The Depths of a Black Haze
by Eternally 1x2
and
Mystical 1x2
Chapter Nine: Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
Disclaimer: We don't own GW, never have and never will. We also don't own the song "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)". That belongs to Metallica.
Warnings: Yaoi, angst, and OOC!
***
Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
Just labeled mentally deranged
Heero was hurt by the words Duo had muttered just a few short minutes ago. Why did Duo feel that Heero was lying to him? Not too long ago, Duo had thanked Heero for all he had done to save his life. But those biting words had stung Heero far worse than anything in the world ever did - or ever could. Feeling the need, the urge to speak, Heero begged, "Duo - please, Duo, I need you to look at me."
Not hesitating for even a moment, the voice said, 'Don't look, you filthy piece of trash. It's only a trick, a deception. Don't allow yourself to be fooled. How could Heero possible care about you, when all you do is nauseate him?'
Hearing this, Duo whimpered, turned to his side, and curled up tightly, wrapping the blankets securely around his pale and perspiring body. He shivered once more, feeling incredibly cold despite the layers of blankets covering his too-thin form. 'How could anyone love you?' the voice sneered, once more taking control of Duo's body. 'Just look at yourself. You're pathetic. You deserve to die...why don't you just die?' As the voice continued to speak, Duo felt lower and lower. "I'm the lowest scum on the planet," Duo whispered quietly, continuing to tremble.
Heero glanced at Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, pleading desperately with his eyes for the three of them to leave the room and allow the Japanese boy some time alone with Duo. Understanding, the other three nodded and left. Heero then approached Duo's bed and gently laid a hand on the terrified boy's shoulder. Not one reaction came from Duo. It was as if he felt nothing at all.
'You can do it now, Duo. Just kill yourself. See those sheets? Wrap them around your neck...tie them tightly...he won't be able to stop you...you'll be dead in a matter of minutes. You won't cause Heero or anybody else anymore grief. Isn't that what you want? So go ahead...strangle yourself. End it all.'
Heero's hand slipped away as Duo sat up, a blank look plastered across his face as if he was hypnotized. The Japanese boy watched as Duo covered himself with the blankets. Heero saw Duo's body start to struggle underneath the blankets, and stopped after a few short moments. Confused, Heero pulled back the blankets, and his eyes widened in horror at what he saw before him.
Duo was lying on his side, the sheets of his hospital bed wrapped tightly around his neck. Short, choked sobs somehow escaped his throat as Duo held the sheets tightly in place. Frantically, Heero climbed on the bed and pulled Duo into his arms, trying to unwrap the sheets from around Duo's neck. The braided boy struggled, refusing to loosen his grip as Heero fought with him.
Tears stung Heero's eyes as he desperately tried to help the boy he loved with all of his heart. Nothing seemed to be working. Heero started panicking as he saw Duo's lips start to turn blue. He was losing him, and fast. Frantically, Heero tugged at the sheets, trying to unwrap them from around the American boy's neck. Slowly, Duo's beautiful violet orbs began to close, and his arms fell from their place and hung limply at his sides. Seeing his chance, Heero quickly removed the sheets and threw them aside. Gently, he held Duo against his chest as he coughed and gasped for air. Heero rubbed Duo's back in smooth, gentle circles, trying to calm him.
"Ssh...Duo, it's okay. Everything's okay now," the Japanese boy comforted, while his mind began racing wildly. Duo needed help as quickly as possible. They needed to get out of here - the people around here sure as hell weren't providing Duo with the kind of help he desperately needed.
Gently, Heero rocked Duo in his arms like a baby, trying to ease him to sleep. A few minutes later, he heard Duo's shallow breathing even out, and knew that sleep had claimed him. Heero intended on asking his love some questions later, but for now, he felt sleep was best. Tenderly, Heero placed a light kiss on the top of Duo's head, hoping the nightmares that plagued his every waking moment didn't torment him in his sleep.
***
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, no windows barred
No things to make my brain seemed scarred
Duo sat on the bathroom floor, razorblade in hand. All around him, everything was black...blacker than his already tormented soul felt. The pain...it was back. It was as if the pain never left - no, it would never leave, Duo realized. No matter what he did, the pain just would not go away. No matter how many times he cut, the pain remained. It festered inside him.
