The Dream
Chapter 22: Heaven
"Je vous salue, Marie, pleine de grâce, Le Seigneur est avec vous. Vous êtes bénie entre toutes les femmes, et Jésus, le fruit de vos entrailles, est béni. Sainte Marie, Mére de Dieu, priez pour nous, pauvres pécheurs, maintenant et â l'heure de notre mort. Amen."
Over and over he repeated it; at least a hundred times. A whisper, a prayer; pleading with God, the Blessed Mother, and whoever else he thought might help him. He would have made a deal with the devil, would have sold his soul, if he thought it would have helped. The tears were burning in his eyes, clouding his vision and threatening to spill over, but he wouldn't let them fall.
The hours ticked by, seeming to go quicker than they should. One became two; two jumped to three, three blended into four; and before he knew it, it had been over six hours since the doctor had given him that fateful message. He had two hours left. Two hours…Please Syd…Please God…Please…
He pushed back his chair and leaned forward, propping his chin up with his elbow on the edge of the bed. His other hand had yet to let go of her hand.
Tick…Tock…Tick…Tock. Tick. Tock, tick, tock, tick tock tick tock…
Slow down, dammit. Please, slow down…
It was like judgement day. It was driving him insane. He brought her fingertips to his lips, kissing them gently, and then laying both his hand and hers down again on the cool white sheet.
The doctor came in and told him that if she was still unconscious in an hour, they would take her down for testing. They would want to see how much brain function she actually had left.
And the doctor wouldn't stop there, with saying that she might not remember, that she might be a vegetable, that she might never wake up. He had to continue. He said that after they got the test results, Vaughn would have to decide whether it was worth it for her to stay alive.
How the hell would he ever be able to make a decision like that?
"Shut up!" Vaughn wanted to scream, and pounce on the doctor, put his hand over his mouth, make him gulp back the words; but he knew he didn't; he couldn't. He was too exhausted. He only blinked and kissed her fingertips again. He didn't even lift his head or turn around to face the doctor as he spoke. He didn't acknowledge his presence, didn't speak to him, didn't move.
The doctor left Vaughn alone with Sydney and the clock, which continued its unceasing, tortuous ticking, as if to remind him of how much time there was, but how little he had left. Vaughn hadn't slept for days, since he left LA as a matter of fact. He was tired, so tired. But he couldn't sleep. He had to stay awake to be there when Sydney woke up.
If Sydney woke up…No, not if, when; when she woke up…because she would, she had to…
He softly began his prayers again, without thinking; the words flowed from his mouth mechanically. Soon, he began stumbling over them, confusing them, blending them together. He tried desperately to remember the words, to repeat them in the right order, but he only confused them further. He gave up; he gave in. He would close his eyes, but only for a moment, only to rest them, refresh them…
He woke when he felt something moving his hand, squeezing his fingers. He blinked his eyes open, wondering if he was still asleep, still dreaming.
"Hey," Sydney said softly. Her voice was faint and weak, but it was there. She was talking; she was breathing; she was awake…She was alive.
"Syd! Oh, thank God…" Joy and relief washed over him, crashing down on him like a huge ocean wave. He closed his eyes against its force, silently thanking God for answering his prayers.
"You stayed," she remarked slowly, genuinely surprised he was still there.
"Of course I stayed," Vaughn answered with a smile. How could she think that he would leave her? "How long have you been awake?"
"Just a few minutes. I never got to watch you sleep before."
Her remark was simple and sweet, and it warmed him down to his toes. God, this woman was one in a million. There was no way in hell he would have let her go without a fight.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, wondering how much she really remembered, if she actually knew what had happened, what was going on.
"How do I look?"
He let his emerald eyes wander over her. Dark, angry bruises marring her creamy skin, stitches running like railroad tracks up and down her face and arm… "Beautiful."
"I feel like hell."
"Well, you've been to hell and back."
She smiled; showing him her dimples for a just a moment before her smile disappeared and she winced with the pain those sweet dimples had caused her.
His brow wrinkled with concern. "I'll call the nurse."
He rose and turned toward the door, but she tightened her grip on his hand, pulling him back.
"Stay with me…please."
Her eyes were wide; frightened, like a deer caught in the headlights. She was afraid that he would leave her, that she would be alone and hurt again. She had to understand that she could trust him, that he wouldn't abandon her.
"I'm not leaving you. Never again, I promise."
Sydney sighed happily at his response, and he smiled and sat back down.
"You're so far away," she murmured after a moment, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Lay here with me."
She moved slowly and painfully to the side, making room for him on her bed.
Vaughn held out a hand to stop her, not wanting her to hurt herself further. "I think that's against the rules."
"Since when have we ever cared about what's in the rules?"
He smiled. She had a point. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. You'll only hurt me by staying so far away." There were those eyes again, pleading with him. He was putty in her hands; he was wrapped around her little finger. He couldn't refuse her anything when she looked at him with those sad, brown eyes.
"Okay," he finally acquiesced. Whatever the lady wants, always.
