"Phoebe, would you pass me the pepper?" says Piper, after tasting the sauce. "It's right there on the counter."
"Sure," says Phoebe, handing her the pepper pot.
She watches as Piper adds a pinch of pepper to the sauce, tastes it again and smiles, pleased with the result.
"You know, when I was two months pregnant I couldn't get anywhere near the kitchen, let alone cook."
"Yeah, everybody keeps saying that my good fortune won't last," says Piper with a smile, "but so far I can't complain: I haven't experienced any cravings or morning sickness..."
"Which is so totally unfair," says Cole, entering the kitchen.
"Excuse me?" says Piper, placing her hands on her hips with mock indignation.
"Oh, come on! Phoebe almost drove me crazy with all the cravings and mood swings," he says as puts his arm around Phoebe's waist. "I was dying to see how Leo would deal with it."
"It wasn't that bad..." says Phoebe, cuddling with him.
"Baby, you sent me shimmering all over the world after the exotic fruits you craved for."
"And you obliged because you loved me," she says with her baby voice.
"Honey," says Cole, kissing the tip of her nose, "that had nothing to do with love. Remember all those times when you woke me up in the middle of the night, asking me if I'd still love you when you became fat and ugly? I didn't kill you then, did I? That was love. I went out of my way to satisfy your cravings because I was afraid of you."
"What?!?"
"You were an emotionally unstable woman with the power to throw fire balls! Upper level demons wouldn't enter the throne room to see me when you were there."
"I resent that!" says Phoebe. She tries to shove Cole away, but he tightens his grip on her, chuckling.
"Go away!" she says, pouting. "You're mean."
"No, I'm not," he says, keeping her within his embrace. "Besides, you love me: you'd miss me if I was gone."
"What's so funny?" says Paige, entering the kitchen.
"Nothing," says Phoebe, still struggling with Cole, which just gives him an excuse to squeeze her tighter.
Just then, Leo orbs in, eating what looks like a very flavored fritter.
"Honey, dinner is almost ready!" says Piper. "You're gonna spoil your appetite."
"No, I'm not," he says. "I'm still hungry. In fact, I'm starving. But I just had this need for acaraje, and..."
"Acara-what?" says Paige.
"Acaraje. Brazilian food," says Leo, taking the paper towel Piper is handing him and wiping the palm oil from the corner of his mouth.
"You orbed all the way to Brazil just to have a pie?" Phoebe asks, arching her eyebrows.
"Uh, yes," says Leo, embarrassed.
"What's it made of?" Paige asks, giving the fritter a suspicious look.
"Uh, beans," says Leo, "and shrimp, lots of pepper, hum... palm oil, I think..."
"Honey, what about the Elders? What did they want?" Piper asks, slightly impatient. "Did it have anything to do with Sas... Sarsa... what kind of name is this, for crying out loud?"
"Sarsour. It's an Arabic name," Cole explains. "It means 'bug'." -- Piper raises an eyebrow and he shrugs -- "It was his father's idea of a joke."
"Sweet," says Piper, grimacing. Then turning to Leo again: "So, the Elders...?"
"Weren't exactly thrilled," says Leo. "Still, they reacted better than I had feared they would. Basically, they just told me to keep a very close eye on you," -- he points at Cole -- "until this is over. And of course they reinforced what I had already told you: no magic at all."
He finishes his acaraje, cleans his mouth and reaches out to put the paper towel in the trash, but Piper snaps it from his hand.
"Ugh!" she says, holding the towel between her index finger and her thumb. "God, Leo, look at how much oil there is in this thing! If that's what you have been eating lately, it's no wonder you feel sick. Not to mention the weird combinations of food!..."
"Honey, it did taste good, believe it or not," Leo says, defensively.
"What tasted good?" Paige asks.
"Last week I came downstairs in the middle of the night," says Piper, "and found this man eating the cold remains of a pizza... with peanut butter on top of it."
