The lights go on and the scene has changed. The scene is the inside of the cave of which "Scabbers" was guarding. Suddenly Harry shouts,
"There! Look!" There were inscriptions on one of the walls.
"What does it say?" Ronsalot asks.
"What language is that?" Seamus asks after Ronsalot.
"Brother Flitwick! You are a scholar." Harry says motioning to Flitwick.
"It's Aramaic!" Flitwick exclaims after he read the inscriptions.
"Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!" Seamus observes.
"'Course!" Ronsalot said throwing his head back.
"What does it say?" Harry asks.
"It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Stone in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'." Flitwick straightens up and stares at the wall.
"What?" Harry asks in puzzlement.
"'...The Castle of aaaaaagggh'." Repeats Flitwick to Harry and the Knights.
"What is that?" Hermione asks.
"He must have died while carving it." Flitwick explained
"Oh, come on!" Ronsalot scoffed.
"Well, that's what it says." Flitwick defended himself.
"Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'." Harry waves his hand as he says 'aaaaaggh'. "He'd just say it!"
"Well, that's what's carved in the rock!" Flitwick argues.
"Perhaps he was dictating." Seamus butted in.
"Oh, shut up." Harry says to Seamus. "Well, does it say anything else?" He said turning back to Flitwick.
"No. Just, 'aaaaaagggh'." All the knights look at the inscription on the wall and Ronsalot and Harry are repeating 'aaaagggh."
"Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?" Hermione asks.
"Where's that?" Seamus asks Hermione.
"France, I think." Hermione answered him.
"Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?" Ronsalot asks observantly.
"No, that's 'Saint Ives'." Harry corrected him.
"Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives." The Knights copy him with 'Iiiiives'.
"Oooohoohohooo!" Hermione exclaimed and pointed.
"No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh." Ronsalot corrected her.
"N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm." Hermione explained to him.
"Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!" Ronsalot suggested.
"Yes, but I-- aaaaaah!" Hermione yelled and everyone turned around to look.
"Oooh!" Harry yelled in shock.
"My God!" Seamus gasped. There's a dramatic chord.
"It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaauugh!" Flitwick yelled. And the screen is pulled back down. On the screen we see Flitwick being eaten by the Black Beast of Aaauugh. We hear Hermione's voice behind the screen,
"That's it! That's it!" Harry orders from behind the screen,
"Run away!" On the screen the cartoon knights run in a little clump shouting 'Run away!' The Black Beast (A giant scaly creature with a lot of eyes) chased Harry and his knights. They manage to hide.
"Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!..." next we hear Hermione's voice,
"We've lost him." But she spoke too soon and there was a loud roar, and the beast is seen again. The knights scream and run away again. Fred or George's voices are heard saying,
"As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Harry and his Knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the Animator suffered a fatal heart attack." On the screen there is an image of a person having a heart attack. It went back to the Black Beast as it disappeared into thin air.
"The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for Holy Stone could continue." The screen goes back up and the scene has changed to a cliff by a gorge. We see Harry and his knights inching forward on the cliff. Seamus points to a bridge in the distance, partially obscured by fog.
"There it is!" He shouts.
"The Bridge of Death!" Harry said, always stating the obvious. In the background Neville mutters,
"Oh, great."
Harry points to Percy, standing beside the bridge. "Look! There's the Old Man from scene twenty-four!"
"What is he doing here?" Sir Hermione asks.
"He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveler five questions--..." Harry starts.
"Three questions." Seamus corrects him.
"Three questions. He who answers the five questions--..." Harry starts explaining again.
"Three questions." Seamus corrects him again.
"Three questions may cross in safety." Harry finishes.
"What if you get a question wrong?" Neville asks.
"Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril." Harry answers.
"Oh, I won't go." Neville mutters.
"Who's going to answer the questions?" Seamus asks.
"Sir Neville!" Harry exclaimed.
"Yes?" Neville asked, scared almost out of his mind.
"Brave Sir Neville, you go." Harry ordered.
"Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Ronsalot go?" Neville suggested.
"Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s--..." Ronsalot said bravely and dramatically.
"No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions--..." Harry said, stopping Ronsalot from leaping into battle with his brother.
"Three questions." Seamus corrected him yet again.
"Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray." Harry concluded.
"I understand, my liege." Ronsalot said, disappointedly.
"Good luck, brave Sir Ronsalot. God be with you." Harry said as Ronsalot nodded and made his way down to Percy. As he got closer he noticed that Percy's nose looked a little flatter, possibly broken. Ron suppressed a twinge of guilt. Ronsalot didn't feel guilt. He was almost to his brother when Percy called out,
"Stop!" Ronsalot stopped. "Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."
Ronsalot straightened himself up to his full height, and called,
"Ask me the questions, Bridge Keeper Percy. I am not afraid."
"What... is your name?"
"My name is 'Sir Ronsalot of Hogwarts'."
"What... is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Stone."
"What... is your favorite color?"
"Blue."
"Right. Off you go." Percy said, with a gesture towards the bridge with his head.
"Oh, thank you. Thank you very much." Ronsalot made his way past Percy, muttering as he past, "Sorry about your nose, Perce." Percy shrugged his answer.
"That's easy!" Neville exclaimed as Ronsalot crossed the bridge. He ran down to Percy, with the other Knights on his tail.
"Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see." Percy said as Neville approached.
"Ask me the questions, Bridge Keeper Percy. I'm not afraid."
"What... is your name?"
"Sir Neville of Hogwarts."
"What... is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Stone."
"What... is the capital of Assyria?" Percy asked, grinning.
