Disclaimer: "Dragonball Z" and its characters are registered trademarks
belonging to
FUNimation, Inc. "Tenchi Muyo!" and its characters are also trademarks of Pioneer and
AIC. "Sonic the Hedgehog", its characters, and its games belong to SEGA. TOM and the
Absolution belong to (as far as I know) Cartoon Network and Time Warner. MST3K is a
registered trademark of Best Brains, Inc. Dalax belongs to Dalax Dawnbreak. Ryu and
Trigger belong to newbie MSTer, Darax the Hedgehog. Ashura, Crystallis, and Seiyuka
belong to my good buddy, Ashura Hedgehog. Merc, Sara, and Sabian belong to
my friend, MercStar. Angel belongs to herself. Jerrod, Jim, Mr. Silverfish, and the MST
Antarctica belong to ME, and ME alone! No penguins were actually harmed in the
making of this episode. Any and all MSTs and unwarranted flames of this fic will be
taken as a sign that you support the terrorists. Now, ON WITH THE FREAKIN' FIC!
===============================================================
Jerrod the Lone Outlaw
presents...
In association with Ashura Hedgehog and MercStar...
ALL ABOAAAAAAAAARD! HA HA HA HA!
*CUE HEAVY METAL MUSIC*
Jerrod and Jim
SINS of the PENGUIN
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not to late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah-h Yeah!
Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something that just isn't fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Ozzy Osbourne
"Crazy Train"
Blizzard Of Ozz
===============================================================
Episode I
⃟⃟
===============================================================
Jim is rocking back and forth in his chair on the bridge. He is a nervous wreck.
Jim: Oh, bad. Oh, bad. Oh, bad... O-O
As he is doing this, Jerrod enters the bridge...
Jerrod: (to Jim) Hey, bro! :-)
... and manages to scare the bejesus out of the diminutive penguin.
Jim: GYAAAA!!
Jim jumps up so high that he hits his head on the ceiling...
*BONK*
... and lands back in his seat.
*WHUMP*
Jerrod: (looks at Jim, smirks) Well, aren't we "jumpy" today. Heh heh heh.
Jim: (turns and glares at Jerrod) Not cool, Jer.
Jerrod: So, what'd Ashy-Boy wanna talk to ya' about, anyway? He seemed pissed.
Jerrod moves closer to Jim and glares at him.
Jerrod: This wouldn't happen to be about that rumor that Crystallis is a herm, would it?
Jim: For the LAST time, I'm NOT the one who STARTED that one! _
Jerrod: (backs away, holds hands up in defensive position) Okay, okay. Fine. So, what WAS the Ashinator so peeved about?
Jim takes a deep breath, then looks at Jerrod.
Jim: (nervous) Jerrod... I did something bad. REALLY bad. Hell, it might just be the worst thing I've ever done. Ashura threatened to ban me from the Absolution for life unless I fix it!
Jerrod kneels down and places his hand on Jim's fuzzy, black head. He looks Jim square in the eye.
Jerrod: Jim, I've known you since I was in the sixth grade. Now, I've seen you do some really stupid shit since then, so I'm pretty sure that whatever you did, Ashy-Boy'll get over real quick.
Jim: (looks at Jerrod) You think so?
Jerrod: (smiles) Sure! I mean, what the hell could you've done that was so bad?
------------------------------------Seconds later...------------------------ --------------------
Out in the hallway, Dalax Dawnbreak is trying to reconnect some wires with the aid of some electric tape, bubble gum, and a book labeled "Do-It- Yourself Rewiring Because You're Too Pigheaded To Hire An Electritian", which is currently tucked between his head and his right shoulder.
Dalax: (working, looking in book) Okay... Now, are the green wires supposed to go in the #5 tube, or the #9?
While he is working, a bunch of warning claxons and flashing lights suddenly start going off.
Dalax: Yipes! Guess it was the #9!
At that moment, the voice of his friend, Ryu, booms over the intercom.
Ryu: (via P.A.) DALAX!!! WE'VE GOT A "BOBBY KNIGHT"-ING IN PROCESS ON THE BRIDGE!!!
