Under My Skin (Response to Challenge #10 on Buffy Spike Diaries) by Queen
Mab
"I've got you under my skin I've got you deep in the heart of me So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me I've got you under my skin" Spike murmured, walking down the street.
"What song are you singing?" Buffy asked.
"What?" Spike snapped back to reality.
"What song? I know I've heard it before. I just can't place it," Buffy replied.
Spike hadn't even realized he had been singing. What song was it? I've got you under my skin. Frank Sinatra. Poof music. Spike had no idea why he was singing it or why it had been stuck in his head for the past few days. He wasn't really a Sinatra type of guy. More of a Billy Idol fan.
"It's ah, Frank Sinatra's I've Got You Under My Skin," Spike finally replied to Buffy's question. He tried not to be embarrassed about it, but it couldn't be helped. Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice.
"Oh, is he someone new?"
Bloody hell. She didn't even know who Frank bloody Sinatra was. Before he bore into her, he had to remind himself that unlike himself, she didn't live through that decade.
"No, love, he's older. Much older. Dead older," Spike explained patiently. Was this actually happening? Them having a normal conversation? He had been tagging along with the Slayer on her patrol, partially because she was having a hard time adjusting and partially because he craved her. Just being near her, reminding himself she was alive, brought a sense of relief to Spike. He had wrestled with nightmares of her plunge into Hell after her death, and they didn't stop just because she was back. Spike relived those moments before and leading up to her death again and again. What he could have done differently, how he could have protected her and the Nibblet.
"So, do you like Frank Sinatra?" Buffy asked as they neared the entrance to the graveyard.
"Not really."
"Then why are you singing it?"
Good question. One he'd like to have an answer to. These days, however, there were many good questions that didn't have answers. Namely, why did he fall in love with the Slayer?
Sure, he always had an obsession with Slayers. The two he had fought and killed gave him endless pleasure. Remembering those moments still brought a smile to his face. So, why on earth did he want to hold this Slayer instead of strangling her?
"Spike, you're not intelligent enough to be that deep in thought. Snap out of it. You're giving me the wiggins," Buffy grabbed him just as he was about to fall into an empty grave. Spike hadn't even noticed they had reached the graveyard. He had better snap out of it. Didn't want the Slayer to think he'd lost all his spark.
"Bite me Slayer."
"You're the blood sucker, Spike, isn't that your job?" Buffy rebutted.
"Just give me the chance Slayer, and you'll be mine. No more of this teasing crap. I will have you, Slayer," Spike replied, closing the distance between them. He hovered inches above her mouth for a few moments. She didn't back away. He leaned forward and she burst out laughing.
"Speaking of crap, I believe you just stepped in doggie oopsy doops," Buffy made a face and stepped carefully around him.
Spike stood fuming with anger. His mind raced with a good comeback.
"Yeah, well, um, your hair doesn't look very nice tonight," Spike spat out, instantly regretting the stupid words as soon as he had said them.
"That the best you can come up with Poopy boy?" Buffy teased.
"You just caught me off guard. Won't happen again."
"Spike, I always manage to catch you off guard," She replied, strolling in between graves.
"Catch me off guard? You make me off guard," Spike murmured before he trotted off after her.
* * * * * * * *
"I've tried so not to give in I've said to myself this affair never will go so well But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well That I've got you under my skin"
The room was barely lit. A small wooden bar was at the right and tables draped with white cloth were scattered around the room. Women with ankle length dresses and tightly pinched waists sat at the tables, danced, smoked and talked. Men, in their baggy suits did the same, all the while trying to impress the ladies. A lone singer crooned the song Spike couldn't seem to get out from under his skin. A jazz band backed up the vocalist.
The bloody 1940's. Spike hated the 1940's. Evil just couldn't rule in this age of good natured fun. Spike decided to have the only fun he could while in this nightmare. He headed for the bar.
"Gin and tonic," He ordered when the bar tender asked his drink request.
"Down on your luck kid?" A voice appeared next to him.
"Actually, yeah," Spike replied, turning to look at his new drinking companion.
"Let me guess, women troubles?"
"You're," Spike choked on the next words, "Humphrey Bogart."
"The one and only, kid." Bogart replied.
"But you're dead," Spike stammered.
"Yeah, happens to the best of us, doesn't it? Now, why don't you tell me about your woman problem," Bogart insisted.
"I don't know where do begin," Spike replied, deciding that this dream was like an insane asylum. The only way out was to talk.
"Begin where you and she begin."
"Okay. When we first met, I hated her. She hated me. I, of course was obsessed with her," Spike began.
"First mistake kid. Never let a dame get the best of you," Bogart pulled out a cigeratte pack and lit one up. He offered one to Spike, which Spike gladly took.
"Everything changed after Dru left though. The hate I had turned into obsession, obsession turned to admiration and the admiration turned to love," Spike admitted.
"Listen, kid, love slapped me around a couple of times, but I'm all the better for it."
"This is different. Ours was a forbidden love," Spike protested.
"Sounds like some cheesy romance novel. Kid, the world is full of dames, all you gotta do is whistle."
"None like her," Spike replied.
"I know the whole 'one in a million' routine. Don't buy into it. It's just a dame's ploy," Bogart replied.
"It is isn't it?" Spike agreed.
"You just have to know how to handle them. I never met a dame who didn't understand a slap in the mouth or a slug from a 45," Bogart took a long drag on his cigarette.
"I can see your point. Maybe that's what I need to do. Be a little aggressive. Take charge. Make her see I don't always have to be love's bitch."
"Now you're talking kid. Bartender, give my crony here another drink. The world's always three drinks behind, that's the real problem today," Bogart raised his own martini glass towards the man behind the bar.
"Here's to a new beginning," Spike raised his glass in a toast.
"Here's looking at you kid," Bogart replied, swigging down his drink.
* * * * * * * *
Spike woke up with a start. Unusual dream. One of the few that didn't directly have Buffy in them. Bogart giving him advice on his love life. Now that's strange in itself.
