By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: !!!!ZILLIONS of THANKS!!!! to my readers and reviewers. I'm not too fond of the title of this chapter, especially since I already used a Bangles song title for another chapter, but anyway, hope you like it despite the lack of a better title.

(Gilmore Residence.)

Lorelai: (on the phone.) No, that's fine…Tomorrow it is then…I'll see you later…Bye. (hangs up. She stays looking pensively at the phone.)

Rory: What's wrong?

Lorelai: (returns from her reverie.) Oh. Nothing. Good news.

Rory: What is it?

Lorelai: We can have a movie night tonight.

Rory: I thought you were going out with Bill tonight.

Lorelai: I thought so, too, but he had to cancel. We're going out tomorrow.

Rory: Huh. I'm sorry mom, but since I thought you were going out with Bill I made plans with Jess. (Lorelai pouts.) I'm sorry…Say, I have an idea.

Lorelai: If you're thinking of inviting Jess to movie night, no way.

Rory: Why not? Come on, mom. You had Dean here for movie nights.

Lorelai: I could survive being in the same room with Dean for more than five minutes. Besides, I was able to get menial labor out of Dean.

Rory: Jess did a good job with our gutters.

Lorelai: Jess cannot reach the top shelf of our cupboards.

Rory: He can use a stepladder.

Lorelai: I can use a stepladder.

Rory: But you don't.

Lorelai: How do you know he would?

Rory: I'd ask him to.

Lorelai: He does listen to you, doesn't he?

Rory: I have my ways.

Lorelai: He wouldn't listen to me.

Rory: Maybe he would.

Lorelai: But probably not.

Rory: Probably.

Lorelai: So if I don't get to do the bossing around, what's in it for me?

Rory: You get whatever's on the top shelf.

Lorelai: I can get it for myself.

Rory: But you don't.

Lorelai: Fine. But there is to be no smooching in my presence.

Rory: Deal. So what happened to Bill?

Lorelai: I don't know. He didn't really say. He's been acting really weird since he came back from New York. I wonder what happened.

Rory: Why don't you ask him?

Lorelai: Because it's his business. If I were to pry into his business it would insinuate that I want to be part of his business.

Rory: You mean you still want to parade in the illusion that this is never going to be a serious relationship.

Lorelai: Well never is a strong word but it fits.

Rory: Never say never.

Lorelai: I can never get that phrase. What kind of credibility does it have?

Rory: About as much as you do.

(Luke's. Lorelai and Rory enter. Luke is carrying plates to tables. Jess is attending to a woman.)

Woman: Excuse me, but not only is this coffee too hot, but it's too strong.

Jess: Huh.

Woman: (sliding the mug towards him.) Could you do something about that? (Jess takes a glass of ice water and dumps it in the mug.) (woman gasps) Excuse me, but I'd like to speak to the manager. (Luke runs over.)

Luke: I'm sorry, ma'am. (He wipes the table.) I'll get you another coffee right away on the house.

Woman: And fire this little twerp, would you?

Jess: (to Luke.) Yes, would you, please?

Luke: Get away from me right now. (Jess sees Rory.)

Jess: That shouldn't be a problem. I'm out. (walks over to Rory)

Rory: Not so fast.

Jess: What?

Rory: We have a proposition for you.

Jess: Huh.

Rory: Coffee first.

Lorelai: Hot and strong. Hold the ice water.

(They sit down and Jess returns with the coffee.)

Rory: (sips the coffee.) Very good.

Lorelai: I don't know what that lady was talking about.

Rory: That lady is still here.

Jess: So what's going on?

Rory: We would like to extend to you a very special invitation to one of our movie nights.

Jess: Huh.

Rory: Today.

Jess: Ah. (to Lorelai.) Lonely, aren't we?

Lorelai: (rolls her eyes) Invitation withdrawn.

Rory: Okay, both of you, stop it.

Jess: I'm going to take another rain check. See you tomorrow.

Rory: Jess, come on.

Lorelai: Another rain check?

