Chapter Rating: G
Chapter Title: High Society
April S.R. 1420
"Harrumph! May I have your attention, please? Good gentlehobbits one and all.I hereby declare Bag End to be open!" huffed Sam, sticking his gut out, waving his arms and comically bending at the waist. "Deputy Mayor, Mister Baggins, sir, you may cut the ribbon."
Frodo took his short sword, Sting, did a series of fancy flourished to the amusement of the gathered party, and neatly sliced through the sky blue ribbon in front of Bag End's door.
"Sam, you do an excellent Mayor Whitfoot imitation!" Merry laughed. "You're a natural! If you keep eating Rosie's cooking you'll eventually have the stomach for it too! Why don't you run for Mayor?"
"And why not?" Pippin interrupted. "Sam's probably the most famous person in the Shire right now, what with all that traveling about and replanting. I think you would make a great Mayor Sam, um, not to say that Frodo hasn't done an excellent job as Deputy Mayor. No disrespect intended, Frodo."
"Thank you, thank you very much, my loyal citizens," Frodo pontificated as he did a reverse flourish to put Sting back into its scabbard. He then took an exaggerated bow to howls of laughter and handclapping. He was feeling great today. His house at long last looked and felt like a home.
Restoration at Bag End was finally complete. Merry and Pippin had come over the day before with a couple of cartloads of Frodo's furniture from Crickethollow. They had spent the night in the newly completed Bag End. Frodo had decided to throw a small private party to celebrate.
Besides Sam, Merry and Pippin, Frodo had invited Rosie and Nibs Cotton, Freddy Bolger and Iris Proudfoot. Merry and Pippin had graciously included a barrel of beer imported from The Prancing Pony Inn in Bree. Barliman's beer was getting a reputation as the best beer in and around the Shire, which was saying a lot considering how many pubs and inns (as well as the homebrews) in the Shire offered excellent stouts, bitters, ales and porters. The Prancing Pony Ale was now enjoyed outside of Bree and even as far away as Hobbiton.
"Pippin," said Freddy as he lugged the barrel inside Bag End, "this barrel seems a tad bit light."
"We had to give it a good tapping just to make sure it was of the finest quality, you know," Pippin said as he drew mugs for the guests. "Mr. Butterbur sends his regards, but he was much too busy to write it down properly. We all know how busy he is!"
Frodo had prepared a large supper of Bilbo's famous mushroom and spring onion stew. Cheeses and breads along with pickles and various relishes piled the table. Between the beer and the food, everyone enjoyed themselves immensely. Most of the small talk concerned the flowering of the new mallorn tree which Sam had planted in the Party Field. No one, including Sam, could believe the small tree was growing so quickly. What was a dull, seemingly lifeless nut just a few months earlier was now a sapling of five feet, with beautiful golden blossoms and pale green leaves. It seemed to gain another inch or so each day.
The other topic of discussion was the recent death of Lobelia Sackville- Baggins. The old crone had died and, to the surprise of all, had willed the remainder of her money, and all of her murdered son Lotho's money, to Frodo. She had asked for it to be used in helping hobbits made homeless by the troubles. A toast was made to her memory - probably the first and only time anyone had actually missed the old dame. Frodo had given the money to the Hobbiton rebuilding projects.
"By the way," Iris said as she drank her ale, "I received an invitation today in the post. I was wondering if any of you could explain its significance to me. It's from old Widow Mayfield. She's invited me to a formal tea next Tuesday at half past three in the afternoon. She says it will be to introduce me to her lady friends. I am to dress formally and expect to be there awhile. Now what is that all about?"
Frodo, Merry and Pippin looked at each other and burst into laughter. Rosie and Sam, representing the working classes were struck speechless. Nibs and Freddy simply looked as confused as Iris.
When Frodo could contain himself he said, "Well, well well. Welcome to Hobbiton's High Society tea and formal inquisition! That's too funny. Oh, Merry, can you just hear them now?"
