By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay for everyone.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything. Just the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: First of all, I wanted to thank those of you who have reviewed. I truly appreciate your comments and encouragement. Also, I just wanted to warn readers (and I should have done this earlier) that each chapter is 11 Word document pages long, single-spaced, font 10. See, I've been trying to write this like real episode transcripts (though the actual GG transcripts are 18 pages, but seven is a lucky number and I'm not a professional anyway). So this means this is really long, and so, I warn you. Read it in bits if you want, but don't waste your time or eye health reading it all at once if you don't have the time or eye strength for it. Thanks again.

(Independence Inn)

Michel: (on the phone) No, we do not have a casino…Not even slot machines…Well, I don't know. I'm sure you could find a bingo game at a local church…Well I'm sorry then…Have fun in New Jersey. Buh-bye. (hangs up)

This job does not pay enough.

Lorelai: Well, if you need extra cash you could try your luck at one of those bingo games.

Michel: If I were lucky, I would not be working here, would I?

Lorelai: You should consider yourself very lucky that on a daily basis you get to work with the finest people anyone could ever meet.

(Sookie and Jackson come in)

Jackson: Sookie, would you please look at this. You don't find apples like this even in Washington.

Sookie: Yes, honey. They're gorgeous apples, but they're red. I needed yellow apples. I use the skins for a garnish, and they need to be yellow.

Jackson: Why does the garnish have to be yellow? You realize what the problem is here, don't you?

Sookie: Yes. The apples are red.

Jackson: No. It's that you're rigid. You're too rigid.

Sookie: Me? Rigid? Jackson, how could you say that? Wait, I know what you're getting at. You're saying that our marriage is not going to work because I'm too rigid, like the tree that doesn't bend can't weather the storms.

Jackson: What are you talking about? I'm talking about the tree that had beautiful red apples that you are too rigid to use because you want a yellow garnish.

Sookie: I need to be alone right now. (She rushes off)

Jackson: Oh come on, Sookie. Sookie!! (He follows after her.)

Michel: Those are the finest people, and I am the lucky one. The world is a sad, sad place.

(Luke's apartment. Luke is sorting through manuals trying to connect a computer. Jess comes in.)

Luke: Hey.

Jess: Hey.

Luke: I just bought this used computer. I figured it would save you the money and the trip, and save Lorelai's health. I'm just trying to set it up. There're so many wires and so many instructions and they all say the same thing when they're really saying nothing, and I don't know if there are more sockets than wires or more wires than sockets but something here isn't right. I still can't get it on.

Jess: Okay.

Luke: Okay? So could you give me a hand here?

(Jess looks at the back of the CPU. He picks up the plug and plugs it in. He presses the buttons on the monitor and CPU and they turn on. He looks at Luke.)

Luke: Well. Um. So there you go.

Jess: Yeah. I am going.

Luke: Where? You have work to do.

Jess: I'll be back. I just have to return a book to the bookstore.

Luke: They don't refund books. Sell it to Gypsy.

Jess: Who said anything about a refund? I borrowed a book.

Luke: So don't you mean the library?

Jess: Nah. The library's too far. I borrowed it from the bookstore.

Luke: You mean you stole it.

Jess: No. I borrowed it. If I stole it, then I would take it and sell it to Gypsy.

Luke: Fine, just do me a favor. Never borrow a book from the bookstore again.

Jess: See ya'.

(Jess leaves. Luke looks at the computer.)

Luke: (to the computer) Don't mock me.

(Independence Inn- kitchen

(Sookie is pealing red apples, with tears still in her eyes. Lorelai comes in.)

Lorelai: Oh Sookie. You're still upset about the apples?

Sookie: It's not the apples.

Lorelai: Maybe not to you, but it is about apples. Sookie, you made a big fuss over nothing. Jackson didn't mean you were rigid, like rigid in general. He just meant that you're a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to your cooking. No one is more easygoing in general than you.

Sookie: I know what he meant. It's just that I realize I'm still scared about this marriage working or not working and we're married already. It was okay to have cold feet before the wedding, but we've been married, had our honeymoon, and everything and I'm still worried.

Lorelai: Sookie, I think that's normal. Marriage is a scary thing, especially when you're just starting out. No one knows exactly what makes a marriage work, and its scary when you're trying to figure it out for your own marriage. But it's not your responsibility to make your marriage work. You and Jackson are a team now. Let him help you. When you start worrying and freaking out, let him be there to calm you down.

