The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 15-Sakura

He stayed unconscious all the time that he was in the hospital. When he awoke, he awoke to a blind stupor, with no memory of the nights before. He did not escape to the world of the dead, as he had done so many times. Instead, he wavered in living form, inside his body, very much alive.

I had honestly never seen or imagined Syaoran-kun like this. He was completely stupified. Yue tried to talk to him, and all he got was a blank look. Syaoran remembered nothing.

I remember the arrival home very clearly. Twas only a car accident, I tell myself. A major car accident. An accident.

How can Syaoran not remember? The horror of the night. I barely remember it, though. He had unleashed fire. His magic. He had unleashed magic in his drunkeness. I still shudder when I think of it. My Syaoran. A monster. No more, no less.

He went into the mansion. All was quiet. The servants were standing there, silent.
" Mama." Was his first call. Syaoran-kun looked around, and his call became more desperate. " Mama!" He started to run, but was held back by Yue.
" Syaoran, your mother...she's not here-"
" Mama!" Syaoran cried, and then called out something else, maybe " Sister", in Cantonese. " Meiling!" and he ran up the stairs, breaking away from Yue's grip. We followed.

He first ran to a large bedroom, obviously Li Yelan's. He ran to the middle of the room and spun around in a circle. He ran out. Yue caught him. Syaoran began to sob.
" Jie jie!" He shouted, and Yue held on tighter.
" Syaoran, they're gone. They're all gone."
" Aunt, Uncle, Meiling," Syaoran was trembling.
" All gone." Yue said softly. " All gone, Syaoran, there's no use calling them."
" But I went to the world of the dead! They weren't there!"
" You didn't go to the world, Syaoran. You remained here." Yue said. " Syaoran, Syaoran-"
" Iie!" Syaoran struggled against Yue, trying to get out of the room, and then collapsed in defeat, sobbing. " Iie!"
" Hai." Yue held Syaoran up sadly. " Hai, my son. They're gone."

I don't remember ever feeling more useless, watching someone in so much pain and confusion. Trickles of blood rolled down Syaoran's chin, pink blood, mixing with the tears that covered his face. Yue turned him around and held him in a tight embrace, his face turned towards us, his eyes lowered, and that was when I saw that he was crying too.



" What is going to happen to me now?" Was the question asked when Syaoran had finally calmed down.

That was, in truth, what I had been wondering about.

" Do you want to stay here?" Yue asked. Syaoran swallowed and said nothing.
" You can stay here," Yue continued, " Or you can come with me."
" Tomoeda?"
" Hai."

I was silent. Kero said nothing. We waited, the four of us.
" I want to go back." Syaoran said, without much hesitation. He wiped his eyes, still a little wet. " Want to go with otou-san."

Yue rested his hand upon Syaoran's head and looked at me.
" Oh." I said, although I didn't know why. " Aren't you more familiar with Hong Kong, I mean, your family is here-"
" He's my family." Syaoran broke in, sounding a lot like a five year old. " Japan is my family. The only place I feel at home."

Kero looked at Yue and I had no idea what went on between them. Then Yue bent down and kissed Syaoran's head.

We were to leave in three days.



" Why? I happen to be Syaoran's partner in every chamber duet he has ever played." Xuyan grunted. " So I visit that baka all the time. It's hard not to know the formula."

I happened to know that Xuyan was feeling very sorry for Syaoran, otherwise, he wouldn't be offering to find the herbs for Yue in the first place.

We were looking for the contents of Syaoran's daily and very bitter draught. Xuyan had warned Yukito that he's going to have to share his chocolates, if anything. The Li clan planted a huge garden full of strange leaved herbs, and Xuyan was going through them, picking the leaves, the shrubs, digging up the roots while I watched and undid the rest. He took the seeded ones and dumped the seeds into separate bags.

" Have you ever tasted these things?" I asked him.
Xuyan suddenly stopped. " Hai." He said after a pause. " I tasted each one separately." He sighed. " Jingxi is very brave, you know. Each one is bitter, each more than the last. And the more you drink the more bitter it gets."
" And the only thing to relieve it is chocolate."
" Hai." Xuyan went back to work. " Everday Syaoran drinks a bowl. A large bowl. You saw it. I remember when he was five. He was still whining then. I went over to the kitchen when he was taking his drought. Bad timing. I laughed and called him a baby. It was so stupid. I didn't know we were babies then. You know how it is, right Sakura-chan? Everytime your birthday comes you think, wow! I'm a year older! I feel so much like an adult. Now I look back and think, Ch, nonsense. Perhaps when I'm twenty or so I'll took at myself today and think, Xuyan, you were such a loser and a child. But that's in the future."
" Egh." I swallowed. " I can imagine. But I don't like thinking about that right now."
" No kidding." Xuyan chuckled. " But trust me, when you grow up, and look back, you'll be so amused. I just hope that you can talk with Syaoran about it."

