By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: THE BIGGEST THANKS IN THE WORLD!!!!!! to my readers and reviewers. I hope the caritas that you have shown me can extend to this chapter. You guys are the BEST!!!!!

(Luke's. Rory and Jess are sitting at a table each with a book. Rory is thoroughly engrossed. Jess flips through the pages lazily frequently glancing up at Rory. Sensing eyes on her she looks up and meets his eyes. He quickly returns to the book.)

Rory: Jess.

Jess: What?

Rory: What have you learned so far?

Jess: That I don't care for 'How to' books.

Rory: This is important, Jess. The college essay is crucial in gaining admission.

Jess: I already wrote my college essay.

Rory: Really?

Jess: Yeah. It's right here. (He hands her a sheet of paper.)

Rory: It's two sentences.

Jess: It says right here (points in the book) that your essay should be explicit and concise. (gestures towards his essay) That sums it all up.

Rory: Okay. So in response to the question "Why would you like to attend this institution and what do you think you could contribute to our community?" you wrote: (reading) My college attendance is compulsory and I really don't care which school I attend. I would contribute extra matter and extra tuition to your community, and the latter is really what you want anyway, isn't it? (She puts down the paper.) The acceptance letters will be rolling in.

Jess: I only need one.

Rory: Jess, come on. This isn't a joke. You have to go to college now whether you like it or not, so you're going to have to take it seriously.

Jess: You mean you didn't like the essay?

Rory: That's it. Give me back my book. I'm moving to another table.

Jess: All right, all right. I'll stop. I'll write another essay. Five hundred words. I'll use words with more than three syllables, like "latitudinarian."

Rory: Not to describe yourself I hope.

Jess: Are you doing anything tonight?

Rory: Still haven't mastered segue, I see.

Jess: It's Friday. It's not like you have anything to hand in tomorrow, unless you plan on staying home obsessing about college applications.

Rory: As much as I would like to do just that, I have dinner with my grandparents today.

Jess: That's right. I forgot.

Rory: What did you have in mind?

Jess: Does it matter?

Rory: No.

Jess: Well then.

(Lorelai walks in the diner.)

Lorelai: Hey, babe.

Rory: Hi, mom.

Lorelai: Jess.

Jess: Miss Gilmore.

Lorelai: So Jess, how was school?

Jess: Nearly educational.

Lorelai: That's good.

Jess: Yeah. Okay. (He gets up and leaves.)

Rory: You two really have to figure something out.

Lorelai: We have. We exchange over three words, under ten, then we split ways. We get along pretty well with minimal talking and ample distance.

Rory: (sarcastically) Well in that case… (she returns to her reading)

Lorelai: So what's all this?

Rory: Preparation for the college application process.

Lorelai: Oh boy. Would you like another coffee to go with that ulcer?

Rory: Jess will be by in about ten seconds with more.

(Jess comes over, refills Rory's cup, hands a cup full to Lorelai, and leaves.)

Lorelai: The benefits of dating a diner boy.

Rory: That's why I do.

Lorelai: So…how was your day?

Rory: Okay, I guess.

Lorelai: You've survived the second week.

Rory: Mm hm. (She has not raised her head from the book.)

Lorelai: Well, since you're so chatty today I think I'm going to go bother Luke.

Rory: I'm sorry, mom…it's just…

Lorelai: No, I understand. Believe me. I'll let you do what you have to do. No hard feelings.

Rory: (smiles.) Thank you.

Lorelai: No problem. (She walks over to Luke who is equally engaged in his accounts book.) Books are stealing my friends today.

Luke: What are you talking about?

Lorelai: Nothing.

Luke: What a surprise. (He closes the accounts book.) Well you have your coffee already so what do you want?

Lorelai: A yacht and my own chocolate factory, but I'll settle for friendly conversation.

Luke: How are you?

Lorelai: Good, good. How are you?

Luke: Well, I've got my health.

Lorelai: That's right. You do. (Gesture's at the accounts book.) So how's the diner doing?

Luke: It's standing. How's it going with the new inn?

Lorelai: Slowly but surely.

Luke: That's usually how it goes.