Sookie: I was pretty horrible to him, wasn't I?

Lorelai: Well, I think he's used to it by now. This isn't the first time you've freaked out over the garnish.

(Jackson comes in with a barrel of yellow apples.)

Jackson: These aren't as perfect as the red apples, but I figured you could just use the skins.

Sookie: Oh Jackson! (She hugs him and kisses him profusely.)

Lorelai: Well I better get out of here before I see more of you two than I ever want to.

(Washington- Rory and Paris are taking notes while a lecturer speaks.)

Lecturer: Throughout this weeks, we have looked at leaders, seen examples of leadership, seen the effects of leadership, seen the model of leadership. Now, we are going to take our observations and come up with a definition for leadership. See it, define it, know it, become it.

Guy: (seated next to Paris, whispers) I bet he has that stitched on his pillow. So what are you two ladies doing today?

Paris: Look Don Giovanni, if you're not going to listen, why don't you just go back to your pillow because you'll have better luck with it than with us.

Guy: You're crazy.

Paris: But sorry for you, not crazy enough.

Rory: Paris, just ignore him. Take your notes. The lecture's almost finishing.

Lecturer: So that is what we'll be doing the rest of your time here. You can all go to lunch now.

Paris: So I take it you're going to make your series of phone calls now?

Rory: No, I'm starved. I'm just going to pick up my money, and then we can get something to eat on our way to Ford's Theater.

Paris: Okay. I'm going to stop and buy some more film. I'll meet you out front.

(Rory in the hotel room. The phone rings)

Rory: Hello.

Christopher: Hey, Rory! How are you?

Rory: Dad! Hey! How are you?

Christopher: Not so bad. So how do you like Washington?

Rory: It's okay. It's a little bigger than Stars Hollow so sightseeing takes a little longer.

Christopher: Just a little bit.

Rory: So how's Sherry?

Christopher: She's doing okay. Everything seems to be normal in the pregnancy right now.

Rory: Good. Good…You know, I wasn't angry with you. Maybe I was a little upset about the situation, but not with you. And now I'm not upset at all. I was just upset for a few moments. Seconds really. Not even worth mentioning.

Christopher: I know, and I appreciate that.

Rory: Well, Paris is waiting for me downstairs and if I don't get there soon she'll drain Washington of all its film supply, I kid you not. Um, I guess I'll talk to you later?

Christopher: Definitely. In fact, since I wasn't there when you left, I plan to be there for when you come back.

Rory: Great, so I'll see you then.

Christopher: You bet.

Rory: I love you, Dad.

Christopher: I love you too.

(Rory hangs up and stays on the bed musing for a bit. She smiles, picks up her wallet, and leaves.)

(Back in Stars Hollow- Doose's Market. Jess comes in.)

Taylor: (to Dean) I have to go to the bank, but you watch that kid very closely, you hear.

Dean: (sighs) Loud and clear. (walks over to Jess) Can I help you with anything?

Jess: Well I was looking at your cleansers here. What would take a grease spot out of a Persian rug the best?

Dean: You don't have a Persian rug.

Jess: No, but it's a good thing to know anyway. You never know, one day someone with a Persian rug just might…

Dean: Jess, what do you want?

Jess: How was your date the other day?

Dean: It was not a date, and it's none of your business.

Jess: Just trying to start a little friendly conversation here. Well, don't mind me. I'm just doing some shopping.

Dean: Don't steal anything.

Jess: I wouldn't dream of it.

(Luke's

(Lorelai enters, but Luke is not there and Caesar is cooking. She immediately goes upstairs to the apartment. The door is open as Luke works on installing a big dusty printer.)

Lorelai: Whoa. What's all this?

Luke: What does it look like?

Lorelai: Frankly, like something on the original Starship Enterprise.

Luke: It's a computer for Jess. I'm trying to install this printer now.

Lorelai: Well, where's Jess?

Luke: I don't know. He was supposed to be right back an hour ago.

Lorelai: Well, shouldn't he be setting this up since he probably knows more about it than you do?

Luke: Look, I know what I'm doing here. Or at least I know as much as the manufacturers do. I read all the instructions. I don't think anyone really knows about these things. If they get it to work it's by some streak of luck. This thing was probably inspired by some box heap some kid probably made in his house playing with legos and old parts.

