Searching
Chapter 4
After having had spent a disastrous afternoon at the museum, James returned to his room in the hotel. He had been asked by both Mary and Rich to stay at their home, but he inclined their invitation. Tonight he felt that he needed to spend some time alone. He needed to think about all that had happened in the last few days. He laid half on the bed and recollected about it all.
"I am such an idiot," said he as he put his hands on his face. "Why couldn't I just talk to her? Ask her about my son. He was there. I could have talked to him, but no. I couldn't even get a word out of my mouth. His little boy said that he waited for them in the car. His little boy, my son has a little boy!" as James thought of Alex a smile began to creep upon his lips and his hands soon left his face.
He began to remember the times in which he had still been around for Rick. He remembered seeing the same enigmatic presence on him as he had seen on Alex today. The same anxiousness to get things out, the same playful and innocent manner that only children possess. He smiled as he remembered being there the day Rick had taken his first step, the day that he had said his first word, which had been a big "NO". All the memories flooded his senses. He wanted so badly to stay in those moments. To live back the life that he himself had taken away not only from Rick but also from himself. He remembered how badly the arguments with his wife had gotten. How stressed he had become with a life that back then seemed empty and boring. He had dreamed of being a big adventurous hero, with women all around, but instead he had become a husband and a father with responsibilities and duties that he wanted to get rid of.
Those last few days in his home things had turned for the worst. His wife was always nagging, his friends were always pressuring him and his life seemed to be slipping away. He wanted a life. His life. And so he began gathering some of his belongings and prepared to leave. It was only supposed to be temporary, a year maybe two and then he would return to his home. To live happily with his family as an accomplished man, but that didn't happen. Once he returned all he found was an empty home, and no sight of his loved ones. Since that day, all he has been able to see were the teary eyes of his 7 year old son pleading for him not to go, not to leave him because he loved him, but he left anyways thinking that it would all be for the best.
"Daddy don't go! Just stay here. I promise I'll be good. And…and…and" said Rick crying.
"Son, it's only going to be for a little while. You wont even know I was gone. I just really need to do this. You understand. Don't you?"
"No. You don't love me anymore and that is why you're leaving. But I promise that if you stay I will do all that you want so that you can love me back."
"I do love you. And you don't have to do anything. I always will. You are my little champ. But daddy just has to go do a few things. I promise when I come back we are going to go to baseball games, camping and anything else that you want. But right now I just need this."
"I don't want anything. I just want you to stay here, to stay with me. Or take me with you. Please. Just take me with you. I'll be real quiet and…" James put his hands to Rick's lips.
"Son, I can't take you with me. Who is going to stay here to take care of your mother?"
"She can take care of herself, she always says so. So she doesn't need me. But you do."
Seeing that he was going to get nowhere with his son, James bent down gave him a hug and kiss, said that he loved him and quickly turned away. As he did so he heard his son, crying to him not to leave, and then the cries changed from the voice of a child to the voice of a man as James's memories were swayed away and in his mind entered regrets.
All his selfishness had gotten him nowhere. He did not become the adventurous hero, or the loving family man. He had just become a lonely stranger in search of that which he had ones carelessly left behind.
As the old memories and regrets continued to take hold of James's mind so too continued the tears rolling down his eyes. He had curled himself in a ball desperately trying to feel some human touch, even if it was just his own.
End OF Ch4
Please if u liked Review or u can do so if u didn't and just want to suggest something…Thanks to those who have reviewed in the past and in advance those of u who will in the future…I am very glad that u are enjoying this sappy fic.
Chapter 4
After having had spent a disastrous afternoon at the museum, James returned to his room in the hotel. He had been asked by both Mary and Rich to stay at their home, but he inclined their invitation. Tonight he felt that he needed to spend some time alone. He needed to think about all that had happened in the last few days. He laid half on the bed and recollected about it all.
"I am such an idiot," said he as he put his hands on his face. "Why couldn't I just talk to her? Ask her about my son. He was there. I could have talked to him, but no. I couldn't even get a word out of my mouth. His little boy said that he waited for them in the car. His little boy, my son has a little boy!" as James thought of Alex a smile began to creep upon his lips and his hands soon left his face.
He began to remember the times in which he had still been around for Rick. He remembered seeing the same enigmatic presence on him as he had seen on Alex today. The same anxiousness to get things out, the same playful and innocent manner that only children possess. He smiled as he remembered being there the day Rick had taken his first step, the day that he had said his first word, which had been a big "NO". All the memories flooded his senses. He wanted so badly to stay in those moments. To live back the life that he himself had taken away not only from Rick but also from himself. He remembered how badly the arguments with his wife had gotten. How stressed he had become with a life that back then seemed empty and boring. He had dreamed of being a big adventurous hero, with women all around, but instead he had become a husband and a father with responsibilities and duties that he wanted to get rid of.
Those last few days in his home things had turned for the worst. His wife was always nagging, his friends were always pressuring him and his life seemed to be slipping away. He wanted a life. His life. And so he began gathering some of his belongings and prepared to leave. It was only supposed to be temporary, a year maybe two and then he would return to his home. To live happily with his family as an accomplished man, but that didn't happen. Once he returned all he found was an empty home, and no sight of his loved ones. Since that day, all he has been able to see were the teary eyes of his 7 year old son pleading for him not to go, not to leave him because he loved him, but he left anyways thinking that it would all be for the best.
"Daddy don't go! Just stay here. I promise I'll be good. And…and…and" said Rick crying.
"Son, it's only going to be for a little while. You wont even know I was gone. I just really need to do this. You understand. Don't you?"
"No. You don't love me anymore and that is why you're leaving. But I promise that if you stay I will do all that you want so that you can love me back."
"I do love you. And you don't have to do anything. I always will. You are my little champ. But daddy just has to go do a few things. I promise when I come back we are going to go to baseball games, camping and anything else that you want. But right now I just need this."
"I don't want anything. I just want you to stay here, to stay with me. Or take me with you. Please. Just take me with you. I'll be real quiet and…" James put his hands to Rick's lips.
"Son, I can't take you with me. Who is going to stay here to take care of your mother?"
"She can take care of herself, she always says so. So she doesn't need me. But you do."
Seeing that he was going to get nowhere with his son, James bent down gave him a hug and kiss, said that he loved him and quickly turned away. As he did so he heard his son, crying to him not to leave, and then the cries changed from the voice of a child to the voice of a man as James's memories were swayed away and in his mind entered regrets.
All his selfishness had gotten him nowhere. He did not become the adventurous hero, or the loving family man. He had just become a lonely stranger in search of that which he had ones carelessly left behind.
As the old memories and regrets continued to take hold of James's mind so too continued the tears rolling down his eyes. He had curled himself in a ball desperately trying to feel some human touch, even if it was just his own.
End OF Ch4
Please if u liked Review or u can do so if u didn't and just want to suggest something…Thanks to those who have reviewed in the past and in advance those of u who will in the future…I am very glad that u are enjoying this sappy fic.