He sat up and looked at his clock. Almost seven. Soon Buffy would begin her patrol.
Bogart was right. He needed to be the aggressor in this relationship. He'd tried to be nice. He'd tried to be caring and understanding. Obviously, that isn't what she wanted.
Spike slipped on his favorite attire: red shirt, black t-shirt, black jeans and leather duster. He'd win this war he'd waged with Buffy tonight.
* * * * * * * *
Buffy walked confidently into the graveyard. Spike still hadn't shown. Not that she cared, but she had gotten used to his company. An eerie mist hovered around the cemetery. Perfect conditions for vamps to be roaming about.
However, the graveyard was silent. Almost too silent. Her Slayer senses began to pick up as she felt something moving behind her. A powerful arm snaked up around her neck. She grabbed it, flipped her attacker over on his back and grabbed her stake. Buffy leapt towards the mystery figure, landing squarely on his chest. Just as she was about to turn him into dust-
"Buffy."
"Spike! What the hell were you thinking?" Buffy cried out as she realized her assailant was none other than her peroxide tag along, "I should stake you just for stupidity."
"Do it. Buffy, just do it," Spike replied leaning towards her.
"What? Are you crazy or something?"
"Buffy, you've had opportunity after opportunity to stake me and you've never done it. Why?" Spike questioned.
"You're helping me now, so why would I stake you? That'd be majorly stupid."
"No, I mean before. Before I had this bloody chip in my head, before I fell in love with you, before I even thought about helping out you and the Scoobies, why didn't you stake me?"
"You always got away," Buffy began to stand up.
"No," Spike replied as he pulled her back down, "You always let me get away. I think you loved me even before I loved you."
"You're full of it Spike. Now let me up," Buffy pushed up, but Spike held her hard.
"I am not full of it Slayer. You know you've always wanted me," Spike insisted.
"Spike, you disgust me. How could I ever want you?" Buffy spat out.
Spike then hit her. Hit her as hard as he could. Buffy flew back, hitting a gravestone. There was no pain in his head. Did his chip not work?
"Spike, why aren't you cringing in pain?" Buffy immediately shot up, ready to fight.
"Looks like Spike got his fangs back, love," Spike replied assertively, although his mind was racing with the possibilities.
"What did you do to the chip?"
"Nothing," Spike replied, stepping towards her, "I guess you came back wrong."
"Fuck you Spike. You took that chip out," Buffy faltered.
"No, love, I didn't. I didn't even know about it until I hit you. Fun isn't it?" Spike replied, his face changing to his vamp face.
"Not really," Buffy replied, kicking him in the face with all her might. Spike flew backwards and Buffy stormed after him. He snapped up, and delivered a powerful blow to her face.
Buffy hesitated for a moment, and in that moment, Spike took his chance. He pushed her to the ground, bared her neck and hovered inches above it.
"You stupid bitch. You don't even know what you mean to me," His voice was laced with pain. He didn't want to bite her. Of course, the need to bite her was still there. Every inch of his being yearned to sink his fangs into her graceful neck, but he held back. His face morphed back into his human face. He gave her shoulders a shove before walking away.
Buffy sat up stunned. She felt confused, frightened and she needed answers. She finished her patrol that night and hurried home for a few hours of sleep before research on Spike's new ability.
* * * * * * * *
"Now you say that he had no knowledge of his chip not working before he hit you?" Giles questioned, adjusting his glasses.
"Yeah, it was a huge surprise to him too," Buffy replied.
"I'm not exactly clear on what started the fight in the first place. You two have been such great slaying buddies, I thought everything was A-ok," Xander asked.
"Sex." Anya announced.
"What? An, hun, what are you talking about?"
"Sex. That's what started it. Spike wants to get into Buffy's pants," Anya said matter of factly.
"Spike's always wanted to get into my pants Anya. What changed last night?" Buffy asked.
"You wanted to get into his pants too," Anya replied happily.
"Look, An, the Buffster here was just waiting for the chance to stake that sleazy bastard, right Buff?" Xander questioned.
"Of course. Eww. Gross. Yuck. Bad images."
"There must be some explanation for this. Although Anya's conjecture is interesting. Sexual urges have been known to have powerful-" Giles theorized.
"Giles, never again do I want to hear you say 'sexual urges'," Buffy interrupted.
"Yes, sorry, quite right. However, I do believe Anya has some validity in her claims," Giles continued.
"Giles, I thought you were smart and knew when to stop," Buffy threatened.
"Buffy, if we're going to get to the bottom of this um, situation, you must be open to other possibilities," Giles warned.
"Fine, but Spike and me, no. Major badness," Buffy replied.
"I will try to find more information in the Watcher's journals, though I can't imagine they came across a situation like this." Giles hurried off to scrounge around for details.
"I hate how he says situation like that. Makes it sound dirty," Buffy shivered at the thought.
"That's because it is dirty. You'll see. Giles will come back and the answer will be sex. I know it," Anya declared.
"Enough!" Buffy and Xander yelled.
* * * * * * * *
Spike sat alone thinking. He had tried to bite a woman on his way home. His head still hurt. Why was Buffy any different?
What he needed was answers. The only place where he could get answers was Giles. Unfortunately, Spike knew Buffy would be researching this as well.
He never really intended to bite her. Or even hurt her. Maybe that's the trick. The chip recognized he wouldn't kill her.
Satisfied with this answer for now, he settled down for a long day's rest.
* * * * * * * *
"The answer is sex?" Buffy exclaimed in disbelief.
"See. I told you. Sex is the answer to everything," Anya proclaimed.
"Actually, the answer isn't exactly sex. With any other vampire, I don't think the results would be the same. Spike, according to the former watchers, doted on Drusilla for centuries. This obsession cured Drusilla of many problems," Giles explained.
"Such as?" Buffy asked.
"Well, as you may know, Drusilla was quite mad, from Angel's torture," Giles began.
"Yeah, yeah, we all know that. What else?" Buffy pressed for more information.