Merry stood up, set down his ale, assumed a mocking pose with his hands clasped in front of him, stuck his nose in the air and declared in a high- pitched whiny voice, "Right! You seem like a nice young hobbitess. But we don't approve of your living with your unmarried cousin. Mister Tandy's not a bad sort, you understand, but it simply will not do, what with you being single and all. You'll not be thinking about consorting with any of those disturbers of the peace, such as those Tooks, now are you?"
"Hey! You watch what you say about Tooks!" admonished Pippin. "It's all true too! We're a bunch of disturbers of the peace out there in Tookborough. Just ask the Thain."
"Oh, anybody could verify what's said about the Tooks," Freddy laughed.
"Oh, Tooks are the worst!" continued Merry in the same high-pitched voice. "But mind you those Bagginses. They are always running off on some fool adventure. You never know what's going to happen with a Baggins or a Took! Especially if you associate yourself with those Travelers. Nice lads individually, but get them together and trouble is sure to follow."
Frodo stood up and continued the jesting. He wagged his index finger at Iris. "And let's not forget to warn you about those wild Brandybucks. They think they're too good for the rest of the Shire. What with all of them living like pack rats across the Brandywine River in that big old hall of theirs. Why, there must be hundreds of 'em all living under the same roof. They even have dogs in there! To think of it! The shame! No privacy at all. And them all making all that noise blowing their silly little horns and all."
Merry had his little silver horn with him. He set it to his lips and let out a small 'toot'. With that, everyone howled with laughter. Nibs asked Frodo if he had ever had to go to one of the old lady's formal teas.
"Yes I did," Frodo chuckled as he sat back down. "I must have been twenty- two or so. I remember it was not very long after my Uncle Bilbo adopted me. He received 'the summons to tea' as it was called back then. He was to bring me along too. Well, I had to put on my best clothes and be on my best behavior. Bilbo warned me that I was being introduced to Hobbiton Society and I should not make a fool of myself in front of the Ladies. We had to be oh-so-polite.
There were maybe ten old hobbitesses at the tea - all of them over 80. And they oh-so-politely asked us all kinds of questions. Really personal questions. I remember the Widow Weatherby taking me aside whilst the rest of the ladies were questioning Bilbo. They were asking him about how he was raising me. Weather he was going to make me his heir or not. Why I wasn't sent off to live with my Took relations, or left with the Brandybucks. All this really personal sort of thing. I didn't get to hear Bilbo's answers, because Window Weatherby was asking me equally personal questions about Uncle Bilbo. Did he ever have lady friends over to Bag End? Did they have a proper chaperone? What sort of trade was I to learn? Who was our housekeeper? What did Uncle Bilbo do with all that dragon gold he supposedly had secreted here at Bag End? Oh, it was quite a day evading answering the ladies.
I was warned to not get into any foolishness such as consorting with Dwarves or Wizards like my Uncle did, or learning more than was proper for a good, respectable hobbit lad, or going off on Adventures. When it was all over and Bilbo and I were back safely at Bag End, he told me I had made a good impression with the Ladies. And he was pleased that I managed to sidestep most of their questions without breaking any of the rules. However, they did criticize the way I had ironed my shirt. So Uncle Bilbo had me wash and iron every shirt we both owned before I could have dinner. I'll never forget that day!"
"Well I'm glad I won't never have to take tea with the Ladies," said Sam, snuggling up to Rosie.
"Don't be so sure you won't, Sam," said Frodo. "Like Pippin said, you are a rising star now, what with all the planning and gardening and reforesting work you have done in the Shire this year. I am sure Mayor Whitfoot and the rest of Hobbiton society have noticed your abilities. You and Merry and Pippin are quite the talk of the Shire. I would not be at all surprised if you and Rosie, and even Pippin and Merry here find yourselves summoned to tea sometime in the near future."
"Nobody would ever knowingly invite a Took to tea," laughed Merry.
"Speak for yourself, you wild Brandybuck," Pippin said as he punched Merry in the arm. "I'm a dashing young Knight of the King's Guard. I'll get invited to high tea before you ever will. And besides, my dad and mum had to go to tea back when he was made Thain. They said they hated it, but it's just something you have to endure. Iris, you've been properly warned." With that, they all had a laugh and shared another round of drinks.