Lorelai: Where'd you get this stuff from, anyway? Old Joe's Old Junk.

Luke: This is a perfectly fine computer. It's a little old…

Lorelai: Yeah I think this was what they used for the first Starship Enterprise.

Luke: But the guy who sold it to me set it up at the shop and showed me it worked just fine.

Lorelai: And you would know being the computer genius that you are?

Luke: Look, he only needs it to type his papers. It's not like he's going to be using it to work mission control. (Luke flicks the switch on the printer and the light goes on.) There it is.

Lorelai: Test it out. Type something and try to print it.

(Luke punches a few keys and tries to print. The printer vibrates and makes a loud noise. Smoke comes out from the computer and printer, and the computer shuts down. A piece of paper comes out of the printer. Lorelai grabs it.)

Lorelai: (fakes reading the paper) Ha! Ha! Ha! Loser.

Luke: It does not say that.

Lorelai: Fine. (She crumbles the paper up and throws it on the desk.)

Luke: I'll call a repairman.

Lorelai: Yeah. And I want eggs, bacon, French fries, coffee, and a cheese Danish.

Luke: All right. I'll be right down. (She leaves. Luke takes the paper, opens it out, and reads to check.)

(Later- Kirk is checking out the computer.)

Kirk: This is an old computer.

Luke: Yeah.

Kirk: I mean, I can fix it, but it's really not worth it. You can't really do anything with it.

Luke: I just need something that types and prints.

Kirk: You don't want the internet?

Luke: No.

Kirk: There's a lot of things on the internet.

Luke: I don't want the internet.

Kirk: There're girls on the internet.

Luke: Kirk.

Kirk: I don't have it either. But if I did…

Luke: Kirk!

Kirk: It'll cost you 200 dollars.

Luke: What! I paid 150 for it.

Kirk: That's why it's broken now.

Luke: Fine.

Kirk: SexyMan4u

Luke: What?

Kirk: My screenname if I had the internet.

Luke: Kirk, get out.

(Independence Inn)

(Lorelai is directing delivery-men with new flowers. Sookie comes in, humming, snatches one of the flowers from the bouquet, and smells it, still humming.)

Lorelai: Let me have what you're having.

Sookie: What?

Lorelai: Could you come down cloud nine on your own or do I have to send up a plane for you?

Sookie: (giggles) I just realized that I am the luckiest person on the planet.

Lorelai: Well, don't tell Michel that because I already gave him that title.

Sookie: So, Rory comes back in a few days, right?

Lorelai: Yeah. God, I can't wait.

Sookie: By the way, what did you do the other day?

Lorelai: What day?

Sookie: When Jackson and I went to visit his parents.

Lorelai: Oh, yeah. Um, let me think. Oh yeah. I went to see Spirit.

Sookie: Oh my God! You saw that already! How was it?

Lorelai: Great. Hey, you wanna see it? I don't mind going again.

Sookie: Oh no, that's okay. I'll see it on my own.

Lorelai: You can't see Spirit on your own. Come on, I'll go with you.

Sookie: Maybe over the weekend. So, who'd you see it with?

Lorelai: Kirk.

Sookie: Kirk?

Lorelai: Yeah, Stars Hollow's very own jack of all trades Kirk.

Sookie: Yeah, but why Kirk?

Lorelai: Well, I wanted to see it, and he wanted to see it, and you were away…

Sookie: Yeah, but I would have thought you would try to get Luke to see it with you.

Lorelai: Well, I tried, but you know Luke. Anyway, we had fun.

Sookie: Hmm.

Lorelai: Okay, what's up?

Sookie: Nothing. I was just hoping with Rory and I being away that you would have spent more time with Luke.

Lorelai: Sookie, I see him every day. I couldn't possibly spend more time with him. Why do you want me to spend so much time with him anyway?

Sookie: I don't know. I just thought you two…

Lorelai: Sookie, is the yenta coming out in you?

Sookie: Maybe just a little.

Lorelai: Sookie, I don't need a matchmaker. If I needed one, Miss Patty is already on the job. Luke and I are friends. I like it that way.

Sookie: I know. And this doesn't mean you can't stay friends. Jackson and I are friends.

Lorelai: Sookie.