Duo started sobbing, each cry that escaped his lips reminding him of the pain and agony he endured every second of his useless, disgraceful life. Raising the blade to his wrist, Duo began to cut. He needed the pain to wash away for a few blissful seconds...as the blood flowed from his wrist, the pain escaped his body...even if it was only for a few minutes or seconds. He needed that escape - his escape from reality.
To Duo's dismay, the blood did not flow this time. Duo was cutting, but no blood escaped the deep cut he had created in his wrist. Furiously, Duo kept cutting, each slash on his already sore wrist producing no results. "Come on, damn it...bleed!" Duo pleaded, trying his best to make himself feel cleansed. Duo tore at the skin, ripped it apart with each touch of the razorblade...but each effort was in vain. No blood seeped from his fresh wound, resulting in no pain being washed away.
The American boy couldn't take it anymore. He needed to get away from it all - the pain was just too unbearable. Standing, Duo started to run - he ran from the bathroom, away from the murky darkness. He came across a hallway, and ran down it, intending on reaching its end. But Duo saw as he continued to run, that the hallway seemed to have no end. Every corner Duo turned, he came across a person whom he thought had cared, but in reality, hated him.
First was Quatre - sweet, caring Quatre, or so Duo had thought in the beginning. The blonde Arabian's hateful voice rang in Duo's ears in a loathsome tone. "You dirty piece of filth - you've ruined everything. Trowa and I would have been happily married if it wasn't for you. It's all your fault," Quatre sneered, glaring at Duo with utter contempt.
"I'm sorry, Quatre...I made a mistake...please, I'm sorry," Duo pleaded, begging Quatre for his forgiveness.
Quatre shook his head. "Sorry doesn't make things better, Duo...God, you sicken me. Get out of my sight, you selfish, disgusting disgrace for a human being," he spat, turning away from Duo with hate in his eyes. The braided boy hung his head in shame as tears stung his violet orbs. He continued running around the next bend, where Trowa was waiting for him.
Trowa's green eyes bore into Duo's like a pair of hot coals. "You disgust me," Trowa said hatefully, his usual expressionless face showing anger and contempt. "You don't deserve to live among us. You are an unworthy human being. You should have died on the streets a long time ago...it sure would have done this world a favor." With that, Trowa turned his back on Duo, not wanting to sicken himself any further.
The tears continued to pour from Duo's eyes as he ran around the next corner - and saw Wufei, who looked at Duo with a pure grimace on his face. When Duo got closer, Wufei began to laugh - a cruel, heartless laugh, which mocked Duo for everything that he was, and everything he couldn't have been.
"Duo..." Wufei muttered, shaking his head. "You disgrace." Those two words were all Wufei needed to say, and all Duo needed to hear. Hurt beyond belief, he continued running, knowing the only person left was the one who had spoken of his love for him.
Breathing hard, Duo turned the next corner, and sure enough, there was Heero...looking as beautiful as ever. A smile growing on his face, Duo approached the Japanese boy. Reaching him, he wrapped his trembling arms around Heero, burying his face in the crook of his loved one's neck. "Heero..." Duo whispered, breathing in the heavenly scent that was only Heero.
However, the reaction Heero gave him wasn't one Duo had been expecting. Instead of returning the embrace, Heero angrily shoved Duo away, a hateful look on his face. "Get away from me...you nauseate me, you no-good street rat," Heero snarled, pushing Duo once again so he fell on his back. Bending down, Heero spat on Duo and smirked, then turned and walked away.
Duo lay there, sobbing painfully. The whole world was against him...everyone hated him. Heero had downright lied to him. The braided boy thought with all of his heart that Heero was telling the truth when he said those three words...but Duo had been wrong.
So, so wrong.
Duo continued to lay there, crying his heart out. Nobody loved him. Never did, and never would.
***
Sleep my friend and you will see
That dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Can't they see it's why my brain says Rage
Heero felt Duo tense up in his arms. Small whimpers escaped the American boy's lips as he started to struggle in Heero's arms. Heero's gaze fell downward, and what he saw pained him. Duo's face was contorted into an expression of agony. Even in sleep, his nightmares plagued him.