Lorelai: Well that's good to know.

Luke: So how are things with you and the ice cream man?

Lorelai: Bill. They're going okay.

Luke: So it's getting serious?

Lorelai: Well we're not picking china patterns together.

(Jess walks over and hands Luke his order pad.)

Jess: I'm out.

(Luke nods. Jess walks behind Rory and flips her hair. When she turns around, he waves good bye. She smiles and he leaves.)

Luke: So you're okay with them now?

Lorelai: Well, I'm dealing with it.

(Luke nods. Lane rushes into the diner and over to Rory.)

Lane: He finally left. I've been waiting to speak to you for an hour now.

Rory: Why didn't you just come in?

Lane: Did I not explain to you the situation? It's bad enough that my locker is next to his. You don't know how hard it is to be the friend in between. I'm your friend. I'm always your friend, but I'm also Dean's friend, and the only way that I can remain a friend to both of you is if I have as little contact as possible with Jess.

Rory: This is going to catch up with you.

Lane: Hopefully after a while Dean will get over it.

Rory: I don't know. The hatred goes back a long way. How is Dean?

Lane: He's okay. Of course, he's not okay with you and Jess, but he's okay. I mean, he's healthy.

Rory: Well that's good. I was wondering if I should go and talk to him about us, me and Jess, that is.

Lane: Not a good idea. Just leave it be. I'm sure he'll get over it.

Rory: So what did you want to talk to me about?

Lane: Okay, here's the deal. This Sunday is the Homecoming game and I've made my way to the top of the pyramid…

Rory: I'll be there.

Lane: Thank you! Well, I have to go now. I'll call you tonight.

Rory: Okay.

(Lane is leaving as Jess is coming in. She mumbles incoherently to him and quickly leaves.)

(Later. Lorelai and Rory are approaching the Hartford Gilmore Residence.)

Lorelai: Gosh, I hope they made something good today. I'm starving.

Rory: You ate four donuts at Luke's and two Pop-Tarts when we got home. You can't be that hungry.

Lorelai: Oh come on. You should know me better than that.

Rory: I know you well enough to know your propensity to exaggerate.

Lorelai: Okay, I'm four donuts and two Pop-Tarts away from starving.

Rory: That's better. (They arrive at the door and ring the bell.)

Maid: Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore have asked me to direct you to the dining room.

Lorelai: Great, because I keep forgetting where it is.

(They arrive at the dining room. Richard and Emily are talking. When they see Lorelai and Rory, they smile brightly at them. Lorelai and Rory smile brightly, though uncomfortably, in return.)

Lorelai: (through her teeth while smiling, to Rory) Is it just me or do they seem strange to you? (Rory nods.)

Emily: Well don't just stand there. Come, sit.

(Lorelai and Rory nervously sit down as Richard and Emily continue to smile at them.)

Emily: Well, how are you two?

Lorelai: I'm fine.

Rory: Me too.

Emily: Well that's nice.

Rory: And how are you, grandma?

Emily: I'm well.

Rory: Good. And you, grandpa?

Richard: Very well, thank you.

Lorelai: Can someone tell me what's going on?

Emily: (the smile breaks for a second and then returns.) Well, we were trying to save the news for after dinner, but I guess we were so happy we gave ourselves away.

Lorelai: Oh great. So it's good news.

Emily: Wonderful news.

Rory: Great. What is it?

Emily: Richard.

Richard: Well, an old college friend of mine phoned me the other day to advise us that he's having a charity ball tomorrow.

Lorelai: Okay, uh, that's nice.

Rory: That's great news, grandpa.

Emily: Oh, wait. Richard's just dragging for the dramatic effect. That's not all.

Richard: My friend maintains a strong connection with our alma mater. He happens to be on the board of Admissions. I was telling him about you and he would love to meet you. And so, you, Rory, and you, Lorelai, are also invited.

Lorelai: (voice deflated.) Gee, dad, that's great.

Emily: I thought you'd be happy about this.

Lorelai: Okay, I know you're trying to do a nice thing here, but if you're trying to coerce Rory to go to Yale, that's not happening. She wants to go to Harvard.