"According to the text, she was even more mad before she came to Sunnydale. Spike, in some way, cured her of madness. I believe if he had stayed with her for a few more hundred years, Drusilla would have been cured completely of her insanity," Giles revealed.
"So, what does this have to do with Buffy and Spike getting into her pants?" Xander asked.
"Well, the same doting affection, the intense love, the obsession has deactivated his chip. In essence, he beat science and reason," Giles replied.
"Sounds like something Spike would do," Buffy grumbled, "But, he admitted he loved me long before, why did it just happen last night?"
"Based purely on my own assumptions, and from the evidence in the watcher's journals, some affection must have been returned." Giles looked up accusingly at Buffy.
All eyes turned to the Slayer.
"No! No! No!" Buffy protested.
All eyes doubted her.
"Look guys, I would never, I mean I don't think, I mean no!" Buffy stammered.
"The text could be wrong Buffy, and I did assume a great deal," Giles tried to calm her down.
"Yes, assuming abounds. Assuming is very, very bad." Buffy tried to breathe.
"Clearly emotions are running high. I'll go double check the books," Giles scurried out of the room before the wrath of the Slayer would fall onto him.
"Yes. Double check now," the Slayer growled.
* * * * * * * *
Spike dreamed again about the 1940's. He was in the same bar, but something was different. No band, no people and Bogart had long ago departed.
He sensed fire, heat. Destruction, fear and terror reigned. War.
He was back in the bloody World War. An arm snaked around his neck.
"Dru," he breathed.
"The people are running, running. Makes my head spin," her insane voice filling his head.
"Don't worry pet, we'll have ourselves a snack first," Spike immediately became the doting servant.
"She's here. The slayer, Spike. Kill her for me. Kill her like the last one," Dru pleaded.
"Of course, love. Where is she?" He replied scanning the empty room.
"There, behind the curtain. See her? I do," Dru rambled.
Spike walked towards the blood red curtain. A figure jumped out from behind it. The Slayer.
* * * * * * * *
"Buffy, I may have found something useful to us," Giles called out.
"You mean, another reason for Spike's chip?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"I don't know if it's necessarily helpful in that sense, but it gives us a better understanding of Spike and his past," Giles replied.
"Goody. A history lesson about my mortal enemy," Buffy grumbled.
"Anyway, we already know Spike managed to kill two slayers, but he has come up against Slayers in the past, and not killed them," Giles revealed.
"Not killed them? And survived?" Buffy asked, astounded.
"It appears that Spike came up with two other slayers, and both the slayer and Spike walked away from the fight."
"Tell me about them. I need to know," Buffy insisted.
* * * * * * * *
As Spike fought the young slayer, he began to notice her. Not just as a Slayer, but as a person. Her dark hair shone in the dimly lit bar and there was a great sadness in her eyes. She began to cry and stopped fighting.
Spike was dumbfounded. What did you do with a crying Slayer? Suddenly, he felt a great need to comfort the weeping girl. She was so young, too young to have this large of a responsibility.
"Kill her Spike, kill her for me," Dru's mad voice insisted.
"No."
Spike didn't know why he refused, but he did. He couldn't bring himself to do it.
* * * * * * * *
"The first slayer that walked was young when she fought Spike. Probably had just been called. Only thirteen," Giles revealed.
"Thirteen? I was fifteen when I was called, and that was traumatic enough for me, but thirteen?"
"According to the accounts, she fought for a few minutes, but the pressure overwhelmed her, and she stopped and began to cry. Spike walked over to her, touched her hair and walked away," Giles read.
"Walked away? No fights, no misses? Just walked away?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, the girl was, of course grateful. She wanted her watcher to write that Spike was the good vampire, a vampire with a soul. Of course, his other reputation is the one we know him for."
"What about the other Slayer?"
* * * * * * *
The Slayer looked up at him, eyes full of tears. Suddenly, the dark hair turned to golden blonde. His Slayer.
"Buffy," he cried out.
Those same eyes, that same pain. That's what he saw in his Slayer. He understood. He understood Buffy, he understood every slayer. He understood their desire for good and their eternal fight with being good. He finally understood his Slayer.
* * * * * * * *
"The other girl was written as one of the best Slayers. She was cunning, resourceful and smart. Spike sought her out, ready to kill once again," Giles explained.
"He told me about the slayers he had killed. The last one he said was cunning and resourceful," Buffy replied.
"Yes, but this one had a weakness like Faith. She began to turn to the dark side," Giles explained.
"What happened?" Buffy asked.
"Instead of killing her, Spike ended up seducing her," Giles said carefully.
All eyes once again turned to Buffy.
"Yuck. That's not what happened," Buffy made a face.
"Good. Glad to hear it Buff," Xander piped up.
"See? Everything is about sex," Anya announced.
* * * * * * * *
Spike woke up, sweaty and stunned. He needed to see Buffy right away. Unfortunately, it was another few hours before the sun would set. He settled back and waited.
After centuries of waiting, he grew a quiet patience when it came to these things. He would wait for the sun to go down and then he would make Buffy see.
* * * * * * * *
"I'm still trying to make sense of all this, but it seems to me that the Slayer left Spike after Drusilla came back," Giles reasoned.
"So? Even I understand that," Buffy quipped.
"Yes, but there's more to it. He began to torture himself," Giles replied.
"You mean as in the brooding, Deadboy type torture?" Xander asked.
"No, I mean full out torture. He poured holy water on himself, exposed himself to sunlight and took to keeping crosses in his home," Giles explained.
"Okay, so he's crazy and a sadist," Buffy grumbled.
"Actually, quite the opposite. He was, in fact, trying to cure himself of the Slayer. He had become obsessed. It's quite amazing when you think about it. To go through so much physical pain just to get out of emotional pain," Giles took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Amazing? Maybe. But how does that help the situation of Spike being able to gnaw on me?" Buffy whined.
* * * * * * * *
Dark. He could feel it. It surrounded him and engulfed him.
It felt safe, comforting. He felt he could walk out that door and own the night.
However, something stopped him.
Something other than the chip.
