Title: Rainy Days and Mondays Chapter 8
Author: Karin (Bailsgal)
Email: celtic_7@hotmail.com
Feedback: Live for it!
Summary: When Vaughn can't handle seeing Syd with Noah any longer, he accepts a posting to the American Embassy in London. However a bad mission and unsaid things lead Sydney to his door.
Disclaimer: None of this is mine. All Alias characters belong to the very talented mind of JJ Abrams. Emma Brody and Doug Roach and the rest of the London Embassy crew belong to the cancelled Fox show The American Embassy, produced by Jersey Television., Michelle Fox and Danny DeVito
Distribution: Whoever wants it just ask and it's yours.
Rating : PG to start.
Classification: Angst/Adventure and Romance.what could a person ask for?
Author's Note: I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my dear friend and beta girl extraordinar Anne-Marie! I'd be lost without her help and support. And to all the wonderful people who took the time to send me feedback.. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Vaughn had been in the bedroom for nearly an hour before Doug gave up trying to keep his girlfriend from butting her nose into Mike's love life.
"I just can't sit here anymore wondering what happened," Emma whispered urgently to her boyfriend, not wanting to alarm Sydney.
"If Mike wants to talk to you about it, he will. Stay out of it Emma," Doug hissed as he stirred the chicken broth they'd been making for Sydney.
"Maybe he doesn't feel he can talk about Jill with Sydney sitting in the living room. Ever think of that?" Emma said looking through the crack in the kitchen door. Sydney sat alone in the living room huddled under the mountain of blankets, staring miserably at the television set as she had been since Vaughn had disappeared into Gary's room. Emma's heart went out to Syd Michael could be such an idiot at times it!
"Of course I did but you know Mike is a private person. He doesn't share everything," Doug placed his hand on Emma's arm to keep her in the kitchen but she shrugged it off, interrupting him.
"He does with me!" Emma said pushing through the kitchen door into the living room.
"Sydney, dinner should be ready any minute. Doug just is waiting for the broth to boil. I'm just gonna call Michael for dinner. I'll be right back," Emma smiled, hoping Sydney didn't notice how concerned she was by Michael's disappearance into Gary's room.
"Sure, whatever," Sydney mumbled, pulling her eyes away from the TV to watch Emma walk down the hall.
****
Emma stood outside the bedroom door and listened carefully but heard nothing. She knocked on the door once before she opened it. Michael was sitting on the side of the bed staring at the wall. Emma closed the door and leaned back against it to look at him. He looked shell-shocked.
"You okay?" Emma asked.
"Fine," he answered quietly, smiling despite his misery. Emma always knew when he needed her.
"You sure?" she pushed gently. She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him carefully.
"Yeah," he nodded, looking down at his clasped hands. Emma moved to stand beside him.
"So that's how fine is supposed to look? Because I think you look pretty miserable," she said, plopping down on the bed beside him. Michael was startled by her closeness.
"You trying to give me a heart attack? You should wear a bloody bell, you now that?" he lashed out at her.
"So you're not fine then," she said dryly, ignoring his snappish response.
"I'm sorry," he sighed, patting her knee.
"So? How'd it go? Did she take a strip off you?" Emma asked as she leaned against him, placing her head on his shoulder.
"Understatement."
"I should have warned you. After she found out you weren't dead or dismembered, she went on the offensive," Emma sighed, "Michael, I should have told you."
"She asked me to apologise to you, by the way. She said she was out of line. Jill's always liked you, Emma; she was just taking out her anger at me on you. You know what a redheaded temper is like," Vaughn wrapped his arm around Emma's shoulders.
"What else did she have to say?" Emma asked, nodding her head so it bobbed up and down against his shoulder.
"A lot," he said cryptically. He wasn't quite sure yet how to put what Jill had said into words.
"Let me guess... you're feeling guilty because you made her worry for nothing?"
"Partly. I still love her," he laughed as Emma growled softly. It was obvious to him whose side Emma was going to be on in all this.
"But you're not in love with her right?" Emma would have crossed her fingers if she hadn't been sitting so close to him.
"No I am and that's the problem. I never thought..." his voice trailed off.
"That you could love her and Sydney at the same time?"
"No that's not it either," he sighed, wishing he could put it all in words so that Emma could understand.
"Then what is it Michael?" Emma asked frustrated because she couldn't get a handle on what was bothering her roommate.
"All my adult life I have loved Jill, even when we broke up and I dated Alice, I loved Jill. Then Sydney came along and I fell in love with her, against my better judgement. I didn't mean to love her, it just happened and I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop it. When Noah came back into the picture and Sydney seemed prepared to spend the rest of her life with him, well I was hurt and I was angry. Jill came back into my life when I was wallowing in pain and it seemed like the thing to do... get back with her, I mean," Vaughn stopped and stood up to look out the window into the London night.
