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I don't own the works mentioned here. Obviously.
My name isn't someone like Takahashi Rumiko or Naoko Takeushi or something like that, is it?
If I did, I wouldn't have to write something called Fan Fiction, now would I?

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Aki's Neurotic Insane Mayhem Episodes (ANIME)

A fanfiction by Dr. Aki Huang, MM


Prologue


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' ' Thoughts

" " Speech

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It was a new day in Tokyo. The sun was shining, the air was pleasant,
and, at 5:00 AM, people are rushing back and forth, preparing for their day at
work. Most people went about their normal business,namely, trying to get as much
sleep as possible before totally draining themselves at something called work.

It was as normal as a day in the 1984 could get.

Although it was early, it was not so early that everybody was dead
asleep. A fair few were awake. Some, by choice. There always were papers to
crank out, people to torture, and always the inevitable insanely big project
to finish. Others were pure idiots, getting themselves drunk and passing out
at this hour.

One person was whistling cheerfully as he strode down the streets. Having
just moved into one of Tokyo's adjacent districts, he decided to explore the streets
a bit before he did much. Well, much for him, anyways.

After jogging a fair distance, he found himself near a McDonalds. Pursing
his lips, he wondered, "How the hell does this get here? Is it following me or
something?" Unbeknownst to him, a little conversation was carrying itself out
upstairs. "Aki, get a life," he whispered to himself.

No, not HERE. Upstairs upstairs. As in Heaven.

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Somewhere up there

Kami-sama was bored. He'd been playing the 'do-gooder' for far too long.
It was just getting repetitive. Things do tend to get that way after doing things
for a couple millennia, you know. Once in a while, you have got to have to have
a little fun. He decided to call up some of his 'old friends', Chaos and Destiny.

He decided to have a little fun with a mortal. Why not? He certainly could.
He brought up a Yddgrasil terminal and pushed a button called 'Thought Command'.
Kami-sama grinned. Skuld would be SO pissed when she found out about that little
nifty feature. He found a rather intriguing being on earth. Dr. Aki Huang, with his
oh so generous luck, undoubtedly was his unknowing victim. His file recieved a stamp
saying that he was off limits to 'unauthorized personnel' on pain of...whatever he
thought of. Normally, this wasn't possible. You just don't DO that. But, Kami-sama,
being the omnipotent being that he is, coerced the universal forces to let him play
with his new toy.

Naturally, they weren't pleased. But, Kami-sama, being Kami-sama, couldn't
be overridden.

'One of the perks of power,' thought he as he smirked at the endless
possibilities of fun he could have.

Chaos, naturally, became his best buddy in his endeavor. Kami-sama STILL was
laughing at the antics of its LAST avatar, Ranma Saotome.

Chaos wasn't going to go that far THIS time.

After pondering the thought, Kami-sama blinked. 'No, that would spoil my
fun. Can't have that now, can we?' He smirked. It wasn't the nice smirk that meant
not much at all, considering that it was a rare occurance. No, it was more...malicious.

'Oh ho! I didn't know I had that in me!'

Gods and goddesses looked up at him. They thought of three things. First,
that sounded like a certain mortal whose insanity knew no bounds. A certain FEMALE
mortal named Kodachi Kuno. Her reputation had preceeded her. Not many did not know
of her, and even those who did not know of her knew her name. It became known as a
rather...unpleasant thing. Second, Kami-sama was smirking. A downright EVIL smirk
at that. It sent shivers up their spines. Finally, what was he doing out of his
office?

Kami-sama strode by, appearing oblivious to their stares. In his mind,
however, he was laughing. Not just light friendly laughter either. It was falling-off
-your-seat-and-wetting-your-pants laughter. To the horror of those around him, he
started rubbing his hands together like a mad scientist. He couldn't wait until he
REALLY got started. Until then, he was stuck mortifying his subordinates.

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Tokyo

Our friend finds himself shivering.

'That's odd. It isn't THAT cold today.'

Lo and behold, it was the normal response of a mortal. People sometimes
believe that if a person sneezes for no reason, someone must be talking about him
or her. Obviously, a shiver probably signifies something much worse. However, our
friend's shiver fit paled in comparison to what was happening above.

Then again, our friend here isn't our typical mortal.

He found himself travelling the road to Nerima and shrugged. Who cares?
I've forgotten more medical stuff than these idiotic doctors can hope to learn!

'Hrmm, I should start looking for a place to live. If it's big enough,
I think I'll be able to open a medical practice. Finally.' He snorted. 'I'll be
able to do something worthwhile. Unfortunately, that means that I'll be popular.
Gotta think of an alias.'

Right then, he found himself walking by an old peddler selling tofu.

'That gives me an idea. I'll be Tofu. Ono Tofu. Good enough for me.'

After walking a bit more, he found himself at a corner store. A
'For Sale' sign adorned the window. He found himself drawn into the store and
asking a kindly old man about it.

"Oh? I've had that sign up for what must be months now! It's a good
place that has served me well. Too bad that - I'm getting too old to do this
stuff anymore. I have to retire sometime. Say, why are you asking me about
that?"

