SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication
Chapter 3.
The Gingerbread Klingon
Dr Beverley Crusher loved baking.
Whenever an Ambassador came she would set to work. One day (today) Beverley was baking Gingerbread Klingons.
Beverley made enough mixture to make 3 full size Klingons and when she had filled the baking tins, she had a little left over, so she moulded the sticky mixture into a 1ft Klingon midget.
"This will be a nice surprise for Wesley." She said to herself (1st sign of madness).
When Wesley came back to help, his mom said; "I've finished the big Klingons and there's an extra surprise in the oven. It should be ready now!"
She opened the replicated oven and took out the full size Klingons. Then she lifted out the Gingerbread Klingon midget.
"A little Gingerbread Klingon!" smiled Wesley, "What a lovely surprise! I shall eat him after my supper."
At these words, the Gingerbread Klingon came to life. He jumped to his feet and declared loudly:
"Oh no, you WONT!"
Then he turned to Beverley and cried:
"Bitch! HA! I can see right up your skirt!"
He jumped down from the table and ran out of their quarters.
Beverley and ESPECIALLY Wesley gave chase at once. But the Gingerbread Klingon was too fast for them.
"Run, run, as fast as you can!" he cried, "You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Klingon!"
On and on he ran, as fast as his Gingerbread legs could carry him.
Spot, Data's cat, lying on the android's doorstep in the gangway saw the Gingerbread Klingon as he went past.
'A ginner-bread Klingon midget! Very scrum-yummy-tasty!' Spot thought, and joined in the chase. But the Gingerbread Klingon only laughed at him: "Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon! I can run faster than the Doctor and the young man, and I can run faster than you, I can!"
Spot ran after him, but the cat could not catch the Gingerbread Klingon.
On through the ship ran the Gingerbread Klingon; with Beverley, Wesley and Spot still chasing after him.
Soon he passed by engineering where 2 lieutenants were pissing in the warp-core for kicks.
When they saw the Gingerbread Klingon, they pulled their pants up and ran after him.
"A Gingerbread Klingon! Just what we need to give us the shits!" they cried.
But the Gingerbread Klingon only laughed:
"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon midget man! I can run faster than the cat, the Doctor and the young man, and I can run faster than you, I can! …Pair of bastard shitters!"
The lieutenants were fit and strong, but their trousers were soaking wet and they could not catch the Gingerbread Klingon.
And on he ran.
Along the Enterprise they ran; Beverley Crusher, Wesley Crusher, Spot, lieutenant Gurkin and lieutenant Belch all chasing the little Gingerbread Klingon.
The Gingerbread Klingon laughed as he ran like a wet fart. He knew he was safe, for none of them were fast enough to catch him.
"Run, run!" he called out gleefully.
"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon 1-foot midget man!"
And those that ran after him puffed and panted more and more as they tried in vain to catch him.
Then, all of a sudden, the Gingerbread Klingon stopped in his tracks. He had gone into holodeck 3 and stopped at the edge of a giant swimming pool.
The pool was too long and deep, and too wide to jump across.
The Gingerbread Klingon did not know what to do. There was nothing in sight to help him get across and he hadn't brought his armbands along. Apart from the fact that the water would soak him through, he could not SWIM! His body would turn to mush in there.
"What shall I do?" he said, "I have to run as fast as I can! They must not catch the Gingerbread Klingon midget man!"
At that moment, lieutenant Worf came up to him with his warrior Speedo's on.
"I can help you to get across the pool if you like!"
"Why would you help me? You big, hairy ass."
"Well, I mean," Worf began, "Us Klingons have to stick together!" Worf continued, "Jump onto my back and I'll carry you across the pool." Worf finished.
The Gingerbread Klingon did not think twice. He jumped onto Worf's back.
Worf got into the swimming pool.
"Don't get me wet! This is a new suit! Real icing!" Said the Gingerbread Klingon. Then he turned to Beverley, Wesley, Spot, Gurkin and Belch, who were approaching the pool.
"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon!"
Worf swam out towards the middle of the pool, "The water is getting deeper now," he told the Gingerbread Klingon, "You had better climb onto my head."
The Gingerbread Klingon midget man did as he was told and turned to look at the doorway.
"Pooy." Thought Beverley, Wesley, Spot, Gurkin and Belch, "We can't jump in cos we're wearing our uniforms!"
Worf swam further into the pool, "Watch out!" he told the Gingerbread Klingon, "It is getting really deep now! Climb onto the tip of my nose!"
Beverley, Wesley, Spot, Gurkin and Belch all watched as the Gingerbread Klingon climbed onto the tip of Worf's nose. And they watched as Worf tossed the Gingerbread Klingon up into the air and caught him with a snap of his jaws.
The Gingerbread Klingon was gone in one gulp.
"Well," said Beverley, "That's the last time I make one of those!"
"Shit." Said Wesley.
'Bastard midget.' Thought Spot.
"Pisser." Said Gurkin.
"BURP." Said Worf.
"Actually it's Belch." Said Belch.
THE END
When everyone had left, Worf went skinny-dipping.
He held his breath, stuck his head under the water and raised his legs into the air. As he began to sink, he farted, which propelled him downwards into the floor of the pool. When at the bottom Worf turned himself the right way up and stood on the floor.
"OW!" Worf bubbled as he felt something dead sharp stick into his foot. When he looked down he saw his own blood! Everything went blurred and Worf fainted.
IS THIS THE END FOR WORF?
WILL HE DROWN OR WILL SOME IDIOT COME AND SAVE HIS LIFE?
FIND OUT IN THE NEXT THRILLING CHAPTER OF…
SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication
