Once again I don't own them (boohoo)
This is a sort-of sequel to Merry and Pippin being doormen. This time one of my other friends (yes I have many) gave me the plot… "What plot?!" I hear you ask. Well I'm not sure if there is one…
Merry and Pippin join the Mafia
After being fired from their 'job' as doors, Merry and Pippin were sitting in the garden of Bag End.
"Merry…"
"What?"
"I'm bored…"
"Not again Pippin! Last time you were bored, we ended up in a dead-end job. Although it paid well." Said Merry, jingling the coins in his pocket. Suddenly the Sun was blocked out by a suspicious looking hobbit. Merry opened his eyes-which had been closed- and looked at the hobbit
"May we help you? If you are looking for the Homeless Hobbit Centre its-" Merry stopped talking, partly because the hobbit had lifted him out of his seat by the scruff of his tunic.
"Where can I find Hob Hayward?"
Merry blinked blankly at him
"Grrrr! I said where is Hob Hayward?" The hobbit said again
"Well, he's…er…I dunno!" Merry said, trying to pry the hobbit's hands off his tunic. Pippin got up and poked the hobbit in the side.
"OW!" he said and dropped Merry. On his backside. Hard.
"Hey! That really hurt" Merry pouted.
"Why do you want to know where Hob is?" Pippin asked
"I cannot tell you, tis a secret"
"Aw go on! Please? We promise not to tell a soul!" Pippin clasped his hands together under his chin.
"No…I cannot…don't look at me with those eyes! No stop it! Oh alright!" The hobbit gave in. Merry and Pippin jumped around
"Yay! He's gonna tell us his secret!" They sang in unison
"Stop jumping and listen to me!"
They stopped.
"My name is Lopy Burrow and I am looking for Hob because he is needed for a job our organisation has planned."
"What kind of job?"
"Wouldn't you like to know!"
"I'll do my eye thing again!"
"An assassination" Lopy said quickly
"Oh cool!" Pippin squealed.
"We are planning on hunting down Bill Ferny after all the damage he caused The Shire."
"Can we help? We have nothing better to do" Pippin asked eagerly
"I'll have to see what the boss says, but I'm sure you will be allowed to participate in the assassination."
"Yes! Thank you so much Lopy!"
"I have to go now and look for Hob. Bye!" And with that, Lopy ran off in search of the missing Hob.
Merry and Pippin sat back down.
"Merry…"
"What? If you say you're bored again I'll…"
"No, I was going to ask you something"
"Ok. Shoot!"
"What is an assassination?"
Merry sat up
"You mean to tell me that you agreed to do something you don't know the meaning of?"
"Um…are you going to tell me then?"
"Assassination means to hire someone to kill someone else off!" Merry stated
"Oooooooh…whoops!" Pippin mumbled and began to doze off. Merry shook him.
"Pippin! This is very serious! It's a mafia job! Mafia…I've always wanted to join the Mafia! Pippin, well done!" Merry grinned from ear to ear.
"Oh, you're welcome. I think" Pippin scratched his head, wondering what Merry was on about. He had never heard of the Mafia, not even when he was a hobbit lad.
"What are the Matmakers, Merry?"
Merry gave a look of horror, and then explained to Pippin that the Matmakers were known as the Mafia and explained what they did.
The next day, Pippin woke up to someone pounding on his door.
"Pippin! Pippin! Wake up!" It was Merry, and it sounded like he had someone with him.
"PIPPIN! Wake up! Lopy is here with me!" Pippin jumped out of bed and ran to the front door. He opened it to fine Merry and Lopy standing on the doorstep.
"Hullo Merry, Lopy. What can I do for you?" Pippin yawned.
"How forgetful are you?! Remember? The Mafia?"
"No…Oh! The Matmakers right?"
"Actually it's the Mafia" Lopy said
"That's what I said, Matmakers"
Lopy shook his head and gave up. Merry pulled Pippin out of his hobbit hole and slammed the door shut.
"Lopy's boss says that we can join the Mafia, but we have to promise not to breath a word to anyone"
"Ok!" Pippin said. Lopy pulled Merry aside.
"Merry, can we really trust someone who can't say Mafia?"
"Of course. Pippin is a very trustworthy hobbit. Besides, if he does blab, he will call it the Matmakers and not the Mafia. So really, you've got nothing to worry about."
