Chapter 10
When Ginny woke in the morning, the sun was streaming through the high windows in the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey's office door was open. Ginny lay with her eyes closed, listening to the sound of Madam Pomfrey moving about her office. Finally, Ginny sat up and stretched.
She heard Madam Pomfrey bustle out of the office.
"Finally up, Miss Weasley? I didn't really expect you to sleep this long. Miss Granger came by with some clothing for you."
The healer indicated the neatly folded pile of clothes on the chair beside the bed. The bag with hairbrush, shampoo and other hygiene items was stuffed under the chair, out of the way.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Madam Pomfrey approached and began to do a cursory examination.
"I feel wonderful," Ginny answered.
She smiled, remembering that tonight she would be meeting Draco and going with him to the Astronomy tower. She again felt that odd mix of excitement and apprehension. She'd never really kissed anyone except Neville after the Yule Ball, and Harry, and that was a disaster. She just hadn't really been interested, or the boys hadn't been interested. She was interested now, though. Practically tingling with anticipation.
"My, you ARE in good spirits, today, aren't you?" Madam Pomfrey observed, taking in the flushed cheeks, bright eyes and huge smile. "I'm glad you woke up, I was just about to wake you myself. I do have classes today, after all." The witch smiled to take the sting out of her words.
"Unless you want to parade around in your gown in front of them, I suggest you go clean up and change. I've already excused you from morning classes."
Madam Pomfrey bustled away again and Ginny hopped out of bed. It was still a little cold, so she gathered her things and hurried to shower and change. Ginny was just finishing when she heard the class of fifth year students coming in for their Magical Healing classes. Today was Tuesday, so it would be Ravenclaw. Ginny slipped as unobtrusively as possible back to her bed, retrieved her wand and the other items that had been in her pockets yesterday and headed for Gryffindor tower.
As she entered the Common Room, she turned for the dorms. She had expected the room to be deserted as most students were in class. She jumped when Hermione spoke to her from one of the deep, comfortable chairs by the fireplace.
"So, you're finally back? How do you feel?"
Hermione had books strewn across the low table in front of her, and quill and parchment close to hand. Didn't she ever relax? Ginny sat in the chair opposite her and dropped her bag on the ground.
"I feel great. Thanks, Hermione, for bringing my stuff again."
Hermione nodded and sat back. She gave Ginny that speculative look that made Ginny nervous.
"You look great, too. Amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you, don't you think?"
Ginny stammered a bit, then agreed. She didn't like the triumphant smile that now covered Hermione's face.
"And how would you know since you certainly didn't get one last night? Maybe something else is making you glow? Maybe a certain someone is the cause for this sudden change?"
Ginny just stared at Hermione, unable to think of a decent answer. Hermione clicked her tongue and sat forward again.
"Come on, Ginny. Give. What's going on with Malfoy? Why is Mr Personality suddenly all smiles? Except when you didn't show for breakfast. He looked a bit unhappy then. And he surprised us all by coming over and asking Ron to let you know he hoped you were feeling well. Ron was speechless! Malfoy had been gone a full minute before he finally said, 'stupid git,' He mumbled something else, but I didn't catch it. But that was all." She paused, watching for reaction but Ginny, too, was too stunned to say anything. "And Pansy! That bitch, excuse my language, was looking very humble this morning. Malfoy walked past her and she jumped, I mean just jumped! He must have given her a piece of his mind yesterday."
Hermione went on to say that even though Professor McGonagall had recommended one hundred points from Slytherin, Professor Dumbledor had awarded Malfoy fifty for defending a fellow student against his own house. Professor Snape had both Pansy and Goyle on cauldron scrubbing duty until the Christmas holidays. Not only that, but Pansy and Goyle were restricted from Hogsmeade for the rest of the school year. They were also restricted from any special events, such as dances (if there were any) and Quidditch games.
Ginny's eyes were wide. "Oh, that's a bit harsh," she said sympathetically. "Couldn't have happened to a more deserving person," she added.
Hermione laughed. "I agree. They'll think twice before setting on other students again, I hope." She eyed Ginny again. "Now, what about Malfoy. I know he's been mooning after you for some time. Has he finally done something about it? What on earth did you two find to talk about for two and a half hours last night?"
Ginny looked narrowly at Hermione. "My, you're certainly well informed, aren't you? Were you spying on me?"
Hermione laughed again. "Of course I wasn't spying on you. If I had been, I'd know what you two were talking about. And, you're right, I'm well informed. For some reason the house-elves seem to think they owe me for getting them better working conditions. Not that their previous conditions weren't great, but now they have vacations, pay and clothes. Anyway, they tell me things they wouldn't tell others. Like when one of my friends has late night visitors in her hospital room."
"We were only talking!" Ginny said hotly, knowing her face was bright red.
"Ginny," Hermione said seriously, "I'd be greatly disappointed in you and Malfoy if ALL you were doing was talking. But I think you both know what far enough is, and I trust you. I just want to make sure you're happy and he's not just using you."
"Well," Ginny admitted, "maybe it wasn't ALL talking, but it wasn't a whole lot more than that. He kissed my cheek." She sounded so disgusted that Hermione chuckled.
"Malfoy knows what far enough is, that's certain," she laughed. "Imagine how tempted he must have been with you there in your pajamas, in bed, probably looking adorable. I'm impressed!"
"It wouldn't be impressive if he just didn't find me attractive," Ginny muttered, voicing one of her own secret fears.
"That, love, is not possible. I've seen how he watches you, even if you haven't. Even before the skirts and jumpers. I thought he was going to have a fit yesterday morning when he saw the way you were dressed. I'd say he doesn't want anyone else looking at you the way he does."
Ginny brightened a bit. "You think so?" She hoped so, but wanted to maintain some objectivity.
"I know so," Hermione said firmly. "It's the same way Ron looked at me when he finally realized I was a girl."
Hermione stood and gathered her things. "Now go put your things away. We can go to lunch and talk some more. But hurry, 'cause I'm starving!"
As Ginny and Hermione entered the Great Hall, Ron was immediately at their side.
"Are you okay, Ginny? I visited you last night but you were sound asleep. That git Malfoy was there and had the bloody cheek to tell me not to wake you. He asked after you, this morning, by the way. So, did that Pansy bitch really set Goyle on you? I'll beat the crap out of them both if she did."
Ron looked so worried that Ginny surprised them both by giving him a big hug. "Christ, Gin, twice in one week! What was that for?" He looked embarrassed and pleased.
"For being a worried big brother, that's all. I'm fine, I had a sleeping draught, so I wouldn't have woke up anyway, and yes, Pansy set Goyle on me, but you won't beat the crap out of either. Pansy's a girl and if anyone beats the crap out of her it should be me. But, neither one is worth getting in trouble over, especially with the punishment they already got."
Ron didn't look satisfied, but he nodded. They had arrived at the Gryffindor table and sat down. Natalie gave Ginny a big hug then sat next to Dean.
"We were worried about you," she said. Dean nodded and Nat punched him in the shoulder.