A blonde woman and her bloody morals danced around in his head.
So he stayed.
Not really caring to go out anymore.
She would, for a change, come to him.
* * * * * * * *
"God, could this be any more Days of Our Lives?" Buffy moaned, leaning back in the chair.
For the entire day, the Scooby gang researched the expeditions of Spike and his fearsome foursome. By the end of the day, Buffy had decided that not only was Spike not living up to his name, but she found him a bit whiney and clingy. All that mush was for romantics, not for cold hearted killers like a vampire should be. Did some of William the Bloody live through the change? Did the demon allow William to retain some of his human characteristics? Did all vamps have some of their human characteristics?
Angel didn't. Angel was a completely different without a soul. He had no humanity. He was pure evil. She voiced her next question out loud.
"Giles, why is it that some vampires can have no humanity and others almost seem human?"
"Well, although there have been many theories, I believe that affection changes everything," Giles replied.
"What have I been saying all day? Everything leads to sex!" Anya proclaimed.
"Once again, Anya, while not too far off, it doesn't have everything to do with sex. It could be affection for a person or another vampire in Spike's case, or an affection for anything. Whether it could be something as simple as a movie, or a television show, or as complex as a relationship, love, especially against evil, conquers most," Giles replied.
"Don't you mean, love conquers all?" Xander interjected.
"No, of course not. That would be ridiculous. Love conquers most is much more appropriate."
"Giles, then why did Angel want to destroy the world? He had showed he loved when he had a soul." Buffy almost whispered.
"I believe vampires are quite a bit like humans. You can have your Mother Theresa, but you'll also have your Charles Manson. Remember Buffy, evil has different degrees, just as good does," Giles lectured.
Buffy contemplated Gile's philosophy. What catergory did Spike fit into? What category did she fit into? It was suddenly unclear.
"Dawn! I have to get home for Dawn. She must be so worried," Buffy shot up, startling everyone in the room.
"Buff, relax. Dawnie called about five hours ago to let you know she's gonna sleep over at a friend's house. She'll call you in the morning," Xander reassured the panicked Buffy.
"Oh. Okay. Thanks," Buffy stammered, "I'm going home. Do you think it's okay if I don't patrol tonight Giles?"
Giles nodded yes.
"Okay. See you all tomorrow," Buffy exited the Magic Box in a disordered state.
* * * * * * * *
Spike sat, eyes closed. He felt completely relaxed. He was in a state between sleep and resting. Images flashed through his mind.
Dru killed the first Slayer he loved. Had he really loved her? No. Not like he loved Buffy.
He loved different things about that Slayer. Violence, betrayal and sex made up their relationship. Grace wanted a walk on the wild side, and that's what she got, until Dru came back.
He bickered constantly with Grace. Begged her to leave before Dru found them out. His Dark Princess would take revenge, and then Spike would lose that little bit of humanity.
He clung to humanity like Angelus clung to evil. That's where the obsession stems from. With Grace, it was obsession. After Grace, it was all out war. Killing that first slayer was pure game. The second one, the one like Grace, like Buffy, that was killing Grace for hurting him.
He had come close to killing Buffy. Opportunities came and went, but he passed them up. Why?
He needed that humanity. Others, like Dru and Angelus and even Darla could live without it. He needed it to remind of him of who he was, and where he came from.
Yes, he was powerful. Yes, he could bring death and pain to others.
But that over bearing need to love and to be loved weighed him down. He liked torture as much as the next chap, but a line was drawn between torture and fun. Spike would dance all other that bloody line, but never cross it.
Buffy.
He sensed her even before he could hear the tell tale footsteps. Spike waited until she was within hearing distance.
"Come here for something, love?" He asked, eyes still closed.
"I need to ask you something," Buffy stepped closer. Spike opened his eyes.
"Yeah, pet?"
She came closer, and brought herself to eyelevel.
"Why do you love me?" Her face was emotionless, but her nervous eyes told a different story.
"I just do, love," He replied simply.
"That is not an answer!" She screamed and flipped him out of his chair. "You've been giving me that same bull shit, but you've never really answered my question. Why do you love me?"
"What do you want to hear Slayer? That you're all I ever think about? That I spend my days waiting for nights just so I can be near you? That I risk everything just to help you in your quests? That's not what you want to hear. You've bloody heard it all before," Spike yelled back. Buffy swung, and connected with his jaw. He immediately retaliated by kicking her in the stomach, knocking her to the ground, and leaping on top of her. "You know why I love you. Now, what you're trying to reason out is why you love me." He gently let her up, and picked up his fallen chair.
Buffy sat up, shocked. She was gasping for breath. The wind had been knocked out of her in more ways than one. Spike sat in the chair, just staring at her.
"You have, no idea, what, you're, talking, about," She gasped, trying to hold on to reason. Spike just sat and stared.
He was right. The realization didn't hit her like it should have. Of course, she wasn't going to admit it to him.
Spike moved towards her, hand extended. He pulled her up, putting her inches away from his face. She leaned forward and brushed his lips with her own.
Spike grabbed the back of her head as he deepened the kiss. The sparks were there, the attraction clung to both of them, but she hesitated. He broke the kiss.
They stood, just looking at each other, and walked away.
Spike closed his eyes. A familiar song finished:
Don't you know you fool, you never can win Use your mentality, wake up to reality But each time I do, just the thought of you Makes me stop before I begin 'Cause I've got you under my skin
The End.
Given by: Fraser Gordon Takers: None Requirements: - Must be S+B only - A flash back into Spike's past, in which he sees ot hears something that will, or will in the future remind him of Buffy
- Spike tries to impress Buffy with his badli-ness, and ends up making a mess (Of what is up to the author! ^.~) - Spike has a dream in which he is in the 1940's, and gets some advice from an unusual source....
(Bogart)
- Fic includes the song "I've Got You Under My skin" (sung by Frank Sinatra) Either Spike can sing it, or the lyrics can be used as would be in a song-fic (Preferably Spike singing though!!! ^.~) - Buffy discovers 5 new things about Spike and his past that she didn't know before
"I've got you under my skin I've got you deep in the heart of me So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me I've got you under my skin" Spike murmured, walking down the street.