Dalax stands there for a second to try and figure out what Ryu meant by a "Bobby Knight"-ing. When it finally dawns on him, he goes wide-eyed and makes a mad dash for the bridge.
Upon reaching the bridge, Dalax swings the door open to discover Jerrod in the midst of strangling Jim with his bare hands! Ryu and Trigger are already inside, trying to pry the outlaw off of the bird, who is beginning to change color.
Jerrod: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH YOU, YOU STUPID FUCK?!?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING GOURD, OR WHAT?!?!?! _
Jim: (turning purple) AAAAAACK!! ACK-ACKKK!!! X-X
Ryu: (trying to restrain Jerrod): Jerrod! *erk* You've got to let go of Jim! *hgh*
Dalax walks over to Jerrod and hits him with a karate chop to the back of the neck, knocking him unconscious. Once Jerrod's grip goes limp, Jim takes in a deep gasp of air.
Jim: *GAAAAAAAAAAAAASP* (to Dalax) Thanks, Dalax.
Dalax: You're welcome.
Ryu: (to Jim): Why the hell was Jerrod trying to kill you, anyway?
Jim: Eh, heh heh heh. Funny story, really. I'll tell you two about it, sometime. ^-^'
Jerrod begins to regain consciousness, and uses Dalax as support as he climbs back to his feet.
Jerrod: (to Dalax) Thanks. I needed that.
Jerrod then turns his attention to Jim. He shoots Jim one of his infamous "Glares of Death", causing Jim to quickly duck behind Ryu for safety.
Jerrod: Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiim. \_/
Jim: Uhhhhhhh... No habla Englase?
Trigger: Jerrod, please restrain yourself. It isn't healthy for you.
Jerrod: (to Trigger) I'll take my chances with my health, Trigger, thank you. (turns back to Jim) As for YOU, you sick little freak, I've got half a mind to ship your ass off to the San Diego Zoo! Just what the hell is WRONG with you, anyways?
Jim: Oh, now how the hell was I supposed to know that Trunks and Sabby wouldn't like it? Last I checked, MOST males actually LIKE girl-on-girl!
Dalax and Ryu, now totally confused, look at each other, then at Jerrod and Jim.
Ryu: Um.... Is this something we'd be better off NOT knowing about?
Jerrod: Well, I've got a feelin' you two'll find out about it sooner or later, so ya' might as well here it from me.
And so, Jerrod goes on to recount the whole sordid ordeal of how Sara, girlfriend of Sabian Starwalker, and Seiyuka, girlfriend of Dragonball Z's Future Trunks, got drunk one night and "went for a ride on Space Mountain" together. He then goes on to explain how Crow T. Robot managed to catch the whole thing on tape, and how Jim got ahold of a copy and proceeded to make more copies to send to Sabian and Trunks, and that Trunks then went and broke up with Seiyuka because of it.
Jerrod: (finishing the speech) ... And now, my buddy Ashura's told Jim that if he doesn't get those two back together, he won't be allowed to see Ayeka ever again.
Trigger: (sarcastically) Wow. Never having to see Ayeka ever again... Oh, now wouldn't THAT be a travesty.
Dalax steps in to try and restrain Jim from mauling the little robot.
Jim: YOU LITTLE BUTTWIPE! WHY I OUTTA...!!! _
Jerrod: (to Ryu) ANYWHO, Ryu, since you're the resident engineer, do ya' think you could whip up something to transport Jim and I over to the Absolution?
Ryu thinks about this for a second.
Ryu: Well, I suppose I could, but what's in it for me?
Jerrod leans close to Ryu's ear.
Jerrod: (whispers) You get Jim and I on board, and I won't tell Dalax that YOU'RE the one who drank his last Yoo Hoo.
Ryu: ... Deal. O_O
---------------------------------------A Few Minutes Later...--------------- ------------------
Jerrod, Jim, Ryu, Dalax, and Trigger are in the cargo bay, which has now been converted into a makeshift laboratory for Ryu. The room looks like something out of "Frankenstein", but without the cobwebs.