"Yeah, Dean was worried, all right. He kept saying, 'Oh, she's gonna miss even more practice now!'" Dean grinned sheepishly as they laughed.
Hermione broke the mood by pulling some books from her bag. "I got some of your homework for you this morning. If you eat quickly you can go to the library and get some of it done. Then you won't get behind."
Ron groaned for Hermione to 'give it a rest', but since Draco hadn't shown up for lunch, Ginny decided she might as well. She finished her lunch quickly and thanked Hermione only a little sarcastically. Then she headed for the library.
Ginny settled into a chair near the rear of the library with her back to the door. She found facing the door distracting, as she would watch the other students instead of doing her work. She pulled the books from her bag, along with quill and parchment and opened the book to the page carefully marked by Hermione. She stared at the writing, but didn't seem to be able to read any of it. She just kept thinking about last night and the upcoming Astronomy class and what would happen after. She finally diagnosed the anxiety she had been feeling.
Ginny didn't really have what could be called extensive romantic experience with boys. There were probably some third years (Natalie, for example) who had more experience than she did. But Malfoy was undoubtedly very experienced. He might expect a lot more than Ginny was willing to give right now. And what would he do if she refused him? Walk away in disgust? Be understanding and patient? She didn't know. She wasn't sure if this had been a good idea after all. But she couldn't, wouldn't back out now. She wanted to be with him. It surprised her a little to find that she trusted him. And there was always the possibility she was putting the cart before the horse and he really only wanted to help her with Astronomy, though she did doubt that.
Disturbed, Ginny focused on last night. Not a single cross word, no arguments, just talking and flirting, and holding hands. He had to like her a little. As Hermione had pointed out, if he didn't care, he probably would have tried to take advantage of her. She smiled, not even realizing she was doodling hearts and stars all over her parchment.
"So what's making you all starry-eyed?"
Ginny jumped as Harry sat down across from her. She glanced down at her parchment, then quickly turned it over. Harry laughed.
"Too late, I saw. The only thing missing is a name in all those hearts. I wonder who's it would be? That Chaser on Ravenclaw? The one who seems to be hovering over our table all the time lately?"
He shook his head and made a motion like scratching a name off a list. "Let's see, Justin? No, not him. Seamus might be a likely candidate, but I don't think so." Harry made a few more invisible scratch offs. "I think that only leaves one person."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ginny said, embarrassed at having been found daydreaming about a boy.
"Come on, Ginny, I'm not blind, you know."
Ginny cast a significant glance at his glasses and he smiled. "All right, I'm not COMPLETELY blind. Neither is Ron, you know. He finally sees what has been obvious to Hermione and me for weeks. When Malfoy came to the table this morning, Ron barely grumbled. All he said was, 'stupid git. He can tell her himself.' I was shocked. So was Hermione."
Harry adjusted his glasses. "The question is, how do you feel? I think I know the answer, but does he?"
Ginny looked down at her folded hands. "I think so, but he hasn't really SAID anything. And," she paused and looked at him almost sadly. Suddenly it burst out. "Oh, Harry, I'm such a tom-boy, not at all feminine or pretty, and he's so much more experienced and I'm just a complete idiot about, about, you know!"
She looked ready to cry and Harry glanced around uncomfortably. He wished Hermione were here because he was probably the last person to comfort Ginny on this matter. Since Hermione wasn't here, he did his best.
"Ginny, first of all you're not the least bit tom-boyish. Well, maybe a bit. But you're also very pretty. I thought you knew that. Especially lately. And about the other, well, I'm not really that far ahead of you." He broke off, embarrassed.
"Look, Ginny," he said, suddenly very serious. "It didn't work out with us, probably because I stupidly waited too long. But that doesn't mean I don't realize how great you are. Any guy here would be lucky to have you for a girlfriend, and if they're smart enough to figure that out, they're smart enough to know you're worth waiting for. And I'm really making a mess of this, aren't I?"
Ginny had kept her head down, but now she raised it. And she was smiling. "Not at all. You've made me feel much better." The smile faltered. "But what about the family? What about..."
Harry cut her off. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. Ron hates his guts, probably always will, but who knows? Anyway, he's half convinced that Malfoy is serious about you and isn't going to hurt you. Once he's convinced, who else is there to object? The guy doesn't live with those lunatics he calls parents anymore. He hasn't bothered us in over a year.
"Did you know Neville accidentally ruined one of Malfoy's potions a few weeks ago and other than cursing and swearing, Malfoy didn't do anything? Poor Nev crept around for a week waiting for Malfoy to do something nasty. Instead, Malfoy saved him from ruining his own potion the next week. Just a quick, 'I wouldn't add that, Longbottom', but it was enough to get Nev back on track. We all saw it and heard it, but it's still hard to believe."
Ginny looked hopefully at Harry. "I thought it was just me making excuses because I like him, but do you really think he's changed?"
"Well, if not, he's a really good actor. But, yeah, I think he has. Maybe not a lot, but enough. And I think he's really crazy about you. Try not to worry about Ron. As long as Malfoy treats you right, Ron will be okay. He won't like your choice. I don't either, but it's not our business unless you're unhappy." Harry looked at his watch. "Yikes, we're going to be late!"
He jumped up, but Ginny took his hand before he could leave. She held it to her cheek for a moment. "Thank you, Harry. For everything."
Harry smiled and nodded. Then he left. Ginny gathered her things, smiling at the parchment. If only Draco knew how close his words had been a few nights ago. She'd have to tell him tonight. She held the parchment to her heart for a moment, then stuck it into her bag and hurried to class.
The remainder of the day dragged along for Ginny. She hadn't seen Draco all day. That was all right, though. She was going to see him tonight. Not at dinner. Astrology class started at the same time as dinner, so those in class would grab sandwiches set out in the Great Hall for that purpose. Afterward, though, she would see him.
As she headed up to Gryffindor tower, she planned what she would wear. She had one blouse in mind. She'd never worn it before, except when she had tried it on. It was an emerald green silk blouse with a deep 'V' neck. The color made her skin glow instead of look sallow. She would wear a black pleated skirt with it and the stockings and flats and, of course, the new robe. She was getting to like the new clothes and her new look. Especially since it seemed Draco liked it, too.
Ginny worked on her homework for a while, then went up to her room to change. She briefly considered make-up and cologne, but decided that would be a little too obvious. She changed, grabbed her Astronomy book and joined her fellow fifth years as they headed down to the Great Hall for sandwiches.
In the Astronomy tower, the professor droned on about novas, nebulas (or were they nebulae?) and constellations. He pointed out some of the more important and astronomically significant stars and droned on some more. Ginny felt her eyelids growing heavy. She always found it difficult to stay awake in this class because it was dark and the professor's monotone voice was lulling. She woke up as the professor slammed his book shut and assigned homework. She wrote the assignment quickly and filed downstairs with the others. She told one of her roommates that she was going to the library to catch up on homework and headed the opposite direction. She rounded the final corner and saw Draco standing outside the library, his back to her.