"Michael?" Emma remained on the bed, staring up at him. She was afraid that if she moved, he'd clam up. It was obvious he needed to talk this out. Whatever he and Jill had talked about had hit him hard, much harder than Emma would have guessed.
"We just picked up where we left off, and that meant loving her. I was happy with Jill. I actually thought we could have a life together, something that I couldn't see with Syd. But then our careers got in the way again and with that there's no room for a family," Vaughn pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the pounding in his head.
"I thought her ambition was part of what you loved about her?" Emma asked. She was feeling slightly confused as she remembered a previous conversation they'd shared about his relationship with Jill.
"It wasn't hers this time, it was mine. This mission coming up was a major bone of contention between us and so was Sydney."
"How could she ever think you'd turn you're back on your duty or Sydney?" Emma reached out to place a hand on his rigid back. "If she thought you would then she doesn't know you that well."
"I don't think she ever did, that's the problem. She knew I wouldn't be able to turn my back on Sydney or leave this life behind. She told me that she didn't want to end up a widow raising our children alone like my mother did," Vaughn continued as Emma started to rub the back of his neck with both hands.
"Of course not, no one should have to do that but this is all hypothetical anyway so what's the problem?"
"Emma, she's pregnant," Vaughn blurted out, unable to hold the truth in any longer. Even saying the words out loud didn't help to ease the need to throw up.
"What?" Emma blinked, her mouth hanging open. She was unable to believe what he'd just said.
"She's pregnant," he said again, turning to face her.
"My god!" she whispered, stepping in to hug him to her.
"I'm gonna be a father," Vaughn choked. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Emma stepped back and looked at him. Her heart went out to him because instead of seeing a man thrilled to death with such news, she saw her best friend trying desperately to hold it all together.
"And she doesn't want me to be a part of this child's life or hers as long as I continue on this path."
"You can't be serious!" Emma gaped at him. What could she say to him? Jill had just given him the ultimate ultimatum, his job or his family.
"She's agreed to meet with me tomorrow to talk. I just can't believe this is happening now!" he said picking up a hard cover novel off of Gary's shelf and hurling it across the room with such force, Emma jumped.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Ignoring the anger raging inside him, Emma hugged him tight to her again.
"I can't let her do this. This is my child! I know what it's like growing up without a father and I don't want that for my baby," he said slipping his own arms around her waist.
"We'll get a lawyer. We will not let her do this to you."
"Thanks Em, but she's not the bad guy here. She's just scared," He said softly as he rested his chin on Emma's head.
"How can you defend her?" she demanded as she pulled back quickly from him, causing her head to connect with his chin.
"Emma, please just let it be," he begged wincing as he rubbed his chin where her head had hit it.
"Are you sure it's even yours?" Emma asked.
"Of course it's mine! Em, this is Jill were talking about not some teenage girl trying to trap her boyfriend. I don't doubt it's mine, so leave it. Please," he said and then groaned again at the numbness in his chin.
"Did I hurt you?" she asked her hand rubbing her own head.
"No, it just smarts a bit. You?" he smiled sadly, grateful that Emma had let it drop for the moment.
"I think I need some ice, your chin's pretty hard. I may have to sue," she teased, trying to get a grin out of him.
"Oh please, you have nothing," he laughed despite the disaster that was his life at the moment. Emma had a way of making him forget the difficult things; even if it was just for a minute.
"What about Sydney?" Emma suddenly said." The poor girl is sitting out there on the couch close to tears. I swear if I didn't love you so much, I'd kick your ass for the way you went charging off to call Jill. You didn't stop to think about Sydney's feelings for one second! Whether you know it or not, that girl loves you with every fibre of her being."
For some strange reason Emma felt it was her job to make sure that these two found their way back to each other and the current development would not help the situation.
"I'll tell her. I can't lie to her about this. I've never lied to her about anything," he stammered slightly, taken aback by Emma's behaviour.
"Everything but your feelings for her," she grumbled.
"Em I couldn't tell her, and I'm not sure I should now. Maybe Jill is right, I'm not a good risk when it comes to a relationship."
"Bullshit!" she slapped his arm.
"I'm serious!" he couldn't help laughing at the look on her face. "Look at my life! I'm going off on a mission in a couple weeks that I may not walk away from. Why should I let either Sydney or Jill be part of my life?"
"Oh you're pathetic!" she groaned flopping back on the bed, frustrated beyond belief with him.
"I'm being practical," he argued.
"You're being a baby," she countered.
