A/N: Well, here's chapter three! I'm really pleased with the reviews I've
been getting. Seriously, sometimes I have no idea where to go with my
stories and I think reviews help me get some direction. I'm not 100
percent pleased with my next chapter . . . but please read and review it
anyway. I think I might edit and change it a lot, but for now I'll keep it
the way it is.
Disclaimer: I don't own any stuff from IAHB.
Chapter 3
Ever since Caitie gave Jamie the journal, he has been writing in it constantly. Once he started writing down his feelings . . . his thoughts, it was hard to stop.
~Journal~
. . .Things from that day improved gradually over time. It felt good when you reached out to me again. I know it was hard for you.
The night when you took those pills, I can't help but think I could of done something to prevent it. That night, when you flinched at my touch, it hurt. I kick myself because I now know why you were so edgy, but at the time I had no idea. I shouldn't of left you that day. Maybe I could have prevented you from hurting yourself. I feel responsible.
*Flashback*
After his shift, Jamie headed towards Caitie's house. He had two movies in hand and was excited to spend some time with his friend. He even borrowed a chick flick. something he knew Caitie would want to watch. She pretends not to like those sappy movies, but she's a sucker for them. He knocked on the door and heard no answer. He decided to try the back door. It was usually open. He carefully opened the door and called out for Caitie. He went upstairs into her bedroom and found her sleeping. He walked over and sat next to her on her bed.
Jamie: Hey Caitie. (He whispered) Wake up!
Caitie jumped up looking terrified.
Caitie: Oh, Jamie! What are you doing here? Jamie: Tyler came back early from his trip and my shift was cut short. I thought we were watching videos tonight?
Jamie was holding up his two videos. He noticed that Caitie's face was stained with tears. Jamie reached out and put his arm around her. At his touch, she flinched back leaving a shocked look on his face.
Jamie: Caitie, what's wrong? Are you okay?
Caitie tried to hold back all her tears and nodded.
Caitie: (defensively) I'm fine. I just don't feel well. Can I take a rain check?
Jamie was disappointed, but concerned at the same time. Obviously something was going on and she wasn't telling him.
Caitie: Just go! Jamie: Whatever. I'm leaving. I get it.
*End of flashback*
I left that day with such anger. I felt neglected. You were spending so much time away from me; I didn't know what was going on. Later I found out that you were going to a club and meeting new people. I don't mean to sound bitter. I know you regret ever going there but I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. What's wrong with having a good time in a different place? I was just surprised that you kept it from me. It made me wonder if I was the person you were trying to get away from.
~~
The phone rang interrupting Jamie's entry.
"Hello?"
"Hi Jamie. It's Tyler"
"Hey man, what's up?" Jamie spoke into the receiver.
"Was I interrupting something?" Tyler asked.
"I was writing in a journal Caitie gave me." Jamie replied.
"A journal?" Tyler asked with slight laughter in his voice.
"Yeah. Anyway, what do you want?" Jamie asked with an annoyed voice.
"Alex called and said that we don't have to be on call tonight. They got someone else to fill in." Tyler answered acknowledging Jamie's annoyed tone.
"That's good. Maybe I can get some sleep," Jamie said with a yawn.
"So, journal huh? You should, you know, tell her how you feel."
Jamie remembered his conversation with Tyler in the park. It was probably a month ago when Tyler asked if Jamie had feelings for Caitie. He didn't know why he decided to trust Tyler with his secret. Perhaps it was because Tyler was in a similar situation that he was in. Tyler had liked Val for a long time now. Since they were both friends, and on the same squad, they were both hesitant.
"I don't know if she's ready for that." Jamie said quietly.
"I think you're underestimating her. Anyway, it's getting late. Since we're not on call, I think I'll get some sleep. See ya."
"All right. Bye."
After he hung up the phone, Jamie realized that it was getting late. Two days passed and all he's been doing is writing in the journal. He looked at the pen placed between two pages. One was filled with worlds and the other was a new blank page. The journal was almost filled up. He was surprised at how fast he was running out of fresh pages. He picked up the pen and continued to write.