Draco had been restless. After leaving Ginny the night before he had gone to the Astronomy tower. He looked around and mentally planned the evening ahead. He would show her his favorite constellations. He might tell a few of the stories and myths surrounding the star patterns that his grandfather had taught him. Of course the summer patterns were a little different than what they would see now. And they were much farther north than Noirtier House, which was located in the south of England. No matter. She would probably enjoy the stories anyway. He would make sure to bring a few blankets up and hide them in the closet along the corridor from the tower entrance. And maybe a small picnic basket. And then he would hold her. And finally he would kiss her. No yelling, no hitting or kicking. No healers or Bludgers, no interruptions. Just him and her.
He didn't let his imagination go any farther. He was already in a state of nervous agitation and those thoughts would make him more uncomfortable and jittery than he already was. Gods, someone would think this was the first time he'd ever kissed a girl! Uncomfortable as he was, though, he was ridiculously happy. So much so that speaking to her irritating brother had been a mere inconvenience this morning. And wonder of wonders, the jerk hadn't offered to knock him into next week, as he had on several occasions before. He had barely even glared. He had only nodded at Draco's wishing Ginny well. He might have mumbled something when Draco walked away, but that was nothing to the reception he usually got from Weasley. Draco shook his head at how strange the world was. One thing was certain. If Ron didn't object to him seeing Ginny, no one else in the family would. As much as it galled him, he vowed to keep on Ron's good side. If the git had a good side, that is.
Draco had to admit that he felt lonely and depressed when he didn't see Ginny by lunchtime. He'd arrived late to the Great Hall and she wasn't there. He'd be seeing her in a few hours, but as she had said so wistfully, it seemed so far away.
Draco wandered to the library after he had eaten on the off chance that she might be there. He looked in and didn't see her at first. The library was surprisingly crowded. Finally he saw someone at the back of the library stand. Just Potter, and he looked like he was leaving. Then Potter stopped and it looked like he was reaching down to someone sitting at the table. It was Ginny. She was holding Potter's hand to her cheek, just as she'd held his hand to her cheek.
Draco didn't need to see anymore. The sneaky, lying bitch! She was good. She was very good. He had thought she was so innocent, and now it was obvious that she had just been using him to make Potter jealous!
Draco felt like he couldn't breath. He needed air, and to think. All the happiness and anticipation he'd felt grew hard and leaden. It felt like it would suffocate him. He first thought he would just stand her up. Let her stand around and wait tonight. Then if she asked tomorrow, he would just laugh in her face. He changed his mind, though. Why should she get away with this? He would meet her tonight if she actually had the nerve to show. He would take her to the tower and show her what happened to sneaking little sluts like her.
As he stalked back to his common room, he couldn't help one silent desperate cry, "WHY?"
There he is, Ginny thought, as she hurried up to Draco after her Astronomy class. Her smile was radiant, her face glowing as she tapped his shoulder, saying, "I'm ready!"
He swung around and Ginny stumbled back, the smile dying. He was glaring at her with almost palpable hatred. She took another step back.
"D-Draco, are you all right?" She knew it was a stupid question. Of course he wasn't all right. But what could have happened to him to cause this change?
He sneered at her. "So you decided to show up after all. I imagine this is supposed to be the tactful brush off? I don't think so. We're going to the tower like we planned. Right now."
He grabbed her wrist and started pulling her along the corridor, back toward the tower. Ginny felt frightened and confused, but was starting to get angry. She planted her feet and tried to yank her wrist from his grasp, but couldn't. He turned and glared again, pulling her sharply forward, nearly off her feet.
"Stop it, Draco. What is going on? And what did you m-"
Draco cut her off.
"If I have to, I'll drag you. Your choice." His voice was as hard as the stony glare he turned on her.
Ginny shook her head. She didn't understand. "They must have been wrong," she said, more to herself. "You don't care for me. I was wrong, too." She didn't want to cry but didn't think she could stop. She hung her head, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd made her cry.
Draco looked at her and suddenly felt uncertain. Could he be mistaken? No, he had seen her and Potter together. A small voice shrilled that maybe he'd misunderstood. No, there was no way to misunderstand the tenderness he'd witnessed. He yanked her arm again.
"I'll assume you want to be dragged." He didn't drag her though. He couldn't. Instead, he let go of her wrist and lifted her in his arms. "We'll get there faster this way," he growled to himself.
Ginny wanted to fight. She wanted to slap and hit and scratch, but he was holding her tightly against him. He was nearly shaking with anger, but he was still holding her, almost gently. She couldn't help herself. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck.
After a few moments, he set her down abruptly. "We're here," he gritted out.
He pulled out his wand and pointed at the door to the astronomy tower.
"Alohamora." he said and the lock mechanism snapped open. He opened the door and pulled Ginny inside.
"Now what," Ginny asked in a small quavery voice.
"Upstairs," he growled.
He watched as her shoulders slumped. Then she straightened, lifted her chin and marched past him. Her eyes were shining and he knew she was trying not to cry. He had wanted her to cry but now he just wished he hadn't started this.
Ginny walked slowly up the stairs she had descended so happily so recently. She didn't know what had happened, but whatever it was, it must have been bad. They came to the landing and Ginny paused. Draco stepped in front of her and whispered a few words. The landing and the observation area suddenly became noticeably warmer. A soft bluish light surrounded them and as Ginny moved farther out onto the observation platform she saw that the constellations seemed to stand out better. A charting spell of some sort, to make identification easier. Beautiful and brilliant!
She turned to Draco to tell him and found him glaring at her still.
"Why, Ginny? I was going to drag you up here and--," he stopped. What was he going to do? Rip off her clothes and ravish her? He shuddered. "Never mind what I was going to do. I'll let you go after you answer me. Why?"
She stepped toward him, but he stepped away. Ginny was badly scared, but he hadn't hurt her, even though he was shaking with anger. He had grabbed her many times, but never hard enough to hurt. Not even to bruise. All the bruises on her arms had come from her own brother. And he'd been so very gentle when he carried her. And all the while, he was in pain; something was tearing him up. Ginny had no idea what it was but as enormous as she suspected it was, he still cared enough not to hurt her.
"Why, what," she pleaded. She wanted to understand.
"Oh, come on, Ginny," he snarled. He moved closer until he was right in her face. "Did you have a good laugh at my expense? Was Potter in on it or were you just trying to make him jealous? Did you think I wouldn't find out? Does Potter even know you're here?"
Ginny thought she was beginning to understand. He was jealous and hurt. He thought she'd been using him. He thought she and Harry were going out, but where would he get an idea like that? Even though she was shaking on the inside, she stood her ground and waited while he raged at her.
When he seemed to be done, she said quietly, "I still don't understand. What on Earth does Harry have to do with anything? Why would Harry care if I was with you?"
"Oh, please," he sneered at her. "I'm not blind, I saw you two in the library."
Bloody bingo, she thought. She smiled grimly and tried to think of what to say.
Draco's eyes widened. "Christ, Ginny! You're killing me. You're standing there tearing my fucking heart out and you're smiling! I can't believe it!"
