Lenore wrote this fic, and it was good. She called it "Zim Goes to the
Maul" and she got reviews. It was good. She put those authors in the Golden
Toaster Awards. It was good.
Okay, what I just wrote sounded retarded, but I have an excuse. The people from the city have come and dug up our street to put in sewer pipes. So now, I'm kind of locked in my house for a day or so, and I'm all out of sugar cubes. I'm going to die sugar-cubeless.
Disclaimer: I don't want to write a disclaimer! You all know I'm not Herb Scannel or Jhonen Vasquez! So go read. If you sue me, it'll make me unhappy. Think of the children.
Onto my fic.
(Zim walks around the so-called 'maul' parking garage. The girl behind the keyboard didn't want to go through the whole Voot-cruiser ride. So he just magically landed in the parking garage.)
Zim: (gets out and stretches) Woo! What a ride!
Gir: (gets out and stretches, mimicking Zim) I hurt my head! Where's my coffee? I need coffee or I'll shrivel up and die! (sobs into hands)
(Zim doesn't listen and starts to walk around looking for the exit. One of the hideous rat people of the parking garage is way off in the distance, darting around behind cars, getting closer and closer.)
Zim: How do we get into this 'maul'? This place is disgusting, and filled with beans!
Gir: Mmmm… BEANS! I like 'em goood!
(Zim hears some scuffing behind him. He squints one eye and looks over his shoulder. He sees nothing and keeps on walking. He hears the scuffing again and starts to walk a little bit faster. He hears the scuffing AGAIN and starts to walk a little bit faster. He hears the scuffing again and starts to run. The hideous rat person jumps in front of Zim suddenly, and hisses in his face.)
Zim: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Hideous rat person: (hisses)
Zim: AAAAAAAAAHH!
HRP: Just like ussss….
(Zim pushes the HRP on it's back and starts running as fast as those little legs of his can carry him, with his eyes closed and his arms out in front of him.)
Zim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
(He runs through the double doors of the 'maul', into the main plaza. He is on the 2nd floor. Yes, I say the 2nd floor. There are many, many shops, including House of Lard, Game Pit, and Pork Depot.)
Gir: Pork Depot… (tears of happy well up in Gir's eyes) I need pork master!
Zim: (grudgingly) Fine, we'll get you some PORK! Perhaps the pork slave has a map, so we can find the birthday present store.
(The twosome walk into Pork Depot. It is a small store, but it is filled with wall-to-wall pork, ham, bacon, and any other pork product or by- product imaginable. Gir goes running around, tasting the pig, and Zim goes to the check out counter.)
Zim: Do you posses the knowledge to tell me where I can find a birthday present?
Check out lady: (she looks like she's in her mid-twenties, purple hair, purple pants, purple shirt, purple… well, you get the picture.) What do you mean?
Zim: A birthday present for my bestest friend. I have a bestest friend because I am a normal human-mongoose baby. (toothy grin)
Check out lady: So do I. I think what you need is a map, right?
Zim: Yes, I need to posses the map of knowledge! (He's saying it in that Zimmy-way… that conquest voice. Oh, fook these pointless descriptions.)
Check out lady: Oh, that's on the first floor.
(Gir walks over to the counter and dumps an oversized load of pig products in front of the Check-out Lady.)
Gir: (smiles at the Check-out Lady)
Zim: (grabs Gir's wrist and drags him out of the store. Gir starts kicking and screaming.) Come on, Gir. We're here on a mission.
Gir: NOOOOOO! Must… have… pork!
Zim: Pork is not good for you, GIR!
Gir: (whimpers)
(The two Irkens [Gir would be an Irken, wouldn't he? I mean, he came from Irk and all…] walk over to the escalator. They go down the escalator.)
(AN: If you did not review by June 8th, then you're not going to be in this. If you're not in it, or don't want to read it, skip down to the line of stars. All the story names will be in bold, so for the story and/or stories you reviewed, skip to that one. It'll stick out in bold.)
(They survey all the stores, but then stop when they see a big stage set up in the center of the craziness. A girl with a big infinite box of solid gold toasters is holding a microphone. Once off the escalator, Gir and Zim listen to what she's saying.)
Girl w/ the microphone: Hello, I'm Lost Lenore! If you'd like to be filled with knowledge, you'll sit down and watch… (dramatic music plays) The Golden Toaster Awards!