~Journal~
Remember the contest? Don't you miss our free drinks and pastries? Sucks that it came to an end. It was really fun.
I don't know if you noticed, but do you recall the night before the contest when we practiced? I think that was the first time I found out how you really felt about yourself after what had happened.
* Flashback *
Caitie: Sure. Listen Jamie, since we really didn't agree on a song.and we can't very well compose one overnight. I have a suggestion.
Jamie: (looks up at Caitie) Sure.
Caitie handed Jamie the sheet music to the song she had just printed out. Jamie took the paper. He read the sheet music.
Jamie: I can play this.
Caitie: Good.
Jamie: Can I see the lyrics?
Caitie: Yea.
Caitie handed Jamie the lyrics. He read them over and was silent for a few minutes.
Jamie: is there any particular reason why you chose this. song?
Jamie knew he asked that question in vain. He just didn't want to believe that she felt like she was 'damaged'. Didn't she see how wonderful she was? The notion that Caitie saw herself this way tore a hole in Jamie's heart.
Caitie: Cause. the song was practically written about me. Every word. (Tears welling up in her eyes). Jamie.I. know I've been pushing you away. not just you. Everyone. And, I guess, this will be my way.of opening up to you guys.
After Caitie's last comment, Jamie had a look of seriousness in his eyes. He fixed her into his gaze.
Jamie: I don't think.you know-Caitie, you know you're not damaged.
Caitie: .Yes I am.
Jamie: Caitie. You're not.to me you will always be perfect.
Jamie changed the subject quickly.
Jamie: Let's practice.competition is tomorrow!
* End of flashback *
You have been merely "existing" for the past couple of months. You are slowly starting to regain your footing and live again, but I see the sorrow and fear in your eyes even now. I know you still believe you are damaged. I do not let on that I know this . . . because I guess I like pretending things are okay. I just wish that you could see how great you really are. I see you at times with tears staining your face. You still flinch at any surprise physical contact. Caitie, I'll protect you. Even though you're a strong person who doesn't need protection, I'll protect you nevertheless.
That night, I told you I thought you were perfect. I still think you are. You have such insight into the world. I am often in awe of you . . .
Before Jamie could finish his entry he fell asleep on his bed. The black leather journal now served as a pillow for the tired dark haired boy.
Disclaimer: I don't own any stuff from IAHB.
Chapter 3
Ever since Caitie gave Jamie the journal, he has been writing in it constantly. Once he started writing down his feelings . . . his thoughts, it was hard to stop.
~Journal~
. . .Things from that day improved gradually over time. It felt good when you reached out to me again. I know it was hard for you.
The night when you took those pills, I can't help but think I could of done something to prevent it. That night, when you flinched at my touch, it hurt. I kick myself because I now know why you were so edgy, but at the time I had no idea. I shouldn't of left you that day. Maybe I could have prevented you from hurting yourself. I feel responsible.
*Flashback*
After his shift, Jamie headed towards Caitie's house. He had two movies in hand and was excited to spend some time with his friend. He even borrowed a chick flick. something he knew Caitie would want to watch. She pretends not to like those sappy movies, but she's a sucker for them. He knocked on the door and heard no answer. He decided to try the back door. It was usually open. He carefully opened the door and called out for Caitie. He went upstairs into her bedroom and found her sleeping. He walked over and sat next to her on her bed.
Jamie: Hey Caitie. (He whispered) Wake up!
Caitie jumped up looking terrified.
Caitie: Oh, Jamie! What are you doing here? Jamie: Tyler came back early from his trip and my shift was cut short. I thought we were watching videos tonight?
Jamie was holding up his two videos. He noticed that Caitie's face was stained with tears. Jamie reached out and put his arm around her. At his touch, she flinched back leaving a shocked look on his face.
Jamie: Caitie, what's wrong? Are you okay?
Caitie tried to hold back all her tears and nodded.
Caitie: (defensively) I'm fine. I just don't feel well. Can I take a rain check?
Jamie was disappointed, but concerned at the same time. Obviously something was going on and she wasn't telling him.
Caitie: Just go! Jamie: Whatever. I'm leaving. I get it.
