(A/N:This is kind of strange…Jen-san and Ruki-san are thinking, then it goes into the normal kind of dialogue you see in fanfictions. Jen-san and others are around 14 in this fic; rating for Jen's part coming later on(it's gonna be dripping with angst!!) As always, read and review!!!)

*~*~*~*~*Disclaimer: I do not own it, Sam-I-Am, I do not own Digimon or Jenrya-san!*~*~*~*~*





..::..::..::Contemplations::..::..::..

Part One: Thoughts of the Digimon Queen



::Ruki's Thoughts::

I wish everyone would shut up. Shut up about how I should be nicer, shut up about me being the Digimon Queen, shut up about only being the Digimon Queen because Ryo disappeared before the tournament, shut up about everything. I just want to have peace and quiet for five minutes, dammit, without people nagging me about something.

Hmph. They think they know me. They think that all I am is some 'Ice Princess' as some rudely like to put it. They don't know about how I never knew my father, and that I hardly saw my mother when I was a child because she was away modeling. That's why Grandma lives with us. She's been more of a mother to me than my own. My father? I heard one time that he was one of my mom's ex-agents; another time, an ex-boyfriend. All I know for sure is that he had red hair, like mine. Maybe violet eyes, too. I guess I'll never know.

I wish…I wish… dammit, I wish I knew why the hell everyone thinks I'm so 'perfect example of the kind of person you don't want your kids to chum around with' or so 'depressed'. I don't open up to people because I've been betrayed before-picked up and tossed around like some worthless rag doll- and I didn't like it.

I vowed at that time to never again trust a person, because there was always a chance of it happening again. And I broke that vow. And I wish I knew why. Maybe it was because he was kind to me, even though I was horrible to him. Maybe it was because I felt I could trust him because of his caring nature.

Or maybe it was his eyes. They're like pure liquid platinum… always reflecting something, be it his emotions, his concern for others, or me…no, not me. He doesn't even think of me that way. He never did. Gods, why am I even thinking like this? He must be a magic-type person. Something like that, yeah. And his eyes are his weapons. He can melt the ice and walls that bury my soul, as if they were slush to begin with. It's not fair. Why does he have to be so damn captivating? This isn't even like me-ogling over boys- that's what Juri and other 'girly girls' do. Not me. So why the hell is this happening? Hormones. That's gotta be it. It's just part of growing up. Yeah. Maybe if I tell myself that, over and over, like a mantra, it'll start to become true.

Dammit, why isn't this working? Butterflies in my stomach, sweaty palms…- WHAT? I'm blushing?! Okay, it's official- I was abducted by aliens. That's the only reasonable solution. This isn't really me. It can't be. I'm not like this. I've never been like this. Especially not over a boy-Jenrya, to say the least. Or…is this me? The me I hid so long ago, I've forgotten? The side still likes to act like Juri and the other girls from time to time…Could it be coming back to haunt me? Or to stay?



::End Ruki POV::

Ruki sighed. 'If it has come back, and I definitely suspect it has, then something has to be done to either get it to go away, or to get it to share places with the icier me.'

"Grandma!"

"Yes, dear" Grandma Makino came to her granddaughter's bedroom door and opened it quietly.

"Where's the phone? I need to call someone."

"But Ruki, dear, who would you be calling at this time of night?" her grandmother looked at her watch. " It's nearly 10:30!"

"Grandma, it's really important." Ruki pleaded.

"Life or death?"

"It could be, if I can't get the phone."

Grandma Makino sighed. "It's in the dining room on the table, but I'll go get it for you."

Ruki smiled. "Thank you Grandma."

"You're welcome, dear." Grandma Makino walked away, shutting the door as quietly as she had opened it.

'Now,' Ruki asked herself. 'Where did I put Jenrya's phone number?'