"I don't have a choice. Not until this is all over," he shrugged.
"Then let me ask you something... if something happened and, god forbid, you didn't make it back from what ever you're doing would you want Syd wondering for the rest of her life, if you loved her when it was perfectly clear she loved you? Huh? Would you?" she said nudging him with her foot.
"It may be for the best. I don't want to be another Danny."
"You're not. You're Michael."
"Thanks for the reminder," he frowned.
"No problem."
She nudged him again,
"I just think you should tell her the truth about Jill and the baby and then you should tell her you love her, or visa versa, but Michael tell her. You'll be sorry if you don't."
"I will."
"What about Jill?" Emma asked getting to her feet.
"I don't know," he sighed, hating the fact that he suddenly felt completely brain dead.
"Maybe Syd can help? Now come on, dinner's ready and you need to talk to her," Emma said sticking her hand out to pull him to his feet.
"How'd you get to be so smart?"
"Hanging out with you, I guess," Emma shrugged blushing at his compliment.
Sydney sat quietly fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over at any minute. She hated crying, it made her feel vulnerable and that only reminded her of the absence of the one steadying force in her life.Michael Vaughn. Although Vaughn wasn't gone (he was after all, just down the hall behind a closed door talking to Emma about his ex) she felt distanced from him. How could she have expected him to wait all this time for her? She must have been nuts. Michael Vaughn was one of the most attractive men to ever have crossed her path, so why wouldn't some other woman nab him?
Sydney was surprised to hear herself sniffling. She hadn't noticed that she'd lost the battle with her tears and they flowed down her cheeks freely. All she really wanted (if she couldn't have Vaughn) was her nice warm bed and Francie's wonderful home-made chicken soup. Thinking of home only made her feel worse and she wanted to go back to LA; to her bed, to her friends, to her father, and where there were no physical reminders of Vaughn.
Sydney burrowed under the blankets while she watched some British talk show. She couldn't have said who or what it was about though; she was so lost in her own misery. Damn! Why had she thought things could go back to the way they were between her and Vaughn? He had a life here, a life that didn't include her any longer.
"Hey, I thought you might need this," Doug said as he suddenly appeared in front of her. In his out stretched was a cell phone.
"Secure line," he whispered. He hoped that this call would put a smile on her face.
"Hello?" she spoke, wiping at her tears.
"Sydney?" Jack Bristow's voice reached out to her over the distance.
"Daddy?" she cried.
"Yeah baby it's me. Are you okay? Agent Roach told me that Vaughn is fine. How are you?" His voice was soothing and he understood Doug Roach's insistence that he talk to his daughter again. She sounded a little fragile.
"Fine. I just really needed to hear your voice," Syd let herself cry freely now.
"Did he do something to you?" Jack immediately went on the offensive. He began to mentally make travel arrangements. He could be in London by dinner tomorrow and Michael Vaughn would be dead by cocktails, if he'd hurt her in any way.
"No, Vaughn's done nothing too me. I'm just a little overwhelmed that's all. Between the shooting, Vaughn's disappearance and being homesick, I just." Sydney sighed. "It's just the drugs Dad."
Jack hated being this far away from Sydney when she was obviously so upset. Since Agent Vaughn had transferred to London six months earlier, Sydney had reached out to her father. She took Vaughn's words to heart and finally opened up to her father and in return, Jack had tried to repair some of the damage done over the years. They finally shared a relationship where years before they had shared only a distance that Jack had put between them.
"I wish I was there for you Syd," he said truthfully.
"I wish you were here too Dad," she sniffed.
This was the first time they'd actually spoken with Syd coherent since her shooting. During Vaughn's disappearance, Doug had served as go between for them, as Syd had been too upset about Vaughn to try and talk to Jack.
"Have you talked to Francie?" she asked, remembering that Vaughn had told her that her father would run interference with her friends.
"I told them you were in the middle of a secret high stake take over bid and all communication was restricted. I told Francie you'd call when you had a chance. Don't worry, its all taken care of," Jack assured her.
"Thanks Dad," Syd hoped a smile could be heard in her voice, because there wasn't one on her face.
"Look Syd, we have to keep this short. I love you," Jack hated having to hang up but any call over 5 minutes could be traced even if they couldn't break into the call itself.
"I love you too Dad," Syd sniffed one last time as she heard her father hang up.
Sydney lowered the phone and pressed it to her heart. She'd meant everything she'd told her father. Vaughn hadn't hurt her, or at least he hadn't hurt her on purpose, just like she hadn't meant to hurt him in LA. Sometimes things just happened.
