waiting for the hand of fate to come down on him. Devlin sat behind his desk, silently eyeing Vaughn, no doubt choosing the correct punishment carefully.
"You do realize the extent to which your little escapade in Taipei may have jeopardized our work against SD-6, don't you?" he finally questioned.
"I do now, sir" he answered quietly. Almost meekly.
"I'm afraid you've become a liability Michael. I hate having to do this, but people are starting to ask questions, and—"
He decided it was a good time to interrupt. "Sir, I know that I'll have to be removed as Agent Bristow's handler. I'm not asking you to change that. But sir, with all due respect, I am the only one here that knows her, knows how she thinks and deals with things. All I request is that I'm allowed to help plan her rescue. And although, I'd like to stay on the SD-6 case after I know she's been safely returned…." He paused. He had Devlin's full attention, so Vaughn went ahead and blurted it out. "I'd like to request a transfer afterwards, sir."
Devlin's head jerked upwards in surprise. And then he nodded. "That would be best" he agreed, pausing to look at Vaughn contemplatively. "Any particular reason why, Michael? Your knowledge about SD-6 and the Alliance is a valuable asset to us." He leaned back in his chair, his fingers casually slipping into a steeple.
You called me a liability just a moment ago, and now I'm an asset? Vaughn thought. Might as well be honest… drive that final nail into the coffin. "In all honesty, sir… I'm in love with her. And that's become a danger to myself, to Sydney, to everyone around us."
Devlin nodded. This news apparently did not surprise him. "All right" he agreed. "You were to be removed as her case handler, and I'm in complete agreement that your knowledge will be a necessity to us until Agent Bristow is brought back safely. I'll see what I can do about arranging a transfer. I assume you'd like to stay here in LA."
"Actually, no. I have no preferences other than leaving LA. I'll go to Langley. Or any branch. I'll go for field agent training. To an American Embassy. Wherever. As long as it's not LA." Vaughn shrugged. Devlin stared for a minute. Vaughn could practically see the wheels turning in his mind. But he couldn't decipher what Devlin was thinking, for his face was impassively blank. He finally nodded.
"I'll see what I can do," he said, nodding to signal that Vaughn was free to go. He added, almost as an afterthought, that he needed Vaughn to 'escort' Mr. Tippin and Ms. Calfo to the Protection Program Office. And that once they received their new identities, he'd like Agent Vaughn to 'personally escort' them to their new location.
Lovely. Absolutely fucking lovely. This day just possibly couldn't get any better… Vaughn sighed heavily as he left Devlin's office and began to trudge down the hallway towards the conference room the planning team had taken over. Will and Francie were huddled together in a corner talking in hushed tones.
Great. With his luck, Francie had told Will all about him and they'd think he was their inside source to information about Sydney.
"Come with me" he told them, turning and leaving the room, knowing they'd follow. Sure enough, Francie piped up predictably to ask if he'd learned anything about Sydney that he could tell them.
Vaughn sighed heavily. He stopped outside their destination, and turned to look at Francie and Will, both wearing hopeful expectant looks on their faces. "I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone. All I know is that they believe she's in Egypt and they're planning to try and extract her." He looked them both in the eye. And now for the truth… "You do realize that all our lives are in danger now, don't you?" They nodded in unison. "So you understand why we're telling you, not asking you, to go into the program?" Heads bobbed simultaneously again. "Good" he said, reaching down to turn the doorknob and push the door open and lead the way inside. "I'll be waiting here" he told them as the secretary, who'd obviously been expecting them, led them away.
Vaughn collapsed heavily onto a plush couch in the reception area, his head tilted back and his arms and legs sprawled comfortably. His brow wrinkled in concentration and thought.
No matter how hard he tried, every thought always led to Sydney, one way or another. And for all his good intentions to run from every reminder of Sydney, he knew he'd never be able to run fast enough to escape. Everything and anything fused together with her, until there were no more boundaries, no distinct lines to separate what was and wasn't her. He couldn't look at a flower without remembering meetings at flower shops. Fenced in yards reminded him of their meeting place in the warehouse. Every time he saw a woman with brown hair and wearing a black suit his heart automatically skipped a beat. He was haunted by her presence in everything around him. Yet another reason he had to acknowledge that he was just too emotionally involved with her to stay on as her handler. He had to leave. Get out of town, where there would be no physical reminders of what could never be.
Besides, if he knew anything at all, Vaughn knew his life was in danger. Irina Derevko knew who he was. Probably knew what Sydney meant to him, and what he meant to her. And rather than be a sitting pawn in her twisted game, he was going to run like he'd never run before. Maybe he couldn't outrun Sydney, but he sure as hell could attempt outrunning her mother before she sank her claws into him and manipulated him. He'd already almost died once at her expense. He'd be damned if he let Irina have easy access to him again.
Abruptly, Vaughn stood and left the office, winding his way through the maze of hallways until he found himself in a secluded single stall bathroom. He locked himself in, and moved to stand in front of the mirror. He propped his arms on the sink and leaned forward to stare closer at himself. The longer he stood, the blanker his stare became. He almost didn't recognize his face anymore—almost. Things had changed so much. And at the same time, nothing had changed at all.
He broke the gaze he held with his mirrored self, and, sighing heavily, sank forward until his forehead rested against the mirror.
He'd risked his life for Sydney. He'd die loving her, no matter what he did to run from it. But he knew he couldn't waste his life away, running after her, surviving on hopes that maybe someday they'd be able to live happily ever after.
Happily ever after didn't exist. Or, at least, it hadn't existed for him since he was eight years old and a woman known as Laura Bristow had shattered his perfect world when she'd killed his father. Happily ever after was for fairy tales, and that's where it would stay.
Weary suddenly, Vaughn left the bathroom to return to his place on the couch to await Will and Francie.
~*AN*~ whew. Well I, for one, am very glad FFN is back up again. Especially since I have 2 new chapters! (this was one) Of course, after the next chapter, there's only one more to go (a Jack POV that isn't written yet although I'm guilty of starting the sequel already)… will you be sad to see the end of BAL? I will… and it has the distinction of being the 3 story I've ever completed, and the first of which is a completed Alias story.
Anyways, I digress, do I not? Besides I'm sure you want to hit that review button and tell me just how much you hate me for what Vaughn did in this chapter *ducks the flying rotten fruit* hehe
Steph
