Smile at the World
Ch.2---Hmm okay see now it was mentioned by a reader that they would have used Jess and Dean in the story, that those are the two guys she could be thinking about. But no this is me, the moment I saw Tristan, okay big lie.I loved Dean, that was the guy I wanted all my life, but then there's Tristan and when they had him fall for her, they showed this amazing potential in him, they also showed he's the kind of guy you fall for and I mean fall for bad (You've all been there I'm sure), the kind you don't want to want, but can't stop yourself. Aah I know what you're going to say now, well isn't that what happened with Jess? No look at Jess and look at Tristan, they're both bright underneath it all, they're both scarred, but who do you want to throw to the floor? The correct answer here was Tristan if you missed it. Damn that boy's just too hot, he's what obsessions are made of. The boy that you know will break your heart, but it just makes you want him more.Okay enjoy :-D
Jess smiles at me through the window; I smile back. I wonder if it shows to world how fake it is? It doesn't seem to show to him. I feel horrible all the time now it seems, I hated hurting Dean when I broke up with him after my trip to Washington. I partially enjoyed sneaking around with Jess for those first few weeks afterwards before I was ready to let the town and my mother in on the fact that we were a couple. "A Couple" god those words make me want to throw up, but I just continue smiling. Lane suspects nothing is wrong in my world as she asks if I want to go in and see him. I tell her we'll stop in after we pick up the movie. We just continue walking and she babbles on.
Is that a totally horrible thing to say about your best friend? "She babbles on." I mean I should be listening, I should be caring, but I just can't bring myself to. All I can do is think about my problems, correction my problem. Tristan, everything else they were just ways to try to fix it, they have all failed. I'm living in misery. I've not only hurt Dean, but now I've dragged Jess into it. I pretend to care, I pretend to love and adore him, I laugh at his jokes that I enjoyed when I was his friend, but as his girlfriend I wanted to bash my head into the nearest rock, tree, garden gnome, I'd rather eat my mother's cooking than listen to yet another one of his rants about the world.
All I see when I look at him is everything he isn't and what he isn't is Tristan, just as Dean could never be him. The smart thing to do would be break up with Jess and just let go of guys for awhile, better to be alone and look pathetic to the town, the school, to him, then make someone else suffer right?
No, I think with a shake of my head. I will not be alone; I will not let Jess go, not if Tristan's going to be there when I walk into class tomorrow morning. I want him to see just how happy I am, I want him to suffer as he's made me suffer. Show him I don't need or want him, that I found happiness with a guy that's everything he said Dean wasn't everything he thought he was. Who cares that it's a big fat lie?
He won't know, Jess won't know, no one will know.and I'll drive him insane as I'm everything to Jess that I will never be to him.
I'm obsessed aren't I?
Hmmm, wow didn't really realize that all the way. I mean yea sure I want to slam the head of all those skanky little whores that drool all over him into the locker. But that isn't obsession is it? That's just a tiny little bit of jealousy because you aren't stupid enough to fall for his shit and you wish you were. You wish you could believe his words, his lies. His lies of his feelings for you.He has to be lying or even if he isn't they're just words, he won't change for you.
He can't.
People don't become someone else, leopards don't change their spots, even though you wish they could.
Just stay strong Rory, stay strong. You'll survive tomorrow; you'll survive the rest of the year, just like you'll survive your life without him. Without the only one you'll ever want.
Ch.2---Hmm okay see now it was mentioned by a reader that they would have used Jess and Dean in the story, that those are the two guys she could be thinking about. But no this is me, the moment I saw Tristan, okay big lie.I loved Dean, that was the guy I wanted all my life, but then there's Tristan and when they had him fall for her, they showed this amazing potential in him, they also showed he's the kind of guy you fall for and I mean fall for bad (You've all been there I'm sure), the kind you don't want to want, but can't stop yourself. Aah I know what you're going to say now, well isn't that what happened with Jess? No look at Jess and look at Tristan, they're both bright underneath it all, they're both scarred, but who do you want to throw to the floor? The correct answer here was Tristan if you missed it. Damn that boy's just too hot, he's what obsessions are made of. The boy that you know will break your heart, but it just makes you want him more.Okay enjoy :-D
Jess smiles at me through the window; I smile back. I wonder if it shows to world how fake it is? It doesn't seem to show to him. I feel horrible all the time now it seems, I hated hurting Dean when I broke up with him after my trip to Washington. I partially enjoyed sneaking around with Jess for those first few weeks afterwards before I was ready to let the town and my mother in on the fact that we were a couple. "A Couple" god those words make me want to throw up, but I just continue smiling. Lane suspects nothing is wrong in my world as she asks if I want to go in and see him. I tell her we'll stop in after we pick up the movie. We just continue walking and she babbles on.
Is that a totally horrible thing to say about your best friend? "She babbles on." I mean I should be listening, I should be caring, but I just can't bring myself to. All I can do is think about my problems, correction my problem. Tristan, everything else they were just ways to try to fix it, they have all failed. I'm living in misery. I've not only hurt Dean, but now I've dragged Jess into it. I pretend to care, I pretend to love and adore him, I laugh at his jokes that I enjoyed when I was his friend, but as his girlfriend I wanted to bash my head into the nearest rock, tree, garden gnome, I'd rather eat my mother's cooking than listen to yet another one of his rants about the world.
All I see when I look at him is everything he isn't and what he isn't is Tristan, just as Dean could never be him. The smart thing to do would be break up with Jess and just let go of guys for awhile, better to be alone and look pathetic to the town, the school, to him, then make someone else suffer right?
No, I think with a shake of my head. I will not be alone; I will not let Jess go, not if Tristan's going to be there when I walk into class tomorrow morning. I want him to see just how happy I am, I want him to suffer as he's made me suffer. Show him I don't need or want him, that I found happiness with a guy that's everything he said Dean wasn't everything he thought he was. Who cares that it's a big fat lie?
He won't know, Jess won't know, no one will know.and I'll drive him insane as I'm everything to Jess that I will never be to him.
I'm obsessed aren't I?
Hmmm, wow didn't really realize that all the way. I mean yea sure I want to slam the head of all those skanky little whores that drool all over him into the locker. But that isn't obsession is it? That's just a tiny little bit of jealousy because you aren't stupid enough to fall for his shit and you wish you were. You wish you could believe his words, his lies. His lies of his feelings for you.He has to be lying or even if he isn't they're just words, he won't change for you.
He can't.
People don't become someone else, leopards don't change their spots, even though you wish they could.
Just stay strong Rory, stay strong. You'll survive tomorrow; you'll survive the rest of the year, just like you'll survive your life without him. Without the only one you'll ever want.
