"You took all the hash browns!" Vincent roared at me vehemently the next morning at the breakfast table.

I smirked sarcastically. "That's because I'm not the one who needs to watch their weight, Fatty." I looked at Gordie. "Is there any ketchup?"

"For what?" he asked, studying my plate. "I see no need for ketchup."

"Hash browns." I gestured at my hash browns. "Hash browns require ketchup."

Gordie shook his head, dumbfounded. "In the fridge."

"Vincent, would you grab it for me?" I asked my brother sweetly.

"Chew me."

"You're closer."

Taking a bite of his toast that was drenched in margarine, he shrugged. "You took all the hash browns."

I bit my lip and stared at him challengingly. "You are two feet away from the fridge."

He repeated, more slowly this time, "YOU. TOOK. ALL. THE. HASH. BROWNS."

"I KNOW!" I yelled. "I like the hash browns! You already had some! Would you get off your ass and get me the damn ketchup for God's sake?"

"Is someone overtired?" Gordie cooed teasingly.

"She just has PMS," Vincent grumbled.

"I think she was up all night thinking about a certain someone who shall remain nameless." Gordie beamed.

"No I wasn't," I growled.

"Then why are you so grumpy?" Gordie asked. "I think it may have something to do with the lack of sleep."

"Screw you."

Aunt Francis walked into the kitchen, for once not dressed in her lounging around the house clothes. She tsked at me and said, "Toby, language, please. I don't want to hear any one of you kids using that kind of language." She slowly put her arms through the sleeves of her jacket and announced, "I'm going to the market. John's down at the golf course lounge, just so you know. Gordie, could you get the dishes after you're all finished breakfast?" She gave us her usual unhappy smile and left the house.

"Toby got in trouble," Vincent giggled.

"Fuck you."

He gasped. "Obscenities!"

"That's a pretty big fucking word for you, isn't it, Vinny?" I teased.

"Toby, think of your boyfriend, it'll make you happy and make you leave your poor brother alone to be stupid," Gordie suggested.

"You have a fucking WHAT?" Vincent cried.

"I don't have a fucking anything!" I shot back, glaring lethally at Gordie.

"You better not have a boyfriend or I'll kick the crap out of him," he warned.

"You probably couldn't kick the crap out of him, he's bigger than you," Gordie informed him helpfully.

"Who is it?" Vincent demanded.

"I don't have a boyfriend!" I cried.

Gordie smiled. "Oh, I don't know if I should TELL you, Toby would get so angry with me. And we both know how STRONG she is." The two of them exchanged looks and then they both laughed at the thought of me being strong. "Never mind. Chris Chambers."

Vincent's jaw unhinged. "HE likes YOU?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I stared at him, unimpressed. "I highly resent that."

"I mean…he's so much cooler than you."

"Thaaanks," I said sarcastically. "You know, I just love the wonderful things you do to my self-esteem."

Vincent patted me on the head. "No problem, kid."

"You can have my hash browns," I told him, scraping them onto his plate. "They're gross without ketchup." I sneered at him. "I hope you get fat."

"Toby, God," Vincent said, looking confused and kind of annoyed. "What the hell crawled up your ass and got stuck half way up?"

Gordie smiled at the image that probably sprung into his mind.

"Nothing," I told him. I got up. "I'm just full."

"How do you expect to keep a boyfriend if you're going to be bitchy without a good excuse?"

"Would you piss off about Chris?" I barked.

Vincent rolled his eyes. "What good's a brother for if he can't make fun of his sister about her first boyfriend?"

"You're not good for anything."

"Nice comeback," he congratulated me.

"I'm sorry! I'm sure if you hadn't pissed me off, I would have been more witty!"

Gordie looked at me. "Toby, it's not that big a deal, we didn't mean anything by it. Just sit down and eat, okay?"

"I'm grumpy!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, we know," Gordie assured me. "We won't bug you anymore. Just eat."

I scowled, but reluctantly sat down again. "I want my hash browns back, please," I grumbled.

The mid-afternoon sun at our backs, Gordie and I trudged along Main Street, the heat making our faces flushed.

"I didn't think you'd mind Vincent knowing about Chris," he said when our conversation about whether or not Elvis sucked or not began to get old.

"It's okay." I shrugged. "I don't like being teased, that's all."

"He always teases you though."

"I don't want to be teased about Chris," I corrected myself. "It makes me feel bad for Chris. I don't know why, but it does. It's just that me and him together isn't supposed to be a joke, you know?"

He nodded, comprehending. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Yep."

A slow smile crossing his face, he kind of laughed. "I hope you know that we're going to go see him."

"Holy Mother Mary, what do I do?" I squawked.

"Say hi."

"Do I hug him?"

"I don't know, do you?"

"I don't know!"

Gordie laughed and elbowed me playfully. "He's gonna be just as shy as you."

"Chris isn't SHY!"

"Around you he is," he said.

"Aww," I gushed, feeling happy butterflies in my tummy. "Wait…no…not aww! It's going to be awkward!" I cracked my knuckles.