He had been flailing his arms around as he shouted. She reached out and grabbed one of his hands, pulling it to her breast, just above her heart. He froze as she slipped his hand into the neck of the green blouse and held it there firmly.
"Then tear mine out, too, Draco. Because you're ripping it into pieces. I can't stand the way you're looking at me. As though you hate me. As though I were some vile, repulsive creature that shouldn't be allowed to live. If you hate me so much, just pick me up and toss me off the tower right now. You're stronger than I am. I won't even fight." She had said it so quietly, but the words ripped through him.
Gods, what was she saying? What was she doing to him? How could she think he hated her? How could she think he could ever hurt her? He was shaking harder now, but no longer from anger. He HAD made a mistake, he knew, a grave mistake.
Ginny had his complete and undivided attention now. She moved closer, holding his hand to her heart and putting her hand over his, feeling the rapid, erratic beat. He sucked in his breath and held very still.
"I was smiling because Harry said something similar to me today. He wanted to know about us, if it was serious. I asked him what he meant and he said he wasn't blind. I teased him about his glasses, but I think you might need them more than he does."
Draco felt sick. She and Potter had been talking about HIM. But what about that caress? He couldn't make himself ask, though. He didn't have to. She explained anyway.
"I don't suppose you'll believe me when I tell you Harry had just volunteered to run interference with Ron if you and I ever, well, became you and I?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Believe it or not, that's what happened. Harry caught me drawing hearts all over my homework. He was teasing me because I hadn't gotten to the part where I put a name inside all the little hearts. But he guessed it would have been yours. As he left, I held his hand for a second. I was thanking him for being a friend."
Ginny finally let go of his hand. She needed to think. She stepped away from him and walked to the edge of the observation deck. Leaning her elbows on the low wall she gazed at the stars. This aspect of him, this unreasoning temper, frightened her. Be fair, her mind told her. He was yelling and screaming, but he never hurt you. In fact, he was extremely careful not to. But Draco had had a difficult childhood. Was he really the kind of person she wanted to get close to? Would she always have to deal with these rages? Was the romantic aspect worth it?
Draco's mind was reeling. She was telling the truth. He knew that. And he had just ruined everything. He hadn't trusted her, or maybe just hadn't believed in his own good fortune. Either way, he had probably just killed any feelings she had for him. He wanted to explain, but there was nothing to say.
Draco turned to go when Ginny said something quietly.
He turned back, not quite hearing what she'd said. She said it again, even more quietly. He still didn't hear. He moved closer, until he was standing right behind her. She looked so beautiful, standing there. He would give anything to see that beautiful smile she'd greeted him with again. He couldn't help himself. He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, waiting for her to jerk away. She moved, but closer, leaning back into his arms. He had to be dreaming. She murmured again, still too quietly for him to understand. He bent his head and whispered, "I didn't hear."
"Oceana," she murmured. "Virginia Oceana Weasley."
Gods, her middle name. He held her tightly, then turned her so she was facing him. She wouldn't look at him. He lifted her chin gently and waited until those great, brown eyes lifted to his. They were shining with unshed tears.
"Ginny, I'm -" She covered his mouth with her hand. "Don't," she said. "Just hold me?"
He crushed her against him, burying his face in her hair. He stroked her back and shoulders. Ginny sighed and finally pushed away slightly. She offered him a weak, shaky smile.
"I don't know what got into my mother's head to give me a name like that. Mum told me she and Dad were on holiday at the shore when I was conceived, so I guess that explains it," she said. "And it IS much worse than Draco."
He smiled. He didn't have any right to be smiling, after what he'd done, but he smiled anyway. She was still here in his arms. She might actually forgive him.
He tried again.
"I'm sor-"
"I know," she said, moving away completely.
She turned away and Draco felt his insides grow cold again.
"I just want everything nice and clear. I want to know what you feel for me, what you want from me. I'm not good at roller coasters, real or emotional. I refuse to deal with jealous rages." She turned to him. "I want to know where I stand and I want you to know where you stand."
Leaning against the wall again, she said, "I hope you know that if I cared for anyone else, even a little, I would not be here right now." She lifted her hands helplessly. "I like you, Draco. Very much. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. And since I want to be completely honest, I'd say I love you but it seems a bit early for that. But, I don't play games. I will never, EVER try to make you jealous by flirting with someone else, so I should never have to go through this," she gestured vaguely around the observation deck, "again." She glanced into his eyes, wondering if it was safe to tease him a little. Might as well, she thought a bit recklessly.
"Not even with that adorable Ravenclaw Chaser who keeps asking me to go out with him."
Draco couldn't believe his ears. She was teasing him. He had just threatened her and mauled her and hurt her feelings badly and she said she loved him. Well not quite, but close enough to be going on. She had also given him an ultimatum. He figured he could live with that, as he never wanted to deal with something like this again, either. And he believed her. If she said she loved him, she would mean it. He wondered if it had been anyone but Potter whether he'd have reacted the same way, and was slightly ashamed to admit that he probably would not have. Draco would have to work on his jealousy of Potter. But first, he had to work on making up to Ginny. He closed the distance between them and wrapped his hands around her slim waist. He pulled her closer, delighting at the way her eyes softened and her hands came up to hold his shoulders.
"I hope you told him you were already going with out someone else?" he whispered as he traced her cheek with his lips.
Ginny sighed with relief. No jealous questions, just his own incredibly sexy brand of teasing.
"How could I? You hadn't asked me yet." She pushed him away, but kept a hold on the front of his robes. "And you're purposely trying to distract me. You didn't answer me."
She tried to sound stern, but it was difficult when his hands were sliding around her back and pulling her closer.
"All right, will you go out with me, Ginny? Be my girl?"
He ran one hand up her spine, then began to tickle her neck. He was kissing her ear when she let a hand stray to the neck of his robe, then slip under slightly, tracing the collarbone. He jerked as though hit with an electrical shock.
Ginny felt heat wash over her. She felt him jerk at her touch and she had caused that reaction. She replaced her hand with her mouth and felt him shiver. She knew she was skinny and average looking, but his response made her feel incredibly sexy and powerful. She wondered distractedly if he was wearing a silk tee shirt right now. Maybe she would ask him later. Or maybe she'd just find out herself.
"Of course I'll go out with you. But that's the wrong question." Her voice was no longer stern. In fact, it was quite husky now, and muffled.
Draco let his hands stray to the flared opening of her robes. The fastenings ended about mid thigh, but somehow seemed to have come undone to her waist. His hands slipped under the robe and brushed over the black wool skirt. He gripped her hips and pulled her to him again, groaning softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She continued to kiss and nibble at his throat and neck. He must have died and gone to heaven!
"Oh, that question," he said softly, burying one hand in her fiery red hair and pulling her face to his. "I love you, Ginny," he said just before his mouth closed over hers.
DESPERADO
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You've been out riding fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you've got your reasons
These things that are pleasing you can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet
Now, it seems to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home
And freedom, oh, freedom
Well, that's just some people talking
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day
You're losing all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, oh, open the gate
It may be raining
But there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
(You better let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you
Before it's too late
When Ginny woke in the morning, the sun was streaming through the high windows in the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey's office door was open. Ginny lay with her eyes closed, listening to the sound of Madam Pomfrey moving about her office. Finally, Ginny sat up and stretched.