I didn't understand it at first. Now I did. With this disease, no one knows how long Syaoran could survive.

" He was always different." Xuyan suddenly stopped. I looked at him, tightening the bags that I carried, the seeds, actually.
" Hoe?"
" I remember when I was very young," Xuyan blinked. " Syaoran was laughing with Fuutie. He knows how to laugh. He does it in private, or with his direct family. Almost never with anyone else, not even with Meiling. He didn't know I was there, and I made the wrong decision to step in. He stopped immediately, and then gave me this look."

There was a pause.

" What look?" I asked, to break the silence.
" I'm not sure." Xuyan thought for a moment. " It seemed to say a lot of things, that one look. It said, I know who you are and what you want. I know who you will be. It said, don't dare hurt me. Who could have known, eyes are so terrible. Jingxi freaked me out the first time I met him, heheh. It was the first time. I took that look as if he thought he's better than me. So I despised him. Well, bad idea. Jingxi beated me in everything."
" Jingxi?" It was the first time I acknowledged it. " Who's Jingxi?"
" Jingxi?" Xuyan blinked. " Oh. It means surprise, a good surprise. That's his name."

And that was when I realized " Xiao Lang" was actually his nickname.



I found Syaoran in his room later, packing. He didn't pack his cellos, not really. I guess he was still deciding whether to take all of them or just one. Who knows what he's thinking then.
" Syaoran-kun?" I began. He blinked and looked up at me. " Hm?"
I forgot what I was going to say and decided to say another. " You never told me you were Li Jingxi."
" Oh." Syaoran looked uncomfortable. Clearly that was a stupid thing I said. " Ano...it never really came up."
" How come you were called Syaoran?" I asked, hoping to make things better. They didn't call me dense for nothing.
" Oh, ano, I don't know. Maybe because whenever I went to dinner, there was howling in the background."

We have never mentioned that the Li clan was located twenty miles away from any town or city. Certainly there must be wolves.
" Oh." I remember saying. " Ano, what a coincidence."
" Hai." Syaoran smiled. " You can call me Syaoran if you want. I don't really like Jingxi anyway. Makes me feel more like an accident."

I can't believe I had no idea what he was talking about, now that I think of it. Thankfully, I didn't ask any more questions.

The flight to Tomoeda was uneventful. The departure was uneventful as well. Some of the Li clan came along with us to say goodbye, mostly Xuyan's direct family, but we knew none of them except for Xuyan.

Xuyan. Syaoran use to hate him. But that boy did not turn out to be so bad. He was merely misunderstood, jealous of Syaoran's intelligence. How can one blame him?

We remained pretty much silent for most of the flight, except for Eriol, who kept on worrying about whether we lost the Black Stone. It actually glows purple, by the way.

" The thing is dangerous to anyone other than the one the Dead give it to." Eriol whispered to me. " Unless you're trying to help the chosen one, in this case, we're trying to help Syaor-Jing-Syaora-Li. So it's alright for us. But if it falls into someone else's hands, they get cursed, and if it breaks, Syao-Li would lose his protection."

Yukito didn't hear us, but he obviously caught the aura of intensity because he turned to look at us, with Syaoran sleeping against his shoulder. Eriol went on.

" Somehow, I think the stone has something to do with the cure. I don't know yet. Maybe when we get to Japan, I'll go to England to get Kaho and the books. Or perhaps get some of my stuff. It may be the key to saving Syaoran."

The first thing we all did when we went out of the airport is to go to Yukito's house, where Syaoran, perhaps being the musician that he is, immediately took out his cello and began to inspect it. As if the airplane is going to burn his instrument to a crisp! But the guy wouldn't have any of it. He checked it once, he checked it twice, discovered another scratch each time, and then went over to check his bow. He muttered about having to get a new one and whether he could get it. I think he's suffering from severe stress.

Stress! But not from Life. From the place he use to go. Someone new was there. And boy, that person is not happy.