Sookie: I'm just saying. You said you wanted what I'm having. And I want you to have what I'm having. I just thought maybe you could have it with Luke.

Lorelai: Sookie, I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't need a relationship right now, and I definitely never want one beyond friendship with Luke. Okay?

Sookie: Okay.

(Michel comes.)

Michel: The phone was ringing. I was having my lunch. No one was answering so I stopped having my lunch to pick up the phone and do you think it was for me? No, it was for you. So I stopped having my lunch to answer your phone call.

Lorelai: Thank you, Michel. I really appreciate it. Do you know who it is? (Michel gives her an evil look) I can find out for myself, I'm sure. Never mind.

(She picks up)

Lorelai: Independence Inn. Lorelai speaking. How can I help you?

Christopher: Well I might need a room, but it depends on how you answer this question.

Lorelai: Shoot.

Christopher: Rory's coming back in a few days.

Lorelai: That is correct.

Christopher: I wasn't there when she left.

Lorelai: That's right, now I remember. You weren't.

Christopher: That's right. So I would like to be there when she gets back if that's okay with you.

Lorelai: Yeah. Sure. That's fine.

Christopher: Good, 'cause I already told her I'd be there.

Lorelai: I'm glad to know my consent was so determining. No, but I'm sure she would really like to see you.

Christopher: I'd like to see her too.

Lorelai: So you worked things out with Sherry already?

Christopher: Well, it's complicated but we're getting there.

Lorelai: I'm glad.

Christopher: No you're not.

Lorelai: Well, I'm not going to therapy because of it.

Christopher: No. You wouldn't be.

Lorelai: What's that supposed to mean?

Christopher: That you don't need me. You never have. You're perfectly fine on your own. I admire you for that.

Lorelai: Right, um. Well, you know Chris. I admire you. You're doing the right thing. You didn't run. It's hard to change, but you did. I gotta give you credit for that.

Christopher: I'll always regret running the first time. I just hope I won't regret not running this time.

Lorelai: You won't. It's not even about you and Sherry or you and me. It's about you and this new baby that's coming. That's an experience you won't ever regret.

Christopher: I know. I missed it with Rory, and I regret that.

Lorelai: Well, here's your second chance.

Christopher: But it doesn't erase the first time.

Lorelai: No it doesn't. But that's okay.

Christopher: Yeah. Well, I better get going.

Lorelai: Yeah, they're delivering the flowers now and I don't know how many are going to make it past Sookie.

Christopher: So I'll see you later.

Lorelai: Yeah. Bye, Chris.

(She hangs up)

(Luke's)

(Kirk comes downstairs.)

Kirk: Sorry Luke, I couldn't fix her for you. The old girl just kicked the bucket.

Luke: Well, there's 150 dollars down the drain.

Kirk: Yeah, I'm sorry. (He stands waiting)

Luke: Thanks for your time, Kirk. (Kirk is still waiting)

Luke: Are you going to order something?

Kirk: Yeah, my pay.

Luke: What?

Kirk: Two hundred dollars.

Luke: But you didn't fix the thing.

Kirk: Those were the labor charges. I did put in a lot of labor. It's not my fault you got the Abraham of computers.

Luke: Look, I hired you to fix the thing. You did not fix it. Therefore, I don't have to pay you.

Kirk: You hired me to fix something that could not be fixed. I tried. It can't be fixed. Now I want my pay.

Luke: Get out of my diner right now.

Kirk: Not without my money.

Luke: I'm not going to pay you for a service you did not provide. As far as I'm concerned, the labor you put into the thing was worthless because you didn't fix it.

Kirk: What about my opportunity costs?

Luke: What opportunity costs?

Kirk: Time is money. If I wasn't here working for you, I could have been making repairs somewhere else, and this conversation alone has cut into my shift at the video store. I'll be twenty minutes late. That's a third of an hour. That's a third of my hourly pay that I'm losing. You owe me my opportunity costs.

Luke: A third of your hourly pay at the video store and the twenty dollars you would have made fixing one of Babette's clocks does not add up to 200 dollars.

Kirk: Fine. I'll take fifty, but that's the lowest I'm going.

Luke: You know what, fine. If fifty dollars is what it's going to take to get you out of my sight, here. Take your fifty dollars.

Kirk: I hope you realize how much you just robbed me. (Kirk is leaving as Lorelai is entering)

Kirk: (to Lorelai) Be careful. This guy's a cheat.