"That's not going to get you anywhere with him," he informed me. "It's the most unattractive trait any girl could possibly possess."

"What is?"

Gordie and I spun around, surprised at the invading voice. "Hey, Chris," Gordie greeted him calmly.

I didn't know how on earth he was able to sound so calm about seeing Chris when I felt panicky enough to faint.

"Hey, Gordie." He looked at me briefly, and smiled before he looked everywhere but at me. "Hi, Toby."

"Hey," I said, worried that I was sounding a little over eager. "How are you?" Now I was concerned that I sounded like a robot.

"Good," he replied, which was always his answer despite the cornered animal look in his eyes. "What about you?"

"Grumpy. And a little on the warmish side."

"I know," he said, and when I looked at him, I realized that he seemed exhausted as well. "It's a hot one today. Do you guys want to take a walk down by the river?"

"Anything to get away from here," Gordie said immediately.

"It's so far away," I groaned.

"Overruled," Chris told me, smiling impishly. "Come on, it's not that far a walk."

"Yeah, besides, your feet are so big, it spreads your weight over a larger surface area, therefore decreasing the effort you have to make in order to move your legs," Gordie reminded me.

I laughed. "That's bullshit."

"Yes it is. Walk, woman. I want to see the ducks. "

Eventually, we reached Castle River, just a little beyond the mill and The Mellow Tiger bar. All three of us were worn out and tired, but when we got to the river, the trees bathed us in refreshingly heavenly shade.

"Oh, this is nice," I breathed, piling my heavy hair on top of my head and enjoying the crisp coolness of the shade.

"I feel like death," Chris moaned. "I have bad ideas sometimes."

Grinning, I peered over at him and smiled. "No, it's nice down here."

"Goose, goose, squirrel." Gordie kept an eye out for ducks. "Goose, goose, flowers, goose, ooh, a bunny. Never mind! Not a duck! Goose. What's with all the fuckin' geese?"

"You'll find some ducks eventually," I assured him. "Be patient."

"I just love ducks though," Gordie said. "I like the way they swim. They're not stupid looking like geese. They're just happy looking. Like Donald."

"Donald isn't happy looking, he's a grumpy duck," I said. "He hates everyone and everything."

"Is that a duck?" he murmured, ignoring me. "Dammit. Weeds. Where's the duckies?"

"Oh, shit on your duckies!" Chris said. "Some big nasty ass pelican probably came and ate them all."

I beamed. Chris' annoyance amused me. "Someone's grumpy."

"Just like you," he reminded me.

"Excellent."

We walked side by side, with Gordie walking close to the riverbank, still on the lookout for his feathered friends.

"You're going to fall in," I warned in a singsong voice.

As usual, he didn't pay any attention to me. He moved closer to the water, and slipped on a loose rock. His arms windmilled and he grabbed my arm, yanking me into the water with him.

The shock of the cold on my overheated body took my breath away. Then I realized that I was angry. "If there's leeches I here, I'm going to kill you, Gordie."

"If there's leeches in here, I'll probably faint," he said. I heard Chris' nervous giggle from his spot on the dry land. "Oh my God, there's ducks!" He waded out further to chase the birdie. It swam away and Gordie looked sad. He turned and swam back to the bank, splashing me in doing so. "Kick, glide, kick, glide, stroke, stroke, kick, glide," he said, swimming past me. He realized that the water was up to his knee and so he stood up. "Toby hates me?"

I sat in the water, my teeth chattering and my hair sticking up in all directions. I don't imagine I looked very friendly. I nodded. As I began to crawl back to the embankment, Gordie clotheslined me. I screamed and got dragged under the water.

"Gordie!" Chris yelled, somewhat laughing.

I came up, sputtering. "Oh my God, you goddamn shithead..."

Chris put out a hand. "Come on."

Relieved, I swam to him and allowed him to pull me out of the water. I shivered. "Thank you. Death to Gordie."

Gordie also climbed out of the river, sopping wet and looking distraught and pissed at Chris. "You stole my playmate."

"She's not your playmate," Chris laughed, staring at him oddly with a small, questioning smirk. "You're cousins. That's wrong."

"Whatever." Gordie looked pissed. "You wanna go, punk?" He fought back a smile more successfully than Chris did. Gordie shoved Chris back and pounced on him. "Mercy?

"I haven't kicked your ass yet."

"Chris, kick him in the nuts," I called.

Gordie, knowing that Chris would most likely do anything that I told him to, yelled, "Mercy, mercy, mercy!"

Chris let him up, and Gordie went straight to me saying, "If you weren't related, I don't think I'd like you very much."

"Good to know." I smiled challengingly. "I'm pissed at you too, you know. I've been practicing my Kung Fu."

"And you're going to injure me?" Gordie laughed. "With all your five foot glory?"

"This is what I call the Evil Death Monkey-" Before I had the chance to make up some Kung Fu moves, Gordie clobbered me and I fell to the ground. So then I bit his finger, causing him to scream.

"Mercy!" I let him up and he yelled, "You fucking cheater!"

"You taste like batteries!" I said, wiping my mouth in disgust.

"You know what batteries taste like, how?"