Richard: I understand that, Lorelai, but there's nothing wrong with having options. This is a great opportunity for Rory and meeting an Admissions director will help Rory with the college application process in general.

Rory: (enthusiastic) He's right, mom. This is great. Thank you, Grandpa.

Richard: You're quite welcome, Rory.

Emily: And that's not all.

Lorelai: (still unenthusiastic and sarcastic) You mean there's more?

Emily: There's something for you, Lorelai.

Lorelai: You really shouldn't have. Really.

Emily: Well you do not go to a charity ball unaccompanied, so I've managed to come up with quite a list of eligible gentlemen who are already interested.

Lorelai: What?!

Emily: Oh, Lorelai, now stop it. It's perfectly harmless. I'm not asking you to marry any of them. It's just for one night. I have pictures and profiles for you.

Lorelai: Fingerprints, credit histories…

Emily: This is not funny, Lorelai.

Lorelai: Well as much as I don't appreciate it, I don't need your list anyway. I'm already seeing someone. Casually. Nothing serious.

Emily: Oh. Well, that's nice. Who is he?

Lorelai: Uh, Bill Wickman. He's a professor at a state university, and a writer.

Emily: (smiles) Well good. I can't wait to meet him.

Lorelai: Yeah. Good.

(Later. Gilmore Residence.)

Rory: So I guess this officially makes you and Bill a serious couple.

Lorelai: What are you talking about?

Rory: Taking him to meet the parents.

Lorelai: Only because it was either that or end up with Ted from Daniels, Daniels, & Ted.

Rory: I don't know. In the movie, between Bill and Ted, Ted ended up being the nicer looking.

Lorelai: But Ted from Daniels, Daniels, & Ted is no Keanu.

Rory: All I'm saying is that what started off as a pity date has progressed rather quickly. Even Max didn't meet grandma and grandpa until you two were about to be married.

Lorelai: That's because I really liked Max.

Rory: And you don't like Bill. You're just seeing him for the free ice cream.

Lorelai: That, and I gotta say, I warmed up to him when I opened the door that first day and found him apprehending Jess.

Rory: Now that is not funny. (Lorelai looks at her incisively) Okay, it was a little funny, but that's not the point.

Lorelai: Is there a point at all to this?

Rory: I think there was one, but I've forgotten it.

Lorelai: Good.

Rory: Oh wait. Now I remember. (The phone rings. Lorelai immediately picks up.)

Lorelai: (on the phone) Hello.

Bill: Hey.

Lorelai: Ah. Saved by the Bill?

Bill: What's going on?

Lorelai: My daughter is making inane accusations.

Bill: What?

Lorelai: She thinks I like you.

Bill: What's wrong with her?

Lorelai: I don't know. It might be those hormones talking.

Bill: I'm never going to live that down, am I?

Lorelai: No one ever lives anything down with me.

Bill: I'll try to remember that and be more careful. Listen, I have some news to tell you.

Lorelai: I have to tell you something too.

Bill: Okay. You first.

Lorelai: No. You started. You go first.

Bill: Okay. I'm going to New York this weekend. They want to publish one of my essays.

Lorelai: Wow. That's great. Congratulations.

Bill: Thanks. So what did you want to tell me?

Lorelai: Uh, I finally found a place that sells coconut ice cream.

Bill: Great. We'll have to go there when I get back.

Lorelai: Yeah.

Bill: What am I? Thirty bucks in debt now? But I can win with coconut.

Lorelai: Well see about that.

Bill: So I better get packing.

Lorelai: Yeah. Congratulations again.

Bill: Thanks. I'll call you.

Lorelai: Okay. Bye. (Hangs up.)

Rory: What happened? You didn't tell him?

Lorelai: He's going to New York this weekend.

Rory: Oh…(smiles mischievously) Well then, I guess it's Ted tomorrow.

Lorelai: Ugh. No. I refuse to be set up by my mother. Come to think of it, there's no reason why I have to go.

Rory: Don't even think about it. You're going. If not with Ted, pick someone else from grandma's profiles.

Lorelai: Daniels #1 is married and Daniels #2 is gay.

