Chapter 17-Yue
He is eleven years old. And he does not have the symptoms. I don't know what exactly made me so relieved. Was it the fact that he does not have the disease, or the fact that he is not going to be eaten alive?
Such is the worries of a father over a child like Syaoran. Who could have known that a year ago, Syaoran was threatening Sakura to hand over her cards. Who could have thought that I would give my heart to anyone other than my master. Who could have thought I have a son?
But these feelings make one feel very good, however painful they might be. Humans are like this, filled with emotion-anger, hatred, jealousy, love. Perhaps it's because they don't have long to live. They do whatever they had to do to live life to the fullest, when the opportunity comes, when they wish it. Immortals had a lot of time.
But Jingxi didn't.
I still called him Syaoran. Couldn't get use to the new name. I admit, I had heard of the name Li Jingxi, the school talked about him as frequently as they talked about Yo Yo Ma. Or Julliard. I probably should have taken him there, and there was an offer from a Julliard professor to teach him. But America was not as kind as it seems. I've been there. During the Gilded Age, it's worst age other than the Depression, especially to foreigners. I passed for a Caucasian, but I saw Japanese, Chinese with their little pigtails. America was not friendly. Laissez-faire Capitalism was not friendly, so the country wasn't either. I came to Japan.
For someone who can't speak English, it's a complete suicide.
Syaoran did not have the symptoms, except that he's usually weak and feeble. There was something childish about him, something that calls out for " mommy", all the time. At night he usually wanted me to stay with him until he falls asleep, holding my hand. When he couldn't sleep he talks to me.
He had a pitiful life. Iie, not pitiful, exactly. It's just a harsh life for one so young. Most people thought he was just a rich brute. How wrong they were. Syaoran got sent to the mental hospital one time.
" I hated that place." Syaoran had started to cry when he told me. " Everywhere there was yelling. Sick laughter, and all the sane people were afraid of the insane. I was not insane. I was not crazy. So I was scared. Insane people have a different way of thinking. They do not know what is logical." He had quieted down and thought for a moment. " I think those who are crazy," He began, " are more or less cowards. I don't know, I haven't been with them long enough and I was never insane myself. But they were, more or less, afraid of life. They were more frightened of life than they are of death. They have some reason, I mean, life has its hardships. But since they cannot get away from life, they mess up their mind. They create these weird illusions, or something of that sort. Sane people are afraid of death. The insane are afraid of life. Which is why they don't go together."
He's only eleven years old, and whether he's wrong or right, he had a point. And to think, he's going to sixth grade!
I remember this saying. Like father, like son. Now, I don't have any problem
with that saying except that it goes for nearly everyone who has a father-and at the
same time, it's wrong, because it forgot to mention the influences of the mother.
Syaoran obviously needs her. Or else he'll become like me. And being half mortal-it's not a good thing.
Mortal. I use to hate that word. Always coming to an end. The End. That was what it usually meant. The end of a lifetime of struggles. Somehow, everyone loses the battle to survive-somehow...
Yet now that I think of it...
" Tired." Syaoran had said once. Sakura was with him.
" Do you want to get some rest?"
" Iie. Just tired. Feel horrible. Want to vomit."
" I guess you ate too much." Sakura suggested.
" He hardly ate anything." Yukito contradicted.
" Oh..."
Sakura had not made the first move yet. But Syaoran accepted her slowly. Sakura remained in the living room while I went up with Syaoran. And there he collapsed.
And then, I heard voices. Voices in my head.
He's young. You are not.
He needs help. Can you give it, Yue?
He's a mortal. Will you understand him?
Do you love him?
Do you trust him?
Will you save him?
Saving isn't worth it...he'll die anyway.
He has your blood Yue. He's your son.
Your son.
Voices of the dead. At that time, I was honestly terrified of them. They seem to corrupt my mind, cloud my vision, deafen my hearing. And then I realized...
It's all Syaoran. Syaoran's questions. Syaoran's wishes. Syaoran's problems.
Syaoran's hope.
And the Dead. They're telling them to me.
