Gave up on the guess the quote thing. You guys must hate it. This is a little late as well, and if it sucks, im sorry. Review, though at this point, I might as well give up on asking.
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CardCaptors II: The Shadow of the Sakura Tree
Lost in Thought
By AnimeGamer
"When you are in space, you cannot move forward, simply because there is no forward. You can only float in the sea of confusion." -me
-----------------------
I walk forward. One step. Two step. One step. Two step.
All around me, the green warmth that is Syaoran. It's warmth suddenly turning to a fire around me, it's searing flame burning me.
The world is not real anymore. I've lost every sense...feeling...smelling...tasting.....seeing...hearing. I felt my heart beat faster, itself being under attack. Under attack...
...from me.
How can you face yourself? How can you defeat a thing that is yourself? You know every action that thing is going to do, and it knows it too. It's an endless attack and counter.
My mind now is a endless world of white. Nothing but bright white. You cannot walk, for you fly. Myself tells me, 'this is true freedom. You can be happy here for you are now entirely free from everything.'
I dont want to be free.
'Then what do you want? To feel responsibility?'
Yes. Responsibility is what makes the world. Without it, no one can survive, even with true freedom.
'If you want responsibility...then you may take the responsibility of what the following people have to say...'
Suddenly, I appear in the middle of a street. A dirt road, with cars all around me, scattered everywhere. Burn marks roam the road. Suddenly, I can hear the anger.
"How could you! You've killed my father!" A boy screamed at me.
"My brother! He's dead! It's all your fault!" A girl yelled at me.
"Everyone...everyone is dead....and I have you to blame! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" A girl, 10 years old, yelled at me.
'Do you want the responsibility? Do you want to rejoin the real world? You did this in the real world Sakura. A world of disillusioned dreams and ideals, where responsibility confines your soul? Where you are what people think?'
I do!
'But it was you who killed all of them?'
How? It was you who destroyed them.
'Wrong, you destroyed all of them. You used your magic to kill them. All of them. Every single one of them. Death. Death took your mother.'
Dont involve my mother.
'Your parents didnt take responsibility.'
Of course they did!
'They said you were a mistake.'
I'am not a mistake!
'Are you? Ever since you found out the Lust card killed your mother, you have never used a card until finally you had to. It was Syaoran who forced you to break your vow.'
What vow?
'The vow that you will never use a card again.'
I never made a vow like that.
'But you did, in your mind. Who is the one running away from responsibility now?'
I am not running!
'But you are...'
I'am not! As long as Syaoran is with me, as long as I can continue to feel him, I can live.
'then let me show you something...'
The world of white changed. It changed to Syaoran's apartment. There, Syaoran stood, looking the other way. He held his guitar in his hand, and raised it up, and smashed it. He then took his songbook and threw it into the trash can. He then fell back onto the couch, staring at the ceiling.
Syaoran...what are you doing...
'You do not need to think, for I know you wish to talk to him, this is not a illusion...'
"Syaoran!" I called out to him. He quickly got up and saw me. I instantly ran into his arms. "Syaoran...it was horrible!..." I said, thinking of the death I saw earlier. His arms filled around me, his warm aura filling me with happiness.
Suddenly...he disappeared. His aura, the aura I cannot live without...winked out of existence.
Syaoran!
'He will not come.'
Yes he will. I know he will.
'He will not, he hates you now. His aura is gone. Do you feel his aura?'
Of course I do!
'You are only lying to yourself. That familar aura you cherish so much has died. You will never retrieve that aura again.
Yes I can. I will always have hope.
'But Syaoran has already given up hope. Even now, he stands on a pier, looking out at his last sunset. He is going to kill himself.'
Why?
'Because you hate him. You hate him because he hates you. He dragged you around like a rag doll, and so you hated him. You hate him because he knows everything about you. So, when faced with responsibility of being the one dumped, he is running away. Permanently.'
Syaoran knows I love him, always and forever.
'Dont you know..."nothing lasts forever and always is a lie." Anyway, why dont you tell him that? You cant. You fear he will leave you. You fear that whenever you arent around him, he will disappear. You are running from responsibility. From his trust. Your heart says you do not want to worry anymore, and that is why you hate him.'
What did you do to him?
'I did what you wanted me to do. It was you that made him this way.'
But...
'He has sworn to not care for you anymore. His heart pangs with guilt, and he seeks to end that pain, to end the torture of you in his tormented mind, he seeks the end of life.'
No! That cant be true!
'Yet it is...'
Then I shall follow him. If he dies, I will follow him. I will say what I cannot say now.
'Then walk the world. You will stand on the edge of a cliff. But what will happen, if those you love, those who love you, see you dead? Decide if you can jump, and if you cant, live in true happiness. And true happiness is in true freedom. For without hate, there is no healing.'
The world of white changed again, to a cliff.
"Here is where life ends...goodbye Tomoyo, goodbye Eriol, goodbye my brother, my father, all my friends. I must destroy myself now...before the card can take me again..."
Sakura looked down. And as she looked down, cerulean drops fell from the air.
==============
[AnimeGamer] If you didnt understand this chapter, that's alright. I dont understand it too. (O^_^O);;
Basically, this chapter reflects my life right now. Total confusion and chaos. But like anyone cares anyway....not like anyone is reading this. But then, that's why this story is angst right now. Anyway, hope whoever reads this (basically no one at this point) likes it.
