Andrei: This is great. Just great. Our entire crew consists of a super-
sized wacko. (Lindsay glares at him)
Lindsay: I'm not that tall!
Andrei: . Who memorized Barney's Backyard Gang Song, an undersized smoking
alcoholic.
Elijah: Watch who yer calling undersized, bucko. (he smoothes back his
hair) Besides, I'm keeping it down to six packs a day.
Andrei: (continuing). Cristina.
Cristina: (tossing her hair) The most beautiful one of all.
Andrei: Right. and me.
Lindsay: you.
Elijah: (he jumps up with a soccer ball on his head)This makes my hair look
big?
Lindsay: (Rubbing her chin) No, I like it. Kinda like the Afro, for the
white man?
Andrei: We're going to get some legal issues here.
Lindsay: What?
Andrei: Nothing. But back the subject. The fact of the matter is that we
are one crew member short. I'm the pilot-
Cristina: No, your not. I refuse to let you be the pilot!
Andrei: Lindsay's the co-pilot, and Cristina's the captain-
Lindsay: Why does she get to be the captain?
Andrei: (spreading out his hands) I didn't want to be, and you said you
wanted to be the co-pilot, and Elijah obviously can't be.
Elijah: What's with all the brew-hah
? What's with all the brew-hah-hah?
Lindsay: Right.
Andrei: . so Cristina seemed like the obvious choice.
Cristina: Yeah, but who's going to be the brain of the operation? I mean,
normally I would, but I'm going to be busy being the captain. We need
someone to design the ship, to talk to the computer thingys, to disable the
tractor beam when in peril. Someone who's brilliant, gallant, fearless, and
wise.
Lindsay: I'm thinking Hayden Christenson.
Lindsay and Cristina in unison: Hayden. ( drooling slightly)
Elijah: Heeeeeyyyy! Hello! (Waves a hand in front of their faces) Remember
me? I'm the cute guy here that all the girls are in love with!
Cristina: (Rubbing her chin) He's got a point there you know.
Andrei: (Rolling his eyes) That's too bad, I'm sure Hayden is a real smart
guy.
Lindsay: (Raising her fist to Andrei's face) You wanna take this outside?
Elijah: (pulling them away from each other) Children, children. Lets try to
keep the romantic tension down a little here!
Andrei: Why you little!
Lindsay: (Pointing at Elijah excitedly)See that! He touched me!
Cristina: Back off, Jack!
Andrei: anyway. I was thinking more of Brittany Spears. (he gets a faraway
look in his eyes) Me and Britt go real far back.
(Brittany Spears enters the scene, drinking a Pepsi)
Lindsay: Look, its Brittany Spears, drinkin' a Pepsi.
Brittany: oops I did it again!
All: hahahhah- (she hold up her hand and they stop immediately. She takes a
sip of her Pepsi)
Elijah: That's not really a Pepsi (he unzips it, revealing a Pepsi Twist)
And that's not really Brittany Spears-
Cristina: Ok, ok, enough, stop it with the Pepsi commercial. This is a
movie, not some friggin' advertisement for Pepsi (she says Pepsi in
disgust)
Elijah: (bowing) your wish is my command, Lexipoops. (he pushes the plastic
Pepsi cheerleader off the set)
Brittany: Elijah, its me!
Cristina: Don't go there! Eli's mine!
Andrei: (shaking his head) The romantic tension between Cristina and Elijah
is ruining the quality of the film.
Cristina: Are you kidding? Drama's all about romance!
Elijah: (singing) All you need is love!
Andrei: All this conversation is slowing down the action! Lets look at the
facts: we need a new recruit, and the question is: who's it gonna be?
(Everybody sits down to think)
Lindsay: hmmm. how about Densal Washington?
Cristina: Is that how you spell his name?
Andrei: No figures of importance! (or we'll get kicked off this site!)
Lindsay: Hmm. what about one of your friends, Cristina?
(suddenly, superman flies in and shakes his hand at the author)
Clark Kent: No way, Lexipoops! I'm not going to be dragged into your stupid
story! (he flies away)
Cristina: Um.. I don'ta thinka thata woulda be'a good idea. (turns to
Lindsay) Vat about yo friends?
Lindsay: Hmmm..
Everyone: Hmmm.
WHO WILL JOIN THE CREW OF THESE BRAVE HEARTED LACKYS? WHO IS THIS ELIJAH FORESTER AND WHAT IS HIS POINT IN THE STORY? WHAT IS THE LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN LINDSAY AND ANDREI? FIND OUT, IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF: the real STAR WARS! Ps. Just to prevent those legal issues Andrei was referring about, you may recognize that the characters quote occasionally from movies and shows besides Star Wars, and several themes are brought in. When I first wrote the script, I wasn't planning on publishing it, so rather than edit these out, I'd like to give credit to the following themes: Zoolander, Pepsi, Lord of the Rings, Elijah Wood, Austin Powers, "The Spy Who Shagged Me", and Harry Potter. Thank you, thank you very much.
WHO WILL JOIN THE CREW OF THESE BRAVE HEARTED LACKYS? WHO IS THIS ELIJAH FORESTER AND WHAT IS HIS POINT IN THE STORY? WHAT IS THE LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN LINDSAY AND ANDREI? FIND OUT, IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF: the real STAR WARS! Ps. Just to prevent those legal issues Andrei was referring about, you may recognize that the characters quote occasionally from movies and shows besides Star Wars, and several themes are brought in. When I first wrote the script, I wasn't planning on publishing it, so rather than edit these out, I'd like to give credit to the following themes: Zoolander, Pepsi, Lord of the Rings, Elijah Wood, Austin Powers, "The Spy Who Shagged Me", and Harry Potter. Thank you, thank you very much.
