The Depths of a Black Haze
by Eternally 1x2
and
Mystical 1x2
Chapter Seven: Bed of Lies
Disclaimer: We don't own GW, never have and never will. We also don't own the song "Bed of Lies". That belongs to Matchbox 20.
Warnings: Yaoi, OOC, and MAJOR ANGST!!
***
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
Heero watched in horror as Duo swallowed the last pill. Panicked thoughts raced through his head. His instincts told him that he had to get Duo help—and fast. Quickly, Heero grabbed Duo's arm, not even loosening his grip as Duo cried out in pain. "Come on, Duo. We're going to the hospital," Heero announced, trying to drag Duo off of the bed. However, Duo was stronger than he actually looked. No matter how hard Heero tried, he couldn't get Duo to budge. The Japanese boy was becoming rather angry. "Duo, what are you doing? You need to get to a hospital as quickly as possible! Now, let's go!"
Duo looked at Heero and shook his head defiantly, tears flowing freely from his eyes. "No, Heero, I'm not going anywhere! Please, I don't want to live anymore! I want my miserable, pathetic, useless life to end! I don't deserve to live another second of my life!" Duo cried, each word that escaped his lips quivering with each shaky breath he took. He continued to let the tears fall from his pained violet eyes, not caring if Heero saw, not giving a damn if the whole world saw him crying.
It was all becoming clear to Heero. Duo's behavior lately all led to one thing. Duo was depressed, so severely to the point of suicide. His withdrawn behavior, loss of weight, uncharacteristic silence, the alcoholic binge from last night, the cries of pain from the slightest, gentlest touch—it all seemed to add up now. Heero berated himself for not realizing this from the beginning. "Duo…" Heero whispered.
Duo shook his head one last time as his eyes slowly drifted shut. "Too late…Heero…" were Duo's last words before he slumped forward, motionless.
"No…Duo!" Heero cried out as he caught Duo in his arms. Frantically, he checked for a pulse, sighing in relief when he found one, although it was weak. Heero knew he didn't have much time. Panicking, Heero yelled, "Quatre, quick! Call 911! Duo's attempted suicide!"
"Oh, dear God…" was Quatre's reply. "Just hang on, I'll get an ambulance here right away!"
As Heero waited impatiently, he gently held Duo's prone form, stroking his hair softly. "Please hang on, Duo…don't leave me…I can't lose you…" the Japanese boy whispered, hoping and praying that God wouldn't take Duo away from him.
***
Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another
hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry
Don't think that I could take another talk about it
The wait seemed eternal. Time seemed to drag as Heero sat in the waiting room, anticipating the return of the doctor that had taken Duo under his care. Heero sighed, placing his palms over his eyes. He felt the comforting hand of Quatre on his shoulder, gently rubbing it, trying to ease the pain Heero felt. Heero lifted his head and smiled at Quatre, then resumed his earlier position.
Heero was confused. What exactly was he feeling at this moment? Remorse? Sensitivity? Compassion? Anger? Too many thoughts…it was too much for Heero. He needed to get away, needed some time to himself to think. Standing timidly, Heero excused himself for a few short minutes, then headed towards the exit of the hospital, feeling the need to get some well-needed fresh air.
Heero stepped outside, breathing deeply. It sure felt good to get out of there. Frankly, hospitals scared him, even when he wasn't the one admitted to one. However, Duo was, and this hurt Heero just as much as if he were the patient.
Heero's thoughts drifted to the events that occurred only a few short hours ago. But it had seemed like an eternity since Duo had been brought into the hospital. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Some things were still blurry, while others were crystal clear.
Heero paced around the parking lot, trying to clear his head. Why in the world would Duo try to kill himself? Hell, Heero knew that was a stupid question. If he was depressed, why wouldn't he? Isn't that what depressed people usually did?
Heero just wished that he had noticed the signs earlier. He should have been able to tell that Duo was depressed. He had known that something was wrong, but he didn't think it would be this serious. Duo had seemed withdrawn, sure…but it could have been because he hadn't been feeling well, or something to that extent. But then there was the sudden weight loss, and the pain that he seemed to be in…
Heero sighed. He needed to talk to Duo as soon as he regained consciousness, or as soon as the doctors would allow him to. He needed answers…he wanted to help the boy he loved as much as possible. And, Heero decided, he would go to any lengths in order to do that.
Sighing once more, Heero turned and made his way back into the hospital, wondering if the doctor had come by yet.
Just like me you got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away
When Heero got back to the waiting room, a small smile crossed his face as he spotted the doctor talking to Quatre. Quatre noticed Heero, and waved him over. The doctor turned around and, seeing Heero, strode over to the approaching boy.
"Mr. Yuy, you'll be happy to know that Mr. Maxwell is stabilized and doing fine. We've managed to pump his stomach and get rid of all the drugs, so he'll be just fine. Time was very crucial in this situation, however. Your friend was very lucky," the doctor explained, scratching the bridge of his nose. "If you'd like, you can go see him now."
Heero smiled, nodding. "Yes, I'd like that."
"Okay, then. He's in Room 103," the doctor concluded before turning around and walking away.
Smiling, Heero looked at Quatre, who smiled back, and proceeded to make his way towards Room 103, wondering what in the world he would say.