Rory: Then go with #2 and you don't have to worry about bringing pepper spray.

Lorelai: No. There's got to be someone else. Let me think…Ah. (She picks up the phone and dials.)

Jess: Hello.

Lorelai: Hey, Jess.

Jess: Hold on. (hands the phone to Luke.)

Luke: Hello.

Lorelai: Jess, your voice changed. It sounds like Luke's.

Luke: Lorelai, what do you want?

Lorelai: Okay. Here's the thing. One of my dad's friends, who happens to be on the board of Admissions at Yale, is having this charity ball and my Dad has arranged for him to meet Rory there so we both have to go. As an adult female in a backwards society I am not allowed to go unaccompanied.

Luke: So you want to drag me in on this.

Lorelai: Well, basically, yes.

Luke: What happened to the ice cream man?

Lorelai: Why is Bill such a hard name for you to remember? He's going away this weekend.

Luke: How convenient.

Lorelai: Uh, you know what, forget it. I'll go with Mr. Daniels # 2.

Luke: Who?

Lorelai: Forget it. Good bye.

Luke: Lorelai, wait. If you need me to go, I'll go.

Lorelai: (still with an attitude) Well thank you. I would appreciate that.

Luke: So do I have to wear a tux or something to this?

Lorelai: It's not prom. A suit would be fine.

Luke: What time?

Lorelai: We have to leave here at 6.

Luke: Ah geez.

Lorelai: I can call Mr. Daniels #2.

Luke: Six is fine.

Lorelai: Thank you.

Luke: You're welcome.

(The next day. Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's.)

Rory: So do you have any idea what you're going to wear?

Lorelai: The problem is that I have too many ideas. What about you?

Rory: I've narrowed it down to three, but one I don't have shoes for.

Lorelai: Shoes are everything, babe.

Rory: I know. I'm so nervous.

Lorelai: You'll be fine. And if the Yale guy doesn't like you, even though he will, you just have to think "what do I care? I'm going to Harvard."

Rory: But if the guy from Yale doesn't like me, what makes you think the people from Harvard will.

Lorelai: He'll like you. They'll like you. Everybody likes you. Why are you worrying?

Rory: I haven't had my coffee yet.

Lorelai: Ah.

(They arrive at Luke's.)

Luke: Coffee and blueberry muffins today, right?

Lorelai: (to Rory) He's learning.

Rory: That makes us predictable though, doesn't it?

Lorelai: Yeah, it does. I now feel compelled to ask for apple pie.

Rory: Me too.

Lorelai: (to Luke) I'm sorry. It's actually apple pie day.

Luke: Are you sure?

Lorelai: I think I would be.

Luke: But yesterday you had the…Never mind. Coming right up.

(Jess comes over and pours their coffee.)

Lorelai: Jess. Thank you. (Jess nods.)

Rory: So did you finish with the book?

Jess: Yup.

Rory: And you now know everything to write the perfect college essay?

Jess: I know everything that's in the book.

Rory: Good enough.

Lorelai: So Jess, do you know which colleges you're applying to?

Jess: I figured I'd just take the book of state schools, close my eyes and point.

Lorelai: So, I guess you've really thought this out.

Jess: (ignores her and turns to Rory) So I hear you're meeting some suit from Yale.

Rory: Board of Admissions member, yeah.

Jess: I thought you wanted to go to Harvard.

Rory: I do.

Jess: Looking to make them jealous?

Rory: Yes, that is the idea.

(Luke comes over with the apple pies.)

Lorelai: Yes! Thank you.

Jess: Is that apple pie?

Rory: That's what it looks like.

Jess: I thought today was blueberry muffins.

Rory: Nope. It's apple pie day. Isn't that right, mom?

Lorelai: (mimicking Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man) It's apple pie day. Definitely apple pie day. Of course, I don't have my coffee. I always have coffee with apple pie. Definitely need coffee with apple pie. (Jess refills the cup.)

Rory: Would you like some toothpicks with that?

Lorelai: Two hundred forty six toothpicks.

Luke: How am I going to survive the day with my sanity?

Lorelai: Trust me. I'm not the one you have to worry about.

