A short little tidbit of madcap orchestra life. Ooooooh, madcap.

~*~

The bassist came up behind delicious blue-eyed Dustin, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"I think one of my little cellos likes my little violin!"

"Which one? What?"

"Little cello #4, Sleepy. Little cellos!"

"Oh, dear God," the Euphonium burped from inside its cabinet. "Did I drink all the vodka already?"

The bassist smiled. "Oh, romance between my little cello and my little violin! How cute!" And then she scampered off like a monkey who overdosed on life and will probably collapse in any minute and begin to convulse before dying a slow, painful death. Actually, it was more like a monkey who overdosed on life and will probably trip over its bass in any minute and begin to convulse, but not die.

Dustin looked thoughtful and adorable as he stood beside the drum-set. "Hmm," he said to himself, "Little cello #4? Sleepy? Which cello is that?"

Bethany appeared before him, smiling her creepy devious smile. "I know who cello #4 is," she said creepily. "The bass is Snow White. I'm Sneezy. I'm cello #3." And she also scampered off, but she was more like an unidentifiable bouncing thing that hadn't overdosed on anything, and would probably collapse and begin to convulse in any minute anyway. But again, not die.

"Hmm, Bethany is cello #3, Sneezy. Who is cello #4? If the bassist is Snow White, does that make me Prince Charming or the Huntsman? Or the mirror?"

Just then the Euphonium staggered out of its cabinet and lurched toward the toothsome violinist. "Ceelllllllooooo, he he he!" it giggled, poking Dustin and hiccupping. "Ceellllooooo n-n-nnnuuummm…berrr fooooouuuuuurr!"

Dustin stared at the thing in disgust. He had never seen a Euphonium drunk before, and it was turning him off. Other things that also turned him off were out-of-tune tympanis, fuzzy-leaved plants, disembodied Winnie the Pooh heads, houses that were perfect squares, and people who said they were "high on life."

"He he he he! Sleeeeeeeeeeeep…py!" the Euphonium said in a slurred and high-pitched voice. "He he he heheeeeee!"

"You're no help at all, you ghastly, sickening, filthy thing. Go away."

The Euphonium looked hurt as it tottered unsteadily away, reminiscent of Ozzy Osbourne on a good day.

Meg the cellist had been watching the ensuing events from the piano, where she was currently holding the goose key. Wait, it was a chicken key… No, a turkey key. ANYWAY, whatever type of fowl the key was, she was holding it and wondering if the Euphonium was high on life. She was also wondering what it would be like to braid an elf's hair.

"Dustin is quite edible," she mumbled to herself before turning her gaze to the piano keys. "Oooh, ivory!" she said hungrily.

"Those aren't ivory. Ever since elephant numbers were depleted decades ago, there were laws passed forbidding the poaching of pachyderms for their rare and coveted ivory. Those piano keys that sit before you are most likely constructed from some sort of artificial substance created in a factory run by six-year-old starving children from Afghanistan. The world these days…" The Euphonium trailed off. "What? Did I say something? Cellllloooooo! He he he he heeee!" It stumbled away from the piano.

"Interesting," Meg said to herself, and took note of it in her little black notebook that was full of evil plots and deceiving schemes and other such youthful nonsense. "In…ter…est…ing."

"Cello #4?" Dustin mused uncertainly to himself. "Sleepy?"

"Voooood…ka! He he!"

"Dear God."