He lay down beside her, careful not to press too hard against her delicate, bruised body. Her hand shook slightly as she held it out to him. It was as pale as snow, and cold like ice. He intertwined her fingers with his own and kissed them, warming them.
Sydney stared straight ahead. Vaughn could see the pain hidden in the depths of her eyes, dimming their usual sparkle. She was trying to mask the pain, to ignore it and keep it secret from him, but he knew it was there.
She turned her head, looking into his eyes and noticing the dark circles beneath them.
"You look exhausted. How long have you been here?"
The nurse came to the door as she was speaking, but Sydney didn't notice. The nurse was about to step inside, but stopped in the doorway when she saw the two of them, and smiled at Vaughn. He smiled back and she walked away, giving Sydney and Vaughn some time alone.
"Since we brought you here. It was…God, it was almost two days ago."
"But Dixon, Sloane…Will and Francie…I, I have to go…" She struggled to sit up, but could barely pick her head up off the pillow.
"Shh," Vaughn murmured, running a hand through her hair and bringing it to rest on her cheek. "Don't worry. It's been taken care of. All of it."
"But how did you…?"
Vaughn brought his hand away from her cheek and held a finger softly to her lips, silencing her. She kissed his fingertip, and he brought his hand away.
"I'll tell you everything in a minute, but there's something we have to talk about first." He paused and closed his eyes, wishing he didn't have to continue. "Syd, what…what do you remember?"
"He…he had a map," she looked at him, her eyes questioning.
He nodded in response. "I got it. Don't worry, Devlin has it now…Go on."
"He knew about you, about us. He knew everything…"
"I know. I heard." He hated having to make her recall this. He could see that it was hurting her, but it was important that she knew, that she remembered everything, even…
"He wanted to fight. I tried to…but he had that sword. I got it away from him, but then he hit me over the head with a vase."
"That's the last thing you remember?"
"Yeah. The next thing I remember is waking up here with you." She smiled. She thought that was it; she thought she knew the worst of it.
Dammit. Part of him had been wishing that she would already have known, that he wouldn't have to break it to her and hurt her even more. Vaughn sighed. She had to know, and he had to be the one to tell her.
"As soon as I heard you fall, Syd, I ran. I got to you as soon as I could…but it wasn't soon enough. While you were unconscious, Fahim…he took advantage of you…"
Her eyes grew wide, glazed over with tears that were yet to fall, drenched with shock and sadness. "He…he raped me?" she asked, her voice small and helpless, like a child's.
He could try to gloss it over with fancy words. Hide the truth; smother it in whipped cream, bury it in cherries and candy-coated sprinkles. He could try, but she would see through it. The truth would still be there, glaring and dark and ugly; a big, dead spider curled up in the middle of the just-mopped kitchen floor, it's black body glaringly obvious against the sparkling white linoleum.
There really wasn't any way to sugar coat this, was there?
"Yeah, Syd, he did."
The tears began to fall, sliding down her cheeks in big, lazy drops, like the first drops of rain that spoil the bright summer's day.
"Shh, baby, don't cry…The salt'll sting…Shhh, it's okay. It'll be alright…"
But it was of no avail. The tears continued to trickle down her cheeks and Vaughn gave up trying to quiet her. She needed to cry and he let her, wrapping his arm carefully around her and rocking her gently, holding her, protecting her, shielding her; never letting her go.
Slowly, Sydney's tears subsided, and Vaughn wiped them away, running his thumb gently across her smooth skin, washing the sadness away with the tears.
She sniffled, and he gazed into her deep, dark eyes. "I'm so sorry, Syd," he murmured, running his fingers lightly through her hair. But he would be able to protect her now; soon it would all be over.
"S'okay," she whispered back, and even managed a small smile. It wasn't much, but it was a start. She would make it through okay; she always did.
He leaned down and kissed her, slowly and sweetly, tasting the salt on her lips, rinsing away the last remnants of sadness with the last of her tears.
"Two weeks, Syd," he whispered as he pulled away. "Two weeks at the most, and you're free."
He didn't need to say anything more. Her eyes lit up with his words, a flicker of their usual sparkle and life returning. "Really, Michael?" she asked, lacing her fingers through his again.
Michael. She had never gotten into the habit of calling him that, but he would love for her to start.
"Really…So, what are you going to do now?" he asked, trying to brighten the moment by asking about her future. She had told him numerous times that she had had enough of this "spy crap," but never anything more than that. He didn't know whether she would continue school, or opt for an entirely new life. They had never really discussed it before.
Her response wasn't what he had expected.
"Be with you," she answered simply and sweetly.
"I can't wait." And he couldn't. It would make everything they had gone through worth it.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Sydney closed her eyes.
"You okay?" Vaughn asked, immediately worried. Last time she had closed her eyes, he hadn't thought she would ever open them again.
"Yeah, it just hurts."
She was so calm it almost scared him. "It just hurts" probably came nowhere near to describing the pain she was in. Had he been in her situation, that phrase would probably be surrounded by a quite a few choice words and exclamation points.
