DISCLAIMER: Don't own, don't sue.


So, my theory is: if Shadow used chaos control when falling from ARK, he'd be desperate, not having enough time to focus on earth. So, what if... and here's the particularly unbeliveable bit... he lands on a flat world, shapter like a disc. A world beig carried through the universe, sorry, make that multiverse, on the back of a huge turtle called, Great A'tuin. Of course, this may cause certain problems. Namely, half of the wizards chasing after him talking about 'Music with Rocks in', and the other half calling him a sourcerer. Being headhunted by the assassins is, well, a minor problem compaired to being mistaken for the Death of Hedgehogs. And then there's that curiosity, that nagging wonder of: What is the hedgehog song?

If you haven't read quite a few of the Discworld books, you may not understand some of it.




***********************************************************************

"Chaos control!"

***********************************************************************

In situations such as the one Shadow found himself in, it is often necessary to pause for a short while, and review the situation. This is, indeed, what Shadow did, and here are the thoughts that ran through his mind:

'Right. There's probably a logical procedure for this type of event, but I don't know it. I guess I'll have to make it up as I go along. Right. Okay. Um. There were those questions though. Oh yeah. Where am I, who am I, what am I and why am I? Not all of those quite make sense. Erm... so, I have two rescources to draw on for the answers to these questions, my memory and my senses. While I'm thinking about it, I'll check up on my senses. According to my eyes, I'm somewhere black. According to my feelings, I'm face down in something very gooey, and my eyes are closed. Aha, now I'm getting somewhere. Nose? That reports that something smells very bad and would like me to stop breathing so deeply, thank you very much. Ears, report silence all around me. Hey, this is going very well! Tounge is reporting that all it tastes is the inside of my mouth and that its good freind nose advises it to keep it that way. Perfect. Right. Now, memories. I am a hedgehog called Shadow and the Ultimate Lifeform. That doesn't answer where or why, and while we're on that, I think I'll pass on the why. Now for where. Well, I used chaos control when falling from ARK, but didn't think of a destination. Which means that I am... somewhere. Doesn't really narrow it down. Perhaps I should try moving, and let my eyes join in this teamwork.'

With this, Shadow turned over and opened his eyes.

'Sky. Right. That's probably a good thing. Sky above. Perhaps the gooey brown stuff below is not quite as promising. Perhaps it is time that I move. Legs still there? Apparently. Right. Good.'

With some difficulty, Shadow stumbled to his feet, to find another figure, his face and front half covered in mud, doing the same. They both stood there and examined each other. The thoughts going through both of their minds were somewhat like this:

'Okay, strange looking person standing next to me. What's the usual process for this. Ah, yes, recognision. Let's give that a try. Sound, Feeling, Sight and perhaps Smell, I want you to go on a scouting mission. Reoprt all of your findings to Brain.
'Erm. So. First things first. This person is not me. Probably a good thing, I'd say. Now if it's not me, it must be you. Or him. Right. I'm not sure if that last bit helped much. So, apparently I don't know him. That's not as good. Sight is reporting no immediate danger reprisented by this person. Right. Good. Adrenaline, you can take a break. Perhaps contact might be a good idea.'

"Um." said Shadow "Erm."
"Uh." Replied the figure, sagely "Huh."
Shadow flailed desperately at his vocabulary for some sort of grip on language "Er.. hello."
"Yes." The figure paused "Hello. Erm. Wha- erm, who are you?"
"What? Yes. I'm- I am Shadow. The Hedgehog." Somewhere in the back of his mind it registered that the full 'Ultimate Lifeform' introduction probably was not appropriate at the moment.
"Oh. Yes. And, me. I'm Rincewind. Er, yes, Rincewind the Wizard. Last time I checked."
"Uh huh."
Shadow attempted to start his feet working again so that he could approach this figure in order to perhaps make some freindly gestures, an unusually complicated proceedure including a few false starts and stumbles. Finally, he had it. He turned around, very slowly; started to move his legs, very slowly; and, very slowly, fell over.