At a nearby table, Ryu is constructing some sort of apparatus with Trigger, while Jerrod, Jim, and Dalax look around.
Jim: (in awe) Wow. This place looks almost just like my 7th Grade science class.
Dalax: (to Jim) Really?
Jim: Yeah. Only difference is there's not a giant stack of porno mags in the back closet.
Jerrod: (arches eyebrow at Jim) Porno mags?
Jim: (nods) Yep. Mr. Stucky thought those were the best way to study the female anatomy.
While Jim walks over to another part of the room, Dalax goes over to Jerrod.
Dalax: (whispers) Dude, are all penguins like him?
Jerrod: (ditto) No, of course not.
Dalax: *whew*
Jerrod: Most are worse.
Dalax: O_O
Jerrod: Yeah, I know. -_-
Jim walks over to a small drawer in a corner of the lab. He looks around to see if anybody is watching him, before opening up the drawer and snooping around inside it.
Meanwhile, Ryu and Trigger are at work on the project at a small table at the other end of the room.
Ryu: Okay, Trigger, would you please hand me a G-4 circuit?
Trigger: (as Igor) Yeeeees, master!
Ryu shoots Trigger an odd glance as it goes to fetch the circuit.
Ryu: You're weird, you know that?
Trigger: I also know that you are the one who originally built me.
Ryu: How could I forget. -_-
Back in that small corner of the room, Jim's digging finally bears fruit.
Jim: Hellooooo, what's this?
Jim tries to pull the object out, but it appears to be stuck. Jim struggles with all his might to free the mystery object.
Jim: Nyaaaaag! (as the Croc Hunter) Boy, she's a feisty little bugga', isn't she?
Jim's battle with the mystery object manages to draw the attention of Jerrod and Dalax.
Dalax: (looking at Jim, quizzically): What the hell is he doing now?
Jerrod: Jim! Step AWAY from the drawer!
Just as Jerrod says this, Jim manages to free the object...
*CRASH*
... as well as the rest of the drawer's contents.
Ryu: (turning source of noise) What the hell was... Aw, DAMN it, Jim! _
All of the drawer's contents, which are mostly old papers, pens, and tools, are splattered across the floor. Jerrod, Dalax, and Ryu walk over to Jim as he is climbing to his feet.
Jerrod: (shakes his right index finger at Jim) BAD PENGUIN! BAD!
Dalax: (to Jim) What the hell did you think you were you doing, anyway?
Jim: Well, I was trying to get this thing out.
Jim holds up the mystery object for the three guys to see. Jerrod and Dalax go wide-eyed and stare at the object in question, while Ryu grows deathly pale.
It is a pair of white, cotton, women's panties.
Ryu: (mortified) AAAAAAAACK!!! O_O
Jerrod: (arches right eyebrow at Ryu) Um... Is there something about yourself you would like to share with us?
Ryu: It's... uh... It's not what you think!
Jim inspects the pair of panties closer. While doing so, he sees something that makes his face turn a mixture of pale-white and green.
Jim: GYAAAA!!! (throws panties at Ryu's face) NOT CLEAN! NOT CLEAN!! -
Jim then runs over to a nearby sink and starts washing his hands with a feverish pace. Jerrod and Dalax look at Jim, sweatdrop, then look at Ryu and the panties on his head. It is then that they notice what it was about the panties that made Jim freak out. On the back of the waistband is a small crab logo!
Jerrod: Oh... my... God. O_O
Dalax: (to Ryu, points at panties) Are those... WASHU'S?! O_O
Ryu hangs his head down in shame.
Ryu: I snuck them out of her lab one day while I was visiting her.
Jim: (to Ryu, walking over to the others) Dude, you need some serious professional help, you know that?
Ryu nods.
-----------------------------------One Hour Later...------------------------ ------------------
Ryu: Okay, guys! I'm finished!
Ryu shows the group his invention. It is a green, six-by-eight inch electronic device with a small numberpad and several switches on it. There is a small, blue, crystal screen in the middle of the device and a pair of rabbit-ear antennae on the top.