Lopy thought about this and nodded his head. During Lopy and Merry's conversation, Pippin had wandered back into the hole and was cooking breakfast.
Merry looked around, looking for Pippin. A bacony smell reached his nose and he followed it to the kitchen. There he found Pippin cooking bacon.
"Pippin! Are you going to come with me to help the Mafia?"
"After breakfast. Want some?"
"Okay." Merry and Lopy sat down to eat bacon and eggs.
After breakfast, Merry and Pippin were lead into the forest to a secret hideout. So secret in fact, that Lopy had forgotten where it was.
"Erm…I seem to have forgotten where the secret hideout is…" He laughed nervously.
Merry and Pippin groaned and sat on a tree stump. They watched as Lopy crawled on the ground running his hands over the grass. He was mumbling as he searched.
"I know its here somewhere….aha! No…that's just a rabbit hole…" Merry and Pippin sighed. Pippin watched a squirrel hiding its nuts (A/N: the acorn type of nuts, you dirty-minded…)
'He's never going to find them again!' Pippin thought. Merry had occupied himself counting the blades of grass in an area he had marked off. When he had gotten to 3,684 blades, he lost count.
"Hurrah! I found it!" Lopy shouted and he stood back to reveal…nothing.
"Lopy…I thought you said you had found it…" Merry said
"Oh but I have. Look." He pointed to the ground. Merry and Pippin stared at the grass.
"But there isn't anything there Lopy!" Pippin shouted.
"Look harder." Lopy said. Merry and Pippin looked harder until their eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.
"Oh I see! I think" Merry pointed to something.
"What's that?"
"The handle of course." Lopy pulled the trapdoor open and Merry and Pippin saw that there were steps leading down. Lopy began to walk down them.
"Well? Come on!" He said. The two hobbits followed Lopy down into the dark unknown.
They walked along the underground passage to a large room with many hobbits sitting at tables. As the three hobbits walked in, all eyes turned to them.
"Who are the two hobbits with Lopy?" One voice asked
"Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, unless I'm mistaken." Answered another.
"What are they doing here?" Asked another
"Maybe they are doing research." Said the first voice.
"For what?" Asked the second. The first shrugged.
"Merry, I think these hobbits are talking about us."
"What makes you say that Pippin?"
"Well, they say something and point at us. And I'm pretty sure I heard my name."
"Pippin, don't be so silly. I shall have to call you Pippin the Paranoid if you carry on like this!" Merry said, smirking. Pippin 'humphed' and carried on walking. They walked up to a large chair. Sat upon it was a hobbit that was familiar to both Merry and Pippin. The hobbit in the chair looked at Merry and Pippin with wide eyes.
"You! I thought I would never have to lay eyes on you two again!" He shouted. The room became silent.
"It's the barman of The Green Dragon!" Pippin hissed to Merry.
"Really? I thought it was Gandalf!" Merry answered sarcastically. Pippin shot Merry a dirty look and looked at the barman again.
"Sir? Do you know these two hobbits?" Asked Lopy
"I do indeed. These are the two hobbits who burned down my precious Inn! My preciousssssssssssssss inn!" The barman shouted.
"Uh-oh…looks like he's pulled a Gollum on us…" Pippin pointlessly said. Merry didn't answer. He was too busy looking at all the hobbit faces, twisted into angry scowls.
'They seem angry with us. Wonder why...' he thought.
"What have you brought these two miserable hobbits here Lopy?" The barman/boss asked.
"Well, before I knew that they were the ones responsible for wrecking the inn, I thought that they could help us hunt down Bill Ferny."
"Wait! Can't we say something in our defence?" Pippin asked. Ignoring the many shouts of "No!" he continued
"We weren't the ones who put flame to your inn Mr.Barman sir. As you said, it was a rogue orc."
"But it was your fault that the orc burned it down! If you hadn't left your posts then none of this would have happened!" Shouted the barman
"Um, excuse me sir. But what is your actual name?" Merry asked
"Er…well…that does not matter!"
"Of course it does! Every hobbit must have a name!" Pippin argued. A murmur of agreement arose from the room. It seemed that none of the hobbits knew his name.
"So are you going to tell us your name? Or will we have to resort to violence?" Merry asked.
"I shan't tell you! You have no right to know!" The boss/barman screamed.