"What song are you singing?" Buffy asked.
"What?" Spike snapped back to reality.
"What song? I know I've heard it before. I just can't place it," Buffy replied.
Spike hadn't even realized he had been singing. What song was it? I've got you under my skin. Frank Sinatra. Poof music. Spike had no idea why he was singing it or why it had been stuck in his head for the past few days. He wasn't really a Sinatra type of guy. More of a Billy Idol fan.
"It's ah, Frank Sinatra's I've Got You Under My Skin," Spike finally replied to Buffy's question. He tried not to be embarrassed about it, but it couldn't be helped. Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice.
"Oh, is he someone new?"
Bloody hell. She didn't even know who Frank bloody Sinatra was. Before he bore into her, he had to remind himself that unlike himself, she didn't live through that decade.
"No, love, he's older. Much older. Dead older," Spike explained patiently. Was this actually happening? Them having a normal conversation? He had been tagging along with the Slayer on her patrol, partially because she was having a hard time adjusting and partially because he craved her. Just being near her, reminding himself she was alive, brought a sense of relief to Spike. He had wrestled with nightmares of her plunge into Hell after her death, and they didn't stop just because she was back. Spike relived those moments before and leading up to her death again and again. What he could have done differently, how he could have protected her and the Nibblet.
"So, do you like Frank Sinatra?" Buffy asked as they neared the entrance to the graveyard.
"Not really."
"Then why are you singing it?"
Good question. One he'd like to have an answer to. These days, however, there were many good questions that didn't have answers. Namely, why did he fall in love with the Slayer?
Sure, he always had an obsession with Slayers. The two he had fought and killed gave him endless pleasure. Remembering those moments still brought a smile to his face. So, why on earth did he want to hold this Slayer instead of strangling her?
"Spike, you're not intelligent enough to be that deep in thought. Snap out of it. You're giving me the wiggins," Buffy grabbed him just as he was about to fall into an empty grave. Spike hadn't even noticed they had reached the graveyard. He had better snap out of it. Didn't want the Slayer to think he'd lost all his spark.
"Bite me Slayer."
"You're the blood sucker, Spike, isn't that your job?" Buffy rebutted.
"Just give me the chance Slayer, and you'll be mine. No more of this teasing crap. I will have you, Slayer," Spike replied, closing the distance between them. He hovered inches above her mouth for a few moments. She didn't back away. He leaned forward and she burst out laughing.
"Speaking of crap, I believe you just stepped in doggie oopsy doops," Buffy made a face and stepped carefully around him.
Spike stood fuming with anger. His mind raced with a good comeback.
"Yeah, well, um, your hair doesn't look very nice tonight," Spike spat out, instantly regretting the stupid words as soon as he had said them.
"That the best you can come up with Poopy boy?" Buffy teased.
"You just caught me off guard. Won't happen again."
"Spike, I always manage to catch you off guard," She replied, strolling in between graves.
"Catch me off guard? You make me off guard," Spike murmured before he trotted off after her.
* * * * * * * *
"I've tried so not to give in I've said to myself this affair never will go so well But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well That I've got you under my skin"
The room was barely lit. A small wooden bar was at the right and tables draped with white cloth were scattered around the room. Women with ankle length dresses and tightly pinched waists sat at the tables, danced, smoked and talked. Men, in their baggy suits did the same, all the while trying to impress the ladies. A lone singer crooned the song Spike couldn't seem to get out from under his skin. A jazz band backed up the vocalist.
The bloody 1940's. Spike hated the 1940's. Evil just couldn't rule in this age of good natured fun. Spike decided to have the only fun he could while in this nightmare. He headed for the bar.
"Gin and tonic," He ordered when the bar tender asked his drink request.
"Down on your luck kid?" A voice appeared next to him.
"Actually, yeah," Spike replied, turning to look at his new drinking companion.
"Let me guess, women troubles?"
"You're," Spike choked on the next words, "Humphrey Bogart."
"The one and only, kid." Bogart replied.
"But you're dead," Spike stammered.
"Yeah, happens to the best of us, doesn't it? Now, why don't you tell me about your woman problem," Bogart insisted.
"I don't know where do begin," Spike replied, deciding that this dream was like an insane asylum. The only way out was to talk.
"Begin where you and she begin."
"Okay. When we first met, I hated her. She hated me. I, of course was obsessed with her," Spike began.
"First mistake kid. Never let a dame get the best of you," Bogart pulled out a cigeratte pack and lit one up. He offered one to Spike, which Spike gladly took.
"Everything changed after Dru left though. The hate I had turned into obsession, obsession turned to admiration and the admiration turned to love," Spike admitted.
"Listen, kid, love slapped me around a couple of times, but I'm all the better for it."
"This is different. Ours was a forbidden love," Spike protested.
"Sounds like some cheesy romance novel. Kid, the world is full of dames, all you gotta do is whistle."
"None like her," Spike replied.
"I know the whole 'one in a million' routine. Don't buy into it. It's just a dame's ploy," Bogart replied.
"It is isn't it?" Spike agreed.
"You just have to know how to handle them. I never met a dame who didn't understand a slap in the mouth or a slug from a 45," Bogart took a long drag on his cigarette.
"I can see your point. Maybe that's what I need to do. Be a little aggressive. Take charge. Make her see I don't always have to be love's bitch."
"Now you're talking kid. Bartender, give my crony here another drink. The world's always three drinks behind, that's the real problem today," Bogart raised his own martini glass towards the man behind the bar.
"Here's to a new beginning," Spike raised his glass in a toast.
"Here's looking at you kid," Bogart replied, swigging down his drink.
* * * * * * * *
Spike woke up with a start. Unusual dream. One of the few that didn't directly have Buffy in them. Bogart giving him advice on his love life. Now that's strange in itself.
He sat up and looked at his clock. Almost seven. Soon Buffy would begin her patrol.