(Emily and Richard enter the diner.)

Luke: Don't look now, but…(Lorelai turns around.)

Lorelai: Mom, Dad. What are you doing here?

Emily: Do we need a reason to come visit?

Lorelai: No, but you usually have one.

Emily: Well, I have a dress for Rory and your father wanted to go over some things with her for when she met Mr. Stevens.

Lorelai: (to Rory) No pressure, though.

Emily: It's not pressure.

Richard: It's preparation. Rory loves preparation.

(Jess gives Rory a knowing look. She smiles and he walks away.)

Lorelai: So, uh, are you hungry?

Emily: No, but some tea would be nice.

Rory: Let's get a table. (The four move to a table and sit.)

Emily: Now Rory, I picked up this dress for you to wear tonight, and some shoes. You'll have to try it on at home and make sure it fits. Looking at you now, it might be a little big, but we can take it in.

Rory: Thanks grandma. (She takes the bag nervously and looks at the dress.)

Emily: Do you like it?

Richard: I told you that you should have let her choose her own dress.

Emily: She hasn't said she didn't like it.

Rory: Uh…it's very nice, but…I think it's a little…uh, a little too elegant for me.

Emily: Too elegant?

(Jess walks over and peeks at the dress over Rory's shoulder.)

Jess: You could pull it off.

Emily: She most certainly can. And who are you?

Rory: Uh, Grandma, Grandpa, this is Jess.

Emily: Jess?

Jess: That's me.

Lorelai: It's a common name in some countries.

Emily: The same Jess from the accident?

Rory: It wasn't his fault.

Jess: I was the one driving though.

(Rory gives Jess a biting look.)

Emily: (to Lorelai) I thought he moved away.

Lorelai: He came back.

Emily: (to Lorelai) And I thought you said he was trouble.

Jess: Wow, my reputation has reached all the way to Hartford. I have to give my PR committee a raise.

Lorelai: Come on, mom. Since when do you listen to anything I say?

Richard: And you, young man, have the audacity to continue to consort with my granddaughter. I'm sorry, but this won't do. You're lucky we didn't sue after what happened to Rory. I don't want you anywhere near my granddaughter, you understand.

Rory: Grandpa, we're friends. The accident really wasn't his fault.

Richard: (to Lorelai) And you're allowing this?

Lorelai: Because if I locked her in the house and monitored her every move and who she hangs out with, then she couldn't possibly run off and get pregnant or anything.

Richard: This is not about that Lorelai. This is about Rory's well being and safety.

Jess: Well I haven't been branded with a federal warning label just yet.

Rory: Jess, don't you have tables to wipe or something?

Jess: No, but it is just about time for my break. Later. (he nods to Rory and Lorelai and bows to Emily and Richard.)

Richard: The impudence.

Emily: Rory, I'm surprised at you. I know you're friendly to everyone but some people just don't deserve it. I would have thought the accident had taught you that already.

Rory: It…

Lorelai: So Dad, what do you have for Rory?

Richard: Well, I've outlined some little-known facts about Yale that she should know. There are also some anecdotes he will undoubtedly share about our time in college. He means them to be humorous, but he's wanting in wit. Anyway, I've written them down. I know you will study them and come up with some gracious and clever response.

Rory: Uh, thanks, Grandpa.

(She looks nervously out the window, watching Jess retreat into the distance.)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is running around the house checking under furnitute.)

Lorelai: (calling out) Rory, have you seen my shoes?

Rory: (from her room) Which ones?

Lorelai: The ones that go with this dress and nothing else.

Rory: They're probably in the closet.

(Lorelai goes to Rory's room.)

Lorelai: Please don't tell me they're in the closet…You look incredible.

Rory: I feel like an idiot.

Lorelai: An incredible idiot.

Rory: Gee, thanks. And I'm pretty sure they're in the closet.

Lorelai: Why would I put them in the closet?

Rory: Because you hardly wear them because they only match that dress which you hardly wear, and did I mention you hardly wear them?

Lorelai: It'll take me forever to find them in the closet. I have a Mt. Fuji of shoes in that closet.