Rory: (ignores Lorelai's comment) You both need to stop acting like children. I'm not asking you to be friends. All I'm asking is for peaceful coexistence.

(Jess and Lorelai both look away. Finally, Jess sighs and turns to Rory.)

Jess: What time?

Rory: (smiles.) Well, we're not done yet. Luke. (Luke walks over.)

Luke: What can I get you?

Lorelai: Ask not what you can get for us. Ask what we can get for you.

Luke: I can use an aspirin. Got any of those?

Lorelai: No. But I'll tell you what we can get you. A life. Look at yourself. You wake up in the morning, wash up, throw on a flannel shirt, hide your messy hair under a backwards baseball cap and then you come down here to work all day. You don't go out. You don't take breaks. And at the end of the day you go upstairs to a tiny bed. And what have you got to show for it? Nothing. We, my friend, can offer you entertainment, a taste of the finer things of life, a walk on the yellow brick road. We, dear Lucas, can offer you a seat on our couch for our movie night.

Jess: (to Rory) She's good.

Rory: She just gave Taylor a run for his money with that one.

Lorelai: So what do you say?

Luke: In a word, no.

Lorelai: Come on, Luke. It's time to cash in those rain checks. This is your chance to see Rory and me at what we do best.

Luke: You seem to have forgotten Kirk's film.

Lorelai: That one doesn't count. We just laugh through that one. We didn't get to show you our cool tricks.

Jess: (to Rory) You do tricks?

Rory: (smiles) Oh, you're not the only one.

Jess: This I gotta see.

Luke: Well, if Jess is going, I can't go. Someone's gotta look after the diner.

Lorelai: There's only one person left in here and if you send Jess back to her I'm sure she won't be here long.

Luke: And she won't be here ever again.

Rory: Why don't we just wait for her to go and then you can close up?

Luke: And if someone comes after her?

Lorelai: You send Jess to them.

Rory: You can just put the closed sign up now. That way no one comes in.

Luke: Have you ever met Taylor?

Lorelai: Hello. Does no one else want to use the Jess attack?

Jess: (to Rory) Should I be flattered or offended?

Rory: You couldn't be offended if you wanted to so might as well take it as a compliment.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Luke and Jess sit on either side of the couch. Rory sits on the floor in between Jess's knees and Lorelai sits on the floor next to Rory. They are watching Forest Gump.)

Lorelai and Rory: (synchronized with the movie.) Jenny! (They both take a gulp of coffee. Rory pinches Jess' leg, and he smacks her on the shoulder with his knee.)

Jess: Why do you keep doing that?

Rory: Did you not hear the rules of the game? Whenever he says Jenny you have to drink your soda.

Lorelai: (to Luke) And your glass of water is still full.

Luke: I'm water logged.

Jess: This is a stupid game.

Lorelai and Rory: Jenny! (They take another gulp and Rory pinches Jess again.)

Jess: Hey, if you give me a beer maybe I'd be able to play along.

Rory: Not funny.

Lorelai: (looks warningly at Jess) Seriously not funny.

Luke: (gets up) At the rate you two are going, you're going to need more coffee. Jess, why don't you come help me?

Jess: I don't think it's a two-man job.

Luke: Why don't you just come anyway?

Rory: And get me a Pop-Tart.

(Jess sighs and gets up. Rory leans forward to let him by.)

(In the kitchen)

Luke: (putting coffee in the filter and into the machine) Why?

Jess: The eternal question.

Luke: Why can't you act like a halfway decent human being in front of Lorelai?

Jess: I'm not that good an actor, maybe?

Luke: You think this is funny but think of the situation you're putting Rory in.
Jess: Look, what do you want me to do?

Luke: If you don't have anything good to say, keep your damn mouth shut. How's that?

Jess: Fine. (He opens up the cupboards one by one.) Where the hell do they keep the Pop-Tarts?

Luke: Most definitely somewhere completely irrational. (Luke leaves as Rory enters.)