She heard Madam Pomfrey bustle out of the office.
"Finally up, Miss Weasley? I didn't really expect you to sleep this long. Miss Granger came by with some clothing for you."
The healer indicated the neatly folded pile of clothes on the chair beside the bed. The bag with hairbrush, shampoo and other hygiene items was stuffed under the chair, out of the way.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Madam Pomfrey approached and began to do a cursory examination.
"I feel wonderful," Ginny answered.
She smiled, remembering that tonight she would be meeting Draco and going with him to the Astronomy tower. She again felt that odd mix of excitement and apprehension. She'd never really kissed anyone except Neville after the Yule Ball, and Harry, and that was a disaster. She just hadn't really been interested, or the boys hadn't been interested. She was interested now, though. Practically tingling with anticipation.
"My, you ARE in good spirits, today, aren't you?" Madam Pomfrey observed, taking in the flushed cheeks, bright eyes and huge smile. "I'm glad you woke up, I was just about to wake you myself. I do have classes today, after all." The witch smiled to take the sting out of her words.
"Unless you want to parade around in your gown in front of them, I suggest you go clean up and change. I've already excused you from morning classes."
Madam Pomfrey bustled away again and Ginny hopped out of bed. It was still a little cold, so she gathered her things and hurried to shower and change. Ginny was just finishing when she heard the class of fifth year students coming in for their Magical Healing classes. Today was Tuesday, so it would be Ravenclaw. Ginny slipped as unobtrusively as possible back to her bed, retrieved her wand and the other items that had been in her pockets yesterday and headed for Gryffindor tower.
As she entered the Common Room, she turned for the dorms. She had expected the room to be deserted as most students were in class. She jumped when Hermione spoke to her from one of the deep, comfortable chairs by the fireplace.
"So, you're finally back? How do you feel?"
Hermione had books strewn across the low table in front of her, and quill and parchment close to hand. Didn't she ever relax? Ginny sat in the chair opposite her and dropped her bag on the ground.
"I feel great. Thanks, Hermione, for bringing my stuff again."
Hermione nodded and sat back. She gave Ginny that speculative look that made Ginny nervous.
"You look great, too. Amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you, don't you think?"
Ginny stammered a bit, then agreed. She didn't like the triumphant smile that now covered Hermione's face.
"And how would you know since you certainly didn't get one last night? Maybe something else is making you glow? Maybe a certain someone is the cause for this sudden change?"
Ginny just stared at Hermione, unable to think of a decent answer. Hermione clicked her tongue and sat forward again.
"Come on, Ginny. Give. What's going on with Malfoy? Why is Mr Personality suddenly all smiles? Except when you didn't show for breakfast. He looked a bit unhappy then. And he surprised us all by coming over and asking Ron to let you know he hoped you were feeling well. Ron was speechless! Malfoy had been gone a full minute before he finally said, 'stupid git,' He mumbled something else, but I didn't catch it. But that was all." She paused, watching for reaction but Ginny, too, was too stunned to say anything. "And Pansy! That bitch, excuse my language, was looking very humble this morning. Malfoy walked past her and she jumped, I mean just jumped! He must have given her a piece of his mind yesterday."
Hermione went on to say that even though Professor McGonagall had recommended one hundred points from Slytherin, Professor Dumbledor had awarded Malfoy fifty for defending a fellow student against his own house. Professor Snape had both Pansy and Goyle on cauldron scrubbing duty until the Christmas holidays. Not only that, but Pansy and Goyle were restricted from Hogsmeade for the rest of the school year. They were also restricted from any special events, such as dances (if there were any) and Quidditch games.
Ginny's eyes were wide. "Oh, that's a bit harsh," she said sympathetically. "Couldn't have happened to a more deserving person," she added.
Hermione laughed. "I agree. They'll think twice before setting on other students again, I hope." She eyed Ginny again. "Now, what about Malfoy. I know he's been mooning after you for some time. Has he finally done something about it? What on earth did you two find to talk about for two and a half hours last night?"
Ginny looked narrowly at Hermione. "My, you're certainly well informed, aren't you? Were you spying on me?"
Hermione laughed again. "Of course I wasn't spying on you. If I had been, I'd know what you two were talking about. And, you're right, I'm well informed. For some reason the house-elves seem to think they owe me for getting them better working conditions. Not that their previous conditions weren't great, but now they have vacations, pay and clothes. Anyway, they tell me things they wouldn't tell others. Like when one of my friends has late night visitors in her hospital room."
"We were only talking!" Ginny said hotly, knowing her face was bright red.
"Ginny," Hermione said seriously, "I'd be greatly disappointed in you and Malfoy if ALL you were doing was talking. But I think you both know what far enough is, and I trust you. I just want to make sure you're happy and he's not just using you."
"Well," Ginny admitted, "maybe it wasn't ALL talking, but it wasn't a whole lot more than that. He kissed my cheek." She sounded so disgusted that Hermione chuckled.
"Malfoy knows what far enough is, that's certain," she laughed. "Imagine how tempted he must have been with you there in your pajamas, in bed, probably looking adorable. I'm impressed!"
"It wouldn't be impressive if he just didn't find me attractive," Ginny muttered, voicing one of her own secret fears.
"That, love, is not possible. I've seen how he watches you, even if you haven't. Even before the skirts and jumpers. I thought he was going to have a fit yesterday morning when he saw the way you were dressed. I'd say he doesn't want anyone else looking at you the way he does."
Ginny brightened a bit. "You think so?" She hoped so, but wanted to maintain some objectivity.
"I know so," Hermione said firmly. "It's the same way Ron looked at me when he finally realized I was a girl."
Hermione stood and gathered her things. "Now go put your things away. We can go to lunch and talk some more. But hurry, 'cause I'm starving!"
As Ginny and Hermione entered the Great Hall, Ron was immediately at their side.
"Are you okay, Ginny? I visited you last night but you were sound asleep. That git Malfoy was there and had the bloody cheek to tell me not to wake you. He asked after you, this morning, by the way. So, did that Pansy bitch really set Goyle on you? I'll beat the crap out of them both if she did."
Ron looked so worried that Ginny surprised them both by giving him a big hug. "Christ, Gin, twice in one week! What was that for?" He looked embarrassed and pleased.
"For being a worried big brother, that's all. I'm fine, I had a sleeping draught, so I wouldn't have woke up anyway, and yes, Pansy set Goyle on me, but you won't beat the crap out of either. Pansy's a girl and if anyone beats the crap out of her it should be me. But, neither one is worth getting in trouble over, especially with the punishment they already got."
Ron didn't look satisfied, but he nodded. They had arrived at the Gryffindor table and sat down. Natalie gave Ginny a big hug then sat next to Dean.
"We were worried about you," she said. Dean nodded and Nat punched him in the shoulder.