April S.R. 1420
"Harrumph! May I have your attention, please? Good gentlehobbits one and all.I hereby declare Bag End to be open!" huffed Sam, sticking his gut out, waving his arms and comically bending at the waist. "Deputy Mayor, Mister Baggins, sir, you may cut the ribbon."
Frodo took his short sword, Sting, did a series of fancy flourished to the amusement of the gathered party, and neatly sliced through the sky blue ribbon in front of Bag End's door.
"Sam, you do an excellent Mayor Whitfoot imitation!" Merry laughed. "You're a natural! If you keep eating Rosie's cooking you'll eventually have the stomach for it too! Why don't you run for Mayor?"
"And why not?" Pippin interrupted. "Sam's probably the most famous person in the Shire right now, what with all that traveling about and replanting. I think you would make a great Mayor Sam, um, not to say that Frodo hasn't done an excellent job as Deputy Mayor. No disrespect intended, Frodo."
"Thank you, thank you very much, my loyal citizens," Frodo pontificated as he did a reverse flourish to put Sting back into its scabbard. He then took an exaggerated bow to howls of laughter and handclapping. He was feeling great today. His house at long last looked and felt like a home.
Restoration at Bag End was finally complete. Merry and Pippin had come over the day before with a couple of cartloads of Frodo's furniture from Crickethollow. They had spent the night in the newly completed Bag End. Frodo had decided to throw a small private party to celebrate.
Besides Sam, Merry and Pippin, Frodo had invited Rosie and Nibs Cotton, Freddy Bolger and Iris Proudfoot. Merry and Pippin had graciously included a barrel of beer imported from The Prancing Pony Inn in Bree. Barliman's beer was getting a reputation as the best beer in and around the Shire, which was saying a lot considering how many pubs and inns (as well as the homebrews) in the Shire offered excellent stouts, bitters, ales and porters. The Prancing Pony Ale was now enjoyed outside of Bree and even as far away as Hobbiton.
"Pippin," said Freddy as he lugged the barrel inside Bag End, "this barrel seems a tad bit light."
"We had to give it a good tapping just to make sure it was of the finest quality, you know," Pippin said as he drew mugs for the guests. "Mr. Butterbur sends his regards, but he was much too busy to write it down properly. We all know how busy he is!"
Frodo had prepared a large supper of Bilbo's famous mushroom and spring onion stew. Cheeses and breads along with pickles and various relishes piled the table. Between the beer and the food, everyone enjoyed themselves immensely. Most of the small talk concerned the flowering of the new mallorn tree which Sam had planted in the Party Field. No one, including Sam, could believe the small tree was growing so quickly. What was a dull, seemingly lifeless nut just a few months earlier was now a sapling of five feet, with beautiful golden blossoms and pale green leaves. It seemed to gain another inch or so each day.
The other topic of discussion was the recent death of Lobelia Sackville- Baggins. The old crone had died and, to the surprise of all, had willed the remainder of her money, and all of her murdered son Lotho's money, to Frodo. She had asked for it to be used in helping hobbits made homeless by the troubles. A toast was made to her memory - probably the first and only time anyone had actually missed the old dame. Frodo had given the money to the Hobbiton rebuilding projects.
"By the way," Iris said as she drank her ale, "I received an invitation today in the post. I was wondering if any of you could explain its significance to me. It's from old Widow Mayfield. She's invited me to a formal tea next Tuesday at half past three in the afternoon. She says it will be to introduce me to her lady friends. I am to dress formally and expect to be there awhile. Now what is that all about?"
Frodo, Merry and Pippin looked at each other and burst into laughter. Rosie and Sam, representing the working classes were struck speechless. Nibs and Freddy simply looked as confused as Iris.
When Frodo could contain himself he said, "Well, well well. Welcome to Hobbiton's High Society tea and formal inquisition! That's too funny. Oh, Merry, can you just hear them now?"