Rory: I forgot to tell you where the Pop-Tarts are.

Jess: You did.

Rory: They're on top of this cupboard. (Taps the cupboard.)

Jess: Interesting place to keep something you eat every twenty minutes.

Rory: We just put it there today. We wanted you to have to use the stepladder.

Jess: Huh. This wouldn't have anything to do with a height comparison with a certain ex-boyfriend, would it?

Rory: No…

Jess: Don't. You're not a very good liar. (He climbs up the stepladder and hands her the Pop-Tarts.) Here you go.

Rory: Hey. You said you would make it.

Jess: You're here. You've got the Pop-Tarts. The toaster's right there. Make it yourself.

Rory: I asked you to get me a Pop-Tart.

Jess: And I got it.

Rory: It's not a Pop-Tart until it pops. Up. From the toaster. Warm.

Jess: Fine. (He takes a packet, unwraps it, puts it in the toaster, and turns back to Rory.) Now what do I get for the service?

Rory: A smile.

Jess: Hey. I had to climb a stepladder. I think it costs a little more than that. (He moves closer to her and puts his hands on her waist.)

Rory: Jess, we can't. Not here.

Jess: Let me think about this. I come here to watch you and your mom, who might I remind you hates me, yap incessantly through a movie and play stupid games with it, and all I get in return is pain in my legs for not filling myself with gaseous fluids and to perform menial tasks for your entertainment. Now remind me again why I'm here.

Rory: You just said it. Very eloquently, I might add.

Jess: Well, just wanted to make sure we were on the same page here.

Rory: You're not having a good time?

Jess: No, your impersonation of Bubba was actually funny.

Rory: (smiles proudly) Pretty good aren't I?

Jess: It was a terrible impersonation, but it was funny.

(Rory pouts and looks away from Jess, pretending hurt feelings. The Pop-tarts pop up. Jess grabs them and offers them to Rory, falsely apologetic.)

Rory: (smiles again.) Forgiven. (She peeks into the living room and returns to Jess, smiling mischievously.) We have about three minutes until the next Jenny.

Jess: (sarcastically, not getting her intention) Wouldn't want to miss that now, would we? (She shakes her head at him and pulls him out the back door.)

(Later. Luke and Rory are asleep.)

Lorelai: (to Rory.) Our favorite part, kid. Get ready. (She looks over and sees Rory's head collapsed on Jess' knee.) How long has she been asleep?

Jess: Twenty minutes now, I think.

Lorelai: I can't believe she fell asleep on The Producers.

Jess: I can't believe she fell asleep after all that coffee.

Lorelai: We've become immune.

Jess: Ah. Makes sense.

Lorelai: (looks at Luke) I guess movie night is officially over.

Jess: Why? The movie's not.

Lorelai: You want to see the rest?

Jess: I've come this far.

Lorelai: Okay. (They remain watching.)

Jess and Lorelai: (synchronized with the video) "Ze Fuhrer has never said "baby."

Lorelai: (turns up to Jess) You've seen this before.

Jess: Many times.

Lorelai: If I had known that we could have played Zero in on Zero.

Jess: I'm afraid to ask. (Lorelai turns back away from Jess, looks at Rory for a moment, and returns to the movie.)

(Next day. Gilmore Residence.)

Rory: I'm really sorry I fell asleep.

Lorelai: Well you should be.

Rory: Was it really that terrible?

Lorelai: Actually, no. After the movie finished, I got to recite most of it explaining to Jess how to play Zero in on Zero. He's going to have to play the next time.

Rory: The next time? You mean you wouldn't mind having him over again?

Lorelai: Well, not any time soon. I mean, I have to check myself into a sanitarium, burn all my clothes, and hose the house down with Clorox, but once I'm out and the fumes have all cleared out and I've bought myself an entire new wardrobe, yeah, I'm sure we could have him over again.

Rory: (smiles) Good.

Lorelai: Okay, honest moment.

Rory: What is it?

Lorelai: Explain to me the first mysterious rain check.