***
Duo winced as he slowly opened his eyes, the bright light shining in the room hurting his eyes. He blinked several times before his eyes got adjusted to the light. With a confused look on his face, Duo glanced around the room. He quickly noticed he was in a hospital.
A hospital? Aren't I supposed to be dead? he wondered to himself.
Duo cursed as he realized what had happened. Heero had brought him to the hospital. "Shit!" Duo shouted, punching the mattress of the hospital bed, an exasperated, angry look on his face. "Why didn't Heero let me die?!"
Just as he shouted this, the door opened, and Heero stepped in, a worried look on his face. Duo scoffed as he saw Heero. "Why do *you* look so concerned?" Duo snapped, not making eye contact with Heero, not even looking at him.
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
Heero was taken aback by the tone of Duo's voice. It sounded pained…as if he was angry for actually being alive. Heero approached Duo's bed, his face taking on an uncharacteristically gentle look.
"Duo?" Heero asked as he reached his bedside, pulling up a chair and sitting beside him. "Why are you mad?"
Duo sighed in disgust. "Do I really have to answer that, Heero?"
"Yes," was the reply.
Duo moaned, staring down at his lap. "I'm miserable. I don't want to be alive. I'd be better off dead…so would everyone else. Let's face it…I'm nothing, a worthless nobody. I have no purpose in this world…so what's the point of living?" Duo said quietly, feeling tears sting his eyes.
Heero gaped at Duo, not believing what the beautiful braided boy was actually saying. He felt that he didn't have a purpose? He's worthless? How in the world had Duo gotten all of these ideas into his head?
Another sigh escaped the American's lips. "I'm unloved…" Duo muttered, feeling his breath catch as the tears started flowing from his eyes. "Nobody loves me…"
Heero's eyes widened at this statement. It was all making sense now. Duo truly did feel unloved…but could Heero blame him? For the past two years, nobody had even made an effort to keep in touch with him. He probably thought that nobody cared anymore. Heero mentally punched himself. How could he be such a fool? He had so many chances to call Duo, to actually talk to him…but instead, he had blown those chances…like an idiot. No wonder Duo was so depressed…
Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's just not enough to be sorry
"Duo…please, talk to me," Heero pleaded, reaching out and taking Duo's hand. He held it tightly, not caring if it gave away any hints. Duo needed to know he was cared about, that he was indeed loved. Heero loved him—he loved him more than anything in this whole world. Unfortunately, Heero knew that, and Duo didn't. Heero grasped Duo's hand tighter, urging him to open up.
Duo looked down at their two hands clasped, and then into Heero's eyes. "Heero? Why are you so concerned? Nobody's shown any whim of concern for me since…well, never," Duo said.
Heero sighed. He had to tell Duo…somehow, he knew that if Duo was aware of the love Heero possessed for him, things would start on their way to getting better. Heero continued to hold Duo's hand, taking a deep breath as he prepared to say the words he had been longing to say since the day he had set eyes on the beautiful American boy. "Duo…I love you," Heero said, his voice gentle and caring. He looked to Duo for a response, wondering how he would react.
Duo stared at him in shock, not believing his ears. Did Heero just say what he thought he had just said?
"Do…do you really mean it, Heero?" Duo asked, hoping that his ears hadn't deceived him.
Heero nodded. "Yes, Duo…I love you. With all of my heart, all of my soul."
A look of shock crossed Heero's face as Duo smiled a real smile. "Heero…" Duo whispered. "I love you too…I always have."
Now it was Heero's turn to be surprised. He hadn't expected Duo to say that. He had hoped for it, but never would he have imagined that it was indeed true. Duo did love him.
"Duo," Heero urged softly, "why didn't you try reaching out to one of us? The four of us had no clue you were so depressed."
Duo sighed. "I couldn't help it. I didn't think any of you cared," he admitted softly, closing his violet eyes and sighing. "But now, with your help, Heero, I'd like to get over my problem. I need your support. I'd—I'd like to get help."
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me
And I gave til it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we made
"Oh, Duo, you know how happy that makes me? I can't stand seeing you suffer like this anymore. I thought I had lost you today…I couldn't bear the thought of having to live without you. You are my world…I just wish I had told you sooner," Heero said.
"I wish I had reached out. I have a serious problem. It's not something I can get over myself. I know I need help. I don't want to continue living like this. I actually want to *live*," Duo whispered, his eyes filling up with tears once more.
Heero smiled. "Believe me, Duo, I'll help you as much as I can. I'll be here for you. I just want you to get better. I love you," Heero said again, his smile growing wider.
I am all that I'll ever be
When you lay your hands
Over me
but don't you go weak on me now
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this
I will not sleep in this bed of lies
"I love you too, Heero," Duo said, suppressing a yawn. His body was exhausted…he had been so worn out lately. Duo closed his eyes as he yawned, the concept of sleep very appealing to him at the moment.
"Get some sleep, love," Heero said quietly, leaning over and placing a tender kiss on Duo's lips. Duo moaned in delight as he deepened the kiss, feeling delighted. Heero loved him after all…
When the kiss broke, Duo lay back against the pillows and shut his eyes, sleep quickly claiming him. Heero just sat there, watching the boy he loved sleep, content that things would be much brighter from now on.
***
Comments? Criticism? We wanna know what you think! ~Eternally 1x2 and Mystical 1x2