"Yeah, Dean was worried, all right. He kept saying, 'Oh, she's gonna miss even more practice now!'" Dean grinned sheepishly as they laughed.
Hermione broke the mood by pulling some books from her bag. "I got some of your homework for you this morning. If you eat quickly you can go to the library and get some of it done. Then you won't get behind."
Ron groaned for Hermione to 'give it a rest', but since Draco hadn't shown up for lunch, Ginny decided she might as well. She finished her lunch quickly and thanked Hermione only a little sarcastically. Then she headed for the library.
Ginny settled into a chair near the rear of the library with her back to the door. She found facing the door distracting, as she would watch the other students instead of doing her work. She pulled the books from her bag, along with quill and parchment and opened the book to the page carefully marked by Hermione. She stared at the writing, but didn't seem to be able to read any of it. She just kept thinking about last night and the upcoming Astronomy class and what would happen after. She finally diagnosed the anxiety she had been feeling.
Ginny didn't really have what could be called extensive romantic experience with boys. There were probably some third years (Natalie, for example) who had more experience than she did. But Malfoy was undoubtedly very experienced. He might expect a lot more than Ginny was willing to give right now. And what would he do if she refused him? Walk away in disgust? Be understanding and patient? She didn't know. She wasn't sure if this had been a good idea after all. But she couldn't, wouldn't back out now. She wanted to be with him. It surprised her a little to find that she trusted him. And there was always the possibility she was putting the cart before the horse and he really only wanted to help her with Astronomy, though she did doubt that.
Disturbed, Ginny focused on last night. Not a single cross word, no arguments, just talking and flirting, and holding hands. He had to like her a little. As Hermione had pointed out, if he didn't care, he probably would have tried to take advantage of her. She smiled, not even realizing she was doodling hearts and stars all over her parchment.
"So what's making you all starry-eyed?"
Ginny jumped as Harry sat down across from her. She glanced down at her parchment, then quickly turned it over. Harry laughed.
"Too late, I saw. The only thing missing is a name in all those hearts. I wonder who's it would be? That Chaser on Ravenclaw? The one who seems to be hovering over our table all the time lately?"
He shook his head and made a motion like scratching a name off a list. "Let's see, Justin? No, not him. Seamus might be a likely candidate, but I don't think so." Harry made a few more invisible scratch offs. "I think that only leaves one person."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ginny said, embarrassed at having been found daydreaming about a boy.
"Come on, Ginny, I'm not blind, you know."
Ginny cast a significant glance at his glasses and he smiled. "All right, I'm not COMPLETELY blind. Neither is Ron, you know. He finally sees what has been obvious to Hermione and me for weeks. When Malfoy came to the table this morning, Ron barely grumbled. All he said was, 'stupid git. He can tell her himself.' I was shocked. So was Hermione."
Harry adjusted his glasses. "The question is, how do you feel? I think I know the answer, but does he?"
Ginny looked down at her folded hands. "I think so, but he hasn't really SAID anything. And," she paused and looked at him almost sadly. Suddenly it burst out. "Oh, Harry, I'm such a tom-boy, not at all feminine or pretty, and he's so much more experienced and I'm just a complete idiot about, about, you know!"
She looked ready to cry and Harry glanced around uncomfortably. He wished Hermione were here because he was probably the last person to comfort Ginny on this matter. Since Hermione wasn't here, he did his best.
"Ginny, first of all you're not the least bit tom-boyish. Well, maybe a bit. But you're also very pretty. I thought you knew that. Especially lately. And about the other, well, I'm not really that far ahead of you." He broke off, embarrassed.
"Look, Ginny," he said, suddenly very serious. "It didn't work out with us, probably because I stupidly waited too long. But that doesn't mean I don't realize how great you are. Any guy here would be lucky to have you for a girlfriend, and if they're smart enough to figure that out, they're smart enough to know you're worth waiting for. And I'm really making a mess of this, aren't I?"
Ginny had kept her head down, but now she raised it. And she was smiling. "Not at all. You've made me feel much better." The smile faltered. "But what about the family? What about..."
Harry cut her off. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. Ron hates his guts, probably always will, but who knows? Anyway, he's half convinced that Malfoy is serious about you and isn't going to hurt you. Once he's convinced, who else is there to object? The guy doesn't live with those lunatics he calls parents anymore. He hasn't bothered us in over a year.
"Did you know Neville accidentally ruined one of Malfoy's potions a few weeks ago and other than cursing and swearing, Malfoy didn't do anything? Poor Nev crept around for a week waiting for Malfoy to do something nasty. Instead, Malfoy saved him from ruining his own potion the next week. Just a quick, 'I wouldn't add that, Longbottom', but it was enough to get Nev back on track. We all saw it and heard it, but it's still hard to believe."
Ginny looked hopefully at Harry. "I thought it was just me making excuses because I like him, but do you really think he's changed?"
"Well, if not, he's a really good actor. But, yeah, I think he has. Maybe not a lot, but enough. And I think he's really crazy about you. Try not to worry about Ron. As long as Malfoy treats you right, Ron will be okay. He won't like your choice. I don't either, but it's not our business unless you're unhappy." Harry looked at his watch. "Yikes, we're going to be late!"
He jumped up, but Ginny took his hand before he could leave. She held it to her cheek for a moment. "Thank you, Harry. For everything."
Harry smiled and nodded. Then he left. Ginny gathered her things, smiling at the parchment. If only Draco knew how close his words had been a few nights ago. She'd have to tell him tonight. She held the parchment to her heart for a moment, then stuck it into her bag and hurried to class.
The remainder of the day dragged along for Ginny. She hadn't seen Draco all day. That was all right, though. She was going to see him tonight. Not at dinner. Astrology class started at the same time as dinner, so those in class would grab sandwiches set out in the Great Hall for that purpose. Afterward, though, she would see him.
As she headed up to Gryffindor tower, she planned what she would wear. She had one blouse in mind. She'd never worn it before, except when she had tried it on. It was an emerald green silk blouse with a deep 'V' neck. The color made her skin glow instead of look sallow. She would wear a black pleated skirt with it and the stockings and flats and, of course, the new robe. She was getting to like the new clothes and her new look. Especially since it seemed Draco liked it, too.
Ginny worked on her homework for a while, then went up to her room to change. She briefly considered make-up and cologne, but decided that would be a little too obvious. She changed, grabbed her Astronomy book and joined her fellow fifth years as they headed down to the Great Hall for sandwiches.
In the Astronomy tower, the professor droned on about novas, nebulas (or were they nebulae?) and constellations. He pointed out some of the more important and astronomically significant stars and droned on some more. Ginny felt her eyelids growing heavy. She always found it difficult to stay awake in this class because it was dark and the professor's monotone voice was lulling. She woke up as the professor slammed his book shut and assigned homework. She wrote the assignment quickly and filed downstairs with the others. She told one of her roommates that she was going to the library to catch up on homework and headed the opposite direction. She rounded the final corner and saw Draco standing outside the library, his back to her.