Neville paused for a second, completely stunned. "I don't know that!" With an exceptionally strong 'Wingardium Leviosa' spell, Neville was flung into the Gorge of Eternal Peril, screaming all the time. The other Knights ran down, and Seamus got to Percy first.
"Stop! What... is your name?"
"Sir Seamus of Hogwarts."
"What... is your quest?"
"I seek the Stone."
"What... is your favorite color?"
"Blue. No, yel--..." And, as with Neville, Seamus got flung off the cliff into the Gorge of Eternal Peril, screaming all the way down. Harry and Hermione, the only ones left, watched as he fell, as Percy laughed evilly. Harry went up to Percy.
"Stop! What... is your name?"
"It is Harry, King of the Britons."
"What... is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Grail."
"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
"What do you mean? An African or European swallow?" Harry asked, hoping his plan worked.
"Huh? I-- I don't know that!" Percy said, screaming as he too was flung into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
"How do know so much about swallows?" Hermione asked Harry.
"Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know." Harry and Hermione started off across the Bridge of Death, with dramatic spooky music playing in the background. Suddenly, when they were halfway across the bridge, the music changed, the screen dropped, and crazy colors were projected onto the screen. The word 'Intermission' was written on screen. In a few seconds, the screen went back up, and (We know this isn't the same as in the movie, but...) the set was changed to a flat plain, stretching out for as far as the eye could see. Ronsalot was nowhere to be found. Harry and Hermione walked along, calling Ronsalot's name.
In a split screen effect again, we can see Ronsalot getting arrested by two cops, played by, you guessed it, Fred and George. Fred was leaning against the car, and George was actually frisking him.
Harry and Hermione continued walking. Eventually they arrive at a lake with a large Viking Dragon boat. Dramatic music plays. Really quickly the screen comes down, showing images of the boat sailing across the lake while the set behind changes. When it's ready, the screen comes up, and Harry and Hermione go up to the castle on the island that they landed on.
"The Castle Aaaagh. Our quest is at an end! God be praised!" He draws Gryffindor's Sword and kneels to it, Hermione beside him. "Almighty God, we thank Thee that Thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy--..." He is interrupted by the twang of a catapult firing, and a dead sheep landed on his shoulders. "Jesus Christ!" He cried.
"Allo, dappy English k-niggets and Monsieur Harry King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. So, we French fellows outwit you a second time!" Fred the French Guard cried from an open window.
"How dare you profane this place with your presence! I command you, in the name of the Knights of Hogwarts, to open the doors of this sacred castle, to which God Himself has guided us!" Harry shouted, getting up from his kneeling position.
"How you English say, 'I one more time, mac, unclog my nose in your direction', sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out- clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior?! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters." Fred insulted them.
"In the name of the Lord, we demand entrance to this sacred castle!" Harry ordered as he and Hermione climbed the stairs up to the door.
"No chance, English bed-wetting types. I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!"
Draco, unbeknownst to the audience, and Harry and Hermione, and Fred, knocked out Lee and George. Then went over to the buckets of slop to pour on Harry, grinning as he hefted one up. "Payback." He muttered.
"If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by force!" Harry called, banging on the door with the hilt of his sword. Draco chose that time to dump the bucket's contents right on Harry, "In the name of God and the glory of our--..." Another bucket of slop poured on Harry. Fred started laughing, and looked up, then did a double take as he realized that the boy pouring stuff wasn't his twin or his friend. "Hey!" He called up. "Malfoy, what are you doing?!" Then he thought of something else, "Where's Lee and George?" He called as he left the window, presumably to go attack Draco. Draco laughed, and ran. Harry was steamed, and also thought it funny that Fred was probably going to kill Malfoy when he found Lee and George, but then he realized he still had lines, and said,
"Agh. Right! That settles it!" And started leaving, with Hermione following him.
Charlie came in to finish Fred's lines while Fred was otherwise engaged, and said,
"Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the approaching any more, or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already!" He laughed maniacally.
"Walk away. Just ignore them." Harry muttered to Hermione, who already was.
"And now, remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets! Thpppt!" Charlie continued.
Harry and Hermione walked all the way across the lake. They turn and look back to the castle. "We shall attack at once!" Harry cried, turning back around to look behind him.
"Yes, my liege!" Hermione said.
"Stand by for attack!" Harry yelled.
Suddenly a huge army of all the seventh year extras, the sixth years, the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin Quidditch teams, and several other people appeared over the crest of a hill. They assemble things, and grab weapons and essentially get ready for battle. When they were ready, there was silence.
"French persons!" Harry cried across the water. Snatches of French taunting can be heard from across the water, the only clear word of which is 'Dappy!"
"Today the blood of Many a valiant Knight shall be avenged. In the name of God,..." Harry said to his army. "...we shall not stop our fight till each one of you lies dead and the Holy Stone returns to those whom God has chosen!" Harry pauses for dramatic effect, then yelled, "Charge!"
They had almost gotten to the water, when a cop car drove up between them and the water. Bill and Charlie got out and start trying to herd the soldiers back. A second car, and a paddy wagon drove up too. Hannah Abbot got out of the second car, and pointed randomly to the soldiers. "Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure." She said.
The Inspector that drove the second car got out and got one of the guys that Hannah had pointed to, which happened to be Harry, and took him to the back of the paddy wagon. Charlie continued pushing people back, and took weapons away, as the Inspector took Hermione to the paddy wagon too. Charlie and Bill continued with what they were doing for a while longer, then, suddenly, the screen fell down with a loud thud. Fred, now finished with Malfoy, called out,
"The End!"