(Zim and Gir sit in the back row, hoping to be filled with knowledge. Just so you know there are 10 rows of seats with 10 chairs in each row. It is now completely filled.)
Lost Lenore: We have six categories including: Invader Hak, The MOO Room, Forgiveness, Second Try at Death, Judge Jewdy ZIM Style, and Zim Goes to the Maul!
Zim: (Squints one eye) How did I get into two of those categories?
Gir: You didn't!
Zim: Yes I did.
Gir: Aww, you're so cute when you're angry!
Zim: Hmph…
Lost Lenore: First, we have Invader Hak with 4 recipients. Would Sanely Challenged, two-time reviewer of this story, please come up! (Sanely Challenged takes the award.) Merrina Sugar Girl, bowdownandworshipzim, and DeadLegato, accept your awards as one-time reviewers of Invader Hak. (The three take the awards out of the box and take their seats.) A special thanks to DeadLegato for telling me what was wrong.
Audience: (cheers and makes farm animal noises)
Lost Lenore: Second, we have The MOO Room! For this we have another 4 recipients! Sugarbaby, you were right about 1st fics! (winks) Take a toaster! Silverflashpup, threats make me write bad, don't try that again, please. Take a toaster anyway! And, my fav-o-rite person who reviewed this story, Katterree Fengari! Get yourself a toaster! (All four authors take toasters and sit back down.)
Audience: We want popcorn, we want popcorn, we want popcorn!
Lost Lenore: I wasted all my money on solid gold toasters. I'm broke, so buy it yourself!
Audience: Awww….
Lost Lenore: Third, we have Forgiveness with 6 recipients! Krystaldragon, InvaderGAZ, I-dont-know, Fig, and Yari, come and get 'em! A special Golden Toaster with a knife in it goes to edward, who stabbed my reading teacher! (All six authors take their Toasters, except for edward. He stabs his.)
Audience: (Everyone screams out random IZ quotes.)
Lost Lenore: I have a horrible audience. You're supposed to clap for me!
Random person: I have no hands!
Lost Lenore: You know, it's always 'me, me, me' with you people. Don't you ever stop and think about ME?
Audince: No.
Lost Lenore: Good. That's the way it's supposed to be. Anyway, our next category is Second Try at Death. It only has 2 recipients. It'll be removed on June 10th. First, with a good review is Linzy. You get a Golden Toaster. I-feel-chilly doesn't get one, though. I-feel-chilly gets to go on my "No Thanks" list for giving me something close to a flame. He/she is on the list with Werdine (boy in my skool), Tanner (another boy in my skool), mankind in general, and the telephone pole pixies of DOOM!
Audience: Crucify them! Crucify them! Crucify them!
Lost Lenore: You are a good audience after all! Anyway, Judge Jewdy ZIM Style has an amazing 11 reviewers! That includes SafetyMonkey, bowdownandworshipzim (again), SwEeTiNsAnItY, tombuttsporkle, Remliss, Invader Kayla, DeadLegato (again), Invader Mat, Invader M, Invader Nyt (AN: How many Invaders are there in the universe? That's why I changed names!) , and MariahoftheWind. Thank you all so much! Take your Golden Toasters and prance around happily. Not too happy, you might make me sick.
Audience: MOOOOOOOO!
Lost Lenore: Okay, okay, I'm almost done! Last category, but probably most important is Zim Goes to the Maul!
Audience: YAAAAAAAAAY!
Lost Lenore: Yes, yes, it was and still is an amazing story. I know. EGO BOOST! But, that's besides the point. My fantastic reviewers are as follows: purplepincushion, yes, you finally get a toaster! ROSSY, read more you shall! Invader Insomniac, I wonder what happened to that squirrel everyday. Dib Girl, don't we all want to ride a moose and make Herb Scannel do the funky chicken atop a flaming piggy? Muffins Magee, the idea of Gir hopped up on caffeine is frightening!!! GIR's Cupcake, I hope you liked it! Luna Wolf, I really didn't think this up, the elves in my brain did! Serina B, I have no idea what's going on either, which is pretty bad since I am (heroic pose) Lost Lenore, crazy person! Finally, Monkey byte, Zimmy is going to get some baaaaaad frosting burns, I betcha!
Zim: Uh oh.
Lost Lenore: Well… um… guess that's it.
Audience: YAAAAAAAY! We're freeeeeeee! (audience runs everywhere.)
**********************
(Zim spots a map… somewhere. I can't tell you. If I did, security would throw me in jail, and I'd never finish this fic. Anyway, the two walk up and look at the map.)
