I don't own them (duuh!), even thought I wish I did…

Warning: This is a silly fic by me. I'm not very good at writing humour fics, but here's one anyway.

My friend Liz and I were talking about random stuff when the thought of Merry and Pippin acting as doors came into my head...by the way this doesn't have much of a plot.

Anyway on with the story!





It was a beautiful day in the Shire and Merry and Pippin were bored. They were sitting on a green hill just above Bag End.

"Merry?" Pippin began

"What?"

"I'm bored..." Pippin said, lying back and putting his hands behind his head.

"Me too. We should do something, but what?" Merry pondered

"I know! We could put frogs in Sam's water barrel!" Pippin exclaimed.

"Nah, we did that last week." Merry said as he too lay back.

"Well then what?"

"I don't know" Merry said and closed his eyes.



As he snoozed, he could hear Pippin giggle quietly. He thought nothing more of it and continued to snooze. The he felt something crawling on his nose. He opened one eye and looked.

'Oh, its only a spider...SPIDER?!' Merry jumped up and jumped around screaming

"Get it off!"

Pippin laughed at the immensely funny scene of Merry dancing around waving his hands at his nose. The spider fell off Merry's nose and scuttled off. Merry (who was still jumping up and down) looked cross-eyed at his nose and growled.

"Pippin, you maggot! I'm going to hurt you now!" Pippin stopped laughing and stared at Merry.

"Of course you are Merry. I'm still bored."

"Oh shut up Pippin" Merry sat back down and watched the hobbits of Hobbiton go about their daily business. Then he got an idea

"Hey Pip, why don't we get a job?"

"A job?"

"Yes, a job"

"Hm, good idea"

Merry got up and began walking down the hill. Pippin sat up

"Where are you going?"

"You must have a memory span as long as a goldfish. To find a job. C'mon!" Pippin scrambled up and followed Merry.

"But where are we going to find a job?"

"I don't know, but we can look in the town" Merry strode down the hill and headed over to Samwise's hobbit hole. Pippin ran after him

"Merry, I don't have any skills." Pippin whined

"We all know that Pip. Now be quiet."



Merry and Pippin stopped in front of Sam's hobbit hole.

"Well, go on Merry, knock on the door" Pippin pushed Merry towards the round door. Merry stumbled forwards and threw a glare at Pippin over his shoulder. He walked up to the door and took a deep breath. He looked back to Pippin, who grinned and gave the thumbs up sign.

Knock knock

A young hobbit maid opened the door

"Hello Uncle Merry!" she said

Merry looked down at her

"Hello Elanor, is your father around?"

"Yes he is. Do you want to speak with him?"

Merry nodded. Elanor headed back inside the hole and Merry turned to Pippin.

"Now what?"

"Just ask if he has any jobs for us to do" Pippin hissed back.

"Alright...Ah! Sam! Hello. Isn't it a fine morning?"

Sam raised an eyebrow

"What do you want this time Merry? Gotten into trouble with Farmer Maggot again?"

"Nono! Pippin and I were wondering if you had any jobs we could do."

"And why the sudden interest in getting a job?"

"Well, I am getting on to be thirty-six, and I just thought it was about time I got a job. Do you have any?"

Sam looked at Merry and then over at Pippin, who was still standing by the gate.

"Sorry lads, I don't have no jobs for you to do. Why don't you go to the HobJob Centre and take a look there?"

Merry thought about this

"Hmm, that's an idea. Thank you Sam! Bye!" Merry shouted and ran out of the gate, pulling Pippin behind him.

"Those hobbits, they'll never learn!" Sam said and closed his door.



Merry and Pippin walked into the HobJob Centre. The inside was wood- panelled and had a grassy carpet. The ceiling was high above their heads. The hobbits looked in awe. A passing hobbit saw them and asked them what they were doing

"Um, we came here looking for a job."

"Well you won't find one looking at the ceiling. Try over there." The hobbit pointed to a wooden stand filled with little bits of paper. Pippin was the first to walk over to it. He picked one up. He read it out loud

'Wanted, cat sitter for Friday nights

Must be skilled in the art of cat watching and cat feeding

Apply to Ms. Proudfoot'

Pippin gave an amused look and put it back. He picked up another one

'Needed, young hobbit lass for~'

Pippin put it back before he finished reading it. He knew what Merry would say if he saw that. He would say:

"If we dress you up as a hobbit lass, you could take the job nice and easy!"