Ryu: Well, what do you think?
The others just stare at the device for a few seconds.
Jerrod: (to Ryu) Uh, dude? It's a TV.
Dalax: Noooo, it looks more like a Game Boy.
Jim: (to Dalax) Since when do Game Boys have antennas?
Ryu: It's not a Game Boy, and it's not a TV. THIS... (points to device) ...is the Personal Interdimentional Transportation Apparatus, or P.I.T.A. This baby will take you just about anywhere in the known universe that you want to go.
Jerrod & Jim: (drooling, gawking at device) Mmmmm... Pita...
Ryu: (sweatdrop) Ummmm... ANYWHO, all you have to do to use the P.I.T.A. is type in the name of the place you wish to go into the keypad, hit the green button, and PRESTO! Now, to get back to the starting point of your trip or return to a previous destination, just use the little dial on the side to find you desired coordinate.
Trigger: Wow. That's actually kinda impressive, Ryu.
Ryu: (glares at Trigger): What do you mean, "kinda"?
Jim runs over to Ryu and rips the P.I.T.A. out from his hands.
Jim: Me first! Me first! I wanna try! Besides, I know JUST where I wanna go! :)
Jim types in an address into the keypad, then hits the green button. The antennae on the top of the P.I.T.A. begin to glow a bright yellow, while rotating in opposite directions like a set of helicopter blades.
Suddenly, Jim vanishes into thin air!
Dalax: Hey! He's gone!
Jerrod: (looks around) Where the hell did he go?
As the others look around, Jim reappears in the exact same spot from where he disappeared. He has a broad, evil grin across his face.
Jerrod: (apprehensive) Oh, God...
Trigger: (to Jim) Do we really want to know what you did?
Dalax: (to Trigger) I sure as hell don't.
-----------------------------------------Elsewhere...----------------------- --------------------
Somewhere in space, Gundam Wing's Quattre Winner is staggering blindly about a hotel suite, the recent victim of an atomic wedgie!
Quattre: HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?!
---------------------------------------Back On The Antarctica... ----------- ------------------
Jim: (to Ryu) Roshi, your teleportation device works like a charm!
Ryu: Thanks, Jim. And, by the way, my name is Ryu.
Jim: Yeah, well, po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
Jerrod: (to Jim, impatiently) Jim, I think it's time you an' I got goin', bro.
Jim: Oh, yeah! Right!
Jerrod takes the P.I.T.A. from Jim and begins typing in the address for the Absolution.
Jerrod: (typing) Okay, until Jim and I get back, Mr. Silverfish is in charge, alright. So, somebody go find him and tell him that.
Ryu: Sure!
Dalax: No prob!
Jim: (to Dalax and Ryu) And stay away from my stash!
Everyone else nervously look at Jim.
Jim: Um... MUSTACHE! (whips out a fake mustache and puts it on his beak)
Others: Oh.
Jerrod presses the green button on the P.I.T.A., and its antennae begin to glow and spin. A few seconds later, Jerrod the Lone Outlaw and Jim the Talking Penguin vanish.
Dalax: (to no one in particular) You think they'll be alright?
Trigger: The outlaw will live. The bird, on the other hand, will be appearing in a KFC bucket near you.
Ryu: That's probably not too far from the truth. (turns to Dalax) Now, what's say you and I go look in Jim's room, and see if we can't find another copy of that tape? :-)
Dalax: I'm there! ^_^
Ryu and Dalax make a mad dash out of the laboratory, leaving Trigger in the dust.
Trigger: (shakes head) *sigh* Organics. -_-
--------------------------------------To Be Continued...-------------------- -----
WILL Jerrod and Jim be able to save Trunks and Seiyuka's relationship?
CAN the crew of the Antarctica survive a Silverfish regime?
IS the world as we know it going to end if Stephanie McMahon no longer appears on WWF programming?
To find out the answers to the questions, stay tuned for the NEXT episode of...
Jerrod and Jim
SINS of the PENGUIN
Episode II
⃟⃟
(Which will be released when I feel like it)
BOYCOTT the R.I.A.A.!!!