Bogart was right. He needed to be the aggressor in this relationship. He'd tried to be nice. He'd tried to be caring and understanding. Obviously, that isn't what she wanted.
Spike slipped on his favorite attire: red shirt, black t-shirt, black jeans and leather duster. He'd win this war he'd waged with Buffy tonight.
* * * * * * * *
Buffy walked confidently into the graveyard. Spike still hadn't shown. Not that she cared, but she had gotten used to his company. An eerie mist hovered around the cemetery. Perfect conditions for vamps to be roaming about.
However, the graveyard was silent. Almost too silent. Her Slayer senses began to pick up as she felt something moving behind her. A powerful arm snaked up around her neck. She grabbed it, flipped her attacker over on his back and grabbed her stake. Buffy leapt towards the mystery figure, landing squarely on his chest. Just as she was about to turn him into dust-
"Buffy."
"Spike! What the hell were you thinking?" Buffy cried out as she realized her assailant was none other than her peroxide tag along, "I should stake you just for stupidity."
"Do it. Buffy, just do it," Spike replied leaning towards her.
"What? Are you crazy or something?"
"Buffy, you've had opportunity after opportunity to stake me and you've never done it. Why?" Spike questioned.
"You're helping me now, so why would I stake you? That'd be majorly stupid."
"No, I mean before. Before I had this bloody chip in my head, before I fell in love with you, before I even thought about helping out you and the Scoobies, why didn't you stake me?"
"You always got away," Buffy began to stand up.
"No," Spike replied as he pulled her back down, "You always let me get away. I think you loved me even before I loved you."
"You're full of it Spike. Now let me up," Buffy pushed up, but Spike held her hard.
"I am not full of it Slayer. You know you've always wanted me," Spike insisted.
"Spike, you disgust me. How could I ever want you?" Buffy spat out.
Spike then hit her. Hit her as hard as he could. Buffy flew back, hitting a gravestone. There was no pain in his head. Did his chip not work?
"Spike, why aren't you cringing in pain?" Buffy immediately shot up, ready to fight.
"Looks like Spike got his fangs back, love," Spike replied assertively, although his mind was racing with the possibilities.
"What did you do to the chip?"
"Nothing," Spike replied, stepping towards her, "I guess you came back wrong."
"Fuck you Spike. You took that chip out," Buffy faltered.
"No, love, I didn't. I didn't even know about it until I hit you. Fun isn't it?" Spike replied, his face changing to his vamp face.
"Not really," Buffy replied, kicking him in the face with all her might. Spike flew backwards and Buffy stormed after him. He snapped up, and delivered a powerful blow to her face.
Buffy hesitated for a moment, and in that moment, Spike took his chance. He pushed her to the ground, bared her neck and hovered inches above it.
"You stupid bitch. You don't even know what you mean to me," His voice was laced with pain. He didn't want to bite her. Of course, the need to bite her was still there. Every inch of his being yearned to sink his fangs into her graceful neck, but he held back. His face morphed back into his human face. He gave her shoulders a shove before walking away.
Buffy sat up stunned. She felt confused, frightened and she needed answers. She finished her patrol that night and hurried home for a few hours of sleep before research on Spike's new ability.
* * * * * * * *
"Now you say that he had no knowledge of his chip not working before he hit you?" Giles questioned, adjusting his glasses.
"Yeah, it was a huge surprise to him too," Buffy replied.
"I'm not exactly clear on what started the fight in the first place. You two have been such great slaying buddies, I thought everything was A-ok," Xander asked.
"Sex." Anya announced.
"What? An, hun, what are you talking about?"
"Sex. That's what started it. Spike wants to get into Buffy's pants," Anya said matter of factly.
"Spike's always wanted to get into my pants Anya. What changed last night?" Buffy asked.
"You wanted to get into his pants too," Anya replied happily.
"Look, An, the Buffster here was just waiting for the chance to stake that sleazy bastard, right Buff?" Xander questioned.
"Of course. Eww. Gross. Yuck. Bad images."
"There must be some explanation for this. Although Anya's conjecture is interesting. Sexual urges have been known to have powerful-" Giles theorized.
"Giles, never again do I want to hear you say 'sexual urges'," Buffy interrupted.
"Yes, sorry, quite right. However, I do believe Anya has some validity in her claims," Giles continued.
"Giles, I thought you were smart and knew when to stop," Buffy threatened.
"Buffy, if we're going to get to the bottom of this um, situation, you must be open to other possibilities," Giles warned.
"Fine, but Spike and me, no. Major badness," Buffy replied.
"I will try to find more information in the Watcher's journals, though I can't imagine they came across a situation like this." Giles hurried off to scrounge around for details.
"I hate how he says situation like that. Makes it sound dirty," Buffy shivered at the thought.
"That's because it is dirty. You'll see. Giles will come back and the answer will be sex. I know it," Anya declared.
"Enough!" Buffy and Xander yelled.
* * * * * * * *
Spike sat alone thinking. He had tried to bite a woman on his way home. His head still hurt. Why was Buffy any different?
What he needed was answers. The only place where he could get answers was Giles. Unfortunately, Spike knew Buffy would be researching this as well.
He never really intended to bite her. Or even hurt her. Maybe that's the trick. The chip recognized he wouldn't kill her.
Satisfied with this answer for now, he settled down for a long day's rest.
* * * * * * * *
"The answer is sex?" Buffy exclaimed in disbelief.
"See. I told you. Sex is the answer to everything," Anya proclaimed.
"Actually, the answer isn't exactly sex. With any other vampire, I don't think the results would be the same. Spike, according to the former watchers, doted on Drusilla for centuries. This obsession cured Drusilla of many problems," Giles explained.
"Such as?" Buffy asked.
"Well, as you may know, Drusilla was quite mad, from Angel's torture," Giles began.
"Yeah, yeah, we all know that. What else?" Buffy pressed for more information.
"According to the text, she was even more mad before she came to Sunnydale. Spike, in some way, cured her of madness. I believe if he had stayed with her for a few more hundred years, Drusilla would have been cured completely of her insanity," Giles revealed.