Draco had been restless. After leaving Ginny the night before he had gone to the Astronomy tower. He looked around and mentally planned the evening ahead. He would show her his favorite constellations. He might tell a few of the stories and myths surrounding the star patterns that his grandfather had taught him. Of course the summer patterns were a little different than what they would see now. And they were much farther north than Noirtier House, which was located in the south of England. No matter. She would probably enjoy the stories anyway. He would make sure to bring a few blankets up and hide them in the closet along the corridor from the tower entrance. And maybe a small picnic basket. And then he would hold her. And finally he would kiss her. No yelling, no hitting or kicking. No healers or Bludgers, no interruptions. Just him and her.
He didn't let his imagination go any farther. He was already in a state of nervous agitation and those thoughts would make him more uncomfortable and jittery than he already was. Gods, someone would think this was the first time he'd ever kissed a girl! Uncomfortable as he was, though, he was ridiculously happy. So much so that speaking to her irritating brother had been a mere inconvenience this morning. And wonder of wonders, the jerk hadn't offered to knock him into next week, as he had on several occasions before. He had barely even glared. He had only nodded at Draco's wishing Ginny well. He might have mumbled something when Draco walked away, but that was nothing to the reception he usually got from Weasley. Draco shook his head at how strange the world was. One thing was certain. If Ron didn't object to him seeing Ginny, no one else in the family would. As much as it galled him, he vowed to keep on Ron's good side. If the git had a good side, that is.
Draco had to admit that he felt lonely and depressed when he didn't see Ginny by lunchtime. He'd arrived late to the Great Hall and she wasn't there. He'd be seeing her in a few hours, but as she had said so wistfully, it seemed so far away.
Draco wandered to the library after he had eaten on the off chance that she might be there. He looked in and didn't see her at first. The library was surprisingly crowded. Finally he saw someone at the back of the library stand. Just Potter, and he looked like he was leaving. Then Potter stopped and it looked like he was reaching down to someone sitting at the table. It was Ginny. She was holding Potter's hand to her cheek, just as she'd held his hand to her cheek.
Draco didn't need to see anymore. The sneaky, lying bitch! She was good. She was very good. He had thought she was so innocent, and now it was obvious that she had just been using him to make Potter jealous!
Draco felt like he couldn't breath. He needed air, and to think. All the happiness and anticipation he'd felt grew hard and leaden. It felt like it would suffocate him. He first thought he would just stand her up. Let her stand around and wait tonight. Then if she asked tomorrow, he would just laugh in her face. He changed his mind, though. Why should she get away with this? He would meet her tonight if she actually had the nerve to show. He would take her to the tower and show her what happened to sneaking little sluts like her.
As he stalked back to his common room, he couldn't help one silent desperate cry, "WHY?"
There he is, Ginny thought, as she hurried up to Draco after her Astronomy class. Her smile was radiant, her face glowing as she tapped his shoulder, saying, "I'm ready!"
He swung around and Ginny stumbled back, the smile dying. He was glaring at her with almost palpable hatred. She took another step back.
"D-Draco, are you all right?" She knew it was a stupid question. Of course he wasn't all right. But what could have happened to him to cause this change?
He sneered at her. "So you decided to show up after all. I imagine this is supposed to be the tactful brush off? I don't think so. We're going to the tower like we planned. Right now."
He grabbed her wrist and started pulling her along the corridor, back toward the tower. Ginny felt frightened and confused, but was starting to get angry. She planted her feet and tried to yank her wrist from his grasp, but couldn't. He turned and glared again, pulling her sharply forward, nearly off her feet.
"Stop it, Draco. What is going on? And what did you m-"
Draco cut her off.
"If I have to, I'll drag you. Your choice." His voice was as hard as the stony glare he turned on her.
Ginny shook her head. She didn't understand. "They must have been wrong," she said, more to herself. "You don't care for me. I was wrong, too." She didn't want to cry but didn't think she could stop. She hung her head, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd made her cry.
Draco looked at her and suddenly felt uncertain. Could he be mistaken? No, he had seen her and Potter together. A small voice shrilled that maybe he'd misunderstood. No, there was no way to misunderstand the tenderness he'd witnessed. He yanked her arm again.
"I'll assume you want to be dragged." He didn't drag her though. He couldn't. Instead, he let go of her wrist and lifted her in his arms. "We'll get there faster this way," he growled to himself.
Ginny wanted to fight. She wanted to slap and hit and scratch, but he was holding her tightly against him. He was nearly shaking with anger, but he was still holding her, almost gently. She couldn't help herself. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck.
After a few moments, he set her down abruptly. "We're here," he gritted out.
He pulled out his wand and pointed at the door to the astronomy tower.
"Alohamora." he said and the lock mechanism snapped open. He opened the door and pulled Ginny inside.
"Now what," Ginny asked in a small quavery voice.
"Upstairs," he growled.
He watched as her shoulders slumped. Then she straightened, lifted her chin and marched past him. Her eyes were shining and he knew she was trying not to cry. He had wanted her to cry but now he just wished he hadn't started this.
Ginny walked slowly up the stairs she had descended so happily so recently. She didn't know what had happened, but whatever it was, it must have been bad. They came to the landing and Ginny paused. Draco stepped in front of her and whispered a few words. The landing and the observation area suddenly became noticeably warmer. A soft bluish light surrounded them and as Ginny moved farther out onto the observation platform she saw that the constellations seemed to stand out better. A charting spell of some sort, to make identification easier. Beautiful and brilliant!
She turned to Draco to tell him and found him glaring at her still.
"Why, Ginny? I was going to drag you up here and--," he stopped. What was he going to do? Rip off her clothes and ravish her? He shuddered. "Never mind what I was going to do. I'll let you go after you answer me. Why?"
She stepped toward him, but he stepped away. Ginny was badly scared, but he hadn't hurt her, even though he was shaking with anger. He had grabbed her many times, but never hard enough to hurt. Not even to bruise. All the bruises on her arms had come from her own brother. And he'd been so very gentle when he carried her. And all the while, he was in pain; something was tearing him up. Ginny had no idea what it was but as enormous as she suspected it was, he still cared enough not to hurt her.
"Why, what," she pleaded. She wanted to understand.
"Oh, come on, Ginny," he snarled. He moved closer until he was right in her face. "Did you have a good laugh at my expense? Was Potter in on it or were you just trying to make him jealous? Did you think I wouldn't find out? Does Potter even know you're here?"
Ginny thought she was beginning to understand. He was jealous and hurt. He thought she'd been using him. He thought she and Harry were going out, but where would he get an idea like that? Even though she was shaking on the inside, she stood her ground and waited while he raged at her.
When he seemed to be done, she said quietly, "I still don't understand. What on Earth does Harry have to do with anything? Why would Harry care if I was with you?"
"Oh, please," he sneered at her. "I'm not blind, I saw you two in the library."
Bloody bingo, she thought. She smiled grimly and tried to think of what to say.
Draco's eyes widened. "Christ, Ginny! You're killing me. You're standing there tearing my fucking heart out and you're smiling! I can't believe it!"
