Chapter 5

Released (and Smith's annoying song)

A/N: I own: Yankee, Michael, the magical talking bunny (both of them) Ramon, Carlos, Rose, and Kimball. I own nothing else. Now, enjoy reading!

Snape rolled over on his bed, trying to make his horrible dream end. It was about him being stuck in magical land. A magical talking bunny had told him it was called "Baldric Land" (A/N: BTW, for those who have read HP Characters Gone Mad, I still don't know what a baldric is!) and that he needed to find the magical paper clip before he could get out of Baldric Land through the purple and pink sparkle. Snape had so far encountered a giant lollipop with Harry Potter's face, a tiny little acorn that could talk (and that gave him the wrong directions) and a police officer with rather hairy arms that was lost. He was about to come face-to-face with the giant banana when he woke up.

       Snape sat upright in his bed, shaking with sweat. He had done a lot of running in the dream. This was proved by the bedsheets that were sprawled on the floor, and the fact that one of his legs was up in the air.

       Meanwhile, Smith was still snoring loudly on the other side of the room. Snape wondered what he was dreaming about…

       Smith was having the best dream ever. He was stuck in a magical land a magical talking bunny wearing a birthday hat and had on an orange tie with purple stripes and was wearing a fireman suit had called "Casio No Land". Smith had so far met a fireman that couldn't find his way home, a helmet in need of a baldric (whatever that was), a giant talking lemon that led him straight to a Ferris wheel, where the seats were shaped like penguins, a penguin, a little girl named Michael, Ramon, who happened to be a white sponge on a quest to clean his laundry, a boat by the name of Carlos, trying to get back to the docks, an orange car that was in the shape of a-wow-a penguin, who kept screaming "Rapidity on! Rapidity on!", a paintbrush that had lost its paint, a ball of yarn named Yankee, who had helped him find a silver tongue to buy more baldrics for the helmet, and a tree named Kimball. He was about to meet a dandelion named Rose, when he woke up also.

       "Cool! I had the coolest dream!" shouted Smith, jumping out of his bed.

       Now, we go back to Snape…

       (A/N: Before we continue with the story, I would just like to tell everyone I know what a baldric is now! YAY!)

       Snape got out of bed and put on his clothes behind a curtain. He didn't know what day it was (Monday); he had lost track of time. So, in spite of the loud protests in his head, he put on a-gasp-purple robe! (DUN DUN DUN!)

       When he emerged from behind the curtain, Smith was staring at Snape's purple robes, dumbfounded. Smith stood there for quite some time, until he realized that he had to change too, and put up his curtain and got dressed into splendid robes of maroon.

       Snape twiddled his thumbs, waiting for Smith to finish getting dressed, and stared at the ceiling, counting all the butterflies. He had grown more increasingly insane the more time he had spent in that dreaded room.

       Suddenly, as Smith was finishing putting on his toe socks, the door burst open and there stood Dumbledore.

       "Your time is up," declared Dumbledore, not even noticing Snape's change of color in wardrobe. "You may come into the Great Hall for breakfast now." (A/N: Breakfast, breakfast, breakfast. I believe I'M becoming sick of breakfast. I have to change this plot a wee bit…no more breakfast after THIS chapter!)

       Snape was mortified. How could he walk into the Great Hall, in front of everyone, wearing purple robes? It was wrong! Why was he wearing purple, anyway? What in the world had possessed him to wear purple? Why hadn't he listened to his conscience screaming in his head "DON'T WEAR PURPLE, YOU NINNY!" for Merlin's sake?

       "Headmaster, would it be possible if I could change my robes?" Snape asked timidly, knowing what the answer was going to be.

       "Certainly not," said Dumbledore, still pretending not to notice Snape was wearing purple.

       "Sir, I need to put on my shoes," said Smith, pointing to his toe socks. (A/N: I hate toe socks; that's why I'm putting them on Smith's smelly feet! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! REVENGE IS MINE! *clears throat* Um, back to the story…*blushes*)

       "No, you'll just have to go with no shoes," said Dumbledore merrily, as though nothing in the world would excite him more than Smith wearing no shoes.

       They all proceeded down to the Great Hall, Dumbledore grabbing a scroll of parchment from a small table as they walked through the Entrance Hall.

       Dumbledore opened the doors with a flick of his wand, and all chatter stopped as they saw Dumbledore enter with a no-shoes Smith and a purple-robe Snape.

       Finally, everyone started to laugh. Snape glared at everyone, and they all shut up immediately.

       When they reached the High Table, Dumbledore made Smith stand on his left, and Snape on his right. Dumbledore opened the scroll and started to read what was written on it.

       Dear friends, this is an example of real

       Suddenly, the scroll snapped shut. Dumbledore sighed and unrolled it again.

       Dear friends, this is an example of real rivalry. As you all may know, Professor Snape and Professor Smith have been competing ever since Professor Smith has arrived at this school. I was forced to put them in a room together, before someone was hurt…

       Then, the scroll flew across the room for no apparent reason into Harry Potter's hands. Harry stood up and ran to the Dumbledore, giving him back the scroll, then ran back to his table.