"So, what does this have to do with Buffy and Spike getting into her pants?" Xander asked.
"Well, the same doting affection, the intense love, the obsession has deactivated his chip. In essence, he beat science and reason," Giles replied.
"Sounds like something Spike would do," Buffy grumbled, "But, he admitted he loved me long before, why did it just happen last night?"
"Based purely on my own assumptions, and from the evidence in the watcher's journals, some affection must have been returned." Giles looked up accusingly at Buffy.
All eyes turned to the Slayer.
"No! No! No!" Buffy protested.
All eyes doubted her.
"Look guys, I would never, I mean I don't think, I mean no!" Buffy stammered.
"The text could be wrong Buffy, and I did assume a great deal," Giles tried to calm her down.
"Yes, assuming abounds. Assuming is very, very bad." Buffy tried to breathe.
"Clearly emotions are running high. I'll go double check the books," Giles scurried out of the room before the wrath of the Slayer would fall onto him.
"Yes. Double check now," the Slayer growled.
* * * * * * * *
Spike dreamed again about the 1940's. He was in the same bar, but something was different. No band, no people and Bogart had long ago departed.
He sensed fire, heat. Destruction, fear and terror reigned. War.
He was back in the bloody World War. An arm snaked around his neck.
"Dru," he breathed.
"The people are running, running. Makes my head spin," her insane voice filling his head.
"Don't worry pet, we'll have ourselves a snack first," Spike immediately became the doting servant.
"She's here. The slayer, Spike. Kill her for me. Kill her like the last one," Dru pleaded.
"Of course, love. Where is she?" He replied scanning the empty room.
"There, behind the curtain. See her? I do," Dru rambled.
Spike walked towards the blood red curtain. A figure jumped out from behind it. The Slayer.
* * * * * * * *
"Buffy, I may have found something useful to us," Giles called out.
"You mean, another reason for Spike's chip?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"I don't know if it's necessarily helpful in that sense, but it gives us a better understanding of Spike and his past," Giles replied.
"Goody. A history lesson about my mortal enemy," Buffy grumbled.
"Anyway, we already know Spike managed to kill two slayers, but he has come up against Slayers in the past, and not killed them," Giles revealed.
"Not killed them? And survived?" Buffy asked, astounded.
"It appears that Spike came up with two other slayers, and both the slayer and Spike walked away from the fight."
"Tell me about them. I need to know," Buffy insisted.
* * * * * * * *
As Spike fought the young slayer, he began to notice her. Not just as a Slayer, but as a person. Her dark hair shone in the dimly lit bar and there was a great sadness in her eyes. She began to cry and stopped fighting.
Spike was dumbfounded. What did you do with a crying Slayer? Suddenly, he felt a great need to comfort the weeping girl. She was so young, too young to have this large of a responsibility.
"Kill her Spike, kill her for me," Dru's mad voice insisted.
"No."
Spike didn't know why he refused, but he did. He couldn't bring himself to do it.
* * * * * * * *
"The first slayer that walked was young when she fought Spike. Probably had just been called. Only thirteen," Giles revealed.
"Thirteen? I was fifteen when I was called, and that was traumatic enough for me, but thirteen?"
"According to the accounts, she fought for a few minutes, but the pressure overwhelmed her, and she stopped and began to cry. Spike walked over to her, touched her hair and walked away," Giles read.
"Walked away? No fights, no misses? Just walked away?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, the girl was, of course grateful. She wanted her watcher to write that Spike was the good vampire, a vampire with a soul. Of course, his other reputation is the one we know him for."
"What about the other Slayer?"
* * * * * * *
The Slayer looked up at him, eyes full of tears. Suddenly, the dark hair turned to golden blonde. His Slayer.
"Buffy," he cried out.
Those same eyes, that same pain. That's what he saw in his Slayer. He understood. He understood Buffy, he understood every slayer. He understood their desire for good and their eternal fight with being good. He finally understood his Slayer.
* * * * * * * *
"The other girl was written as one of the best Slayers. She was cunning, resourceful and smart. Spike sought her out, ready to kill once again," Giles explained.
"He told me about the slayers he had killed. The last one he said was cunning and resourceful," Buffy replied.
"Yes, but this one had a weakness like Faith. She began to turn to the dark side," Giles explained.
"What happened?" Buffy asked.
"Instead of killing her, Spike ended up seducing her," Giles said carefully.
All eyes once again turned to Buffy.
"Yuck. That's not what happened," Buffy made a face.
"Good. Glad to hear it Buff," Xander piped up.
"See? Everything is about sex," Anya announced.
* * * * * * * *
Spike woke up, sweaty and stunned. He needed to see Buffy right away. Unfortunately, it was another few hours before the sun would set. He settled back and waited.
After centuries of waiting, he grew a quiet patience when it came to these things. He would wait for the sun to go down and then he would make Buffy see.
* * * * * * * *
"I'm still trying to make sense of all this, but it seems to me that the Slayer left Spike after Drusilla came back," Giles reasoned.
"So? Even I understand that," Buffy quipped.
"Yes, but there's more to it. He began to torture himself," Giles replied.
"You mean as in the brooding, Deadboy type torture?" Xander asked.
"No, I mean full out torture. He poured holy water on himself, exposed himself to sunlight and took to keeping crosses in his home," Giles explained.
"Okay, so he's crazy and a sadist," Buffy grumbled.
"Actually, quite the opposite. He was, in fact, trying to cure himself of the Slayer. He had become obsessed. It's quite amazing when you think about it. To go through so much physical pain just to get out of emotional pain," Giles took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Amazing? Maybe. But how does that help the situation of Spike being able to gnaw on me?" Buffy whined.
* * * * * * * *
Dark. He could feel it. It surrounded him and engulfed him.
It felt safe, comforting. He felt he could walk out that door and own the night.
However, something stopped him.
Something other than the chip.
A blonde woman and her bloody morals danced around in his head.
