[Please note that Prof. Snape, Dumbledore and other bootylicious people are property of J.K. Rawling. Sarah Noble is property of herself. Fan fiction is dumb. Don't read it.]

"Severus Snape Announces his Engagement to Sarah Noble, Who is Less Than Enthusiastic"

"I have a very important announcement to make, "Snape saidly loudly during dinner one night. He cleared his throat as the hall went silent.

"Sarah Noble and I are getting married," he said proudly, beaming towards the Griffindor table.

"What?" Sarah said stupidly.

"We've been discussing the awkwardness of a student-professor relationship, but decided we were just too in lvoe to care," Snape continued. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Um, no?" Sarah tried again. "I mean, what? What is this?"

"I love you, snooky bunny," Snape simpered at Sarah, amid a shout of laughter from the students and horrified looks from the staff table.

"Um, hello?" Sarah yelled frantically. "Is this thing on? I'm NOT marrying him. Seriously."

"Ooh, you'll have the same initials!" Angelina squealed.

"OK, that's it," Sarah shouted. "Stop this story NOW."