"Actually sir, they do." Lopy said
"What?!"
"It says so right here in the Shire Charter." Lopy showed the book briefly to him and read aloud from the book,
"A hobbit must tell his name when asked by another. No exceptions."
Lopy finished reading and closed the book.
"Now you must tell us your name. Or we shall resort to force."
The boss was scared now. His face had drained of all colour.
"I shall never tell you!" He shouted and leapt out of his chair. He ran towards the door, but was tackled by Lopy, who flipped him over and held a knife to his throat.
"Tell us your name or I shall slit your throat!" He hissed
"I…I…oh alright! I am Bill Ferny!"
Gasps came from the room.
"I should have known!" Lopy said. He called for two burly hobbits. "Take this disgrace of a hobbit away and lock him up!" The burly hobbits carried out their orders and marched Bill away. Merry and Pippin walked over to where Lopy was
"Well done Lopy. But why would Bill Ferny become head of the Mafia and order his own assassination?" Pippin asked.
"How am I supposed to know Pip? Ask Lopy, he'll know"
"Err…actually I don't…but I reckon that Bill was going a bit mad…" Lopy answered, sounding doubtful. "Now I think you had better go, and don't breath a word of this to ANYONE!" Merry and Pippin nodded and legged it.
So Merry and Pippin once again found themselves sitting in the garden of Bag End.
"That was a great job with the Matmakers wasn't it Merry?"
"The Mafia Pippin. And I wouldn't exactly call that a job. More like a misfortunate adventure." Merry lay back in his deckchair (A/N: yes they do have deckchairs in Middle Earth!)
"Merry…"
"No!" Merry snapped.
"But I wasn't going to say anything!" Pippin said in defence.
"Yes you were. You were going to say that you are hungry or bored." Merry said matter-of-factly.
"Merry…you know me like an open book."
"I know."
"Well I AM hungry…"
A/N: Well? Was that as funny as the first one? I could not think of anything that Merry and Pippin would do in the Mafia (Matmakers). That could be why this fic has no plot….meh…
Oh! And the reason why the hobbits were angry at Merry and Pippin for burning down the inn was because it was their drinking hole…review and tell me if I should continue
This is a sort-of sequel to Merry and Pippin being doormen. This time one of my other friends (yes I have many) gave me the plot… "What plot?!" I hear you ask. Well I'm not sure if there is one…
Merry and Pippin join the Mafia
After being fired from their 'job' as doors, Merry and Pippin were sitting in the garden of Bag End.
"Merry…"
"What?"
"I'm bored…"
"Not again Pippin! Last time you were bored, we ended up in a dead-end job. Although it paid well." Said Merry, jingling the coins in his pocket. Suddenly the Sun was blocked out by a suspicious looking hobbit. Merry opened his eyes-which had been closed- and looked at the hobbit
"May we help you? If you are looking for the Homeless Hobbit Centre its-" Merry stopped talking, partly because the hobbit had lifted him out of his seat by the scruff of his tunic.
"Where can I find Hob Hayward?"
Merry blinked blankly at him
"Grrrr! I said where is Hob Hayward?" The hobbit said again
"Well, he's…er…I dunno!" Merry said, trying to pry the hobbit's hands off his tunic. Pippin got up and poked the hobbit in the side.
"OW!" he said and dropped Merry. On his backside. Hard.
"Hey! That really hurt" Merry pouted.
"Why do you want to know where Hob is?" Pippin asked
"I cannot tell you, tis a secret"
"Aw go on! Please? We promise not to tell a soul!" Pippin clasped his hands together under his chin.
"No…I cannot…don't look at me with those eyes! No stop it! Oh alright!" The hobbit gave in. Merry and Pippin jumped around
"Yay! He's gonna tell us his secret!" They sang in unison
"Stop jumping and listen to me!"
They stopped.
"My name is Lopy Burrow and I am looking for Hob because he is needed for a job our organisation has planned."
"What kind of job?"
"Wouldn't you like to know!"
"I'll do my eye thing again!"
"An assassination" Lopy said quickly
"Oh cool!" Pippin squealed.
"We are planning on hunting down Bill Ferny after all the damage he caused The Shire."
"Can we help? We have nothing better to do" Pippin asked eagerly
"I'll have to see what the boss says, but I'm sure you will be allowed to participate in the assassination."