So he stayed.
Not really caring to go out anymore.
She would, for a change, come to him.
* * * * * * * *
"God, could this be any more Days of Our Lives?" Buffy moaned, leaning back in the chair.
For the entire day, the Scooby gang researched the expeditions of Spike and his fearsome foursome. By the end of the day, Buffy had decided that not only was Spike not living up to his name, but she found him a bit whiney and clingy. All that mush was for romantics, not for cold hearted killers like a vampire should be. Did some of William the Bloody live through the change? Did the demon allow William to retain some of his human characteristics? Did all vamps have some of their human characteristics?
Angel didn't. Angel was a completely different without a soul. He had no humanity. He was pure evil. She voiced her next question out loud.
"Giles, why is it that some vampires can have no humanity and others almost seem human?"
"Well, although there have been many theories, I believe that affection changes everything," Giles replied.
"What have I been saying all day? Everything leads to sex!" Anya proclaimed.
"Once again, Anya, while not too far off, it doesn't have everything to do with sex. It could be affection for a person or another vampire in Spike's case, or an affection for anything. Whether it could be something as simple as a movie, or a television show, or as complex as a relationship, love, especially against evil, conquers most," Giles replied.
"Don't you mean, love conquers all?" Xander interjected.
"No, of course not. That would be ridiculous. Love conquers most is much more appropriate."
"Giles, then why did Angel want to destroy the world? He had showed he loved when he had a soul." Buffy almost whispered.
"I believe vampires are quite a bit like humans. You can have your Mother Theresa, but you'll also have your Charles Manson. Remember Buffy, evil has different degrees, just as good does," Giles lectured.
Buffy contemplated Gile's philosophy. What catergory did Spike fit into? What category did she fit into? It was suddenly unclear.
"Dawn! I have to get home for Dawn. She must be so worried," Buffy shot up, startling everyone in the room.
"Buff, relax. Dawnie called about five hours ago to let you know she's gonna sleep over at a friend's house. She'll call you in the morning," Xander reassured the panicked Buffy.
"Oh. Okay. Thanks," Buffy stammered, "I'm going home. Do you think it's okay if I don't patrol tonight Giles?"
Giles nodded yes.
"Okay. See you all tomorrow," Buffy exited the Magic Box in a disordered state.
* * * * * * * *
Spike sat, eyes closed. He felt completely relaxed. He was in a state between sleep and resting. Images flashed through his mind.
Dru killed the first Slayer he loved. Had he really loved her? No. Not like he loved Buffy.
He loved different things about that Slayer. Violence, betrayal and sex made up their relationship. Grace wanted a walk on the wild side, and that's what she got, until Dru came back.
He bickered constantly with Grace. Begged her to leave before Dru found them out. His Dark Princess would take revenge, and then Spike would lose that little bit of humanity.
He clung to humanity like Angelus clung to evil. That's where the obsession stems from. With Grace, it was obsession. After Grace, it was all out war. Killing that first slayer was pure game. The second one, the one like Grace, like Buffy, that was killing Grace for hurting him.
He had come close to killing Buffy. Opportunities came and went, but he passed them up. Why?
He needed that humanity. Others, like Dru and Angelus and even Darla could live without it. He needed it to remind of him of who he was, and where he came from.
Yes, he was powerful. Yes, he could bring death and pain to others.
But that over bearing need to love and to be loved weighed him down. He liked torture as much as the next chap, but a line was drawn between torture and fun. Spike would dance all other that bloody line, but never cross it.
Buffy.
He sensed her even before he could hear the tell tale footsteps. Spike waited until she was within hearing distance.
"Come here for something, love?" He asked, eyes still closed.
"I need to ask you something," Buffy stepped closer. Spike opened his eyes.
"Yeah, pet?"
She came closer, and brought herself to eyelevel.
"Why do you love me?" Her face was emotionless, but her nervous eyes told a different story.
"I just do, love," He replied simply.
"That is not an answer!" She screamed and flipped him out of his chair. "You've been giving me that same bull shit, but you've never really answered my question. Why do you love me?"
"What do you want to hear Slayer? That you're all I ever think about? That I spend my days waiting for nights just so I can be near you? That I risk everything just to help you in your quests? That's not what you want to hear. You've bloody heard it all before," Spike yelled back. Buffy swung, and connected with his jaw. He immediately retaliated by kicking her in the stomach, knocking her to the ground, and leaping on top of her. "You know why I love you. Now, what you're trying to reason out is why you love me." He gently let her up, and picked up his fallen chair.
Buffy sat up, shocked. She was gasping for breath. The wind had been knocked out of her in more ways than one. Spike sat in the chair, just staring at her.
"You have, no idea, what, you're, talking, about," She gasped, trying to hold on to reason. Spike just sat and stared.
He was right. The realization didn't hit her like it should have. Of course, she wasn't going to admit it to him.
Spike moved towards her, hand extended. He pulled her up, putting her inches away from his face. She leaned forward and brushed his lips with her own.
Spike grabbed the back of her head as he deepened the kiss. The sparks were there, the attraction clung to both of them, but she hesitated. He broke the kiss.
They stood, just looking at each other, and walked away.
Spike closed his eyes. A familiar song finished:
Don't you know you fool, you never can win Use your mentality, wake up to reality But each time I do, just the thought of you Makes me stop before I begin 'Cause I've got you under my skin
The End.
Given by: Fraser Gordon Takers: None Requirements: - Must be S+B only - A flash back into Spike's past, in which he sees ot hears something that will, or will in the future remind him of Buffy
- Spike tries to impress Buffy with his badli-ness, and ends up making a mess (Of what is up to the author! ^.~) - Spike has a dream in which he is in the 1940's, and gets some advice from an unusual source....
(Bogart)
- Fic includes the song "I've Got You Under My skin" (sung by Frank Sinatra) Either Spike can sing it, or the lyrics can be used as would be in a song-fic (Preferably Spike singing though!!! ^.~) - Buffy discovers 5 new things about Spike and his past that she didn't know before