Lorelai: Thanks for the tip. (Kirk nods and leaves.) What's that all about?

Luke: Kirk couldn't fix the stupid thing and he still wanted to charge me two hundred. I finally had to give him fifty to get him out of here. Now I've spent two hundred dollars and still no computer.

Lorelai: Don't worry. Jess can use mine for free the next time. That way you make up the two hundred you lost and make one hundred extra.

Luke: You do know that a coffee and six brownies do not really cost 300 dollars?

Lorelai: I'm just trying to make you feel better.

Luke: I appreciate the effort.

(Jess comes in)

Luke: Listen Jess, the computer's no good, so you're going to have to use Lorelai's again 'til I can get another one.

Jess: That's okay. I don't need it.

Luke: What?

Jess: Yeah. I handed in the last paper already.

Luke: Why didn't you tell me? You mean I just spent two hundred dollars and a whole lot of aggravation on that thing for nothing?

Jess: Hey, I didn't tell you to buy the thing.

Luke: But …but…Ah geez. (Luke slams the rag on the counter.)

Jess: I'm going upstairs.

Luke: No, you haven't worked here all day.

Jess: I have homework. I'll close up. (Jess goes upstairs.)

Lorelai: Well I guess today isn't your lucky day.

Luke: When is it?

Lorelai: Okay well, I was thinking…

Luke: I think I'm going to regret hearing the rest of this but go ahead.

Lorelai: Well, since Jess already said he'd close up, I was thinking, you know, since Rory is coming back in a few days I won't be pestering you anymore, but how 'bout I pester you today?

Luke: What happened to Sookie?

Lorelai: Well, the way I saw her and Jackson today, I think tonight they'll be working on their first child.

Luke: All right, but no animation movies.

Lorelai: Actually, I was thinking more in terms of dinner.

Luke: You're not cooking, are you?

Lorelai: Well I could if you want, but I'm not eating it. Better yet, I know this place in Hartford that makes a pretty good brisket. And they also have a great chef's salad.

Luke: Okay. Sounds good.

Lorelai: Great. So I'll pick you up at eight.

(Lorelai leaves)

(Washington- Rory and Paris in their room)

Paris: I can't believe we're leaving so soon. I don't have enough pictures to properly illustrate our article for the Franklin.

Rory: Paris, we've taken twelve rolls already. I think that's enough.

Paris: First of all, not all the pictures are pertinent to the article. And second, we have to account for the fact that some of the pictures won't come out well.

Rory: But I think with twelve rolls, probability is on our side.

Paris: Well I hope you're right.

Rory: Come on, Paris. Be honest. It's not about the pictures. You don't want to go back.

Paris: Maybe, but it's none of your business.

Rory: I didn't say it was.

Paris: There's nothing really for me to go back to. I mean, you'll have someone waiting for you at the airport. You'll have people waiting for you at home. You've had people to call even while you're here.

Rory: I'm sure your family misses you.

Paris: Which explains all the phone calls I received from them.

Rory: (she gives a commiserating half-smile) Can I ask you something, Paris?

Paris: You just did.

Rory: Okay well, I'll ask another then. Are you going to be like this when we get back or are you going to be Chilton Paris again?

Paris: I don't know. Maybe it's just the air out here.

Rory: Seriously though. I'm just curious.

Paris: It can't be the same over there as it is here. Everything goes back to normal when we go back.

Rory: Well, I'll miss this Paris, but Chilton Paris is okay too.

Paris: Because I was looking for your approbation.

Rory: No. You shouldn't look for my approbation. I just mean that either way you're okay. You're a cool person.

Paris: Really?

Rory: Well…(Paris rolls her eyes.) Yeah. Really.

(the phone rings)

Paris: That's for you.

(Rory picks up)

Rory: Hello.

Dean: Hey.

Rory: Oh, hi. I tried to call you earlier but the line was busy.

Dean: Yeah, um, I was talking to Cathy.

Rory: Ah. So you two have become pretty good friends.

Dean: She was asking me about Lane. Lane can't make or receive phone calls.

Rory: I know. She can receive mine though. I feel special.

Dean: So you talked to Lane? How is she?

Rory: She's okay. Or as okay as she can be. It's not easy being locked in the house on a summer day.

Dean: Yeah.