" You can't do that." Syaoran was saying. " You have to take the cards."
They were actually playing regular cards with spades and diamonds, trying to
pass the time, since it was getting ( once again) very hot, since a heat wave is here. (
In the middle of July).
" But I called Biez." Sakura protested.
" You flipped the right card, so you had to take it."
" Urgh." Sakura took the five cards on the table. " Eriol-kun? You go four."
" Two fours." Eriol put it down.
" Three fives." Tomoyo tossed it out.
" Biez!" Syaoran suddenly called. And then he flipped the top card. " Ha."
" Aw."
" You get seven. Two sixes." Sakura took out two cards and put them in the center.
" What are they playing?" Spinel asked.
" Biez." Nakuru answered. " I think it's Spanish."
" One jack."
" Four queens."
" Five kings." Syaoran dared.
" Biez." Kero said. He flipped a card. " Shoot!" He cried, flipping the King. Then he
flipped all the others.
" Four of them are Kings." Syaoran smiled triumphantly. " One is a joker. You
lose."
" Shizuka ni." Kero smiled as he took the fifteen cards.
" One Ace." Sakura said.
" Biez." Syaoran called, and flipped it. It was a free pass.
" Shoot."
" So what are you going to do, Yue?" Nakuru asked me, or rather, asked Yukito. "
You know, Syaoran would have to have a sorceror to look at him.
" One two." Eriol called, who had come back from his trip two days ago. "
Tomoyo-chan?"
" Three threes." Tomoyo smiled."
" One four."
" Two fives."
" Biez."
" Flip it."
" Shoot."
" I know." Yukito answered for me. " I don't know many people who can, though."
" Eriol does." Spinel answered. " You should ask him. And perhaps Eriol might
hold the answer."
" How?"
" He's Clow Reed, you know. Clow Reed knew how to create immortals. He knew
the risks."
" One seven."
" Seven eights."
" Biez!" Shouted all of them at once, not including Syaoran.
" They're all eights." His voice rose over the disappointed murmur of them. " I had
all the jokers. I win."
" New game! Hey, do you want to play Chinese Poker?"
" Iie!" Sakura suddenly yelled. " I stink at that."
" There's another kind of game, but oh well."
" I want to play Biez."
" I want to play Split."
" Just play Biez, come on."
" Poker. We can form teams."
" Daijoubu." Sakura resigned. Syaoran took the cards and shuffled them. " Yukito
san? Nakuru? Spinel? Do you want to play?"
" I will." Yukito smiled. " I'm good at that."
" I'll play too." Touya suddenly said.
" That makes nine though..."
" I don't want to play." Spinel grumbled.
" Daijoubu. Come on." Syaoran passed out the cards. We all slammed on the groups
we wanted.
" Oh shoot, this is a good good deck." I heard Syaoran say.
" You remember Cenon?" Nakuru asked.
" Cenon?" Eriol blinked. " Oh, I know him. Who has the three of diamonds?"
" I do. One three." Sakura put it down. " Nakuru?"
" One four." Nakuru said. " Cenon was a good shaman."
" Hai, he was. But if it's Jingxi you're talking about, then Cenon's not the one."
" Is he a doctor?" Syaoran asked.
" Hai, that's what a Shaman is. Half doctor, half magician. But the forces go
together more cooperatively." Eriol answered. " Go, Yukito!"
" Alright!" Yukito grumbled. " One six."
" One eight." Eriol put down.
" One joker."
" Two of spades!" Kero cried. Syaoran smiled. " I pass."
" Pass?" Syaoran asked.
Yukito had a real two of spades, but he decided to keep it. I should have
known Syaoran was a good player.
" Royal flush. In diamonds." Syaoran said.
" Whoa." Sakura blinked. " You got a good deck."
" I have one! Royal flush. In clubs."
" Royal- wait, anyone have more?" Syaoran looked around.
Royal flush. That's the leading one.
" Pass." We said in unison.
" I don't." Syaoran smiled. " Royal flush. In spades."