FUNimation, Inc. "Tenchi Muyo!" and its characters are also trademarks of Pioneer and
AIC. "Sonic the Hedgehog", its characters, and its games belong to SEGA. TOM and the
Absolution belong to (as far as I know) Cartoon Network and Time Warner. MST3K is a
registered trademark of Best Brains, Inc. Dalax belongs to Dalax Dawnbreak. Ryu and
Trigger belong to newbie MSTer, Darax the Hedgehog. Ashura, Crystallis, and Seiyuka
belong to my good buddy, Ashura Hedgehog. Merc, Sara, and Sabian belong to
my friend, MercStar. Angel belongs to herself. Jerrod, Jim, Mr. Silverfish, and the MST
Antarctica belong to ME, and ME alone! No penguins were actually harmed in the
making of this episode. Any and all MSTs and unwarranted flames of this fic will be
taken as a sign that you support the terrorists. Now, ON WITH THE FREAKIN' FIC!
===============================================================
Jerrod the Lone Outlaw
presents...
In association with Ashura Hedgehog and MercStar...
ALL ABOAAAAAAAAARD! HA HA HA HA!
*CUE HEAVY METAL MUSIC*
Jerrod and Jim
SINS of the PENGUIN
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not to late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah-h Yeah!
Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something that just isn't fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Ozzy Osbourne
"Crazy Train"
Blizzard Of Ozz
===============================================================
Episode I
⃟⃟
===============================================================
Jim is rocking back and forth in his chair on the bridge. He is a nervous wreck.
Jim: Oh, bad. Oh, bad. Oh, bad... O-O
As he is doing this, Jerrod enters the bridge...
Jerrod: (to Jim) Hey, bro! :-)
... and manages to scare the bejesus out of the diminutive penguin.
Jim: GYAAAA!!
Jim jumps up so high that he hits his head on the ceiling...
*BONK*
... and lands back in his seat.
*WHUMP*
Jerrod: (looks at Jim, smirks) Well, aren't we "jumpy" today. Heh heh heh.
Jim: (turns and glares at Jerrod) Not cool, Jer.
Jerrod: So, what'd Ashy-Boy wanna talk to ya' about, anyway? He seemed pissed.
Jerrod moves closer to Jim and glares at him.
Jerrod: This wouldn't happen to be about that rumor that Crystallis is a herm, would it?
Jim: For the LAST time, I'm NOT the one who STARTED that one! _
Jerrod: (backs away, holds hands up in defensive position) Okay, okay. Fine. So, what WAS the Ashinator so peeved about?
Jim takes a deep breath, then looks at Jerrod.
Jim: (nervous) Jerrod... I did something bad. REALLY bad. Hell, it might just be the worst thing I've ever done. Ashura threatened to ban me from the Absolution for life unless I fix it!
Jerrod kneels down and places his hand on Jim's fuzzy, black head. He looks Jim square in the eye.
Jerrod: Jim, I've known you since I was in the sixth grade. Now, I've seen you do some really stupid shit since then, so I'm pretty sure that whatever you did, Ashy-Boy'll get over real quick.
Jim: (looks at Jerrod) You think so?
Jerrod: (smiles) Sure! I mean, what the hell could you've done that was so bad?
------------------------------------Seconds later...------------------------ --------------------
Out in the hallway, Dalax Dawnbreak is trying to reconnect some wires with the aid of some electric tape, bubble gum, and a book labeled "Do-It- Yourself Rewiring Because You're Too Pigheaded To Hire An Electritian", which is currently tucked between his head and his right shoulder.
Dalax: (working, looking in book) Okay... Now, are the green wires supposed to go in the #5 tube, or the #9?
While he is working, a bunch of warning claxons and flashing lights suddenly start going off.
Dalax: Yipes! Guess it was the #9!
At that moment, the voice of his friend, Ryu, booms over the intercom.
Ryu: (via P.A.) DALAX!!! WE'VE GOT A "BOBBY KNIGHT"-ING IN PROCESS ON THE BRIDGE!!!
