The Depths of a Black Haze

by Duo's Chick

and

Star Kindler

Chapter Three: Do You Feel the Same

Disclaimer: We don't own GW, never have and never will. We also don't own the song "Do You Feel the Same". That belongs to Silverchair.

Warnings: Yaoi, OOC, and MAJOR ANGST!!!

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//Moon covered

Determined to find

To find my place of hiding//

Heero held his head in his hands, still not believing what had just occurred. Why had Duo sounded the way he did? Sure, Heero understood that Duo was probably upset…but there was something more. Something much deeper, almost to the point of being dangerous.

However, Heero couldn't quite place his finger on it.

Confused thoughts raced through Heero's mind. The Duo he used to know was always happy, had a smile on his face…an infectious smile that could make anybody he was with do the same. Even Heero couldn't help but smile at times when he was in Duo's presence.

However, there was also another reason Heero would smile whenever he was around Duo. Throughout the war, he had grown deep feelings for the longhaired boy…feelings he didn't want Duo to know about. What if Duo didn't feel the same way? He would only make a fool of himself if he told Duo the truth, and the American pilot would probably hate him forever.

Heero sighed. He couldn't think about this right now. Right now, he had more important things to do.

Like call Quatre and inquire why Duo wasn't called.

//Try to detach

Try to decrease

To make it easier on me//

With rage boiling inside of him, Heero picked up the phone once more and hastily dialed Quatre's number. After three short rings, the blonde Arabian picked up.

"Winner/Barton residence. Quatre speaking. How may I be of service to you?" Quatre asked cheerily.

"Quatre, this is Heero," the Japanese boy barked.

"Oh, what can I do for you, Heero?" came the question.

"When Trowa proposed to you, did you call everybody?" Heero asked, trying to keep a calm tone.

"Of course, Heero. I called both you and Wufei. Why do you ask?"

Heero cleared his throat, silent for a few moments. So Quatre *had* forgotten about Duo. "Are you sure you're not forgetting someone?" he asked again.

"I'm positive," Quatre replied matter-of-factly. "Once again, Heero, why do you ask?"

Heero was slowly becoming angrier and angrier. "Um, Quatre…what about Duo?"

A small gasp was heard on the other end of the receiver. All was silent for a while as Quatre realized what he had done. After a few minutes, Quatre spoke.

"Oh, no…Duo. I never called him," Quatre said, a guilty tone lacing his voice.

Heero nodded, although he knew Quatre couldn't see him. "I think you'd better call him, Quatre. He seemed pretty upset when I spoke to him a few minutes ago. He didn't sound like his normal self," Heero told Quatre.

"Okay, I'll give him a call," Quatre agreed. "Goodbye, Heero."

"See ya, Quatre." The two hung up.

Heero threw the phone across the room. He stared at the wall, suddenly feeling unusually sick. He held his stomach in pain, getting up and running to the bathroom, making it there just in time before he vomited.

When he was through, Heero slumped to the cold bathroom floor, moaning. Why was he feeling so sick all of a sudden? Heero knew it…there had to be something incredibly wrong with Duo.

//Despise myself for what you've done

Sent me back into my world

Hold yourself cause no one will

I'll make it easier//

Duo blinked his eyes open, the light of the bathroom hitting them almost immediately, causing him to squint. When had he fallen asleep? He hadn't remembered feeling tired, let alone did he remember shutting his eyes to get some slumber. He sat up, holding his head as it throbbed in pain. Why couldn't he remember?

Duo squeezed his eyes closed, rubbing his temples as he tried to remember at least one detail about the last few hours. All he *could* remember was slashing his wrist and feeling satisfied and complete by watching the blood seep from his wound onto the bathroom floor. It only gave him temporary pleasure, however. He was now back to the same old person he had been before.

"God damn it, life is pointless. Why can't I just die?" he asked himself aloud, standing up and walking back into the kitchen, feeling incredibly dizzy.

//Now I have managed to be the one

To be the victim without the gun//

It was at this time that the phone chose to ring. Duo stared at it in disbelief. Two phone calls in one day. This must have been a record for him.

Hoping it wasn't anybody other than an annoying telemarketer, Duo picked the receiver up and placed it to his ear. "Yeah?" he asked sullenly.

"Duo! I'm so glad you're home! I've got wonderful news!" shouted the person on the other line. Duo gritted his teeth angrily. It was Quatre…the last person he wanted to speak to at this moment.

