How do I explain it? What the hell just happened?

I was weak. I was vulnerable. He was just supposed to be a shoulder to cry on. It's not my fault he took it a little further.

I sighed, and felt strong arms squeeze me, consolingly.

"Don't tell me y'still thinkin' 'bout him," Matt whispered, following it up with a soft kiss just below my ear.

"I can't help it," I answered softly, feeling Matt behind me but looking only ahead of me. "I've never cheated on someone before."

"Y'said that y'know he's cheatin' on you."

"I know," I sighed again. And I did know. Adam had changed. He was jumpy. He was distracted.

More obviously, he suddenly stopped minding the fact that I go to sleep earlier than he does. That had always been his pet peeve. He was a night owl, and I couldn't stay up much past midnight. He never tried to drag me to all night clubs or even gyms anymore.

I don't know who it was. I had a couple of ideas, sure, but no real answers.

But I knew it wasn't Matt.

After Adam had told me that he was "going to the gym" tonight, the suspicion finally hit me and I couldn't help but mope around the arena. Matt had found me and asked me what was wrong. When I wouldn't talk about it, he followed me here. Not that I made a strong effort to stop him, of course.

I didn't do it on purpose. I'm not a vengeful person. I don't think.

It didn't take me long to crack. I told Matt all my suspicions, I cried, and he consoled me. It wasn't a pity fuck, was it? I guess I'd find out if he came back...

Wait, I didn't mean that.

Despite my suspicions, I still loved Adam. I wanted to be with Adam. Not that that explained my current position - spooning with Matt. On mine and Adam's bed.

"Are y'gonna take him back?"

"I don't know."

"Well, Ah'll be here, whether Adam is or not."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. An open invitation. "Matt..."

"Ah understand you've been with Adam f' a while, but it seems like things are changin'."

I nodded.

"Y'don't deserve t'be treated like that, Jay."

I nodded again.

"You're obviously mad at him, or else y'wouldn't have brought me here."

I turned and he let me go, accordingly. I sat up, halfway leaning on the headboard. "No, wait, I didn't..."

Matt watched me lazily, laying on his side and propping his head up with his hand.

"I didn't..." I repeated, quieter, and trailed off again. He was smirking slightly.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. I hadn't meant to use him as revenge against Adam.

"S'ok," Matt said, half smiling. "Ah didn't mind. Like Ah said, Ah'll be here, Adam or no Adam."

I blinked. "Matt... I..."

He just smiled. "Adam'll be back soon, won't he? Ah'd better leave."

With that, he slid out of bed and started picking up his clothes. I watched him, still unsure how to respond for a moment. Finally, I jumped up and slid into my boxers as he was about to open the door. "Wait!"

Matt hesitated and turned to me, a brow raised. I sighed, then smiled at him softly. "Thank you."

Matt grinned and kissed me once more. "You're welcome. Jus' remember my number."

And then he was gone. There was a smile on my lips, though, a pleasant memory. I shut off the lights behind me and went right back to my bed. I grabbed my pillow and rested my head on it, hoping to cushion the tumultuous thoughts.

I realized that I was actually proud of cheating on Adam. He'd been doing it to me, it was my turn. And Matt was so wonderful, loving, and sensitive. Adam would never suspect me, since he was always running off with whoever his little cupcake was. My eyelids were starting to fall in minutes, then I heard the door click. Ah, the lost lover. He had no idea what I'd done tonight, and probably didn't care. I heard a light click on and water running in the bathroom. I'd feign sleep, I decided, and let him react. After a moment, Adam shut off the bathroom light and crawled into bed.

Funny, he was taking the spot Matt had just vacated. I wondered briefly if it was still warm.

He had no shame. As he wrapped his arms around me, I sleepily nuzzled my forehead against his arm and took his hand before closing my eyes again to go back to sleep. He had no idea.