Rory: She told me about Cathy. Sounds like a nice person. Can't wait to meet her.

Dean: Yeah, I told her a lot about you too. She can't wait to meet you either.

Rory: We should all hang out, me, you, Lane, Cathy, Paris. I think it'd be a lot of fun.

Dean: Yeah, but Paris?

Rory: Yeah.

Dean: You want to spend time with Paris after being stuck with her for six weeks?

Rory: It's been quite a learning experience, what can I tell you.

Dean: I can't wait 'til you get back.

Rory: Well, I'm not so sure about that.

Dean: Hey, what do you mean by that?

Rory: Weren't you supposed to be waiting for me somewhere?

Dean: (laughs) I'll go there tomorrow and I won't move 'til you come back.

Rory: Well, okay.

Dean: In fact, I'll go tonight. Right now.

Rory: Right now?

Dean: Yeah, after I watch a video with Clara.

Rory: Ah. Okay. So I'll speak to you tomorrow and I'll see you when I get back.

Dean: Bye.

(hangs up)

(Lorelai and Luke driving to Hartford)

Luke: You should have listened to me and stopped for gas when we saw it. There's no way we're going to make it there and back on that amount of gas.

Lorelai: Relax, Luke. There's another station. I don't remember exactly where it is, but I remember it had this big neon cowboy that Rory and I took pictures in front of.

Luke: You're kidding me, right?

Lorelai: No, we really did. I have the pictures in some box at home, but I don't really remember where it is.

Luke: No, I mean you're kidding me. You're talking about the gas station that I told you to stop at, which you passed because you said there was another better one.

Lorelai: The better one is the one with the neon cowboy. I like that cowboy.

Luke: The one we passed was the one with the neon cowboy.

Lorelai: I think it'd be hard to miss a neon cowboy.

Luke: The lights were off, but there was a cowboy. I can't believe this. Is that the last one you saw when you were coming up here with Rory?

Lorelai: I don't remember. I wasn't looking for gas stations after we got the gas.

Luke: Well then we're going to have to turn back.

Lorelai: We're closer to the restaurant than to that gas station. Let's go to the restaurant and when we're there we'll ask for the nearest gas station. There's got to be one around there. You've got to be a fool not to open a gas station somewhere near a restaurant.

Luke: The one we passed was probably the gas station near the restaurant. You know, it would just be my luck that I'd end this night stranded somewhere in Hartford pushing a car back to a huge neon cowboy.

Lorelai: There's the spirit, now.

Luke: Tell me at least that you have your cell phone.

Lorelai: I do, but I think the battery's dead.

Luke: Great. So you don't put gas in your car, you don't charge the battery on your cell phone…

Lorelai: Look, here it is. Let's eat.

Luke: Your stomach's the only thing you don't forget to fuel.

Lorelai: Luke, take it easy. I was just joking about the cell phone.

Luke: Well, I'm glad you thought it was funny.

(Lorelai exits the car. Luke follows.)

(Inside)

Luke: This is a nice place.

Lorelai: I know. Rory and I found it one day after dinner with my parents. We hadn't eaten a thing because they were having this nasty smelling, slimy thing. So Rory and I would take a fork full and we'd just hold the forks while talking or listening to my mom and dad and when they would look down to their plates, we dumped the food in our purses. We drove around all night looking for a place to eat here because we were starved. We found this place and the food was delicious and when it came time to pay, I forgot about the food in my purse so I pulled out these slimy, smelly bills. The poor waiter didn't know what to do with them and he told us to forget about the tip.

Luke: That could only happen to you.

Lorelai: But we sure had fun.

Luke: You don't have any food in your purse now, do you?

Lorelai: Well…not unless you count Certs. So what are you going to do about that computer?

Luke: What's left to do with it? I'll have to throw it out.

Lorelai: You should look more. Maybe someone else can fix it for you.

Luke: I've already flushed enough money into that thing. Jess doesn't even need it anymore.

Lorelai: Not now, but if he's going to keep on going to school and doing homework, he is going to need to type things, and then he'll have to compete with Rory for ours, which means he'll probably never get to use it.

