Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from IaHB.

Chapter 2: Living or Existing?



Jamie removed the new pen from the holder in the black leather journal. He put down his Snapple and took a breath. He wondered what to write. Jamie had just too much to tell Caitie. He uncapped the black ink pen and started to write on the silver lines.

~~~ Journal entry~~~

* I received this journal today, as a gift. Thoughtful. Something you always are Caitie. I figure I'd address this to you since you will be reading it eventually. Where to start . . . I just have a lot to say.

About two months ago, something really horrible happened to you. We both know what I'm talking about. You almost got raped and then you attempted to commit suicide. At the time, I was just so glad that you made it, that you pulled through . . . I couldn't bring up any of my feelings. How can you do that to yourself? Sometimes, you are so oblivious for such a perceptive person. No matter what happens . . . don't you know that I'll be there for you? The thought of almost losing you struck fear in my heart. I don't know how I'll get through the rest of my life without you. You are truly my dearest friend. There is no tomorrow without you.

After I found out what had happened, I almost lost it. You still don't know about this but after Tyler and I left the hospital room, I went to find Brett. Tyler insisted on tagging along. I made him tell me where his cousin lived, so I can figure out where to find that bastard. Tyler drove down to his cousin's apartment and it was my lucky day~ Brett was there "entertaining" a couple of girls. How wonderful right? * ~



Jamie put down the pen and thought about what had really happened that night.



~Flashback~

Tyler and Jamie arrived at Dave's apartment. Dave answered the door and Jamie stormed in.

"Brett" Jamie called out as if he was looking for an opponent. A tall dark haired person looked up as his name was being called. Jamie took a good look at the person who tried to strip his Caitie's innocence away. He took two big steps and tackled him. He pounded on his face as hard as he could. Blood started dripping from the corner of his mouth. Brett punched Jamie square in the jaw causing Jamie to release Brett from his grips. Jamie and Brett both stood up.

"What the hell is this about" Brett yelled out. Tyler was watching with his cousin a few feet away. The girls were huddled together out of fear.

"Like you don't know!" Jamie bellowed out, still holding his jaw.

"You're a rapist" Tyler said with a firm tone. Dave looked at Tyler.

"Don't accuse my friend of something that serious". Tyler starred at Dave.

"I saw him. Don't tell me you're in on it too" Tyler said with disgust.

His cousin just looked somewhat confused, or betrayed. Tyler grabbed Jamie by the arm and tried to lead him out the door.

"Let go of me. I'm going to kick his ass" Jamie yelled out. He took a final swing at Brett. The two girls ran out of the apartment.

"No one to rape tonight" Jamie said in repugnance. He walked out the door and Tyler soon followed. Before Tyler left, he looked at his older cousin.

"I use to look up to you Dave." With that last sullen statement, the two teenagers left the apartment.

~End of flashback~

The thought of what happened to Caitie still brought up anger in Jamie. He sighed deeply and put his head down on the table. He picked up the black pen once again and continued to write.

~Journal~

Well, as you can assume, I got into a fight with Brett. Tyler basically disowned his cousin. Don't worry . . . I wasn't seriously injured. I just had a sore jaw and a black eye for a couple of days. For the rest of our break, I didn't know what to do. I had to talk to you but I felt so distant from you all the time. Val and Tyler told me that you just needed time to yourself, but you have no idea how desperately I wanted to hold you in my arms. Well, when we returned, it pained me to see what was happening to you. You cut class, ignored all your friends. You shut me out. You shut Val out too. You seemed to feel a little calmer with Tyler. I guess it was because he was there that night, but you should of known you could come to me. No matter what you do or what happens, I will be here for you . . . unconditionally. ~

Jamie looked at the clock in his kitchen. The red digital numbers glowed "7:05." He had to get to the station for the evening shift. He looked at the black print that covered the white pages. The one thing he really wanted to write he couldn't.

A/N: Well, I figure this story needed some more chapters or some more stuff in it. It was rather short! Anyway, I think I'll add some more Jamie's journal entries and then conclude it somehow. Please keep on reading and reviewing! I really, really, really appreciate reviews.