"I'll get the doctor. He can give you something for the pain."
"Wait…" she whispered. "Tell me what I should know, first."
God, he hadn't even thought of that, and that certainly would have blown their cover, and put them in more danger than they could afford to deal with.
"Good idea. Well, I had to tell them that I was your fiancé to get in here." Vaughn watched her out of the corner of his eye as he said this.
She smiled, and his heart skipped a beat as he continued, "I told them that we're on vacation. I went to the store and you stayed in the hotel room. When I returned…"
Vaughn was interrupted by the sound of someone's throat clearing. The doctor was standing in the doorway, arms folded across his chest. The nurse appeared at his side and winked at Vaughn.
"Lily," the doctor began, after glancing down at his chart. "I am glad to see that you are awake. How are you feeling?"
"Alright," Sydney answered weakly, knowing right away that he was speaking to her. "All things considered. My head's throbbing, though."
"Of course. We will get you something for the pain. Now, Mr…"
He paused, and Vaughn heard the nurse whisper loudly, "Donovan. Eric Donovan."
"Mr. Donovan, would you mind?" He approached them, motioning towards the floor.
"No, of course not," Vaughn answered, kissing Sydney's hand, and then letting it go so he could get off the bed. He stood back and left the doctor and nurse to their work.
Sydney answered all the doctor's questions to his satisfaction, even managing to catch what the nurse had whispered earlier and refer to Vaughn as Eric. The doctor told her that in a few minutes someone would be up to take her down to radiology for a head CT and an MRI.
He wanted her to stay in the hospital for a few days for observation. Vaughn didn't mind, and he knew that Sydney wouldn't either. A few days together was a vacation, no matter where they were. Soon they'd be free to spend the rest of their lives together; it would be heaven.
The doctor and nurse left just as quietly as they had come. Sydney lay on the bed with a hand on her forehead, waiting for the pain medication to kick in. Her entire body felt bruised, but her head was throbbing so intensely that she could barely feel the pain anywhere else.
Her hand felt cool against her forehead, and that helped a little. She closed her eyes. The doctor's questions had tired her, and he had waited until she had answered them all before finally administering the medication.
Vaughn approached her quietly. "Syd?"
"Hmmm?" She brought her hand away from her face and opened her eyes. Just looking at him was almost enough to make her forget the pain.
She was glad that they would get to have this time to spend together, she only wished that she was in better condition to enjoy it. She would get to pretend to be his fiancée, and that was almost as good as the real thing…
"I know this might not seem like the time or the place, and you can stop me if…if you want to…but, we've waited so long, and I'm tired of waiting." He paused and watched her, seeming to gauge her reaction, waiting to see if she would ask him to stop, or let him go on.
Sydney gave him a small smile, urging him to continue. She could see that her smile relieved him, and he grinned in return and cleared his throat.
"The other day when…when I almost lost you…I can't even describe it. It broke my heart. I…I want to make sure that I never ever lose you again, that I hold on to you forever. You don't have to answer me right now if you don't want to…"
His ears were turning red and he was nervously fiddling with his fingers. She had never seen him so flustered. But she didn't interrupt him, and waited patiently for him to go on.
He took a deep breath. "What I want to say is," He knelt by her bed and took her hand.
Her heart caught in her throat. It was a dream; it had to be…
"Sydney, will you marry me?"
But it was better than a dream; so much better because it wasn't in black and white, because she could feel her head throbbing, feel his hand on hers; because it was real.
"Yes," she answered immediately, not even needing to stop and think. "Yes, Michael, I will."
His smile was dazzling and irresistible, a simple mixture of love and joy, like a little kid who's just been licked in the face by his new puppy.
She brought a hand up to the back of his neck and pulled him close, crashing her lips against his. It hurt like hell, but that didn't even matter. Her head was spinning, and when he pulled away, she couldn't see straight, but she didn't care. She could see him and that's all that mattered.
"I love you, Michael Vaughn."
Her head was pounding and she could barely hear herself form the words, but she knew that they had been spoken.
Vaughn whispered something back to her, bringing his head close to hers, his lips brushing her ear. She could just make out the words, "I love you, too, Sydney. I love you, too…"
Colors were beginning to swirl together; her world was spinning out of focus. She closed her eyes, shutting out the sickening cyclone that seemed to be whirling around her.
She knew that she shouldn't have kissed him like that; not now, not so soon, not when her head had already been spinning so fast…But, oh God, it had felt so good, it had been so right. To be able to kiss him like that, whenever, wherever…God, maybe she really had died; maybe this was heaven…
But then she opened her eyes, and there he was gazing back at her. This, this was better than a dream, better even, than heaven. He was there and he would be there, be hers, forever.
This was real.
Thanks for the great reviews everyone. Sorry it took so long to finish, but as a few of you may know, I had some problems with the ending. I know I told you that this would be the last chapter, and technically, it is, but I think it needs an epilogue to clear a few things up. I hope you enjoyed this, and it was at least a little bit worth the wait. :)