Hearing a noise, Sydney looked up to see Vaughn standing in the doorway of the living room. The only word to describe the look on his face it was pained. maybe miserable. heartbroken perhaps. Sydney stopped trying to label the look as it was obvious that one word would not describe the man before her. Her heart went out to him. Whatever conversation had taken place in that room had hurt him deeply and before she even knew what she was doing, Sydney opened up her arms to him.
Vaughn stared at Sydney, unsure of what to do. God he loved this woman! He'd basically run away from her and yet, here she still sat, her arms open to him, no questions asked. Without thinking past the moment of realising what he felt for her, Vaughn closed the distance between them and tumbled into her arms and the safe harbor they offered him.
"What is it?" she finally asked, rubbing his back and feeling him shudder at her feather light touch.
"I owe you an apology," he began. "The way I ran out of here. it was inconsiderate of me, Syd and I was an ass. I'm sorry."
Vaughn released a pent up sigh before he continued,
"When Em said that Jill had finally called.. I'd been trying to reach her since the night she flew out of here after we broke up and when I heard she'd called, I lost it."
Vaughn hugged her to him tightly, hoping she'd understand. Hoping that after she heard the whole truth she wouldn't pull away from him, losing her was not something he was prepared to do again. Having her back in his life again, even if it had been for just a couple days, showed him just how empty his life was without her.
"I know you love her. It's okay," Sydney knew she should pull back or risk being hurt, but she needed to be close to him, just as she knew that he needed her.
"That's not it. I owe you so many explanations and I don't even know where to start except to tell you I love you," he said softly. He pulled away from her so that he could look her in the eyes; those beautiful brown eyes that had haunted him since he'd left LA.
"You love me?" she whispered.
"I do," he said, nodding his head and smiling sadly at her.
"But this.us.it can't." she stammered. There were boundaries, deadly boundaries to their relationship, ones that couldn't be crossed.
"I know, but I.I don't want to lose you again. Leaving you in LA has been the hardest thing I've done. And you need to know why I left, you need to know why I can tell you I love you now but still love someone else.and what her place is in my life. God there's so much I need to say to you but I wanted you to know that first and above all, you are the most important thing in my life Sydney," Vaughn finished before he finally leaned in to place a tender kiss on her lips.
"Me too," she whispered as he pulled back. "You are the most important thing in my life. You have been since the day you walked into that conference room. I was just too dumb to realise it. Noah was just a step back in time, Vaughn. You have always been my future," Syd leaned in to kiss him again and this time it was longer as her arms slipped around his neck, holding him in place.
She slowly backed away again and smiled at him, wondering how kissing one person. the right person.could make the world fall away until nothing else mattered.
"I know I keep saying I don't want to lose you again, but it's the truth Syd.."
"How? How can we possibly continue with this.our lives are too complicated!"
"Well find a way. I promise you we'll find a way, but first I have to tell you everything. Promise me though you'll always remember I love you." He said tucking that stubborn strain of hair that always seemed to have a mind of its own behind her ear.
"You're my future." She assured him, reaching up to place her hand over his.
"I'm not so sure you'll feel that way after we talk," he said and Sydney could hear the sadness creeping back into his voice.
"Look at me." She said lifting his chin so their eyes met, "Whatever you have to say can't be that bad."
"I don't know about that." He sighed, wishing he didn't have to do this. Wishing he'd never let Noah and Sydney's relationship chase him out of L.A. and back into Jill's life.
"Let me be the judge of that okay?" she nudged him with her leg, wanting him to continue.
Vaughn took her hand in his and studied it intently before he found the strength to speak again. This would only get tougher from this point on. Telling her he loved her had been easier than he thought it would be. Telling her that Jill would forever be part of his life.their life, if she wanted that.just felt wrong. Vaughn took a deep breath and looked her in the eye.
"Jill is pregnant Syd," He said it quietly and let his eyes drop from hers to where their entwined fingers lay on the blanket. Syd said nothing. She was stunned.
"Oh," she finally whispered when she could find her voice again. His confession had taken her breath and voice away. Sydney smiled ironically, marvelling at how, even from Paris, Jill had scored a direct hit. How could you possibly hate someone so much and never have met them?
Okay this isn't about me! This is about Vaughn. One side of Syd's brain sceamed.
Yeah, but this was our chance.our chance! the other side threw back.
Unable to look her in the eye Vaughn just kept talking,
"She's told me that unless I leave you and the CIA behind, she doesn't want me in this child's life. "
"Oh Vaughn," Sydney gushed in horror, totally forgetting her own pain and focusing on his. Dropping his hands, Syd gathered him again in her arms and held him to her heart. How could anyone keep this loving man from his child? Vaughn would make the most wonderful father. Was this woman nuts?
"She will not do this too you.to us. I promise," Sydney whispered to him.