Luke: Well, I'll worry about that when the time comes. I'm tired of thinking about it. You know what gets to me the most about the whole thing? That he doesn't care. He comes while I'm trying to set it up. I tell him why I bought it and that I'm having some trouble setting it up, and you'd think he'd say, 'that's great, Luke. Lemme give you a hand.' But do you know what he says? He says 'Okay.' Like if I had just told him I was going to the store to buy wax. It's not that I want him to make me thank-you cards with construction paper and crayons, but just some acknowledgment of the fact that I'm trying. I mean, because otherwise I can't tell what I'm doing, whether I'm doing a good job or not…

Lorelai: Slow down, Luke. You are doing a good job. And maybe he is acknowledging the fact that you're trying by trying himself. I mean, I'm still not crazy about the kid but I mean, he's made almost a 90 degree turn around from the kid that first came off the bus.

Luke: Yeah, but why do you think he's doing it?

Lorelai: Why do you think he's doing it?

Luke: (catches himself) Because he wants to stay here, he wants to get away from Liz, and whatever.

Lorelai: Well if he thought you were completely horrible, I doubt he'd want to be around you either. Face it, Luke. Whether you like it or not, you've turned into a darn good parent.

Luke: You really think so?

Lorelai: I know so.

Luke: Well, coming from you, that means a lot. Thanks.

(The waiter comes over with their food.)

Luke: So why'd you do this?

Lorelai: Do what?

Luke: Drive to Hartford on a weekday for dinner.

Lorelai: I don't know. I just thought it'd be fun, and you looked like you could use the break. One stress free evening without having to make your own food, far away from Jess, Taylor, Kirk, Stars Hollow in general. I guess you forgot but today was the town meeting. I figured I'd save you the frustration.

Luke: Yeah, I completely forgot about that. I guess I can expect Taylor at the diner tomorrow morning.

Lorelai: Hey, you might as well tell him to open up because he'll be there before you are. But don't worry about it today. Look at me, I've got a car out there that doesn't have enough gas to get back on the road. You think I'm worrying about it now?

Luke: I don't know how you do it.

Lorelai: (whispering) The secret elixir. The cure-all.

Luke: What's that?

Lorelai: Coffee.

Luke: And I guess you also don't worry about the fact that your cure-all is someday going to kill you.

Lorelai: Shh. Not while I'm drinking. (She sips from a coffee mug, then makes a face.) I think you need to go back there and show those guys how to make coffee. Now I'm starting to worry about the car.

Luke: Welcome to reality.

Lorelai: Oh wait. False alarm.

(Later. Luke and Lorelai are in the middle of a desolate road in the woods.)

Luke: I told you that guy didn't know what he was talking about. Why would they put a gas station in the middle of the woods?

Lorelai: To tick off the EPA?

Luke: This is just great. I knew this was going to happen. Now we're going to have to turn this around and push it even further.

Lorelai: Why don't we just call Jess and tell him to bring your car?

Luke: Because he's got his headphones on stabbing his ear drums with that God-awful music. He's not going to hear.

Lorelai: Well, do you want to push the car all the way back to the cowboy or do you want to take a chance on an easier way?

Luke: Fine. Call him.

(Lorelai pulls out her cell phone and looks at it. She turns up with a fake smile.)

Lorelai: Hey Luke. Remember that joke I made about the battery? Wasn't that funny?

Luke: No.

Lorelai: Well, wouldn't it be funny if it turned out to be true?

Luke: Ah geez, Lorelai.

Lorelai: You can get in the car. I'll push.

Luke: You can't push the car all the way back there.

Lorelai: Well, neither can you.

Luke: So what are we going to do?

Lorelai: I can charge my cell phone in the car. It's just going to take a while.

(In the car)

Luke: This has got to be the worst day in the history of worst days.

Lorelai: Uh uh. I think mine can top yours.

Luke: No, there's no possible way your day can top losing two hundred bucks on a broken computer, missing a town meeting in which your nephew is the first matter of business on the agenda and in which you'll be slandered by a man who wears knee socks and cardigans and wants to sell collectible plates, and then, to top it off, ending up stranded in the middle of the woods in car that's out of gas waiting for a cell phone to charge to call a person who probably won't even hear your phone call, or better yet, won't even care. How does your day top that on the worst day scale?