Zim: Hmmm… (reading map) You are here… (gasps) They must have placed a tracking device on me! (whips around to check his back) Where, where? How do they know? GIR!
Gir: (eyes get all red and stuff [AN: I am so good with English and grammer, aren't I?]) Yes SIR! (salutes Zim)
Zim: Run a virus scan!
Gir: (eyes go cyan, blue, aqua… whatever you wanna call it again) Awwww, I like the virus!
Zim: I must forget about that now… I need to find a present for Keef! Hmmm, what should I get…
(Two preteen preppy looking girls walk by, carrying Unlimited To bags)
Girl one: And I saw this shirt, and I was like, "Wow! That's perfect for Sarah's birthday!"
Girl two: Yeah, isn't it expensive! She'll love it, especially since it's from The Unlimited To!
(girls disappear into the crowd)
Zim: I know! I'll go to The Unlimited To!
Gir: YAAAAAAAAAY!
(Dramatic music plays)
Zim: I will beat you maul! You and your birthday present dilemma!
Gir: YAAAAAAY! Can I get coffee now?
Zim: No.
Gir: Buuuuut…. But…. It's my dying wish! (AN: Gir has been watching soap operas.)
Zim: First, we go to Unlimited To, then we shall get you coffee! Oh, such coffee we shall get!
Gir: Yay! I'm doomed!
Zim: Muhaha… haha…hahahahahahahaha!!!
(people stare)
Zim: Hahahaha… ha… ha. Ahem.
AN: I'm so sorry I left you at a cliffhanger! Here are some more things to think about:
Will Gir get his coffee? (Let's hope not.)
Will Zim find Keef a present?
Will Zim have the money to buy Keef a present?
Will Zim find it in the Unlimited To?
Will Lost Lenore ever get an English lesson? (No! Don't make me!)
Yep, go to sleep pondering those things and maybe you won't lose interest in my story. Oh yeah, one more thing. Probably lots of people think I got my name from the comic called Lenore, but I didn't. I got it from Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven". Read it and you'll understand.
It'd be really nice if you'd review please! If you do, you get a Golden Toaster as well (just I won't put you in this chapter)! If you've already reviewed and gotten a Golden Toaster, you get a muffin! Hoorah, hooray!
Okay, what I just wrote sounded retarded, but I have an excuse. The people from the city have come and dug up our street to put in sewer pipes. So now, I'm kind of locked in my house for a day or so, and I'm all out of sugar cubes. I'm going to die sugar-cubeless.
Disclaimer: I don't want to write a disclaimer! You all know I'm not Herb Scannel or Jhonen Vasquez! So go read. If you sue me, it'll make me unhappy. Think of the children.
Onto my fic.
(Zim walks around the so-called 'maul' parking garage. The girl behind the keyboard didn't want to go through the whole Voot-cruiser ride. So he just magically landed in the parking garage.)
Zim: (gets out and stretches) Woo! What a ride!
Gir: (gets out and stretches, mimicking Zim) I hurt my head! Where's my coffee? I need coffee or I'll shrivel up and die! (sobs into hands)
(Zim doesn't listen and starts to walk around looking for the exit. One of the hideous rat people of the parking garage is way off in the distance, darting around behind cars, getting closer and closer.)
Zim: How do we get into this 'maul'? This place is disgusting, and filled with beans!
Gir: Mmmm… BEANS! I like 'em goood!
(Zim hears some scuffing behind him. He squints one eye and looks over his shoulder. He sees nothing and keeps on walking. He hears the scuffing again and starts to walk a little bit faster. He hears the scuffing AGAIN and starts to walk a little bit faster. He hears the scuffing again and starts to run. The hideous rat person jumps in front of Zim suddenly, and hisses in his face.)
Zim: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Hideous rat person: (hisses)
Zim: AAAAAAAAAHH!
HRP: Just like ussss….
(Zim pushes the HRP on it's back and starts running as fast as those little legs of his can carry him, with his eyes closed and his arms out in front of him.)
Zim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
(He runs through the double doors of the 'maul', into the main plaza. He is on the 2nd floor. Yes, I say the 2nd floor. There are many, many shops, including House of Lard, Game Pit, and Pork Depot.)
Gir: Pork Depot… (tears of happy well up in Gir's eyes) I need pork master!
Zim: (grudgingly) Fine, we'll get you some PORK! Perhaps the pork slave has a map, so we can find the birthday present store.