TBC
Author: Karin (Bailsgal)
Email: celtic_7@hotmail.com
Feedback: Live for it!
Summary: When Vaughn can't handle seeing Syd with Noah any longer, he accepts a posting to the American Embassy in London. However a bad mission and unsaid things lead Sydney to his door.
Disclaimer: None of this is mine. All Alias characters belong to the very talented mind of JJ Abrams. Emma Brody and Doug Roach and the rest of the London Embassy crew belong to the cancelled Fox show The American Embassy, produced by Jersey Television., Michelle Fox and Danny DeVito
Distribution: Whoever wants it just ask and it's yours.
Rating : PG to start.
Classification: Angst/Adventure and Romance.what could a person ask for?
Author's Note: I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my dear friend and beta girl extraordinar Anne-Marie! I'd be lost without her help and support. And to all the wonderful people who took the time to send me feedback.. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Vaughn had been in the bedroom for nearly an hour before Doug gave up trying to keep his girlfriend from butting her nose into Mike's love life.
"I just can't sit here anymore wondering what happened," Emma whispered urgently to her boyfriend, not wanting to alarm Sydney.
"If Mike wants to talk to you about it, he will. Stay out of it Emma," Doug hissed as he stirred the chicken broth they'd been making for Sydney.
"Maybe he doesn't feel he can talk about Jill with Sydney sitting in the living room. Ever think of that?" Emma said looking through the crack in the kitchen door. Sydney sat alone in the living room huddled under the mountain of blankets, staring miserably at the television set as she had been since Vaughn had disappeared into Gary's room. Emma's heart went out to Syd Michael could be such an idiot at times it!
"Of course I did but you know Mike is a private person. He doesn't share everything," Doug placed his hand on Emma's arm to keep her in the kitchen but she shrugged it off, interrupting him.
"He does with me!" Emma said pushing through the kitchen door into the living room.
"Sydney, dinner should be ready any minute. Doug just is waiting for the broth to boil. I'm just gonna call Michael for dinner. I'll be right back," Emma smiled, hoping Sydney didn't notice how concerned she was by Michael's disappearance into Gary's room.
"Sure, whatever," Sydney mumbled, pulling her eyes away from the TV to watch Emma walk down the hall.
****
Emma stood outside the bedroom door and listened carefully but heard nothing. She knocked on the door once before she opened it. Michael was sitting on the side of the bed staring at the wall. Emma closed the door and leaned back against it to look at him. He looked shell-shocked.
"You okay?" Emma asked.
"Fine," he answered quietly, smiling despite his misery. Emma always knew when he needed her.
"You sure?" she pushed gently. She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him carefully.
"Yeah," he nodded, looking down at his clasped hands. Emma moved to stand beside him.
"So that's how fine is supposed to look? Because I think you look pretty miserable," she said, plopping down on the bed beside him. Michael was startled by her closeness.
"You trying to give me a heart attack? You should wear a bloody bell, you now that?" he lashed out at her.
"So you're not fine then," she said dryly, ignoring his snappish response.
"I'm sorry," he sighed, patting her knee.
"So? How'd it go? Did she take a strip off you?" Emma asked as she leaned against him, placing her head on his shoulder.
"Understatement."
"I should have warned you. After she found out you weren't dead or dismembered, she went on the offensive," Emma sighed, "Michael, I should have told you."
"She asked me to apologise to you, by the way. She said she was out of line. Jill's always liked you, Emma; she was just taking out her anger at me on you. You know what a redheaded temper is like," Vaughn wrapped his arm around Emma's shoulders.
"What else did she have to say?" Emma asked, nodding her head so it bobbed up and down against his shoulder.
"A lot," he said cryptically. He wasn't quite sure yet how to put what Jill had said into words.
"Let me guess... you're feeling guilty because you made her worry for nothing?"
"Partly. I still love her," he laughed as Emma growled softly. It was obvious to him whose side Emma was going to be on in all this.
"But you're not in love with her right?" Emma would have crossed her fingers if she hadn't been sitting so close to him.
"No I am and that's the problem. I never thought..." his voice trailed off.
"That you could love her and Sydney at the same time?"
"No that's not it either," he sighed, wishing he could put it all in words so that Emma could understand.
"Then what is it Michael?" Emma asked frustrated because she couldn't get a handle on what was bothering her roommate.
"All my adult life I have loved Jill, even when we broke up and I dated Alice, I loved Jill. Then Sydney came along and I fell in love with her, against my better judgement. I didn't mean to love her, it just happened and I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop it. When Noah came back into the picture and Sydney seemed prepared to spend the rest of her life with him, well I was hurt and I was angry. Jill came back into my life when I was wallowing in pain and it seemed like the thing to do... get back with her, I mean," Vaughn stopped and stood up to look out the window into the London night.