Heero started to stroke Duo's hair, trying to soothe him. "Ssh...Duo, it's all right...I'm here," Heero reassured, wondering if the braided boy could hear him. Duo continued to struggle, thrashing his head from side to side as Heero continued to hold him. The Japanese boy tightened his hold on Duo, trying desperately to comfort him. He placed a gentle kiss on Duo's forehead, hoping it would help calm him a little.
Heero sighed in relief as Duo relaxed and stopped thrashing. His violet eyes slowly opened, and he looked up curiously at Heero. When he realized who was holding him, Duo pulled away, an upset expression on his troubled face. Ashamed, Duo looked away. He just couldn't face Heero's eyes. They were so beautiful...while his own were so ugly and despicable.
Heero reached out and cupped Duo's chin in his hands. He lifted Duo's face, forcing him to look into his blue eyes. "Duo...what's wrong?" he asked, concerned. "Why won't you look at me? Is something bothering you? Please, talk to me," Heero pleaded.
Duo sighed, remaining silent. He couldn't face Heero...he truly knew how Heero felt about him. It was all a lie - hell, his whole damn life was a living lie.
"We're going back to my house, Duo...you're staying with me until you're better. Tomorrow, I'm taking you to the best psychiatrist in my area. I'll stick by you through this, Duo...I love you," Heero said, stroking Duo's cheek with his thumb.
Agree with him, Duo, the voice persuaded. He'll be much easier to fool if he thinks that you actually want help. Lead him in the wrong direction, and it will be easier to get rid of him.
Slowly, Duo nodded. "Sure, Heero...whatever you say," he said quietly. He let Heero scoop him up into his arms, and the Japanese boy carried Duo away from that awful hospital to a place where his love would hopefully recover at.
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Not realizing he had closed them, Duo's eyes slowly blinked open, and he squinted as sunlight attacked his violet orbs. He looked around, confused. "Where are we?" he asked groggily, wondering how long he had been asleep.
"We're at my house," Heero informed him, rising from the driver's seat and walking over to the other side of the car. He opened the door and helped Duo, who was still a little unaware, get out. He gently held Duo's hand as he led him into the house, his face showing concern for the boy he loved.
As both boys entered the house, Duo began to get nervous. It had been three days since he had touched alcohol. He had never gone this long without it - ever. Starting to tremble, Duo looked fearfully into Heero's eyes. "Heero...where's the alcohol...?" the braided boy asked, not even aware of the words that were coming out of his mouth.
Heero suddenly stopped, a look of horror crossing his face. He looked at Duo, whose shakes had suddenly become worse. Beads of sweat began to form on his forehead. "Please...Heero..." Duo pleaded desperately. "I need it..."
Heero shook his head violently. "No, Duo...you certainly do not need it. I'm going to get you off that stuff if it's the last thing I do." Heero took Duo's hand and led him to his bedroom, Duo trying to break out of Heero's grip and gain access to any type of alcohol...at this point, he didn't give a damn what kind it was, just as long as it contained alcohol. However, in Duo's weakened state, his efforts didn't help much, and he found himself being dragged to Heero's room against his own free will.
Build my fear of what's out there
And cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
Assuring me that I'm insane
Reaching his room, Heero forced Duo onto the bed as he shut and locked the door behind them. After doing so, the Japanese boy crossed the room over to Duo, who had curled himself into a fetal position, still continuing to shake. Heero placed a hand on Duo's shoulder and took in a sharp breath as the one he loved flinched at his touch. Heero then sat on the bed and talked to Duo in as gentle and soothing a tone as possible. "Duo, I'm doing this for your own good...if you don't give up this drug, it will make it more impossible for you to get the help you need," Heero said.
But I don't want to get help. I want my life to end, Duo thought, but instead of saying that aloud, all he let escape his lips was a pained whimper.
Once again, the voice interfered. Duo, don't you see? If you agree to what he's saying, he won't suspect a thing. Later tonight, while that fool's asleep, just sneak out to a bar and fulfill your needs. You can survive until tonight, can't you? You've already lasted three days...what more will a few hours matter?