Dalax stands there for a second to try and figure out what Ryu meant by a "Bobby Knight"-ing. When it finally dawns on him, he goes wide-eyed and makes a mad dash for the bridge.
Upon reaching the bridge, Dalax swings the door open to discover Jerrod in the midst of strangling Jim with his bare hands! Ryu and Trigger are already inside, trying to pry the outlaw off of the bird, who is beginning to change color.
Jerrod: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH YOU, YOU STUPID FUCK?!?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING GOURD, OR WHAT?!?!?! _
Jim: (turning purple) AAAAAACK!! ACK-ACKKK!!! X-X
Ryu: (trying to restrain Jerrod): Jerrod! *erk* You've got to let go of Jim! *hgh*
Dalax walks over to Jerrod and hits him with a karate chop to the back of the neck, knocking him unconscious. Once Jerrod's grip goes limp, Jim takes in a deep gasp of air.
Jim: *GAAAAAAAAAAAAASP* (to Dalax) Thanks, Dalax.
Dalax: You're welcome.
Ryu: (to Jim): Why the hell was Jerrod trying to kill you, anyway?
Jim: Eh, heh heh heh. Funny story, really. I'll tell you two about it, sometime. ^-^'
Jerrod begins to regain consciousness, and uses Dalax as support as he climbs back to his feet.
Jerrod: (to Dalax) Thanks. I needed that.
Jerrod then turns his attention to Jim. He shoots Jim one of his infamous "Glares of Death", causing Jim to quickly duck behind Ryu for safety.
Jerrod: Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiim. \_/
Jim: Uhhhhhhh... No habla Englase?
Trigger: Jerrod, please restrain yourself. It isn't healthy for you.
Jerrod: (to Trigger) I'll take my chances with my health, Trigger, thank you. (turns back to Jim) As for YOU, you sick little freak, I've got half a mind to ship your ass off to the San Diego Zoo! Just what the hell is WRONG with you, anyways?
Jim: Oh, now how the hell was I supposed to know that Trunks and Sabby wouldn't like it? Last I checked, MOST males actually LIKE girl-on-girl!
Dalax and Ryu, now totally confused, look at each other, then at Jerrod and Jim.
Ryu: Um.... Is this something we'd be better off NOT knowing about?
Jerrod: Well, I've got a feelin' you two'll find out about it sooner or later, so ya' might as well here it from me.
And so, Jerrod goes on to recount the whole sordid ordeal of how Sara, girlfriend of Sabian Starwalker, and Seiyuka, girlfriend of Dragonball Z's Future Trunks, got drunk one night and "went for a ride on Space Mountain" together. He then goes on to explain how Crow T. Robot managed to catch the whole thing on tape, and how Jim got ahold of a copy and proceeded to make more copies to send to Sabian and Trunks, and that Trunks then went and broke up with Seiyuka because of it.
Jerrod: (finishing the speech) ... And now, my buddy Ashura's told Jim that if he doesn't get those two back together, he won't be allowed to see Ayeka ever again.
Trigger: (sarcastically) Wow. Never having to see Ayeka ever again... Oh, now wouldn't THAT be a travesty.
Dalax steps in to try and restrain Jim from mauling the little robot.
Jim: YOU LITTLE BUTTWIPE! WHY I OUTTA...!!! _
Jerrod: (to Ryu) ANYWHO, Ryu, since you're the resident engineer, do ya' think you could whip up something to transport Jim and I over to the Absolution?
Ryu thinks about this for a second.
Ryu: Well, I suppose I could, but what's in it for me?
Jerrod leans close to Ryu's ear.
Jerrod: (whispers) You get Jim and I on board, and I won't tell Dalax that YOU'RE the one who drank his last Yoo Hoo.
Ryu: ... Deal. O_O
---------------------------------------A Few Minutes Later...--------------- ------------------
Jerrod, Jim, Ryu, Dalax, and Trigger are in the cargo bay, which has now been converted into a makeshift laboratory for Ryu. The room looks like something out of "Frankenstein", but without the cobwebs.