Pippin shuddered at the mere thought of it.

"OH!" Pippin exclaimed as he found an advert he liked the look of

'Wanted, two hobbits for manual labour.

No skills required

Pays well

Apply to The Green Dragon'

"Merry! Merry! I've found the perfect job for us!" Pippin said waving the advert around in the air. Merry snatched the paper from Pippin's hand and read it

"Wow Pippin! This is a great job! Come on, let's go now!"



They reached The Green Dragon by three o clock. They walked in through the door less doorframe and headed over to the bar. Merry slapped down the piece of paper on the bar and called for the barman

"Hey! Barman! There are two hobbits out here waiting to see you!" Merry shouted. A crashing noise came from the kitchen and out came a rather disgruntled looking hobbit.

"What can I do for you two gentle-hobbits?" He said

"We've come about the jobs." Merry slid the paper over to the barman.

"Ah yes! I only put this up this morning! Come with me, good sirs!" He led them back to the entrance. Merry and Pippin looked at each other

"Excuse me sir, but why are we back at the entrance?" Pippin ventured

"Well my lads, I need new doors. But seeing as how the price of doors has gone up, I need two strong hobbits like yourselves to act as doors until I can afford a new door."

"B-but I thought that your inn has good business" Pippin stuttered

"Aye it does, but I have to spend half of that on food and drink for the customers"

"Oh. But how are we going to be doors?" Merry asked

"Well, all you have to do is stand here and open when a customer wants to go in or come out. Just like a real door!"

"Couldn't you just leave the doorway bare?"

"Oh no! Couldn't do that! It'll be cold!" The barman said, smiling, "Now if you just stand there and there," He pointed to two places. Merry and Pippin obliged, deciding to go along with it, seeing as how well it paid.



Soon, all who came in and out of The Green Dragon were amused to see Merry and Pippin acting like doors. When a person came out the two hobbits would swing open and shut (just like the ones you see in all those western films).

One time Sam came for a drink and spotted the two of them.

"Well! If it isn't the likely lads! Whatever are you doing?" Sam laughed

"We are doors. It pays well!" Pippin said.

"Oh if Mr Frodo could see you now. How he would laugh!"

Merry and Pippin scowled and opened to let Sam through. Sam entered laughing.



At closing time, when all the customers had left, the barman came out

"Ok lads here you go! Your pay for today!" He said and handed them their pay.

"Do we get to go home now?" Merry tiredly asked

"No, you have to look after the inn until morning"

Merry and Pippin's jaws fell to the ground

"But...but we need our beauty sleep. Pippin especially"

"HEY!"

"Sorry lads, but I need you here. G'night!" And with that, the barman left.



For a while Merry and Pippin were silent.

"Merry..."

"What?"

"Why don't we just leave? I mean nothing will happen when we're gone. Nothing ever does"

"But what if something DOES happen? We'll be run out of town for certain"

"Merry, let me assure you. Nothing will happen! Now lets go"

They walked back to their hobbit holes where they slept peacefully.



Merry awoke to the sun shining on his face. He got out of bed and opened his window. He saw Pippin running towards his hole.

"Merry! Merry! The Green Dragon has burned down!"

"Oh dear..." Merry said. Behind Pippin was the barman of The Green Dragon, angrily shouting. Merry headed to his front door.

"You two ninnyhammers! You should have been at your posts all night. Instead I find you were asleep in your own hobbit holes! Some rogue orc came and put a torch to my dear inn! You're fired!" The barman shouted and walked back the way he came.

"Well, that was fun while it lasted!" Pippin said

"You call being fired fun?"

"It was an adventure though wasn't it?"

"I suppose" Merry said, scratching his head

"Merry..."

"What?"

"I'm hungry..."





END



Wow! My first LotR fic finished! Review!

Oh and my friend Liz does a brilliant door impression!

Welsh_dragoon