Rory: Well, we don't have a lot of time. Start looking. (Rory returns to the mirror, but she seems to be staring beyond it.)

Lorelai: Hey. What's wrong?

Rory: I haven't seen Jess since that whole thing with Grandma and Grandpa. I looked all over for him. I think he's upset with me. I wasn't very nice.

Lorelai: Well, neither was he.

Rory: Two wrongs don't make a right.

Lorelai: Who listens to those proverbs anyway?

(The doorbell rings.)

Rory: Maybe that's him. (She quickly gets up and runs to open the door.) Luke.

Luke: Hey. You look great.

Rory: Thanks. So do you.

Luke: I feel like an idiot.

Rory: So do I. You're fifteen minutes early.

Luke: Yeah. I like to be early.

Rory: Come in. Mom's just looking for her shoes. (Luke looks at Rory's bare feet.) Yeah, I know where mine are. I just haven't put them on yet. (Lorelai walks to the living room.)

Lorelai: Ah. Luke. Great. I need you to find my shoes.

Luke: What?

Rory: Luke, is Jess at the diner?

Luke: He had better be.

Rory: He was there when you left?

Luke: Yeah.

Rory: Okay. I'll be right back. (She slips on her sneakers and leaves.)

(Luke's. The diner is empty. Jess is refilling the salt and pepper shakers. Rory comes in. Jess looks at her for a moment amazed, and then shakes it off.)

Jess: (looking at her sneakers.) You didn't leave your glass slippers here.

Rory: Darn. And I've looked everywhere for them. Where were you?

Jess: Here.

Rory: But earlier I had asked Luke and he said you were out.

Jess: He never saw me come back in.

Rory: Are you angry with me?

Jess: No. Why should I be?

Rory: I don't know. I thought you were avoiding me.

Jess: Now why would I avoid my friend?

Rory: (sighs.) I'm sorry, Jess, but I couldn't tell my grandparents. You saw how they reacted when they found out who you were, and all they knew at that point was that you spoke one sentence to me. And you didn't make it any easier.

Jess: This wasn't going to be easy.

Rory: I know, but you could have been…

Jess: Dean?

Rory: No. You could have been you. The you that you become when no one else is around. Why don't you show anyone else that Jess?

Jess: (sarcastically) And then everyone would like me.

Rory: Well…yes. I'm sure they would.

Jess: I really don't care if anyone else likes me. (He looks at the clock.) It's six o' clock. Shouldn't you be going?

Rory: I'm sorry, Jess. But I couldn't tell them just then. I will tell them eventually.

Jess: Honestly, I don't care what you tell them.

Rory: And I'm sorry for dismissing you like that.

Jess: Okay.

Rory: I do have to go.

Jess: Have fun.

Rory: Thanks. (She's about to go out the door.)

Jess: Rory. (She looks back.) You look nice. (She walks back, reaches over the counter and kisses him, knocking the refilled salt and pepper shakers.)

Rory: (looking down at the spilt salt grains.) Sorry about that.

Jess: (smirks.) Well you should be. (She smiles and leaves.)

(At the charity ball.)

Luke: I am not dancing with you. That's where I draw the line.

Lorelai: You really don't draw well, though. You have to dance at least once at these things. Otherwise…

Rory: Can we not talk about dancing? I can't even walk in these shoes, and every time my feet hear anything about dancing they scream at me.

Lorelai: Oh, I thought that was Luke.

Luke: I contributed to the revolt.

(Emily spots them from the other side of the room and calls them over.)

Emily: Lorelai, I was beginning to think you weren't going to show.

Lorelai: We're fifteen minutes late, mom.

Emily: Never mind. Rory, this is your grandfather's friend Mr. Stevens.

Rory: Hello, Mr. Stevens. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Mr. Stevens: Your grandparents have told me a lot about you.

Rory: Likewise here.

Mr. Stevens: So I assume your grandfather's told you what a class clown I was.

Rory: I never get enough of hearing those stories. My favorite was the one about your oral presentation on Flaubert.

Mr. Stevens: (laughs) Yes, that was a classic.

Emily: Well, we'll leave you two to get acquainted. (Emily pulls Lorelai away.) Hello. Luke, is it?