Rory: Ah. It was nothing, mom. You remember the day we had Sookie and Jackson over for movie night because we wanted a crowd?

Lorelai: Uh huh…

Rory: And I went to see Lane because we saw Dean and Cathy together?

Lorelai: Hmm…

Rory: Well, on my way back, I bumped into Jess and invited him to the movie night since we were looking for a crowd.

Lorelai: Right. So why didn't you tell me you bumped into Jess? I remember you told me about Lane, but you didn't tell me about Jess.

Rory: It wasn't a big deal. He declined the invitation anyway. And that was during the time when Jess' name set off your freak out alarm. And it was movie night and Sookie and Jackson were over. I wanted to preserve the jovial atmosphere.

Lorelai: Jovial. Right. Okay.

Rory: You don't believe me?

Lorelai: No, I do.

Rory: Good. So can honest moment continue?

Lorelai: You've got about another six seconds.

Rory: Okay. Bill. You like him, don't you?

Lorelai: Well, he's no Harley Mann, but he's pretty great.

Rory: She admits it!

Lorelai: What do you think of him?

Rory: I think he's very great. You have such a good time with him. You have so much in common, and his capacity for ice cream is starting to rival yours.

Lorelai: Hey, not so quick with that one.

Rory: I think you've found a keeper.

Lorelai: Are we still in honest moment?

Rory: Two seconds.

Lorelai: I think so too, and it worries me.

Rory: It shouldn't. It's not like you're getting married tomorrow. You have plenty of time. The relationship's still new.

Lorelai: I know. And that's why it worries me. I shouldn't be thinking these things already, and what if Bill isn't thinking these things. I mean, he wouldn't be thinking these things. We've only been going out for a month.

Rory: Or maybe he is thinking them. I mean, he stood on that long line at The Soup Kitchen in New York just to get you soup from the Soup Nazi, and then went on the line again without deciding his order beforehand just to hear the "No soup for you!" and be able to tell you about it. That's gotta mean something.

Lorelai: You're right. He's not all there, but I still like him.

Rory: You're impossible.

(Later. Luke's. Lorelai walks in.)

Lorelai: Hey Sleepy.

Luke: What are you having?

Lorelai: Two burger platters.

Luke: Where's Rory?

Lorelai: She went out with Lane.

Luke: So who's the other one for?

Lorelai: They're both for me.

Luke: I should have figured.

Lorelai: Where's Jess?

Luke: In the storeroom. I have him taking inventory.

Lorelai: So you've moved him up to middle management. Send him my sympathies.

Luke: If you were a normal person I would assume that after last night you wouldn't want any coffee, but then again, if you were a normal person, last night wouldn't have happened so I'm assuming you want coffee.

Lorelai: In this case, your assumption would be correct.

(Luke fills her a cup of coffee.)

Lorelai: (lifting the cup) To abnormal people.

Luke: Cheers

(Taylor walks into the diner and over to Luke.)

Taylor: Luke, you are well aware that part of Stars Hollow's annual Fall Festival is the pie-eating contest. Now Fran usually hosted it for us, but as you know she is no longer with us. (He looks upward angelically, then returns to look at Luke) We're going to need a new place and yours was on top of our list.

Luke: I don't think so.

Taylor: Oh come on, Luke. Might I remind you that last night's unannounced early closing did not escape my notice.

Luke: What's your point, Taylor?

Taylor: My point is that it clearly states in the SHBC manual that all early operation shut downs must be announced up to two hours before said shut down. Your closing was never announced.

Luke: So sue me.

Taylor: I have a better idea. Host the pie-eating contest and I won't bring last night up at the town meeting.

Luke: Never.

Taylor: Oh, come now. Never say never.

Luke: And that's another thing. What's with that saying? You lose all credibility with that. I for one am a man of my word. I refuse to close my diner to paying customers for some stupid, free grubbing, town obesity contest, and I'm sticking to that.

Taylor: What did this town ever do to you? (leaves)

Lorelai: I'm in the mood for some pie now.