" Two of them!" Sakura cried. " Whoa!"
" Pass." We all said.
" A three of clubs. My last."
" Oh shoot." Sakura laughed. Syaoran won the game.
" What about Galadran?" Kero suggested. " What do you think, Eriol?"
" Galadran? She's alright." Eriol answered. " But I'm not sure her reincarnation is
present at this time. It might not be. She's not linked with Clow's legacy, you
know."
" Two threes." Tomoyo started.
" Two fives."
" Two fives." Kero called.
" Two sixes." Sakura said.
" Two eights." Nakuru put it down.
" Two queens." Yukito took it out.
" Two Kings."
" Two aces."
" Pass."
" Pass."
" I don't." Yukito said. " Two twos."
" Shoot, a joker." Kero grumbled.
" Then who is?" Yukito asked. " If Galadran is not, than who is?"
" No one, really." Eriol answered. " We're sort of alone on this one. We can't really
count on anyone. Full house."
" Straight flush." Nakuru called.
" Pass," Yukito mumbled. " So how are we going to cure this thing then?"
" I don't really know. I'm hoping Syaoran is curable. If not, well, it's as hopeless as
AIDS."
" And if it's curable?' Yukito asked. " Then how do we know...how?"
" Straight flush. In spades." Sakura called. " Easy. We just check it out. I mean, if
we can look at the symptoms the way a doctor does-"
" Pass. You go, Sakura-chan." Tomoyo called. " But that doesn't mean we can cure
him. Think of leukemia."
" Three of a kind." Sakura took out.
" Three of a kind." Eriol flung the cards out. " Tomoyo's right. Just looking at the
symptoms doesn't tell you anything. I'm hoping Syaoran's strong enough to last."
" I am." Syaoran sulked. " The Dead told me something about messing up two
worlds. They don't want me back there again."
" No wonder. If they really want to help you." Spinel said from the back, as I tossed
out my last five cards, a full house. " If you keep going there you wouldn't know
which world is real."
" Which is the exact problem. They're both real." Eriol replied. " Like father, like
son, Yukito! You won second place!" I sat back and watched.
" One four. Say Yukito," Tomoyo looked up. " Have you ever tried anything lately?
I mean, you're an immortal and all."
" That doesn't mean he could just be a sensei." Eriol answered. " Nakuru, do you
pass?"
" Iie. One eight."
" But Yue has some powers. Maybe he could cure him."
" Or maybe it's plainly psychological. Wait Nakuru!" Sakura cried. " I didn't go
yet!"
" Oh, gomen."
" Iie, it's not psychological." Syaoran said quietly. " Or, actually, not totally. There
are some parts that are just physical. The mental part is over. I think."
" Ay, we have to do something about your blood." Eriol pinched Syaoran. " The
pink color gives me the creeps."
" You're telling me." Syaoran muttered. " Iie, Sakura! Don't take that card!"
" Oh."
" You know," Syaoran began as they tossed the cards into the middle of the table. "
I've been thinking. This whole mess is because a mortal and a god ( or angel if you
like,) happened to combine together in some way to form a half half. What if I
become a whole? A whole mortal, or immortal, however you like. Then you
wouldn't have this mess of your body eating yourself."
" That's a good point, you know." Eriol put down an ace of hearts. " Nakuru?"
" Two of diamonds."
" Two of clubs."
" Now, you put that card down." Syaoran told Sakura, and Sakura put down the
two of hearts.
" Pass." They all muttered.
" One three. That's all."
" Shoot." Tomoyo smiled. " So there's Syaoran, Yukito, and Sakura. Eriol-kun, I
thought you were good at this."
" Hey, I'm not good at chinese poker." Eriol smiled. " I go, hai?"
" Hai."
As Yukito chatted with the others, I suddenly felt cold. Because the thought of healing him was chilling. If Syaoran becomes a mortal, then he will die, and carrying with him a piece of my heart, just as Clow had done. If Syaoran becomes an immortal, he will suffer as I did, watching his loved ones fade away and stand aside, unable to follow, unable to rest.