"Michael?" Emma remained on the bed, staring up at him. She was afraid that if she moved, he'd clam up. It was obvious he needed to talk this out. Whatever he and Jill had talked about had hit him hard, much harder than Emma would have guessed.
"We just picked up where we left off, and that meant loving her. I was happy with Jill. I actually thought we could have a life together, something that I couldn't see with Syd. But then our careers got in the way again and with that there's no room for a family," Vaughn pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the pounding in his head.
"I thought her ambition was part of what you loved about her?" Emma asked. She was feeling slightly confused as she remembered a previous conversation they'd shared about his relationship with Jill.
"It wasn't hers this time, it was mine. This mission coming up was a major bone of contention between us and so was Sydney."
"How could she ever think you'd turn you're back on your duty or Sydney?" Emma reached out to place a hand on his rigid back. "If she thought you would then she doesn't know you that well."
"I don't think she ever did, that's the problem. She knew I wouldn't be able to turn my back on Sydney or leave this life behind. She told me that she didn't want to end up a widow raising our children alone like my mother did," Vaughn continued as Emma started to rub the back of his neck with both hands.
"Of course not, no one should have to do that but this is all hypothetical anyway so what's the problem?"
"Emma, she's pregnant," Vaughn blurted out, unable to hold the truth in any longer. Even saying the words out loud didn't help to ease the need to throw up.
"What?" Emma blinked, her mouth hanging open. She was unable to believe what he'd just said.
"She's pregnant," he said again, turning to face her.
"My god!" she whispered, stepping in to hug him to her.
"I'm gonna be a father," Vaughn choked. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Emma stepped back and looked at him. Her heart went out to him because instead of seeing a man thrilled to death with such news, she saw her best friend trying desperately to hold it all together.
"And she doesn't want me to be a part of this child's life or hers as long as I continue on this path."
"You can't be serious!" Emma gaped at him. What could she say to him? Jill had just given him the ultimate ultimatum, his job or his family.
"She's agreed to meet with me tomorrow to talk. I just can't believe this is happening now!" he said picking up a hard cover novel off of Gary's shelf and hurling it across the room with such force, Emma jumped.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Ignoring the anger raging inside him, Emma hugged him tight to her again.
"I can't let her do this. This is my child! I know what it's like growing up without a father and I don't want that for my baby," he said slipping his own arms around her waist.
"We'll get a lawyer. We will not let her do this to you."
"Thanks Em, but she's not the bad guy here. She's just scared," He said softly as he rested his chin on Emma's head.
"How can you defend her?" she demanded as she pulled back quickly from him, causing her head to connect with his chin.
"Emma, please just let it be," he begged wincing as he rubbed his chin where her head had hit it.
"Are you sure it's even yours?" Emma asked.
"Of course it's mine! Em, this is Jill were talking about not some teenage girl trying to trap her boyfriend. I don't doubt it's mine, so leave it. Please," he said and then groaned again at the numbness in his chin.
"Did I hurt you?" she asked her hand rubbing her own head.
"No, it just smarts a bit. You?" he smiled sadly, grateful that Emma had let it drop for the moment.
"I think I need some ice, your chin's pretty hard. I may have to sue," she teased, trying to get a grin out of him.
"Oh please, you have nothing," he laughed despite the disaster that was his life at the moment. Emma had a way of making him forget the difficult things; even if it was just for a minute.
"What about Sydney?" Emma suddenly said." The poor girl is sitting out there on the couch close to tears. I swear if I didn't love you so much, I'd kick your ass for the way you went charging off to call Jill. You didn't stop to think about Sydney's feelings for one second! Whether you know it or not, that girl loves you with every fibre of her being."
For some strange reason Emma felt it was her job to make sure that these two found their way back to each other and the current development would not help the situation.
"I'll tell her. I can't lie to her about this. I've never lied to her about anything," he stammered slightly, taken aback by Emma's behaviour.
"Everything but your feelings for her," she grumbled.
"Em I couldn't tell her, and I'm not sure I should now. Maybe Jill is right, I'm not a good risk when it comes to a relationship."
"Bullshit!" she slapped his arm.
"I'm serious!" he couldn't help laughing at the look on her face. "Look at my life! I'm going off on a mission in a couple weeks that I may not walk away from. Why should I let either Sydney or Jill be part of my life?"
"Oh you're pathetic!" she groaned flopping back on the bed, frustrated beyond belief with him.
"I'm being practical," he argued.
"You're being a baby," she countered.
"I don't have a choice. Not until this is all over," he shrugged.