Chris decided that now was a good time to wrestle with me since we had both effortlessly beaten Gordie.

"Yeah, Chris, that's all and elaborate plot so that you can touch Toby's-ow, fuck! Fuck! Where the fuck did you learn how to pinch like that, Toby?"

"You're crude," I snapped.

"One, two, three, go!" Chris yelled and jumped on me.

I screamed and fell down. I began to giggle. "That's-where-I'm-my special spots!"

Gordie squealed. "Don't touch her there when I'm here! Don't touch her there anytime!"

"Ticklish! Ticklish Toby!" I cried, laughing so hard tears began to stream down my face.

Chris laughed when I started to whine. "Mercy?"

"Uh huh," I whimpered. "I don't know how you knew that I have ticklish sides, but I'm very tickled out now."

Still chuckling, he rose to his feet and helped me up. "You're cute when you get tickled," he laughed.

I smiled despite my blush. Gordie gagged.

Gordie became tired after awhile and we walked him home. The first stars were just beginning to sparkle as Chris and I rested on a merry-go- round in a nearby playground.

"I love the stars," I said out of the blue.

Chris grinned. "Are you a space nut? Do you plan on finding a lost planet or something? Or do you want to be an astronaut?"

"No," I said slowly, smiling back at him. "I don't want to be an astronaut. It's just that, this one time…Bah, my childhood memories are boring."

"No, no, no, YOU'RE boring," he corrected me. "But I still enjoy your stories. Tell."

"You're so loving," I grumbled sarcastically, shaking my head. "Um, when I was like, I don't know, maybe six or seven, Vincent scared the bejesus out of me, and so I couldn't sleep, so I went into my parents room- "

"My God, they weren't doing it were they?"

I yelped. "Chris! That's disgusting! Thank you for that image!" I shuddered and didn't speak for awhile. I shook my head and said, "They were SLEEPING. I woke my dad up, and I told him I was scared. He was all grumbly and stuff because he slept like a bear and didn't like it when his hibernation was interrupted. He told me that the stars were windows in heaven, and that that's where angels watched us from. I said something about how I didn't want to be watched, I wanted someone to protect me because there was this monster in my underwear drawer…That's where Vincent said that he had put it. Then my dad said, whenever you smell roses, an angel is close by." I shrugged with self-conscience. "I don't know. Stars just remind me of him."

After a long moment of no words, Chris asked, "Did you smell roses?"

I smiled wistfully. "I imagined that I did."

A silence fell over us uncomfortably. Chris' foot moved gently along the sand, turning the merry-go-round slowly. I stared up at the peaceful sky. But still, it was empty without conversation.

"We need Gordie, huh?" Chris laughed softly. "Things get kinda quiet without him."

"Yeah," I agreed. I glanced at him briefly, and saw that there was dried blood behind his ear. I blurted, "Did your dad-" I stopped myself, but knew he knew that I had noticed.

Chris nodded. "My little brother and sister were fighting and my dad figured that it was my fault that he couldn't sleep because of all the noise. I don't know what he threw at me. It's not a big deal though. It doesn't even hurt."

Touching the side of his head gingerly with two fingers, I saw him wince. "It does hurt."

"But it'll go away."

"Chris," I murmured. "What your dad does to you…hit you, I mean…it's never going to go away. It'll shape your relationships, control how much trust you put in other people…The scars aren't going to go away."

Nodding vaguely, he stopped moving his foot, so the merry-go-round slowed to a halt. "I just don't want to wind up like him."

"You're not him." I looked him in the eye. "You'll never be him. You're so much better that that, Chris, and you're still just a kid."

"I wonder about that sometimes."

"You don't have to," I assured him firmly. "You could never hurt anyone."

He shrugged. "I don't think I could."

"Sometimes, I think about how you turned out in spite of the shit you grew up with being thrown at you every day and it makes me feel like I've found something really worth getting to know."

His smile crinkling the corners of his eyes, he turned to face me fully. "You know what? When I hear you talk, it's like…I want to know everything about you, but I know that I could never begin to understand you."

I laughed nervously but contagiously. "I think maybe we should start getting to know each other a little better sometime soon."

"As long as you promise not to be too horrified by what you find out about me."

"If you could see yourself through my eyes you'd be overwhelmed."

Catching his attention, he peered at me, his eyes alive. "Now how do I overwhelm you?" he asked, chuckling.

"I panic when I think about you."

"You panic?" He grinned cautiously. "That's an odd choice of words."

"I woke up grumpy this morning because I was like, 'well fuck now what, now I'm gonna have to talk to him and be around him and somehow try to make him believe I'm a normal human being even though I'm clearly retarded and-'"

"Hey," he said, and I shut up. Thank God.

Hes faced me fully and I had the feeling that he was able to stare through me. Softly, his hand touched my face.

"Uhhh-"

"Shut up," he murmured with a smirk before his lips tasted mine. He adored me so gently that I could have stayed in his arms forever. After a moment, he pulled away; smiling and letting me rest my head on his shoulder.

The stars shimmered enigmatically, watching us fall in love and away from reality.