Luke: Yes, Mrs. Gilmore. It's nice to see you again.

Emily: Yes, yes. (to Lorelai.) So what happened to Bill Wickman? Does he even exist?

Lorelai: Yes, mom. He exists. He was going to New York this weekend.

Emily: Oh. So you are not with Luke?

Lorelai: I'm physically present with Luke today, but I am not seeing Luke, no. We're just friends.

Emily: Very well then. There are some hors d'oeuvres over there. In the next room are the items for auction. Be sure to make your bids. (leaves.)

Luke: You didn't tell me I was going to have to spend any money.

Lorelai: You don't. Learn the secret of bidding. You go into the room. You pick the nice thing that everybody wants and you bid five hundred dollars. The guy who wins it is going to put a couple thousand on the thing. Five hundred is enough not to seem cheap but too little to have any chance at winning.

Luke: I take it you've been to a lot of these.

Lorelai: More than I ever care to remember.

(Later.)

Lorelai: Ugh. I need a bloody pilgrim on the rocks. (The bartender prepares the drink and gives it to her.) Thank you, Frank.

Frank: No problem, Lor.

Luke: I've been sitting here all night and I'm not on a first name basis with the bartender.

Lorelai: That's because you're not as friendly as I am, or as tipsy. What are you having?

Luke: Just celery. You're holding up okay.

Lorelai: Thanks to Frank, here.

Woman: Lorelai? Is that you?

Lorelai: Hey, I haven't seen you since…

Woman: Since Rory's birthday party.

Lorelai: That's right. How are you?

Woman: Never been better.

Lorelai: How's that husband of yours?

Woman: Oh, we divorced.

Lorelai: Really? That's a shame. You two were together for how long?

Woman: Almost two years.

Lorelai: Wow. That long.

Woman: I know. When I think of all the time I wasted on him. So, who's your friend?

Lorelai: Oh. This is Luke. Luke this is…

Woman: Sandra Newland.

Luke: Nice to meet you, Ms. Newland.

Sandra: Oh, my friends call me Sandra, but you can call me Sandy.

Luke: Okay, Ms. Newland.

Lorelai: So Luke, are you ever going to give me that dance you promised me. (to Sandra) You know how it is. Try to get a man away from the bar.

Sandra: That was the problem with my husband. I couldn't.

Lorelai: Ah. Drinking problem.

Sandra: Please. He couldn't even hold a Shirley Temple. He ran off with the bartender.

Lorelai: Well good thing Frank here is a man.

Sandra: Gary was too.

Lorelai: Oh. Well. Sorry. Luke?

Luke: Yeah. Dancing sounds good right about now.

(Luke and Lorelai are dancing.)

Lorelai: You're a pretty good dancer. I had no idea.

Luke: I don't know any turns and I still have to count the beats.

Lorelai: But you don't count them out loud. That's good enough for me.

Luke: I think Rory hit it off with the Yale guy.

Lorelai: Oh yeah. She's the only one who understands his jokes. She studied them well. How have you been surviving?

Luke: Well, let's see. I'm probably going to be out five hundred dollars because no one has gone over my bid. I've had two married women and one man ask me out.

Lorelai: The guy was Mr. Daniels #2. I'll take care of the bid.

Luke: How about you?

Lorelai: It's no easy task being Richard and Emily Gilmore's daughter.

Luke: I can imagine. It's hard to believe you grew up around all of this.

Lorelai: And turned out so normal, right?

Luke: Well, I don't know if normal is the word, but…

(the song is over and they stop dancing.)

Lorelai: What do you say we go raid the desserts? (Luke looks at her.) Okay, what do you say I go raid the desserts and you can watch?

Luke: Should be more entertaining than this.

(Luke and Lorelai are at a table on the balcony. The table is stacked with pastries.)

Lorelai: So we're thinking of expanding the kitchen a little more and adding a few extra rooms upstairs.

Luke: Sounds like a plan.

Lorelai: Yeah. It's moving along…Okay, let's play a game.

Luke: Let's not.