(The twosome walk into Pork Depot. It is a small store, but it is filled with wall-to-wall pork, ham, bacon, and any other pork product or by- product imaginable. Gir goes running around, tasting the pig, and Zim goes to the check out counter.)
Zim: Do you posses the knowledge to tell me where I can find a birthday present?
Check out lady: (she looks like she's in her mid-twenties, purple hair, purple pants, purple shirt, purple… well, you get the picture.) What do you mean?
Zim: A birthday present for my bestest friend. I have a bestest friend because I am a normal human-mongoose baby. (toothy grin)
Check out lady: So do I. I think what you need is a map, right?
Zim: Yes, I need to posses the map of knowledge! (He's saying it in that Zimmy-way… that conquest voice. Oh, fook these pointless descriptions.)
Check out lady: Oh, that's on the first floor.
(Gir walks over to the counter and dumps an oversized load of pig products in front of the Check-out Lady.)
Gir: (smiles at the Check-out Lady)
Zim: (grabs Gir's wrist and drags him out of the store. Gir starts kicking and screaming.) Come on, Gir. We're here on a mission.
Gir: NOOOOOO! Must… have… pork!
Zim: Pork is not good for you, GIR!
Gir: (whimpers)
(The two Irkens [Gir would be an Irken, wouldn't he? I mean, he came from Irk and all…] walk over to the escalator. They go down the escalator.)
(AN: If you did not review by June 8th, then you're not going to be in this. If you're not in it, or don't want to read it, skip down to the line of stars. All the story names will be in bold, so for the story and/or stories you reviewed, skip to that one. It'll stick out in bold.)
(They survey all the stores, but then stop when they see a big stage set up in the center of the craziness. A girl with a big infinite box of solid gold toasters is holding a microphone. Once off the escalator, Gir and Zim listen to what she's saying.)
Girl w/ the microphone: Hello, I'm Lost Lenore! If you'd like to be filled with knowledge, you'll sit down and watch… (dramatic music plays) The Golden Toaster Awards!
(Zim and Gir sit in the back row, hoping to be filled with knowledge. Just so you know there are 10 rows of seats with 10 chairs in each row. It is now completely filled.)
Lost Lenore: We have six categories including: Invader Hak, The MOO Room, Forgiveness, Second Try at Death, Judge Jewdy ZIM Style, and Zim Goes to the Maul!
Zim: (Squints one eye) How did I get into two of those categories?
Gir: You didn't!
Zim: Yes I did.
Gir: Aww, you're so cute when you're angry!
Zim: Hmph…
Lost Lenore: First, we have Invader Hak with 4 recipients. Would Sanely Challenged, two-time reviewer of this story, please come up! (Sanely Challenged takes the award.) Merrina Sugar Girl, bowdownandworshipzim, and DeadLegato, accept your awards as one-time reviewers of Invader Hak. (The three take the awards out of the box and take their seats.) A special thanks to DeadLegato for telling me what was wrong.
Audience: (cheers and makes farm animal noises)
Lost Lenore: Second, we have The MOO Room! For this we have another 4 recipients! Sugarbaby, you were right about 1st fics! (winks) Take a toaster! Silverflashpup, threats make me write bad, don't try that again, please. Take a toaster anyway! And, my fav-o-rite person who reviewed this story, Katterree Fengari! Get yourself a toaster! (All four authors take toasters and sit back down.)
Audience: We want popcorn, we want popcorn, we want popcorn!
Lost Lenore: I wasted all my money on solid gold toasters. I'm broke, so buy it yourself!
Audience: Awww….
Lost Lenore: Third, we have Forgiveness with 6 recipients! Krystaldragon, InvaderGAZ, I-dont-know, Fig, and Yari, come and get 'em! A special Golden Toaster with a knife in it goes to edward, who stabbed my reading teacher! (All six authors take their Toasters, except for edward. He stabs his.)
Audience: (Everyone screams out random IZ quotes.)
Lost Lenore: I have a horrible audience. You're supposed to clap for me!
Random person: I have no hands!
Lost Lenore: You know, it's always 'me, me, me' with you people. Don't you ever stop and think about ME?
Audince: No.