Lorelai: Okay. How about spending the day handling complaints, quelling arguments, and managing everything, thinking you're in control while everyone around you is telling you what you need and don't need, looking at Sookie and feeling more like Michel, missing your daughter terribly and then having her father call saying he's coming down for her return when you really wanted to spend time with her on your own, her father being the first man you had seen in a while in the shortest lasting relationship in the history of relationships, then inviting a friend to dinner trying to help him and then making his day end miserably because your car ran out of gas and your cell phone's battery died and the neon cowboy you were looking for was off, and your whole day just blew up right back in your face.

(Silence)

Luke: Your day still doesn't top mine.

Lorelai: No, I didn't think so. Look at us. We're competing about who had a worse day. Couple of optimists we are. Gosh, what's happening to me? I've never been this bitter.

Luke: You're not bitter. You're one of the most positive people I know, probably the most positive in Stars Hollow. And you know, this evening wasn't so bad. I mean, it was nice getting away from the diner and the town meeting.

Lorelai: Yeah. And my day could have gone worse. I could have bumped into my parents.

(They sit in contented silence.)

Lorelai: I think it's charged enough. Here, try calling Jess.

(Luke takes the phone and dials.)

Jess: Hello.

Luke: Jess, listen…

(Later. Gilmore residence. Lorelai just walks in and goes to the phone.)

Rory: Hello.

Lorelai: Hey, kiddo.

Rory: Mom! Where were you? I was so worried. I called so many times and you weren't in, and I left six messages, and I tried your cell phone, but your voice mail kept picking up…

Lorelai: Rory, I'm okay. I had some car trouble.

Rory: What happened?

Lorelai: Well, I went out with Luke for dinner to that place in Hartford that we went to that Friday…

Rory: Where you gave the waiter the gross dollar bills to pay for the bill and as a result we didn't have to give a tip?

Lorelai: That one.

Rory: Yeah, I remember. That was a funny day. They make a good brisket.

Lorelai: Well, you remember as we were driving there we stopped at that gas station with the big neon cowboy?

Rory: Oh yeah. We took pictures with him. You called him Dandy Randy.

Lorelai: That's right. Wow, I forgot that name. Well, Dandy Randy wasn't so Dandy today. He wasn't lit up so I didn't see him, and so I passed right by him thinking I would find him further down on the road. Of course, I never found him, but we made it to the restaurant and one of the waiters tells us there's a gas station not too far if we keep going straight down the road. We did, and ended up in the woods with no gas. Then my cell phone battery died, so we couldn't call anyone and had to wait for it to charge. Then we called Jess and he came to pick us and the car up.

Rory: Sounds like quite an adventure. Maybe the waiter that told you about the non-existent gas station was the one who got the slimy bills and no tip.

Lorelai: Yes. Holding a secret vendetta all this time waiting for the moment of revenge. You know, it just might have been. Well, what did you do today?

Rory: Nothing much. More conferences, more sightseeing. Dad called.

Lorelai: Yeah, I know. He called me too.

Rory: Did he tell you he was coming?

Lorelai: Yeah, he did.

Rory: You don't want him to come.

Lorelai: No, it's not that. I was just looking forward to having you all to myself when you came back. I mean, I don't mind sharing you with Dean and Lane for a bit, but…

Rory: Mom, he's not coming the day I come back. He's coming the day after. That's the day I told him I'd be back so that you got the first day for yourself, and at the same time, he doesn't have to feel bad not being there on the exact day I come back.

Lorelai: Ugh, I love you.

Rory: I love you too, mom.

(Luke's apartment. Jess is reading in his room. Luke comes in.)

Luke: Hey. I just wanted to thank you for tonight. I'm sorry you had to do that.

Jess: Uh huh.

Luke: So I'll throw this thing out tomorrow morning.

Jess: Why? It works now.

Luke: You fixed it?

Jess: No.

Luke: What'd you do?

Jess: Nothing. I just turned it on and it worked.

Luke: No. Kirk said it was broken, that it couldn't be fixed.

Jess: Maybe he fixed it and didn't realize it. Look, I don't know. All I know is that I turned it on, and it worked.

Luke: It worked?

Jess: That's what I've been saying.

Luke: The printer too?

Jess: Yup.

Luke: You tried it out?

Jess: Yup.

Luke: So let me get this straight. It didn't work for me, it didn't work for Kirk, you touch it, and all of a sudden it works.

Jess: Guess it's just my lucky day. (Jess closes the book.) Could you shut off the lights on your way out?

(Luke stays looking at Jess and then at the computer. He shrugs and flicks off the lights.)

The End