"I'm looking for a place to live. Also, this place looks big enough and
nice enough so that I could open a clinic."

"A clinic?" The old man smiled. "You're a doctor?" He laughed good-naturedly.
"You definitely look a bit like one. That sounds like a good idea. Tell
you what. This place has many good memories for me. I'll give you this place."

"No, you couldn't. I can't do that to you." As nice as this man's offer
was, he clearly could see that he had no one to turn to. "You need someone to
look after you."

The old man's eyes twinkled in amusement. "I wasn't finished yet. You seem
like a nice young man. I'm Masaki Katsuhito. And you are?"

"Oh, sorry. That's terribly impolite of me. I'm Tofu. Ono Tofu."

"As I was saying, I wasn't finished yet. I'll stay with you. I...know
more than I look. I could give you a few pointers. Essentially, I'll be your
assistant."

Aki, no, Tofu shrugged. 'I'd better get used to calling myself Tofu for
now. I really can't get popular.'

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Flashback

The 1600s was a time of Feudal Japan. It was a time where samurai served
daimyos, who in turn served shoguns. Villagers were almost at the bottom of the food
chain. A ronin was the bottom rung of the social ladder. One couldn't be any lower than
that.

The sky was dark, but slightly illuminated from cooking fires in the hearths
of homes around him. A young five year old boy quickly scurried down a dark alleyway
on his way to his home, a run-down shack far away from the prying eyes of other
villagers. Halfway down the alley he ducked into, he bumped into a leg.

"Well, well, if it isn't a little boy." A pack of thugs was closing in on the
boy and backing him into a corner. The thin, scrawny little child appeared to be no
challenge. There was, however, a dangerous glint in his eyes that would make anyone
wary of his presence. Beneath the glint lay a sign of a keen intellect, a requirement
for living on the streets.

"What should we do with him?" asked one, presumably the leader.
"Kill him!"
"Teach him a lesson, boss!"

The child was shaking in fear. He could scuffle a little, due to his experience
in thievery. Shopkeepers were childs play. Literally. He took care of them, didn't he?
The idiots were fat, slow, and just plain stupid.

These guys, on the other hand, were pretty much trained fighters. That meant
that he was in BIG trouble. If he was lucky, he could take one down. But the rest?
The child was young, but not stupid. He knew that he would die. Dodging one thug's
blows was one thing. Dodging a pack? He was quick, but not that quick.

The thugs closed around him. The leader snorted.

"Hey! It's only a kid. I want to go for a little one on one. Beating some
sense into this wimp should be easy." He grinned maliciously. This was going to be fun.

They formed a ring around him. No way were they going to let this squirt get
out and ruin their fun. As soon as they made a circle, the leader swung.

The child dodged a blow. And another. And another. After half a minute, the
child was getting tired. The thug saw this and grinned. 'He can't keep this up much
longer. Then I'm gonna whup him so badly that he'll beg to die.'

As if on cue, the child took a blow in the shoulder, which threw him to the
floor. As soon as he got up, he took another in the face and got a black eye.

The thug shrugged. 'This is getting boring. I've had my fun. I'm gonna end
this.' He whipped out a dagger and grinned maliciously. 'Time for him to die.'

A slash caught the child in the face.

An elegant looking young man, dressed in a black gi, dropped by. He was roof
hopping as well as he could without falling in the roofs. (1)

"Hey you! Drop it!"

The pack collectively turned at the source of the interruption. And they hadn't
had any fun lately either! No one was going to stop them. Not before, not now, and not
ever!

"Who the hell are you?"

The man smirked. "The name's Happousai. Care to take me on for a try? It looks
like you're having trouble with a little boy. Let's see how all of you can do against
me."

"You DARE insult me, you little bastard? Men, let's go! Kill him! Let's show him
why he shouldn't ever mess with the Red Ribbon gang!"

Happousai smirked. He flipped a coin, and yelled out his beloved phrase, "Happo
Go-en Satsu!" The thugs fell, drained. He then rushed over to the crying child. "Shh," he
crooned, "everything's gonna be all right." He ran his hand over the slash and wiped away
the blood. "See? It's just skin deep. You still have your eye. It's just over your cheek.
What's your name?"

The boy sobbed and choked out "I don't have no name. No one wants me." The boy started
crying harder.

"Shh, shh...I'll take care of you. Okay?" He took the boy into his arms.

"Honto? (2)" The boy nodded as his crying lessened.

Happousai nodded slowly. "Now that I'm taking care of you, I think I'll name you. You'll
be...Aki. Aki Huang. Do you like it?"

"Hai...arrigato, obasan. (3) " said the boy as he fell asleep.

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Notes:
(1) I presume that most roofs in feudal Japan were thatched.
(2) Honto? = Really?
(3) arrigato, obasan = Thanks, dad.
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End Flashback
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Author's notes:
I finally got up to writing this thing. Sorry it took so long. Typing this stuff
is harder than it seems. I'll start writing Chapter one soon. Until then, keep
waiting and plotting.

Ja ne!

Next time - More on Tofu's past.