Lorelai: Oh come on. You've got nothing better to do. Sandy's inside waiting for you if you go back. Come on. I ask a question and you answer.

Luke: Hard rules.

Lorelai: Let's see. Okay. If you were ever to kill someone, who would it be?

Luke: Taylor.

Lorelai: I'd have to say him too.

Luke: Really? I would have thought you'd say…someone else.

Lorelai: Okay. So if you could be anyone else, who would it be?

Luke: Anyone anyone or anyone in Stars Hollow?

Lorelai: Hmm. Anyone in Stars Hollow is more interesting.

Luke: I guess the troubadour.

Lorelai: Really?

Luke: Yeah. I mean, he doesn't really work. No one bothers him. And I used to want to be a musician.

Lorelai: Wow. I didn't know that. He sings and he dances.

Luke: I don't sing…So who would you be?

Lorelai: I'd be you and I'd make you eat chocolate and drink lots of coffee.

Luke: The whole point in being someone else is that you're someone else. It's not to make someone else into you.

Lorelai: Hey, my game, my rules. Okay, if you could be anywhere else tonight, where would you be?

Luke: (pauses.) I'd still be here.

Lorelai: What? Why?

Luke: Where else would I be? At home watching Gilligan's Island reruns? Doing laundry? This at least was different, and it's always good to help out a friend.

Lorelai: I really appreciate it. You saved me tonight. (fakes damsel voice) You're my hero.

Luke: Keep Sandra away from me for the rest of the evening and we'll call it even.

(Next day. Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's.)

Rory: I don't know, mom. I'm thinking Yale is becoming more and more of an option.

Lorelai: So Mr. Stevens has cured you of the Harvard psychosis.

Rory: Not just yet. His sense of humor scares me. So how did you manage?

Lorelai: Between the bar and the pastries I managed just fine.

(Lane runs up to them.)

Lane: Good. I got you before you went into the diner. Did you remember about today?

Rory: Since you told me about it Friday, reminded me yesterday morning, and left a message for me last night, yeah, I think I remember.

Lane: It's just that my mom isn't coming and I wanted to make sure that if I fall, someone will come with me to the hospital.

Lorelai: There's the spirit you cheerleaders are famous for.

(Rory and Lorelai are about to go in the diner.)

Lane: Okay. So I have to go. See you later.

Rory: Okay.

(Inside. Lorelai walks to the counter and Rory goes over to a table where Jess is seated, eating.)

Rory: Oo, blueberry muffin how I've missed you! Can I get a bite?

Jess: Only if you admit I was right yesterday and it wasn't apple pie day.

Rory: Never.

Jess: Fine. But this one's right out of the oven. And Luke put extra blueberries in.

Rory: Okay, okay. You were right. It was blueberry muffin day.

Jess: Here you go. (gives her the muffin) You're really easy to crack.

Rory: Never trust me with classified information.

Jess: I'll try to remember that. So, Bartleby the Scrivener is playing at the movies today.

Rory: Yeah, but I can't today. The Homecoming game is today and Lane made it to the top of the pyramid.

Jess: Ah.

Rory: Why don't you come with me?

Jess: I would prefer not to. (A/N: famous line from Melville's Bartleby.)

Rory: Funny. Come on. We can make fun of the jocks. We'll break the waves that other people start.

Jess: Dean's gonna be there?

Rory: Probably.

Jess: I doubt he'd be exactly thrilled to see me.

Rory: No he wouldn't.

Jess: Neither would Lane.

Rory: I guess not…but…

Jess: (smirks.) I would prefer not to. (He gets up, pours her some coffee, and leaves.)

(At the game. The players have taken the field and the cheerleaders try to work up the crowd. Rory waves at Lane who waves back at her smiling. She sees Cathy waving to Dean who is sitting with a bunch of guys. She looks at the empty seats on either side of her and sighs.)

Jess: Anyone sitting here?

Rory: Well, someone was supposed to, but he's not coming.

Jess: Well I guess I'll just sit here, then. (sits next to Rory)

Rory: So what brings you around these parts?

Jess: Someone told me I could make fun of some jocks. Couldn't pass up the opportunity.

(They smile and watch the game.)

The End