Succumbing to the voice, Duo stopped trembling and looked at Heero. A smile formed on his face, and while Heero took it to be a smile of contentment, it was a smile of evil and deceit. "Okay, Heero...I trust you. It's for my own good," he said.
Smiling himself, Heero took Duo's head in his hands and kissed him. "I'm so glad you're allowing me to help you, love," Heero replied, then instantly yawned. Duo's grin grew wider. He might not have to wait so long after all...
They think our heads are in their hands
But violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
He's getting better, can't you tell?
"Heero, you look tired. Why don't you get some rest?" Duo suggested with fake sincerity, and was glad when Heero nodded slowly, his eyelids slowly drooping. Duo helped Heero to lie down on his bed, and was pleased when he heard light snores emit from Heero's lips after two minutes. After making sure Heero was really asleep, Duo quietly unlocked the door and left the house, intending to find the closest bar possible in the quickest amount of time.
As soon as Duo closed the door behind him, Heero's eyes shot open. He had heard something that had instantly awakened him. Glancing around the room, alert as a cat, Heero cursed when he saw that Duo was nowhere in sight. He had a gut feeling that he had to find Duo, and fast. Without hesitation, Heero left the house, walking briskly in the direction he was sure Duo had headed in.
No more can they keep within
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
But they think this saves us from our hell
Duo cursed as his search for a bar was failing. He needed a drink...he could feel it in his veins. It had been so long...more than three days without a drop of alcohol. The longest he had ever gone was a day, and that even killed him inside. If he didn't find something soon, he didn't know what he would do.
All of a sudden, Duo didn't feel right. Something was off, and he knew it. He slowed his pace as he tried to figure out what was happening. Before he could even think, he fell to the ground, immediately losing consciousness.
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Heero heard a loud thud from around the corner of the street he was on. His main concern at the moment was finding Duo, but he knew that a person was in danger. Heero ran the rest of the way down the street and turned the corner, hurrying over to the convulsing body on the ground. Someone was having a seizure, and would need help fast.
Upon reaching the body, Heero knelt next to it, and his worst fears were confirmed. Duo was having a seizure - but how? He knew that the American boy didn't have epilepsy, so what else could it be? Not stopping to think about it, Heero quickly picked Duo up and cradled his body in his arms like a small child, quickly heading to the nearest hospital, hoping to find answers there.
Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill, it's such a friendly word seems the only way
For reaching out again
"Mr. Yuy."
Heero's head jerked up as he heard someone utter his name. Two doctors were standing in front of him, one obviously a medical doctor, and the other a psychiatrist. "I just want to inform you that Mr. Maxwell is doing just fine, and is resting in the main ward of the hospital. We'd like to keep him here for a couple nights just to monitor his condition. We don't want to be too careful," the female doctor explained, then motioned over to the man standing by her side. "This is Dr. Brennan, the psychiatrist assigned to treat Duo," she introduced the two. Dr. Brennan stuck out his hand, and Heero shook it firmly.
"Mr. Yuy, Duo had been suffering the severe symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. If it had been a little longer, he wouldn't have survived. We hope to have him weened off the alcohol after his short visit at this hospital. However, I want to begin treatment immediately," he explained, removing a small pill bottle from his pocket and handing it to Heero. "Here is a small dose of some strong anti-depressants which I have prescribed for Duo. If these work, I'll give him a bigger prescription. I just want to test them out first. Give them to him immediately, and let me know how everything turns out. Here's my number," Dr. Brennan concluded, handing Heero a business card. "Give me a call in about a week, and let me know his progress. Then we can begin full treatment." The doctor looked at his watch. "I have other patients to tend to, so I must be on my way. Good day," he said, turning and walking briskly down the hall of the hospital.
Heero looked at the small bottle curiously. He hoped that these drugs would work, and Duo would be back to the way he was when Heero knew him when they were Gundam pilots. With that thought in mind, Heero headed to Duo's room, intending to have a long discussion with him.
***
Comments? Criticism? We wanna know what you think! ~Eternally 1x2 and Mystical1x2