"Yes! Thank you so much Lopy!"
"I have to go now and look for Hob. Bye!" And with that, Lopy ran off in search of the missing Hob.
Merry and Pippin sat back down.
"Merry…"
"What? If you say you're bored again I'll…"
"No, I was going to ask you something"
"Ok. Shoot!"
"What is an assassination?"
Merry sat up
"You mean to tell me that you agreed to do something you don't know the meaning of?"
"Um…are you going to tell me then?"
"Assassination means to hire someone to kill someone else off!" Merry stated
"Oooooooh…whoops!" Pippin mumbled and began to doze off. Merry shook him.
"Pippin! This is very serious! It's a mafia job! Mafia…I've always wanted to join the Mafia! Pippin, well done!" Merry grinned from ear to ear.
"Oh, you're welcome. I think" Pippin scratched his head, wondering what Merry was on about. He had never heard of the Mafia, not even when he was a hobbit lad.
"What are the Matmakers, Merry?"
Merry gave a look of horror, and then explained to Pippin that the Matmakers were known as the Mafia and explained what they did.
The next day, Pippin woke up to someone pounding on his door.
"Pippin! Pippin! Wake up!" It was Merry, and it sounded like he had someone with him.
"PIPPIN! Wake up! Lopy is here with me!" Pippin jumped out of bed and ran to the front door. He opened it to fine Merry and Lopy standing on the doorstep.
"Hullo Merry, Lopy. What can I do for you?" Pippin yawned.
"How forgetful are you?! Remember? The Mafia?"
"No…Oh! The Matmakers right?"
"Actually it's the Mafia" Lopy said
"That's what I said, Matmakers"
Lopy shook his head and gave up. Merry pulled Pippin out of his hobbit hole and slammed the door shut.
"Lopy's boss says that we can join the Mafia, but we have to promise not to breath a word to anyone"
"Ok!" Pippin said. Lopy pulled Merry aside.
"Merry, can we really trust someone who can't say Mafia?"
"Of course. Pippin is a very trustworthy hobbit. Besides, if he does blab, he will call it the Matmakers and not the Mafia. So really, you've got nothing to worry about."
Lopy thought about this and nodded his head. During Lopy and Merry's conversation, Pippin had wandered back into the hole and was cooking breakfast.
Merry looked around, looking for Pippin. A bacony smell reached his nose and he followed it to the kitchen. There he found Pippin cooking bacon.
"Pippin! Are you going to come with me to help the Mafia?"
"After breakfast. Want some?"
"Okay." Merry and Lopy sat down to eat bacon and eggs.
After breakfast, Merry and Pippin were lead into the forest to a secret hideout. So secret in fact, that Lopy had forgotten where it was.
"Erm…I seem to have forgotten where the secret hideout is…" He laughed nervously.
Merry and Pippin groaned and sat on a tree stump. They watched as Lopy crawled on the ground running his hands over the grass. He was mumbling as he searched.
"I know its here somewhere….aha! No…that's just a rabbit hole…" Merry and Pippin sighed. Pippin watched a squirrel hiding its nuts (A/N: the acorn type of nuts, you dirty-minded…)
'He's never going to find them again!' Pippin thought. Merry had occupied himself counting the blades of grass in an area he had marked off. When he had gotten to 3,684 blades, he lost count.
"Hurrah! I found it!" Lopy shouted and he stood back to reveal…nothing.
"Lopy…I thought you said you had found it…" Merry said
"Oh but I have. Look." He pointed to the ground. Merry and Pippin stared at the grass.
"But there isn't anything there Lopy!" Pippin shouted.
"Look harder." Lopy said. Merry and Pippin looked harder until their eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.
"Oh I see! I think" Merry pointed to something.
"What's that?"
"The handle of course." Lopy pulled the trapdoor open and Merry and Pippin saw that there were steps leading down. Lopy began to walk down them.
"Well? Come on!" He said. The two hobbits followed Lopy down into the dark unknown.
They walked along the underground passage to a large room with many hobbits sitting at tables. As the three hobbits walked in, all eyes turned to them.
"Who are the two hobbits with Lopy?" One voice asked
"Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, unless I'm mistaken." Answered another.
"What are they doing here?" Asked another
"Maybe they are doing research." Said the first voice.