Lost Lenore: Good. That's the way it's supposed to be. Anyway, our next category is Second Try at Death. It only has 2 recipients. It'll be removed on June 10th. First, with a good review is Linzy. You get a Golden Toaster. I-feel-chilly doesn't get one, though. I-feel-chilly gets to go on my "No Thanks" list for giving me something close to a flame. He/she is on the list with Werdine (boy in my skool), Tanner (another boy in my skool), mankind in general, and the telephone pole pixies of DOOM!
Audience: Crucify them! Crucify them! Crucify them!
Lost Lenore: You are a good audience after all! Anyway, Judge Jewdy ZIM Style has an amazing 11 reviewers! That includes SafetyMonkey, bowdownandworshipzim (again), SwEeTiNsAnItY, tombuttsporkle, Remliss, Invader Kayla, DeadLegato (again), Invader Mat, Invader M, Invader Nyt (AN: How many Invaders are there in the universe? That's why I changed names!) , and MariahoftheWind. Thank you all so much! Take your Golden Toasters and prance around happily. Not too happy, you might make me sick.
Audience: MOOOOOOOO!
Lost Lenore: Okay, okay, I'm almost done! Last category, but probably most important is Zim Goes to the Maul!
Audience: YAAAAAAAAAY!
Lost Lenore: Yes, yes, it was and still is an amazing story. I know. EGO BOOST! But, that's besides the point. My fantastic reviewers are as follows: purplepincushion, yes, you finally get a toaster! ROSSY, read more you shall! Invader Insomniac, I wonder what happened to that squirrel everyday. Dib Girl, don't we all want to ride a moose and make Herb Scannel do the funky chicken atop a flaming piggy? Muffins Magee, the idea of Gir hopped up on caffeine is frightening!!! GIR's Cupcake, I hope you liked it! Luna Wolf, I really didn't think this up, the elves in my brain did! Serina B, I have no idea what's going on either, which is pretty bad since I am (heroic pose) Lost Lenore, crazy person! Finally, Monkey byte, Zimmy is going to get some baaaaaad frosting burns, I betcha!
Zim: Uh oh.
Lost Lenore: Well… um… guess that's it.
Audience: YAAAAAAAY! We're freeeeeeee! (audience runs everywhere.)
**********************
(Zim spots a map… somewhere. I can't tell you. If I did, security would throw me in jail, and I'd never finish this fic. Anyway, the two walk up and look at the map.)
Zim: Hmmm… (reading map) You are here… (gasps) They must have placed a tracking device on me! (whips around to check his back) Where, where? How do they know? GIR!
Gir: (eyes get all red and stuff [AN: I am so good with English and grammer, aren't I?]) Yes SIR! (salutes Zim)
Zim: Run a virus scan!
Gir: (eyes go cyan, blue, aqua… whatever you wanna call it again) Awwww, I like the virus!
Zim: I must forget about that now… I need to find a present for Keef! Hmmm, what should I get…
(Two preteen preppy looking girls walk by, carrying Unlimited To bags)
Girl one: And I saw this shirt, and I was like, "Wow! That's perfect for Sarah's birthday!"
Girl two: Yeah, isn't it expensive! She'll love it, especially since it's from The Unlimited To!
(girls disappear into the crowd)
Zim: I know! I'll go to The Unlimited To!
Gir: YAAAAAAAAAY!
(Dramatic music plays)
Zim: I will beat you maul! You and your birthday present dilemma!
Gir: YAAAAAAY! Can I get coffee now?
Zim: No.
Gir: Buuuuut…. But…. It's my dying wish! (AN: Gir has been watching soap operas.)
Zim: First, we go to Unlimited To, then we shall get you coffee! Oh, such coffee we shall get!
Gir: Yay! I'm doomed!
Zim: Muhaha… haha…hahahahahahahaha!!!
(people stare)
Zim: Hahahaha… ha… ha. Ahem.
AN: I'm so sorry I left you at a cliffhanger! Here are some more things to think about:
Will Gir get his coffee? (Let's hope not.)
Will Zim find Keef a present?
Will Zim have the money to buy Keef a present?
Will Zim find it in the Unlimited To?
Will Lost Lenore ever get an English lesson? (No! Don't make me!)
Yep, go to sleep pondering those things and maybe you won't lose interest in my story. Oh yeah, one more thing. Probably lots of people think I got my name from the comic called Lenore, but I didn't. I got it from Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven". Read it and you'll understand.
It'd be really nice if you'd review please! If you do, you get a Golden Toaster as well (just I won't put you in this chapter)! If you've already reviewed and gotten a Golden Toaster, you get a muffin! Hoorah, hooray!