       "Thank you, Harry," said Dumbledore, unrolling the scroll for the third time. He cleared his throat and continued reading.

       I was forced to put them in a room together, before someone was hurt. Now look at them. Snape is wearing purple robes…

       "How did you know I was going to be wearing purple robes?" asked Snape.

       "Shut up, I'm reading," replied Dumbledore. He continued to read the scroll.

       Snape is wearing purple robes and Smith has no shoes on. They have been driven into insanity, all because of what? Because of their dislike- ness for each other.

       "I am not insane!" Smith and Snape shouted at the same time. They grinned at each other. A bonding moment.

       Let this be a lesson to all of you. Don't let your hate grow into…super-duper-scooter hate, because you will end up at St.Mungos.

       THE END.

       Everyone in the Great Hall clapped and continued with their food.

       Smith and Snape crawled (figuratively) back to their seats, both blushing furiously.

       "That was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever had to go through," said Snape, not bothering to take a bite of the bacon Smith had just passed to him.

       "I know," said Smith, taking Snape's serving of bacon. "I've been embarrassed before, but not like this. I mean, Dumbledore actually called me insane, but I'm not." Smith sighed and pushed his plate away and continued to confide in Snape.

       "All my life, people have been teasing me because I frolic around everywhere, always smiling. They think that because I come up with sick jokes and annoying songs because I am crazy, and the reason I always smile is because I couldn't have a care in the world, and I don't know about all the horrible happenings and that I am just an ignorant fool. But I'm not. I care about people, about the victims of You-Know-Who, and Global Warming. I care about animals being endangered, and I care when other people are sad. I just don't show it, because I figure nobody cares that I care, or something like that. But I was wrong," Snape could clearly see Smith was choking back tears. "Everyone hates me, and everyone thinks I'm an idiot. Even Dumbledore, who I thought was the only man I could trust, thinks I'm insane." Finally, Smith broke out into tears.

       Snape was in pure shock. He hadn't known that Smith actually felt like that. Snape patted him on the shoulder gently.

       "I'm sure Dumbledore didn't mean to upset you," he said. "Maybe he just wanted to get the point across to the students-like, don't fight- and he was just using us as an example. He wanted to scare everyone, and I'm sure he didn't mean it when he called us insane. I mean, the man is a bit mad himself." Snape felt guilty about saying this, but this was his first pep talk and it was hard.

       "Thanks, Snape," sobbed Smith. "Really, I appreciate it. But I just need to…to…" Suddenly, Smith smiled and stopped sobbing. He stood up, walked up in front of the High Table, and shouted "I NEED TO DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNCEEE!" His arms were wide open and his head was pointed up to the ceiling. Two spotlights fell on him, and the Great Hall became dark. Finally, Smith broke out into a song to the tune of "Get This Party Started".

I need to dance

So I better learn the steps

I need to dance

So I better learn the steps.

       Smith started to leap across the stage, and the spotlights followed him.

I need to dance on a Friday morning

Everybody's waiting for me to boogie

I'm waiting for the DJ to stop

So I can request my favorite song

I got lots of moves

Check out my groovy hustle

I can move for hours

If I don't need to pee

       "EEEEWWW!" shouted everyone in the Great Hall, except Dumbledore, who appeared to be enjoying the song.

I need to dance

So I better follow the steps

I need to dance

So I better follow the steps

       Smith did a weird feet thing that looked…well…weird. He was moving his arms up a down like a chicken and kicking his feet backwards.

Pumping up on chicken

Getting into the beat

I'm doing the Electric Slide

With my feet

My arms are freaking

As I'm doing the robot

I'll be getting ladies

You'll be sitting aside, gathering fungus

       "This is disturbing," Snape heard McGonagall whisper to Professor Flitwick. Flitwick nodded his head up and down very fast. Snape had to agree.

Pull ups in mid-air are fun to do

I am the all-man, until you do!

       "HUH?" asked everyone in the Great Hall at the same time, while Smith did the Hustle again.

I need to dance

So I better follow the steps

I need to dance

So I better follow the steps

       "This is getting annoyin'," Snape heard Hagrid tell Dumbledore. Dumbledore did not answer.

Making my smoothie isn't easy to do

At least not while I'm dancing away

Pumping my arms in the air like I don't care

Everyone's not dancing, 'cause they're staring at me

I'm your Dancing Rain Man

Send me an owl anytime

I will give you free lessons, unless you decline

       Finally, it looked like Dumbledore couldn't take it anymore. He burst out laughing. Smith took no notice of this and clucked loudly as he did the Chicken Dance all around the stage in a continuous motion.

I need to dance

So I better follow the steps

I need to dance

So I better follow the steps

CHA!

       With that, Smith struck a pose: he was on bended knee, his arms in the air. He was grinning madly.

       Everyone (yes, even Snape) applauded loudly and cheerfully. Several whoops rang out in different places.

       Smith stood up, bowed, and walked back to his seat. The lights came back on and the spotlights died away.

A/N: And so, here ends another chapter of Professor Smith-He's Back. But, there's more! Yes! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!