"Then let me ask you something... if something happened and, god forbid, you didn't make it back from what ever you're doing would you want Syd wondering for the rest of her life, if you loved her when it was perfectly clear she loved you? Huh? Would you?" she said nudging him with her foot.
"It may be for the best. I don't want to be another Danny."
"You're not. You're Michael."
"Thanks for the reminder," he frowned.
"No problem."
She nudged him again,
"I just think you should tell her the truth about Jill and the baby and then you should tell her you love her, or visa versa, but Michael tell her. You'll be sorry if you don't."
"I will."
"What about Jill?" Emma asked getting to her feet.
"I don't know," he sighed, hating the fact that he suddenly felt completely brain dead.
"Maybe Syd can help? Now come on, dinner's ready and you need to talk to her," Emma said sticking her hand out to pull him to his feet.
"How'd you get to be so smart?"
"Hanging out with you, I guess," Emma shrugged blushing at his compliment.
Sydney sat quietly fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over at any minute. She hated crying, it made her feel vulnerable and that only reminded her of the absence of the one steadying force in her life.Michael Vaughn. Although Vaughn wasn't gone (he was after all, just down the hall behind a closed door talking to Emma about his ex) she felt distanced from him. How could she have expected him to wait all this time for her? She must have been nuts. Michael Vaughn was one of the most attractive men to ever have crossed her path, so why wouldn't some other woman nab him?
Sydney was surprised to hear herself sniffling. She hadn't noticed that she'd lost the battle with her tears and they flowed down her cheeks freely. All she really wanted (if she couldn't have Vaughn) was her nice warm bed and Francie's wonderful home-made chicken soup. Thinking of home only made her feel worse and she wanted to go back to LA; to her bed, to her friends, to her father, and where there were no physical reminders of Vaughn.
Sydney burrowed under the blankets while she watched some British talk show. She couldn't have said who or what it was about though; she was so lost in her own misery. Damn! Why had she thought things could go back to the way they were between her and Vaughn? He had a life here, a life that didn't include her any longer.
"Hey, I thought you might need this," Doug said as he suddenly appeared in front of her. In his out stretched was a cell phone.
"Secure line," he whispered. He hoped that this call would put a smile on her face.
"Hello?" she spoke, wiping at her tears.
"Sydney?" Jack Bristow's voice reached out to her over the distance.
"Daddy?" she cried.
"Yeah baby it's me. Are you okay? Agent Roach told me that Vaughn is fine. How are you?" His voice was soothing and he understood Doug Roach's insistence that he talk to his daughter again. She sounded a little fragile.
"Fine. I just really needed to hear your voice," Syd let herself cry freely now.
"Did he do something to you?" Jack immediately went on the offensive. He began to mentally make travel arrangements. He could be in London by dinner tomorrow and Michael Vaughn would be dead by cocktails, if he'd hurt her in any way.
"No, Vaughn's done nothing too me. I'm just a little overwhelmed that's all. Between the shooting, Vaughn's disappearance and being homesick, I just." Sydney sighed. "It's just the drugs Dad."
Jack hated being this far away from Sydney when she was obviously so upset. Since Agent Vaughn had transferred to London six months earlier, Sydney had reached out to her father. She took Vaughn's words to heart and finally opened up to her father and in return, Jack had tried to repair some of the damage done over the years. They finally shared a relationship where years before they had shared only a distance that Jack had put between them.
"I wish I was there for you Syd," he said truthfully.
"I wish you were here too Dad," she sniffed.
This was the first time they'd actually spoken with Syd coherent since her shooting. During Vaughn's disappearance, Doug had served as go between for them, as Syd had been too upset about Vaughn to try and talk to Jack.
"Have you talked to Francie?" she asked, remembering that Vaughn had told her that her father would run interference with her friends.
"I told them you were in the middle of a secret high stake take over bid and all communication was restricted. I told Francie you'd call when you had a chance. Don't worry, its all taken care of," Jack assured her.
"Thanks Dad," Syd hoped a smile could be heard in her voice, because there wasn't one on her face.
"Look Syd, we have to keep this short. I love you," Jack hated having to hang up but any call over 5 minutes could be traced even if they couldn't break into the call itself.
"I love you too Dad," Syd sniffed one last time as she heard her father hang up.
Sydney lowered the phone and pressed it to her heart. She'd meant everything she'd told her father. Vaughn hadn't hurt her, or at least he hadn't hurt her on purpose, just like she hadn't meant to hurt him in LA. Sometimes things just happened.