(Rory and Lane walking through Stars Hollow, eating pizzas.)

Lane: So I've reached my goal, made it to the top. I'm thinking of turning in my pompoms and calling it quits. I was thinking of joining the band instead. I'm getting so much better at the drums.

Rory: Sounds good, but why? I thought you liked being a cheerleader.

Lane: I did, but I'm ready to move on.

Rory: So can we go back to mocking them?

Lane: I don't know. It was still a significant part of my teenage years.

Rory: I don't think you're fully over them. The grieving process is going to take a while.

Lane: Guess so.

Rory: Or you don't have to leave them at all. Why can't you do both?

Lane: Because…well, because…

Rory: I get a feeling there's more to this story than you're telling me.

Lane: It's just the whole friend in the middle deal. Cathy and Dean are…you know, and Cathy is on the squad and it's only fair if I'm not speaking to Jess not to speak to Cathy.

Rory: But Cathy was your friend before all of this.

Lane: She wasn't that close a friend…

Rory: Lane, you don't have to do this. Stay on the squad, talk to Cathy, don't worry about it.

Lane: Are you sure?

Rory: Completely.

Lane: Good because I didn't want to quit.

Rory: No. You're not a quitter.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai dials on the phone.)

Sookie: (lacking the usual pep.) Hello.

Lorelai: Hey, Sookie. It's me.

Sookie: Oh, hi. How are you?

Lorelai: I'm in a bit of a predicament.

Sookie: What is it?

Lorelai: See, I'm seeing Bill tonight, but he's been acting very weird since he came back from New York and he calls me today and he says he has something important to tell me and he's taking me to some restaurant in Hartford. Now you know what I always say about when you're about to hear important and possibly bad news.

Sookie: Wear great shoes.

Lorelai: Right. And I'm looking at my shoes and I don't know whether to pick the leather strappy ones with the funky heel or the satin ones with the cool design.

Sookie: The one with the funky heel. That way, if you need to hurt him, you can do that, too.

Lorelai: Whoa. That wasn't very Sookie of you.

Sookie: Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know. I guess I'm just a little down right now.

Lorelai: What happened?

Sookie: Nothing.

Lorelai: Are you bipolar?

Sookie: No. But that's just it. Nothing has happened. I've been trying to get pregnant for a while now and still nothing. The doctor thinks Jackson should get checked but he doesn't want to go, and now I'm never going to get pregnant and there's never going to be a little Jackson running around the house.

Lorelai: Are you sure you need another one?

Sookie: I want one.

Lorelai: Sookie, just take it easy. You know, these things take time…sometimes.

Sookie: That's what Jackson said because he doesn't want to get checked, and we got into an argument and now we're not speaking to each other.

Lorelai: So if you're not speaking to each other, I take it you're not…

Sookie: No.

Lorelai: See, that's going to make it a little harder to get pregnant. Talk to Jackson. Give him more time. Keep trying. If you've tried a while longer and still nothing happens, then he should agree to get checked.

Sookie: You give such good advice.

Lorelai: The normal Sookie does, too. Has she returned?

Sookie: (peppy again) I'm back.

Lorelai: Good. So now, funky heel or funky design.

Sookie: I still have to go with the funky heel.

Lorelai: Not for armed purposes, now?

Sookie: No. I really like those shoes.

Lorelai: Okay. Thanks.

(Kim's Antiques. Lane's room.)

Lane: So I was thinking in terms of Northwestern, Dartmouth, NYU.

Rory: Oh, cool.

Lane: But my mom doesn't want me to go away. She's thinking more like U-Conn, University of Hartford, Wesleyan, Fairfield, and she actually thinks I can get into Yale.

Rory: You can get into Yale.

Lane: Did you drink any of her tea?

Rory: Seriously. I can get my grandfather to write you a letter of recommendation.

Lane: I still won't get in, but thanks.

Rory: You will get in, and no problem.

Lane: But I really wanted to go away.

Rory: Staying close can be nice, though.