"For what?" Asked the second. The first shrugged.
"Merry, I think these hobbits are talking about us."
"What makes you say that Pippin?"
"Well, they say something and point at us. And I'm pretty sure I heard my name."
"Pippin, don't be so silly. I shall have to call you Pippin the Paranoid if you carry on like this!" Merry said, smirking. Pippin 'humphed' and carried on walking. They walked up to a large chair. Sat upon it was a hobbit that was familiar to both Merry and Pippin. The hobbit in the chair looked at Merry and Pippin with wide eyes.
"You! I thought I would never have to lay eyes on you two again!" He shouted. The room became silent.
"It's the barman of The Green Dragon!" Pippin hissed to Merry.
"Really? I thought it was Gandalf!" Merry answered sarcastically. Pippin shot Merry a dirty look and looked at the barman again.
"Sir? Do you know these two hobbits?" Asked Lopy
"I do indeed. These are the two hobbits who burned down my precious Inn! My preciousssssssssssssss inn!" The barman shouted.
"Uh-oh…looks like he's pulled a Gollum on us…" Pippin pointlessly said. Merry didn't answer. He was too busy looking at all the hobbit faces, twisted into angry scowls.
'They seem angry with us. Wonder why...' he thought.
"What have you brought these two miserable hobbits here Lopy?" The barman/boss asked.
"Well, before I knew that they were the ones responsible for wrecking the inn, I thought that they could help us hunt down Bill Ferny."
"Wait! Can't we say something in our defence?" Pippin asked. Ignoring the many shouts of "No!" he continued
"We weren't the ones who put flame to your inn Mr.Barman sir. As you said, it was a rogue orc."
"But it was your fault that the orc burned it down! If you hadn't left your posts then none of this would have happened!" Shouted the barman
"Um, excuse me sir. But what is your actual name?" Merry asked
"Er…well…that does not matter!"
"Of course it does! Every hobbit must have a name!" Pippin argued. A murmur of agreement arose from the room. It seemed that none of the hobbits knew his name.
"So are you going to tell us your name? Or will we have to resort to violence?" Merry asked.
"I shan't tell you! You have no right to know!" The boss/barman screamed.
"Actually sir, they do." Lopy said
"What?!"
"It says so right here in the Shire Charter." Lopy showed the book briefly to him and read aloud from the book,
"A hobbit must tell his name when asked by another. No exceptions."
Lopy finished reading and closed the book.
"Now you must tell us your name. Or we shall resort to force."
The boss was scared now. His face had drained of all colour.
"I shall never tell you!" He shouted and leapt out of his chair. He ran towards the door, but was tackled by Lopy, who flipped him over and held a knife to his throat.
"Tell us your name or I shall slit your throat!" He hissed
"I…I…oh alright! I am Bill Ferny!"
Gasps came from the room.
"I should have known!" Lopy said. He called for two burly hobbits. "Take this disgrace of a hobbit away and lock him up!" The burly hobbits carried out their orders and marched Bill away. Merry and Pippin walked over to where Lopy was
"Well done Lopy. But why would Bill Ferny become head of the Mafia and order his own assassination?" Pippin asked.
"How am I supposed to know Pip? Ask Lopy, he'll know"
"Err…actually I don't…but I reckon that Bill was going a bit mad…" Lopy answered, sounding doubtful. "Now I think you had better go, and don't breath a word of this to ANYONE!" Merry and Pippin nodded and legged it.
So Merry and Pippin once again found themselves sitting in the garden of Bag End.
"That was a great job with the Matmakers wasn't it Merry?"
"The Mafia Pippin. And I wouldn't exactly call that a job. More like a misfortunate adventure." Merry lay back in his deckchair (A/N: yes they do have deckchairs in Middle Earth!)
"Merry…"
"No!" Merry snapped.
"But I wasn't going to say anything!" Pippin said in defence.
"Yes you were. You were going to say that you are hungry or bored." Merry said matter-of-factly.
"Merry…you know me like an open book."
"I know."
"Well I AM hungry…"
A/N: Well? Was that as funny as the first one? I could not think of anything that Merry and Pippin would do in the Mafia (Matmakers). That could be why this fic has no plot….meh…
Oh! And the reason why the hobbits were angry at Merry and Pippin for burning down the inn was because it was their drinking hole…review and tell me if I should continue
