The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 16-Nakuru

The others have mentioned the flight to Hong Kong. Have mentioned where the Li Clan was located. The relationship between Yue and Syaoran. But they didn't mention the diaries. Yelan and Meiling had kept diaries. Which is how they got their say in this story.

Eriol went to England. Spinel and I stayed. Oddly enough, the reason I mentioned the diaries was because ironically, I was the first one Syaoran showed them to. He showed me many other things.

" Each day," Syaoran had said, " I go to the realm of the dead. There, I behold all the spirits that wait to be reincarnated, or just came in. There were men. There were women. There were the elderly and the young. That was why I did not despair so when they all died. I only despaired because I was faced with reality. For where I go is but the gate. The real world of the dead is an empty void, deprived of all emotion, of all light, of all thought. It is a place of rest. There are no horrors, no darkness, no evils, only nothingness, for only then can one find peace. There, even to be happy is burdensome. So they created a world, a domain for the dead to roam. I saw them the night after I went home. They remained at the gate waiting for me. I said goodbye, I said I was sorry, and they said, it was not my fault. It was no ones. No one can escape fate."
" Are you sad that they are gone?" I had asked. " They have left you. They do not always remain at the gate."
" Kinomoto Nadeshiko remained the the living world, Nakuru-san." Syaoran had answered. " She was happy to watch over Sakura. Why can't they remain at the gate? But hai, I am sad that they are gone. I am sad that everyday I must wake to an empty house that's not my own."
" But this is your house."
I had protested. " Is not Yue your father?"
" He is."
Syaoran had replied. " But there is something you must know. Yue does not understand me. He loves me deeply, as I love him. Neither of us can understand each other. He does not understand what I understand. I do not understand what he understands. And until we do, this place will not be my home. And he will not be the shadow that had watched over me all these years."

He spoke as one who had lost all hope in everything. His voice was empty of all emotion, even love, as he spoke about his family, his little world he escapes to that could have only been real because of the fact we were there. He was wrong. He was filled with despair. He wouldn't admit it. But he admitted to everything else.

" I cannot love." He had said to me when I asked him about Sakura. " I use to be able to love. I really did, honestly. But I am too tired, Nakuru-san. My love once was renewed with Sakura-chan. She showed me so much that I didn't know. How the world for the ignorant are. So carefree, so happy, and it was so worthwhile to be such idiots. She loved Yukito-san and I let her, still loving her. She told me I could be one of them, the ignorant, the carefree, the happy. That I was a special part of the group. Then she broke my heart. She did nothing, Nakuru-san. She simply existed, and that broke my heart. Because I realized one day-that we were all together because of Sakura. Something related to her. I was nothing special. Simply different, as I had always been. I blend in, but once people know me more, they'll leave me. The only reason they're still here is because I am with Sakura, just as they are. Sakura broke my heart, because she lied."

He never told me what she did " lie" about. But I instantly felt that there was more to this boy than I'll ever understand. The way he looks at the world is completely different from all the rest, which was why he calls us " ignorant". But he later admitted, he was wrong, after all. Because even he was a part of the whole, a different shape to all the identical shapes in the world. A different color, green instead of blue.

And I sensed danger. Great danger. For both Jingxi and Sakura



I will never forget the day I looked at the newspaper from over a year ago, which I thought I had thrown away, and I remember on it said, " Li Jingxi has won the International Cello Competition."

I started laughing right then. It has been so long since I last laughed, it frightened me. I dialed Yukito's number and told him about Syaoran being in the newspapers all along, and we never knew him. That explains why he used his nickname as his legal Japanese name!

And on another newspaper, this time a Japanese one, there was an article about the little guest cello player performing with the Shanghai orchestra the works of Tchaikovsky and whoever wrote Carmen. Jingxi happened to be famous, and we never knew that. All because of that stupid nickname.