Lane: How is it going to be nice? You're going to be away, as will probably most of my other friends. Stars Hollow is going to be so boring.

Rory: But think of all the great things that will still be here. Luke's coffee, town meetings, Taylor always ranting about something, Kirk's antics, town festivals, my mom's quips…ugh, I'm going to miss this place if I go.

Lane: What do you mean if?

Rory: There's no guarantee I'm getting into Harvard.

Lane: You're getting into Harvard.

Rory: I'm just saying there's a lot to miss. I know there's a bigger world out there than Stars Hollow, but I don't think there's a better one.

Lane: We're going to miss you, too.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Rory walks in.)

Lorelai: (putting on earrings.) Hey, babe. How was your day?

Rory: Good, good. You look great. Great shoes.

Lorelai: So these were the ones.

Rory: Oh, wait. You're wearing the great shoes. What's wrong?

Lorelai: I don't know, but Bill said he had something important to tell me and he's taking me out to a fancy restaurant which he hasn't done since our first date, and since he's been acting so weird, I think this is going to be big.

Rory: You think it's bad, do you?

Lorelai: I don't know. But no matter what it is…

Rory: You have great shoes.

Lorelai: Thank you. So what are you having for dinner?

Rory: I'll probably stop by Luke's.

Lorelai: Pick me up some brownies while you're there. In case the shoes don't work.

Rory: You don't know that it's going to be bad important news. It could be good important news.

Lorelai: You're right. Power of positive thinking.

Rory: That's right. (The doorbell rings.) I'll get that. (She opens.)

Bill: Hey, Rory. How are you?

Rory: Pretty good. How are you?

Bill: Okay.

Rory: Come on in. My mom will be ready in just a second.

Bill: Thanks. So, uh, I got a copy of my first published work, the essay. I thought you might want one. I signed it. That way if I ever become famous you might become rich.

Rory: Thanks. I could pay off my college loans.

Bill: That's right. Maybe even buy a house, a condo, a time-share.

Rory: A country.

Bill: I doubt I'll ever be that famous.

Rory: Don't underestimate the power of positive thinking.

(Lorelai comes over.)

Lorelai: Hey there.

Bill: All ready?

Lorelai: Yep.

Bill: Great. We've got under a half-hour to make our reservations.

Lorelai: So there's no hurry.

Bill: Nope. See you later, Rory.

Rory: Okay. Have fun.

Lorelai: Bye, hun.

(Rory is walking to Luke's. Dean approaches her.)

Dean: Rory.

Rory: Uh, Dean. Hi.

Dean: Hi. Could I talk to you for a second?

Rory: Um, sure.

Dean: I saw you at the Homecoming game.

Rory: Yeah. I saw you, too.

Dean: I mean, I knew before. I had heard. But I didn't see exactly until then.

Rory: Ah. Look…

Dean: Rory, I just need to know one thing.

Rory: What?

Dean: Did you break up with me for him? Was it really a growing apart thing or were you just trying to get me out of the picture so you could be with Jess?

Rory: No. It wasn't about Jess. I meant what I said that day, Dean. I meant everything. I didn't want to have feelings for Jess. I really didn't. And I had no intention of seeing him or anyone after I broke up with you. I just needed to be by myself and figure things out. The whole thing with Jess just happened. I didn't want it to happen and I really tried to fight it but then I just couldn't and it did.

Dean: You said that night that time apart would bring us back together. Did you mean that?

Rory: I meant it then.

Dean: And now?

(Rory looks into the diner and sees Jess at the counter reading while Luke talks to him energetically about something.)

Rory: I don't think so. (Dean looks down, hurt.) But you and Cathy are doing well, right?

Dean: Yeah. Cathy's great. That's why I needed to talk to you. We haven't really been serious, just passing the time. But now…well I just had to settle how things with us stood, or don't stand.

Rory: I see.

Dean: I still love you, Rory.

Rory: I'll always love you, but I guess always isn't always forever.