Hearing a noise, Sydney looked up to see Vaughn standing in the doorway of the living room. The only word to describe the look on his face it was pained. maybe miserable. heartbroken perhaps. Sydney stopped trying to label the look as it was obvious that one word would not describe the man before her. Her heart went out to him. Whatever conversation had taken place in that room had hurt him deeply and before she even knew what she was doing, Sydney opened up her arms to him.
Vaughn stared at Sydney, unsure of what to do. God he loved this woman! He'd basically run away from her and yet, here she still sat, her arms open to him, no questions asked. Without thinking past the moment of realising what he felt for her, Vaughn closed the distance between them and tumbled into her arms and the safe harbor they offered him.
"What is it?" she finally asked, rubbing his back and feeling him shudder at her feather light touch.
"I owe you an apology," he began. "The way I ran out of here. it was inconsiderate of me, Syd and I was an ass. I'm sorry."
Vaughn released a pent up sigh before he continued,
"When Em said that Jill had finally called.. I'd been trying to reach her since the night she flew out of here after we broke up and when I heard she'd called, I lost it."
Vaughn hugged her to him tightly, hoping she'd understand. Hoping that after she heard the whole truth she wouldn't pull away from him, losing her was not something he was prepared to do again. Having her back in his life again, even if it had been for just a couple days, showed him just how empty his life was without her.
"I know you love her. It's okay," Sydney knew she should pull back or risk being hurt, but she needed to be close to him, just as she knew that he needed her.
"That's not it. I owe you so many explanations and I don't even know where to start except to tell you I love you," he said softly. He pulled away from her so that he could look her in the eyes; those beautiful brown eyes that had haunted him since he'd left LA.
"You love me?" she whispered.
"I do," he said, nodding his head and smiling sadly at her.
"But this.us.it can't." she stammered. There were boundaries, deadly boundaries to their relationship, ones that couldn't be crossed.
"I know, but I.I don't want to lose you again. Leaving you in LA has been the hardest thing I've done. And you need to know why I left, you need to know why I can tell you I love you now but still love someone else.and what her place is in my life. God there's so much I need to say to you but I wanted you to know that first and above all, you are the most important thing in my life Sydney," Vaughn finished before he finally leaned in to place a tender kiss on her lips.
"Me too," she whispered as he pulled back. "You are the most important thing in my life. You have been since the day you walked into that conference room. I was just too dumb to realise it. Noah was just a step back in time, Vaughn. You have always been my future," Syd leaned in to kiss him again and this time it was longer as her arms slipped around his neck, holding him in place.
She slowly backed away again and smiled at him, wondering how kissing one person. the right person.could make the world fall away until nothing else mattered.
"I know I keep saying I don't want to lose you again, but it's the truth Syd.."
"How? How can we possibly continue with this.our lives are too complicated!"
"Well find a way. I promise you we'll find a way, but first I have to tell you everything. Promise me though you'll always remember I love you." He said tucking that stubborn strain of hair that always seemed to have a mind of its own behind her ear.
"You're my future." She assured him, reaching up to place her hand over his.
"I'm not so sure you'll feel that way after we talk," he said and Sydney could hear the sadness creeping back into his voice.
"Look at me." She said lifting his chin so their eyes met, "Whatever you have to say can't be that bad."
"I don't know about that." He sighed, wishing he didn't have to do this. Wishing he'd never let Noah and Sydney's relationship chase him out of L.A. and back into Jill's life.
"Let me be the judge of that okay?" she nudged him with her leg, wanting him to continue.
Vaughn took her hand in his and studied it intently before he found the strength to speak again. This would only get tougher from this point on. Telling her he loved her had been easier than he thought it would be. Telling her that Jill would forever be part of his life.their life, if she wanted that.just felt wrong. Vaughn took a deep breath and looked her in the eye.
"Jill is pregnant Syd," He said it quietly and let his eyes drop from hers to where their entwined fingers lay on the blanket. Syd said nothing. She was stunned.
"Oh," she finally whispered when she could find her voice again. His confession had taken her breath and voice away. Sydney smiled ironically, marvelling at how, even from Paris, Jill had scored a direct hit. How could you possibly hate someone so much and never have met them?
Okay this isn't about me! This is about Vaughn. One side of Syd's brain sceamed.
Yeah, but this was our chance.our chance! the other side threw back.
Unable to look her in the eye Vaughn just kept talking,
"She's told me that unless I leave you and the CIA behind, she doesn't want me in this child's life. "
"Oh Vaughn," Sydney gushed in horror, totally forgetting her own pain and focusing on his. Dropping his hands, Syd gathered him again in her arms and held him to her heart. How could anyone keep this loving man from his child? Vaughn would make the most wonderful father. Was this woman nuts?
"She will not do this too you.to us. I promise," Sydney whispered to him.
TBC