Merry stood up, set down his ale, assumed a mocking pose with his hands clasped in front of him, stuck his nose in the air and declared in a high- pitched whiny voice, "Right! You seem like a nice young hobbitess. But we don't approve of your living with your unmarried cousin. Mister Tandy's not a bad sort, you understand, but it simply will not do, what with you being single and all. You'll not be thinking about consorting with any of those disturbers of the peace, such as those Tooks, now are you?"
"Hey! You watch what you say about Tooks!" admonished Pippin. "It's all true too! We're a bunch of disturbers of the peace out there in Tookborough. Just ask the Thain."
"Oh, anybody could verify what's said about the Tooks," Freddy laughed.
"Oh, Tooks are the worst!" continued Merry in the same high-pitched voice. "But mind you those Bagginses. They are always running off on some fool adventure. You never know what's going to happen with a Baggins or a Took! Especially if you associate yourself with those Travelers. Nice lads individually, but get them together and trouble is sure to follow."
Frodo stood up and continued the jesting. He wagged his index finger at Iris. "And let's not forget to warn you about those wild Brandybucks. They think they're too good for the rest of the Shire. What with all of them living like pack rats across the Brandywine River in that big old hall of theirs. Why, there must be hundreds of 'em all living under the same roof. They even have dogs in there! To think of it! The shame! No privacy at all. And them all making all that noise blowing their silly little horns and all."
Merry had his little silver horn with him. He set it to his lips and let out a small 'toot'. With that, everyone howled with laughter. Nibs asked Frodo if he had ever had to go to one of the old lady's formal teas.
"Yes I did," Frodo chuckled as he sat back down. "I must have been twenty- two or so. I remember it was not very long after my Uncle Bilbo adopted me. He received 'the summons to tea' as it was called back then. He was to bring me along too. Well, I had to put on my best clothes and be on my best behavior. Bilbo warned me that I was being introduced to Hobbiton Society and I should not make a fool of myself in front of the Ladies. We had to be oh-so-polite.
There were maybe ten old hobbitesses at the tea - all of them over 80. And they oh-so-politely asked us all kinds of questions. Really personal questions. I remember the Widow Weatherby taking me aside whilst the rest of the ladies were questioning Bilbo. They were asking him about how he was raising me. Weather he was going to make me his heir or not. Why I wasn't sent off to live with my Took relations, or left with the Brandybucks. All this really personal sort of thing. I didn't get to hear Bilbo's answers, because Window Weatherby was asking me equally personal questions about Uncle Bilbo. Did he ever have lady friends over to Bag End? Did they have a proper chaperone? What sort of trade was I to learn? Who was our housekeeper? What did Uncle Bilbo do with all that dragon gold he supposedly had secreted here at Bag End? Oh, it was quite a day evading answering the ladies.
I was warned to not get into any foolishness such as consorting with Dwarves or Wizards like my Uncle did, or learning more than was proper for a good, respectable hobbit lad, or going off on Adventures. When it was all over and Bilbo and I were back safely at Bag End, he told me I had made a good impression with the Ladies. And he was pleased that I managed to sidestep most of their questions without breaking any of the rules. However, they did criticize the way I had ironed my shirt. So Uncle Bilbo had me wash and iron every shirt we both owned before I could have dinner. I'll never forget that day!"
"Well I'm glad I won't never have to take tea with the Ladies," said Sam, snuggling up to Rosie.
"Don't be so sure you won't, Sam," said Frodo. "Like Pippin said, you are a rising star now, what with all the planning and gardening and reforesting work you have done in the Shire this year. I am sure Mayor Whitfoot and the rest of Hobbiton society have noticed your abilities. You and Merry and Pippin are quite the talk of the Shire. I would not be at all surprised if you and Rosie, and even Pippin and Merry here find yourselves summoned to tea sometime in the near future."
"Nobody would ever knowingly invite a Took to tea," laughed Merry.
"Speak for yourself, you wild Brandybuck," Pippin said as he punched Merry in the arm. "I'm a dashing young Knight of the King's Guard. I'll get invited to high tea before you ever will. And besides, my dad and mum had to go to tea back when he was made Thain. They said they hated it, but it's just something you have to endure. Iris, you've been properly warned." With that, they all had a laugh and shared another round of drinks.