(Dean nods and walks away. Rory watches him go and stares out pensively. With a sigh, she turns around and goes into the diner. Jess has not looked up from his book. Luke is still talking.)

Luke: (to Jess) So then he goes and pulls out some other clause from this stupid SHBC manual, which I am so damn sure he wrote, that stipulates that all business owners have to make at least three contributions to the town in the year. I guess it's not enough of a contribution that I feed these people, that I haven't killed Taylor yet, or maybe that would be a good contribution. But anyway, to make a long story short (Jess raises his eyebrows at this), I'm now stuck with hosting this stupid pie-eating contest. (Looks at Jess who is still reading) And you don't care.

Jess: (finally looks at Luke) That depends. Do I have to do anything for this thing?

Luke: You have to either be a counter or the timer.

Jess: This town is cracked.

Luke: My sentiments exactly.

Rory: What are you two talking about? This is great. Luke's pies for the pie-eating contest. Maybe now either my mom or I can win.

Jess: You mean to tell me you two haven't won before?

Luke: Unbelievable, isn't it?

Rory: You'd be surprised at Morey's capacity for pie. My mom always rings in the silver medal, though.

Jess: So are you a bronze medalist?

Rory: There is no bronze medal because the gold medal is actually bronze. Taylor says it's how you keep winners humble.

Jess: Ah.

Luke: And runner-ups forever gloating.

Rory: It's true. My mom always makes fun of the winner. Sometimes I think she purposely comes in second so she can say she has the better medal.

Luke: I wouldn't put it past her. So what are you having?

Rory: I'll have the steak platter.

Luke: Coming right up. (leaves.)

Rory: So what are you reading?

Jess: The dictionary.

Rory: Really?

Jess: Well I need more words over three syllables for my college essay.

Rory: Huh. Good.

Jess: (smirks.) It's Bierce's Devil's Dictionary.

Rory: Ah. I knew it was too good to be true. That would be your kind of dictionary.

Jess: Indeed it is. There's a lot of truth in this book.

Rory: Where are you up to?

Jess: L.

Rory: Let me see. (reading) Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. (She looks up at Jess who smirks at her. She skims down.) Lighthouse. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician. Limb. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman. (She skims down.) Loss. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election"; and of that eminent man, the poet Gilder, that he has "lost his mind." (Rory and Jess laugh and continue to peruse the witty definitions together.)

(Restaurant. Lorelai and Bill are seated, both nervous.)

Lorelai: The food is great.

Bill: Oh yeah. It is.

Lorelai: It's been a while since we've been to one of these.

Bill: Yeah. This one has a great dessert menu, though.

Lorelai: Oh, great. So, uh, you said you had something important to tell me.

Bill: Uh, yeah. Wow. This is hard.

Lorelai: Oh boy.

Bill: See, Lorelai, the thing is…

Lorelai: Mm hm…

Bill: I really like you.

Lorelai: Yes, I can see how that would be a problem.

Bill: Well, let me finish. See, I know we've only been going out for a month, but I really like you. I mean, when I picture the future, I see you in it.

Lorelai: Are we talking like a half hour in the future or…

Bill: I'm talking some years into the future.

Lorelai: Ah.

Bill: Yeah. Have I scared you yet?

Lorelai: Well, you're like Twilight Zone scary, which isn't really scary, just sort of spooky. Now if you get to Exorcist scary I'm running out.

Bill: Okay. I'll try to keep it at Halloween scary, how's that?

Lorelai: That depends. Which one?

Bill: The third one.

Lorelai: Oh okay. That wasn't so scary.

Bill: Okay. So I'm seeing you in my future, but recently other things have come up in my future.

Lorelai: I see.

Bill: Yeah. I got an offer to write for the New Yorker. It would mean I'd have to relocate.

Lorelai: Wow. Congratulations. Writing's your dream.

Bill: It is. But I have other dreams, you know. Now this one's very real. I need to know how realistic my other dreams are.

Lorelai: What are you talking about, Bill?