" Hey Syaoran-kun." I said to him one day as I entered the living room. " Konnichiwa, Yukito-san."
" Konnichiwa." Yukito mumbled. " Do you happen to have any chocolate?"
" Oh...hai? What do you want that for?"
" Oh." Yukito was silent. " Syaoran wasn't feeling well. I had a feeling he needs his drought. Syaoran wanted me to forget. You have any strong chocolates?" He asked again."
I silently handed them over. Then I went over to Syaoran. Yukito appeared moments later, dumping some ice into the hot brew, and handing it over. Syaoran grimaced.
" Don't want."
" I got some chocolate for you." Yukito winked at me. " No getting until you drink." He withdrew the candies.
Syaoran groaned and took the bowl.

Gosh, that thing even smells bitter.

When the child finished, he looked like he was going to throw up. Yukito handed him the candy and he nearly ate it instantly, wrapper and all. He wasn't particularly enjoying the chocolate, just trying intently to get that awful taste out of his mouth. And I could see why. He ate about three more before he was able to look normal again. To think, it takes four chocolates to get the bitter taste out. No doubt Sakura described it to you.

I remember we were chatting, just chatting, when the phone rang. I happened to sit nearest to the phone.
" Moshi moshi?" I said.
" Nakuru! What in heavens name are you doing here?" Cried Eriol's voice. " I need Syaoran on, quick!"
" Ano, Syaoran? It's for you. Eriol." I said, handing over the phone.
" Moshi moshi?"

There came a long silence.

" Oh, ano...I'm not sure...I'll try if you want...iie. Iie. Look-iie, I don't get that. I don't go there anymore...nani? Hai..." There was a long silence.
" Oh, alright." His voice was that of submission. He hung up.
" What was that about?" I asked.
" I don't know why, but he wants me to take Sakura's cards." He looked extremely puzzled. " He asked me all these symptoms and asked if I had them."
" What were they?" Yukito asked.
" If I feel tired, if I bleed a lot through my mouth, if I had nightmares, stomachaches, headaches, if I felt nauseous." He took on a blank look. " If I see things."
" Do you?" Yukito asked, there was a strain in his voice. " Eriol is asking if you had the disease that we were both wondering about."
" What disease?"
" A disease that starts out like you did." I spoke for Yukito. " Then it gets worse,through the years. It starts having these symptoms every day, more and more frequently, until finally you start bleeding and never stop, or urinate blood, as nasty as that sounds. Or perhaps, become bedridden, or brainwashed, literally. Then you cannot eat, your systems go all dead, your immune system-one of the mortal systems, by the way, eats at every organ it meets, which includes your brain and skull, and eventually you decompose in life."

Syaoran paled. " So..." He whispered, " I don't have these yet, but will I?"
" That's what the cards are for." Yukito rose and went to the phone.
Syaoran looked at me in confusion.
" Clow enabled the cards to protect against anything dealing with conflicts of different magics in one body." I replied. " He meant it for the Card Mistress, but it seems Eriol wants you to have it for the time being. God, this is so messed up, Yukito, urgh! He knew that Sakura wouldn't have this problem, good god-" But Yukito was on the phone with Sakura.

I remember this interesting verse in Eriol's book that I had stolen once to annoy him. Or actually, verses. It was a poem, sort of, and I still remember it;

Two years,
The soul steps out,
And all that lived died at once.

Three years.
The eyes open,
And all that was hidden laid bare to see.

Four years,
The ears grow strong,
And all that's silent became known.

Five years,
The hand moves quick,
And all the weapons became covered with blood.

Six years,
Silent and still,
And all the close ones depart.

Seven years,
One comes near,
The little one then learns to care.

Eight years,
The test of strength,
As one fails to do what's done.

Nine years,
The heart grows cold,
Accepting all that ever was.

Ten years.
The soul departs,
To different place one learns to love.

Eleven years,
The wish comes true,
And all that's hidden came to light.

Twelve years,
Thirteen and more,
Little is known of what fate has in mind.

And god, that thing was about Syaoran!