"Yeah, Quatre. I know. I read it in the paper, not from someone's mouth like I should have in the first place," Duo seethed through clenched teeth.

Quatre became confused. "Duo?" he asked.

"Don't 'Duo' me, God damn it! Why the fuck didn't you call? What, am I not important to you now that Trowa is a part of your life?" Duo practically yelled.

//Do you feel the same anyway

Now you've come//

Quatre was becoming angry. "Duo, what in the world are you talking about?" he asked, oblivious to the amount of pain he was causing the braided American at the moment.

"I can't believe you're so fucking blind, Quatre! Did you just forget about me after the war?" Duo continued to yell, feeling a strange lump rise in the back of his throat.

An angry look crossed Quatre's face. "Oh, I see it now, Duo," Quatre growled. "You're just jealous."

Duo held the phone away from his ear and gaped at it. He couldn't believe his ears. "What did you just say, Quatre?" Duo asked a few moments later.

"I said that you're jealous, Duo. God, I can't believe you! One good thing happens to one of your friends, and you can't be happy for him! Is it my fault that Trowa loves me and that no one loves you?!" Quatre shouted angrily before he hung up.

//Stay alert cause I'm obsessed

Surely I can't be depressed

Could I be read if I was see-through

Or would you just read my spine//

Tears stung Duo's eyes as he heard the dial tone on the other end of the line. Quatre was right—nobody loved him. He was worthless, and didn't deserve to have someone who loved him. Besides, who *would* love him? He was a nobody.

Duo screamed at the top of his lungs, his emotions going haywire. He ran into the living room and flung himself on the couch, crying his heart out. Painful sobs wracked his body as he lay there, his chest heaving up and down with each tear he cried.

The pain—why wouldn't it just go away? Duo lay there, trying to think of ways to make the pain go away…

//Now I have managed to be the one

To be the victim without the gun

Do you feel the same anyway

Now you've come//

Quatre stared at the phone in disgust. God, what was Duo's problem? He couldn't be happy for him, now that his dreams had finally come true? Sometimes Duo acted like a little baby.

"Little one…why did you say those horrible things?" a quiet voice interrupted Quatre's thoughts.

Quatre spun around, and saw that he was face-to-face with the one he loved, Trowa. A scowl was drawn across the taller boy's lips. He didn't look too happy.

Quatre looked at the floor and scuffed his foot along it. "What do you mean, Trowa?" he asked innocently, trying to act as if he knew nothing of what Trowa was talking about.

"Don't play dumb, Quatre," Trowa reprimanded, his tone growing steadily louder. "I heard everything you said to Duo. How could you accuse him of being jealous? How could you, Quatre?"

Quatre remained silent.

Trowa continued. "The last feeling Duo would feel for you is jealousy. I assume he was rather upset because you failed to call him with the news. Don't you think he would have liked to hear it from you instead of another source?"

Quatre gulped. Trowa was right. Why was he acting like such a jerk? And why the hell had he forgotten about Duo? He didn't understand it.

"I think you should call Duo, Tro. I can't speak to him now. I'll apologize when he gets here. Right now, though, he needs to know that he is wanted here for this special occasion," Quatre said, handing Trowa the phone before giving him a quick kiss and heading out the door.

//Hold yourself cause no one will

I'll be there to take the spill

Cleanse your soul change the tide

And ride the wave back into me//

Duo lifted his head as the phone rang yet again. What the hell was this, torture Duo day? Sighing, he got up and angrily answered the phone. God, how he hated phone calls nowadays. "What?" he asked, the hurt still apparent in his voice.

"It's Trowa," came the quiet voice on the other end.

"Oh. Hi," Duo said, holding back sobs.

"I just called to apologize on Quatre's behalf. I don't know what he was thinking when he said what he did, but I want you to know that you are wanted at our wedding. Please join us. It's two weeks from this very day. Please come down whenever you'd like to…as soon as possible would be much appreciated," Trowa said.

Duo was silent for a moment, then said, "Thanks, Trowa. I'll be there," then hung up.

Duo sighed. What was he going to do? He couldn't let the others see the state he was in. He didn't want the others to feel the pain he was feeling. He couldn't do that to them. He just couldn't.

Duo flopped down on the couch once more, many thoughts racing through his mind. Then, without warning, the tears broke through. Duo let them fall once more. He just didn't give a damn. He hated himself more than ever now.

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Comments? Criticism? We wanna know what you think! ~Star Kindler and Duo's Chick