At a nearby table, Ryu is constructing some sort of apparatus with Trigger, while Jerrod, Jim, and Dalax look around.
Jim: (in awe) Wow. This place looks almost just like my 7th Grade science class.
Dalax: (to Jim) Really?
Jim: Yeah. Only difference is there's not a giant stack of porno mags in the back closet.
Jerrod: (arches eyebrow at Jim) Porno mags?
Jim: (nods) Yep. Mr. Stucky thought those were the best way to study the female anatomy.
While Jim walks over to another part of the room, Dalax goes over to Jerrod.
Dalax: (whispers) Dude, are all penguins like him?
Jerrod: (ditto) No, of course not.
Dalax: *whew*
Jerrod: Most are worse.
Dalax: O_O
Jerrod: Yeah, I know. -_-
Jim walks over to a small drawer in a corner of the lab. He looks around to see if anybody is watching him, before opening up the drawer and snooping around inside it.
Meanwhile, Ryu and Trigger are at work on the project at a small table at the other end of the room.
Ryu: Okay, Trigger, would you please hand me a G-4 circuit?
Trigger: (as Igor) Yeeeees, master!
Ryu shoots Trigger an odd glance as it goes to fetch the circuit.
Ryu: You're weird, you know that?
Trigger: I also know that you are the one who originally built me.
Ryu: How could I forget. -_-
Back in that small corner of the room, Jim's digging finally bears fruit.
Jim: Hellooooo, what's this?
Jim tries to pull the object out, but it appears to be stuck. Jim struggles with all his might to free the mystery object.
Jim: Nyaaaaag! (as the Croc Hunter) Boy, she's a feisty little bugga', isn't she?
Jim's battle with the mystery object manages to draw the attention of Jerrod and Dalax.
Dalax: (looking at Jim, quizzically): What the hell is he doing now?
Jerrod: Jim! Step AWAY from the drawer!
Just as Jerrod says this, Jim manages to free the object...
*CRASH*
... as well as the rest of the drawer's contents.
Ryu: (turning source of noise) What the hell was... Aw, DAMN it, Jim! _
All of the drawer's contents, which are mostly old papers, pens, and tools, are splattered across the floor. Jerrod, Dalax, and Ryu walk over to Jim as he is climbing to his feet.
Jerrod: (shakes his right index finger at Jim) BAD PENGUIN! BAD!
Dalax: (to Jim) What the hell did you think you were you doing, anyway?
Jim: Well, I was trying to get this thing out.
Jim holds up the mystery object for the three guys to see. Jerrod and Dalax go wide-eyed and stare at the object in question, while Ryu grows deathly pale.
It is a pair of white, cotton, women's panties.
Ryu: (mortified) AAAAAAAACK!!! O_O
Jerrod: (arches right eyebrow at Ryu) Um... Is there something about yourself you would like to share with us?
Ryu: It's... uh... It's not what you think!
Jim inspects the pair of panties closer. While doing so, he sees something that makes his face turn a mixture of pale-white and green.
Jim: GYAAAA!!! (throws panties at Ryu's face) NOT CLEAN! NOT CLEAN!! -
Jim then runs over to a nearby sink and starts washing his hands with a feverish pace. Jerrod and Dalax look at Jim, sweatdrop, then look at Ryu and the panties on his head. It is then that they notice what it was about the panties that made Jim freak out. On the back of the waistband is a small crab logo!
Jerrod: Oh... my... God. O_O
Dalax: (to Ryu, points at panties) Are those... WASHU'S?! O_O
Ryu hangs his head down in shame.
Ryu: I snuck them out of her lab one day while I was visiting her.
Jim: (to Ryu, walking over to the others) Dude, you need some serious professional help, you know that?
Ryu nods.
-----------------------------------One Hour Later...------------------------ ------------------
Ryu: Okay, guys! I'm finished!
Ryu shows the group his invention. It is a green, six-by-eight inch electronic device with a small numberpad and several switches on it. There is a small, blue, crystal screen in the middle of the device and a pair of rabbit-ear antennae on the top.
Ryu: Well, what do you think?