"EEW!!!!" say Paige, Phoebe and Cole all at the same time.
"You," says Cole, pointing at Leo, "are a sick, sick man!"
"What are you, the food police?" Leo snaps, angrily.
"Uh, sorry," says Cole, taken aback by Leo's sudden outburst.
Leo blushes as he notices the four people staring at him in shocked surprise.
"That's okay, I, uh... I'm sorry," he says.
"Honey," says Piper, concerned, "are you okay? During the last few weeks you've been sort of... not like yourself."
"I know," he sighs, rubbing his face, "and I'm sorry. For some reason my nerves have been on edge lately."
"Can Whitelighters take sick days?" Paige asks.
"No," says Leo, smiling, "because Whitelighters don't get sick. I'm not sick, I'm just..." -- he frowns, struggling for the right word.
"May I say something?" says Cole. "I mean, do you promise not to throw a knife or something on me?"
Leo just motions him to speak and he proceeds:
"You're acting just like Phoebe did when she was pregnant."
Seeing Leo's annoyed look, Cole insists:
"No, I'm serious: the cravings for strange foods, the mood swings, you even had morning sickness today. Piper, on the other hand, hasn't experienced any of those things."
"Look," says Leo, not so sure whether to feel amused or upset, "if you're implying what I think you are, I can assure you that you're wrong: I don't know how demonic bodies work -- and please don't enlighten me -- but human bodies just don't work this way."
"But Leo," says Phoebe, "you're not human. I mean, you are, but you're also dead."
"Oh, please!" says Leo, "That's totally impossible!"
"And a dead man having a baby with a living woman, that's possible?" Cole pursues. "Come on, Leo, how many witches do you know that became pregnant with a Whitelighter's baby?"
They all immediately look at Paige, and Piper says:
"Maybe we should summon mom... just in case."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Thirty minutes later, Phoebe, Cole and Paige watch in silence as Piper tries to cheer up a very unhappy Leo.
"Honey, at least now we know there's nothing wrong with you: another seven months and it'll be over." she says, fondling his hair.
"Seven months..." he moans, with his elbows resting on the kitchen table and his head in his hands. "Piper, this is not helping."
"You know what would help?" says Piper. "If someone would wipe this smile off his face."
"Hey, I've stopped laughing, haven't I?" Cole says, throwing his hands up.
"You know, maybe it won't even last that long," says Phoebe. "I only had morning sickness during my first trimester."
"See, honey?" says Piper. "I'm already entering the third month, maybe you'll feel better soon."
"It's not even morning and I'm feeling sick." Leo grunts, without raising his head.
"Would you like some ice cream?" Phoebe asks. "Mom said it used to work for Sam."
"No," Leo sighs. "I just wanna go upstairs, lay down and feel miserable. Let me know when dinner is ready, will you?"
"Sure," says Piper, kissing his cheek. "Go have some rest."
As soon as Leo orbs out, from the baby monitor come the happy squeals that announce that Ben is "awake and getting bored, get me out of this crib!".
"I'll get him," says Cole, standing up.
As soon as he's at a safe distance, Piper, Phoebe and Paige look at each other for a moment, and then burst into laughter.
"I thought they'd never leave!" says Paige, when she catches her breath again.
"Oh God, me too," says Phoebe, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I didn't know for how longer I'd be able to hold back the laughter."
"I was holding it back since mom told us about Sam being morning sick during a Whitelighters' staff meeting." says Piper. "Does that mean I'm a horrible person?"
"Not at all, honey!" says Paige. "It's not your fault. It was hilarious: this whole thing is."
"Yeah, but don't let Cole hear you saying this," says Phoebe, smiling, "I'm sure he's gonna have a lot of fun at Leo's expenses, even without us encouraging him.
"Well, this is all very interesting but I should finish dinner," says Piper, standing up. "Meanwhile, would you guys set the table?"
"Sure," say Phoebe and Paige. As they leave the kitchen, Piper has already turned her attention back to dinner.