Bill: Lorelai, if you can tell me that you also see me in your future and that this dream of mine is very probable, then I won't take the job. I know it's a lot to put on you because we've only been going out for a month, but I already know what I want more, and if you want it to then I don't have to go to New York. But if you don't feel the same way and there's no chance that that dream is ever going to happen, then I will go to New York.

Lorelai: That is a lot to put on me. Let me just think here for a moment.

Bill: I understand. (She finishes her glass of wine and motions for Bill to pour more. He does and she downs it as well. A moment's silence, and then she clears her throat.)

Lorelai: Okay. Bill, I like you a lot, and this month has been a lot of fun. But…and please don't feel offended…

Bill: I won't.

Lorelai: I really don't see that future. You've got a dream happening that you already know is real, and I want you to be happy, so I think you should go to New York.

(Another moment of silence.)

Bill: Well then, there it is…(awkwardly) How about we look at those desserts?

Lorelai: Yeah.

(Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is sitting on the front steps. She has been crying. She hears Rory and Jess' voices.)

Jess: So that's why I think that had they been contemporaries, Austen and Bukowski would have really gotten along.

Rory: That's a good argument. I'll have to share that one with Paris.

Jess: Don't waste your breath with her.

Rory: Mom!

Lorelai: (smiles) You're late.

Rory: (looks at her watch.) No. You're early. Jess was just walking me home. (Lorelai nods.) (to Jess) I'll see you tomorrow.

Jess: Yup. (nods to Lorelai) Miss Gilmore.

Lorelai: Good night, Jess.

(Jess leaves and Rory sits next to Lorelai.)

Rory: What happened?

Lorelai: (sighs) Nothing really. Bill's going to New York.

Rory: Again?

Lorelai: For good. He got a job there.

Rory: Oh, wow. I'm sorry.

Lorelai: It's okay.

Rory: No, really. I'm sorry. Just today I kept prodding you to say that you liked him, and now this.

Lorelai: Rory, it's okay. It's not your fault. I'm okay. Really. If I wanted him to stay, he would have.

Rory: But you wouldn't have let him stay even if you wanted him to.

(Lorelai smiles faintly)

Rory: Maybe he'll come back.

Lorelai: Just because your guy did doesn't mean they all do. No, mine pretty much always go.

Rory: Hey, don't say th…I brought the brownies.

Lorelai: Oh, good. Thanks.

(They open up the brownies and eat, looking up at the sky.)

(Later. Lorelai walks to Luke's. He's closing up, putting up the chairs. She knocks on the door. He goes over to open.)

Luke: I've already dumped the coffee and cleaned the machine. I'm not making more.

Lorelai: How could you dump the coffee? That's a high crime in my book.

Luke: Please no more rule books.

Lorelai: Ah. Yeah. Rory told me.

Luke: I figured she did.

Lorelai: So where's my coffee?

Luke: I already told you, I'm not making more.

Lorelai: You also told Taylor you weren't going to host the pie-eating contest. You said you were a man of your word. And yet, here you are, the host of this year's Fall Festival stupid, free grubbing, town obesity contest. I want coffee.

Luke: I should have seen that one coming. Fine. I'll make more coffee.

Lorelai: Thank you, Lukey. Now about this pie-eating contest, what flavors are you making?

Luke: I'm trying not to think about it.

Lorelai: Cherry?

Luke: I don't know.

Lorelai: Boston Crème?

Luke: I don't know.

Lorelai: Apple?

Luke: For the last time, I don't know.

Lorelai: Pumpkin pie goes with the whole Fall Festival theme, but I don't know if you're moving too much into Thanksgiving territory with that one.

Luke: Did you not hear me say I don't want to talk about this?

Lorelai: How about a Boston Crème, cherry, pumpkin, apple pie?

Luke: You know what, that sounds great. I think I'll do that.

Lorelai: Great. Glad I could help.

(Luke and Lorelai remain talking and laughing in the diner.)

The End

A/N: Next chapter… SEASON FINALE!!