The others just stare at the device for a few seconds.
Jerrod: (to Ryu) Uh, dude? It's a TV.
Dalax: Noooo, it looks more like a Game Boy.
Jim: (to Dalax) Since when do Game Boys have antennas?
Ryu: It's not a Game Boy, and it's not a TV. THIS... (points to device) ...is the Personal Interdimentional Transportation Apparatus, or P.I.T.A. This baby will take you just about anywhere in the known universe that you want to go.
Jerrod & Jim: (drooling, gawking at device) Mmmmm... Pita...
Ryu: (sweatdrop) Ummmm... ANYWHO, all you have to do to use the P.I.T.A. is type in the name of the place you wish to go into the keypad, hit the green button, and PRESTO! Now, to get back to the starting point of your trip or return to a previous destination, just use the little dial on the side to find you desired coordinate.
Trigger: Wow. That's actually kinda impressive, Ryu.
Ryu: (glares at Trigger): What do you mean, "kinda"?
Jim runs over to Ryu and rips the P.I.T.A. out from his hands.
Jim: Me first! Me first! I wanna try! Besides, I know JUST where I wanna go! :)
Jim types in an address into the keypad, then hits the green button. The antennae on the top of the P.I.T.A. begin to glow a bright yellow, while rotating in opposite directions like a set of helicopter blades.
Suddenly, Jim vanishes into thin air!
Dalax: Hey! He's gone!
Jerrod: (looks around) Where the hell did he go?
As the others look around, Jim reappears in the exact same spot from where he disappeared. He has a broad, evil grin across his face.
Jerrod: (apprehensive) Oh, God...
Trigger: (to Jim) Do we really want to know what you did?
Dalax: (to Trigger) I sure as hell don't.
-----------------------------------------Elsewhere...----------------------- --------------------
Somewhere in space, Gundam Wing's Quattre Winner is staggering blindly about a hotel suite, the recent victim of an atomic wedgie!
Quattre: HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?!
---------------------------------------Back On The Antarctica... ----------- ------------------
Jim: (to Ryu) Roshi, your teleportation device works like a charm!
Ryu: Thanks, Jim. And, by the way, my name is Ryu.
Jim: Yeah, well, po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
Jerrod: (to Jim, impatiently) Jim, I think it's time you an' I got goin', bro.
Jim: Oh, yeah! Right!
Jerrod takes the P.I.T.A. from Jim and begins typing in the address for the Absolution.
Jerrod: (typing) Okay, until Jim and I get back, Mr. Silverfish is in charge, alright. So, somebody go find him and tell him that.
Ryu: Sure!
Dalax: No prob!
Jim: (to Dalax and Ryu) And stay away from my stash!
Everyone else nervously look at Jim.
Jim: Um... MUSTACHE! (whips out a fake mustache and puts it on his beak)
Others: Oh.
Jerrod presses the green button on the P.I.T.A., and its antennae begin to glow and spin. A few seconds later, Jerrod the Lone Outlaw and Jim the Talking Penguin vanish.
Dalax: (to no one in particular) You think they'll be alright?
Trigger: The outlaw will live. The bird, on the other hand, will be appearing in a KFC bucket near you.
Ryu: That's probably not too far from the truth. (turns to Dalax) Now, what's say you and I go look in Jim's room, and see if we can't find another copy of that tape? :-)
Dalax: I'm there! ^_^
Ryu and Dalax make a mad dash out of the laboratory, leaving Trigger in the dust.
Trigger: (shakes head) *sigh* Organics. -_-
--------------------------------------To Be Continued...-------------------- -----
WILL Jerrod and Jim be able to save Trunks and Seiyuka's relationship?
CAN the crew of the Antarctica survive a Silverfish regime?
IS the world as we know it going to end if Stephanie McMahon no longer appears on WWF programming?
To find out the answers to the questions, stay tuned for the NEXT episode of...
Jerrod and Jim
SINS of the PENGUIN
Episode II
⃟⃟
(Which will be released when I feel like it)
BOYCOTT the R.I.A.A.!!!