=================
CardCaptors II: The Shadow of the Sakura Tree
Lost in Thought
By AnimeGamer
"When you are in space, you cannot move forward, simply because there is no forward. You can only float in the sea of confusion." -me
-----------------------
I walk forward. One step. Two step. One step. Two step.
All around me, the green warmth that is Syaoran. It's warmth suddenly turning to a fire around me, it's searing flame burning me.
The world is not real anymore. I've lost every sense...feeling...smelling...tasting.....seeing...hearing. I felt my heart beat faster, itself being under attack. Under attack...
...from me.
How can you face yourself? How can you defeat a thing that is yourself? You know every action that thing is going to do, and it knows it too. It's an endless attack and counter.
My mind now is a endless world of white. Nothing but bright white. You cannot walk, for you fly. Myself tells me, 'this is true freedom. You can be happy here for you are now entirely free from everything.'
I dont want to be free.
'Then what do you want? To feel responsibility?'
Yes. Responsibility is what makes the world. Without it, no one can survive, even with true freedom.
'If you want responsibility...then you may take the responsibility of what the following people have to say...'
Suddenly, I appear in the middle of a street. A dirt road, with cars all around me, scattered everywhere. Burn marks roam the road. Suddenly, I can hear the anger.
"How could you! You've killed my father!" A boy screamed at me.
"My brother! He's dead! It's all your fault!" A girl yelled at me.
"Everyone...everyone is dead....and I have you to blame! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" A girl, 10 years old, yelled at me.
'Do you want the responsibility? Do you want to rejoin the real world? You did this in the real world Sakura. A world of disillusioned dreams and ideals, where responsibility confines your soul? Where you are what people think?'
I do!
'But it was you who killed all of them?'
How? It was you who destroyed them.
'Wrong, you destroyed all of them. You used your magic to kill them. All of them. Every single one of them. Death. Death took your mother.'
Dont involve my mother.
'Your parents didnt take responsibility.'
Of course they did!
'They said you were a mistake.'
I'am not a mistake!
'Are you? Ever since you found out the Lust card killed your mother, you have never used a card until finally you had to. It was Syaoran who forced you to break your vow.'
What vow?
'The vow that you will never use a card again.'
I never made a vow like that.
'But you did, in your mind. Who is the one running away from responsibility now?'
I am not running!
'But you are...'
I'am not! As long as Syaoran is with me, as long as I can continue to feel him, I can live.
'then let me show you something...'
The world of white changed. It changed to Syaoran's apartment. There, Syaoran stood, looking the other way. He held his guitar in his hand, and raised it up, and smashed it. He then took his songbook and threw it into the trash can. He then fell back onto the couch, staring at the ceiling.
Syaoran...what are you doing...
'You do not need to think, for I know you wish to talk to him, this is not a illusion...'
"Syaoran!" I called out to him. He quickly got up and saw me. I instantly ran into his arms. "Syaoran...it was horrible!..." I said, thinking of the death I saw earlier. His arms filled around me, his warm aura filling me with happiness.
Suddenly...he disappeared. His aura, the aura I cannot live without...winked out of existence.
Syaoran!
'He will not come.'
Yes he will. I know he will.
'He will not, he hates you now. His aura is gone. Do you feel his aura?'
Of course I do!
'You are only lying to yourself. That familar aura you cherish so much has died. You will never retrieve that aura again.
Yes I can. I will always have hope.
'But Syaoran has already given up hope. Even now, he stands on a pier, looking out at his last sunset. He is going to kill himself.'
Why?
'Because you hate him. You hate him because he hates you. He dragged you around like a rag doll, and so you hated him. You hate him because he knows everything about you. So, when faced with responsibility of being the one dumped, he is running away. Permanently.'
Syaoran knows I love him, always and forever.
'Dont you know..."nothing lasts forever and always is a lie." Anyway, why dont you tell him that? You cant. You fear he will leave you. You fear that whenever you arent around him, he will disappear. You are running from responsibility. From his trust. Your heart says you do not want to worry anymore, and that is why you hate him.'
What did you do to him?
'I did what you wanted me to do. It was you that made him this way.'
But...
'He has sworn to not care for you anymore. His heart pangs with guilt, and he seeks to end that pain, to end the torture of you in his tormented mind, he seeks the end of life.'
No! That cant be true!
'Yet it is...'
Then I shall follow him. If he dies, I will follow him. I will say what I cannot say now.
'Then walk the world. You will stand on the edge of a cliff. But what will happen, if those you love, those who love you, see you dead? Decide if you can jump, and if you cant, live in true happiness. And true happiness is in true freedom. For without hate, there is no healing.'
The world of white changed again, to a cliff.
"Here is where life ends...goodbye Tomoyo, goodbye Eriol, goodbye my brother, my father, all my friends. I must destroy myself now...before the card can take me again..."
Sakura looked down. And as she looked down, cerulean drops fell from the air.
==============
[AnimeGamer] If you didnt understand this chapter, that's alright. I dont understand it too. (O^_^O);;
Basically, this chapter reflects my life right now. Total confusion and chaos. But like anyone cares anyway....not like anyone is reading this. But then, that's why this story is angst right now. Anyway, hope whoever reads this (basically no one at this point) likes it.