*End of flashback*
I left that day with such anger. I felt neglected. You were spending so much time away from me; I didn't know what was going on. Later I found out that you were going to a club and meeting new people. I don't mean to sound bitter. I know you regret ever going there but I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. What's wrong with having a good time in a different place? I was just surprised that you kept it from me. It made me wonder if I was the person you were trying to get away from.
~~
The phone rang interrupting Jamie's entry.
"Hello?"
"Hi Jamie. It's Tyler"
"Hey man, what's up?" Jamie spoke into the receiver.
"Was I interrupting something?" Tyler asked.
"I was writing in a journal Caitie gave me." Jamie replied.
"A journal?" Tyler asked with slight laughter in his voice.
"Yeah. Anyway, what do you want?" Jamie asked with an annoyed voice.
"Alex called and said that we don't have to be on call tonight. They got someone else to fill in." Tyler answered acknowledging Jamie's annoyed tone.
"That's good. Maybe I can get some sleep," Jamie said with a yawn.
"So, journal huh? You should, you know, tell her how you feel."
Jamie remembered his conversation with Tyler in the park. It was probably a month ago when Tyler asked if Jamie had feelings for Caitie. He didn't know why he decided to trust Tyler with his secret. Perhaps it was because Tyler was in a similar situation that he was in. Tyler had liked Val for a long time now. Since they were both friends, and on the same squad, they were both hesitant.
"I don't know if she's ready for that." Jamie said quietly.
"I think you're underestimating her. Anyway, it's getting late. Since we're not on call, I think I'll get some sleep. See ya."
"All right. Bye."
After he hung up the phone, Jamie realized that it was getting late. Two days passed and all he's been doing is writing in the journal. He looked at the pen placed between two pages. One was filled with worlds and the other was a new blank page. The journal was almost filled up. He was surprised at how fast he was running out of fresh pages. He picked up the pen and continued to write.
~Journal~
Remember the contest? Don't you miss our free drinks and pastries? Sucks that it came to an end. It was really fun.
I don't know if you noticed, but do you recall the night before the contest when we practiced? I think that was the first time I found out how you really felt about yourself after what had happened.
* Flashback *
Caitie: Sure. Listen Jamie, since we really didn't agree on a song.and we can't very well compose one overnight. I have a suggestion.
Jamie: (looks up at Caitie) Sure.
Caitie handed Jamie the sheet music to the song she had just printed out. Jamie took the paper. He read the sheet music.
Jamie: I can play this.
Caitie: Good.
Jamie: Can I see the lyrics?
Caitie: Yea.
Caitie handed Jamie the lyrics. He read them over and was silent for a few minutes.
Jamie: is there any particular reason why you chose this. song?
Jamie knew he asked that question in vain. He just didn't want to believe that she felt like she was 'damaged'. Didn't she see how wonderful she was? The notion that Caitie saw herself this way tore a hole in Jamie's heart.
Caitie: Cause. the song was practically written about me. Every word. (Tears welling up in her eyes). Jamie.I. know I've been pushing you away. not just you. Everyone. And, I guess, this will be my way.of opening up to you guys.
After Caitie's last comment, Jamie had a look of seriousness in his eyes. He fixed her into his gaze.
Jamie: I don't think.you know-Caitie, you know you're not damaged.
Caitie: .Yes I am.
Jamie: Caitie. You're not.to me you will always be perfect.
Jamie changed the subject quickly.
Jamie: Let's practice.competition is tomorrow!
* End of flashback *
You have been merely "existing" for the past couple of months. You are slowly starting to regain your footing and live again, but I see the sorrow and fear in your eyes even now. I know you still believe you are damaged. I do not let on that I know this . . . because I guess I like pretending things are okay. I just wish that you could see how great you really are. I see you at times with tears staining your face. You still flinch at any surprise physical contact. Caitie, I'll protect you. Even though you're a strong person who doesn't need protection, I'll protect you nevertheless.
That night, I told you I thought you were perfect. I still think you are. You have such insight into the world. I am often in awe of you . . .
Before Jamie could finish his entry he fell asleep on his bed. The black leather journal now served as a pillow for the tired dark haired boy.