He had been flailing his arms around as he shouted. She reached out and grabbed one of his hands, pulling it to her breast, just above her heart. He froze as she slipped his hand into the neck of the green blouse and held it there firmly.
"Then tear mine out, too, Draco. Because you're ripping it into pieces. I can't stand the way you're looking at me. As though you hate me. As though I were some vile, repulsive creature that shouldn't be allowed to live. If you hate me so much, just pick me up and toss me off the tower right now. You're stronger than I am. I won't even fight." She had said it so quietly, but the words ripped through him.
Gods, what was she saying? What was she doing to him? How could she think he hated her? How could she think he could ever hurt her? He was shaking harder now, but no longer from anger. He HAD made a mistake, he knew, a grave mistake.
Ginny had his complete and undivided attention now. She moved closer, holding his hand to her heart and putting her hand over his, feeling the rapid, erratic beat. He sucked in his breath and held very still.
"I was smiling because Harry said something similar to me today. He wanted to know about us, if it was serious. I asked him what he meant and he said he wasn't blind. I teased him about his glasses, but I think you might need them more than he does."
Draco felt sick. She and Potter had been talking about HIM. But what about that caress? He couldn't make himself ask, though. He didn't have to. She explained anyway.
"I don't suppose you'll believe me when I tell you Harry had just volunteered to run interference with Ron if you and I ever, well, became you and I?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Believe it or not, that's what happened. Harry caught me drawing hearts all over my homework. He was teasing me because I hadn't gotten to the part where I put a name inside all the little hearts. But he guessed it would have been yours. As he left, I held his hand for a second. I was thanking him for being a friend."
Ginny finally let go of his hand. She needed to think. She stepped away from him and walked to the edge of the observation deck. Leaning her elbows on the low wall she gazed at the stars. This aspect of him, this unreasoning temper, frightened her. Be fair, her mind told her. He was yelling and screaming, but he never hurt you. In fact, he was extremely careful not to. But Draco had had a difficult childhood. Was he really the kind of person she wanted to get close to? Would she always have to deal with these rages? Was the romantic aspect worth it?
Draco's mind was reeling. She was telling the truth. He knew that. And he had just ruined everything. He hadn't trusted her, or maybe just hadn't believed in his own good fortune. Either way, he had probably just killed any feelings she had for him. He wanted to explain, but there was nothing to say.
Draco turned to go when Ginny said something quietly.
He turned back, not quite hearing what she'd said. She said it again, even more quietly. He still didn't hear. He moved closer, until he was standing right behind her. She looked so beautiful, standing there. He would give anything to see that beautiful smile she'd greeted him with again. He couldn't help himself. He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, waiting for her to jerk away. She moved, but closer, leaning back into his arms. He had to be dreaming. She murmured again, still too quietly for him to understand. He bent his head and whispered, "I didn't hear."
"Oceana," she murmured. "Virginia Oceana Weasley."
Gods, her middle name. He held her tightly, then turned her so she was facing him. She wouldn't look at him. He lifted her chin gently and waited until those great, brown eyes lifted to his. They were shining with unshed tears.
"Ginny, I'm -" She covered his mouth with her hand. "Don't," she said. "Just hold me?"
He crushed her against him, burying his face in her hair. He stroked her back and shoulders. Ginny sighed and finally pushed away slightly. She offered him a weak, shaky smile.
"I don't know what got into my mother's head to give me a name like that. Mum told me she and Dad were on holiday at the shore when I was conceived, so I guess that explains it," she said. "And it IS much worse than Draco."
He smiled. He didn't have any right to be smiling, after what he'd done, but he smiled anyway. She was still here in his arms. She might actually forgive him.
He tried again.
"I'm sor-"
"I know," she said, moving away completely.
She turned away and Draco felt his insides grow cold again.
"I just want everything nice and clear. I want to know what you feel for me, what you want from me. I'm not good at roller coasters, real or emotional. I refuse to deal with jealous rages." She turned to him. "I want to know where I stand and I want you to know where you stand."
Leaning against the wall again, she said, "I hope you know that if I cared for anyone else, even a little, I would not be here right now." She lifted her hands helplessly. "I like you, Draco. Very much. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. And since I want to be completely honest, I'd say I love you but it seems a bit early for that. But, I don't play games. I will never, EVER try to make you jealous by flirting with someone else, so I should never have to go through this," she gestured vaguely around the observation deck, "again." She glanced into his eyes, wondering if it was safe to tease him a little. Might as well, she thought a bit recklessly.
"Not even with that adorable Ravenclaw Chaser who keeps asking me to go out with him."
Draco couldn't believe his ears. She was teasing him. He had just threatened her and mauled her and hurt her feelings badly and she said she loved him. Well not quite, but close enough to be going on. She had also given him an ultimatum. He figured he could live with that, as he never wanted to deal with something like this again, either. And he believed her. If she said she loved him, she would mean it. He wondered if it had been anyone but Potter whether he'd have reacted the same way, and was slightly ashamed to admit that he probably would not have. Draco would have to work on his jealousy of Potter. But first, he had to work on making up to Ginny. He closed the distance between them and wrapped his hands around her slim waist. He pulled her closer, delighting at the way her eyes softened and her hands came up to hold his shoulders.
"I hope you told him you were already going with out someone else?" he whispered as he traced her cheek with his lips.
Ginny sighed with relief. No jealous questions, just his own incredibly sexy brand of teasing.
"How could I? You hadn't asked me yet." She pushed him away, but kept a hold on the front of his robes. "And you're purposely trying to distract me. You didn't answer me."
She tried to sound stern, but it was difficult when his hands were sliding around her back and pulling her closer.
"All right, will you go out with me, Ginny? Be my girl?"
He ran one hand up her spine, then began to tickle her neck. He was kissing her ear when she let a hand stray to the neck of his robe, then slip under slightly, tracing the collarbone. He jerked as though hit with an electrical shock.
Ginny felt heat wash over her. She felt him jerk at her touch and she had caused that reaction. She replaced her hand with her mouth and felt him shiver. She knew she was skinny and average looking, but his response made her feel incredibly sexy and powerful. She wondered distractedly if he was wearing a silk tee shirt right now. Maybe she would ask him later. Or maybe she'd just find out herself.
"Of course I'll go out with you. But that's the wrong question." Her voice was no longer stern. In fact, it was quite husky now, and muffled.
Draco let his hands stray to the flared opening of her robes. The fastenings ended about mid thigh, but somehow seemed to have come undone to her waist. His hands slipped under the robe and brushed over the black wool skirt. He gripped her hips and pulled her to him again, groaning softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She continued to kiss and nibble at his throat and neck. He must have died and gone to heaven!
"Oh, that question," he said softly, burying one hand in her fiery red hair and pulling her face to his. "I love you, Ginny," he said just before his mouth closed over hers.
DESPERADO
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You've been out riding fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you've got your reasons
These things that are pleasing you can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet
Now, it seems to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home
And freedom, oh, freedom
Well, that's just some people talking
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day
You're losing all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, oh, open the gate
It may be raining
But there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
(You better let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you
Before it's too late
