It Always Works in the Fanfics

By: Luimenel

Author's Note: Well, Anna didn't get her rear in gear fast enough so I get to write some more. (Charlie: Ai Tolkien spare us all! Luimenel: Quiet Charlie.) Thank you to all my reviewers, Lafitafi, Wicked Spring, Lirosa, Pandora and Minnie-chan along with numerous friends of mine who get spirit points. You are all very special people and Charlie agrees that you might be winning the Weedle Beetle game. Don't ask.

Disclaimer: Well, if you think it belongs to me call 1-800-Gullible to receive your gullible award. Oh yes, did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary but it's written on the ceiling? Everyone who looked is pathetic. If you haven't gotten it yet from my stunning display of sarcasm, it doesn't belong to me.

Arguments, A Frodo Fangirl and Glimpses of the Future

Oh phnog, I think the pile monster stowed away in my backpack. Audrey was grumbling to herself while looking for something in her backpack. Damnation, where is my tape?

She didn't notice that there was a rather skeptical and somewhat frightened dwarf watching her from across the campsite. Pardon me, lady, but what is it you are looking for?

Audrey jumped about two feet in the air, surprised that anyone was talking to her because she had thought they were all asleep. Eeek! Don't DO that.

Gimli smirked, Do what?

Talk, your voice scares me. Audrey continued to rummage and Gimli looked offended. I am looking for my tape because this- she pointed to her ears-is starting to wear off and I wouldn't be caught dead with boring old round ears.

Gimli looked awfully baffled, Why are round ears so detestable?

Audrey sighed, it was going to be another one of *these* arguments, Because I am an elf and elves have pointy ears.

Why would you want to be an elf? Dwarves are so much better.

No, they aren't

Yes, they are, I should know, being one.

Well, I should know, having to smell a dwarf, that you really aren't all that great.

How dare you insult our scent?!?!?!?!

Because it really is wretched. And elves are so far above you on the plane of evolution that we are allowed to taunt you as much as we like.

Gimli was becoming increasingly frustrated with the human girl and didn't know how long he could hold his temper. Elves are just stuck up pointy-eared pansies!

The fellowship all sat up abruptly at Gimli's rather loud accusation and Legolas walked over to stand next to Audrey. And what, Master Gimli, is so wonderful about your species? You take from the earth and do not give back and you smell. I believe that is quite enough to prove that your species is inferior to mine.

Audrey looked like she was going to melt. Legolas was on HER side of an argument. In the fangirl world that is one of the things that exacts a melting, glomping or squealing. Audrey chose to melt as it wouldn't mess up the argument that they were winning.

The rest of the fellowship had set themselves up in a line so they could see the argument at it's fullest. They were a bit deprived of entertainment, so watching an argument including dwarf-bashing was too good a chance to miss.

Five bucks on the dwarf to cut Audrey in half, said Aragorn.

I think someone should warn Gimli about what he's getting into, said Anna, knowing Audrey was not going to take an insult to elves sitting down. And now that she had Legolas on her side there was no stopping her.

You silly dwarves live in your silly dwarf holes in the ground and you probably don't have indoor plumbing, that's why you smell.

Gimli couldn't take it anymore. He pulled his ax out of his scabbard and charged at Audrey who shrieked and cowered behind Legolas. Gimli was just about to decapitate both of them when he was interrupted by a shriek.

AIEEEEE! Oh my god! It's Frodo! He is soooooo cute!

Another girl had bolted into the clearing. She was carrying a backpack and had a hefty book under her arm with a lovely blue bookmark. She stood staring at Frodo for a brief instant and then ran over to hug him. Actually, it was more of a tackle/hug or more what is more commonly known as a glomp.

Audrey stepped forward, her argument with Gimli forgotten. No! Bad Caryn. Put Frodo down.

Caryn looked up from the adorable little hobbit that looked like he wasn't getting very much air. But he's soooo cute.

Yes, Caryn, but you have to put him down. He is turning blue and you wouldn't want to mess up the story line by killing the main character, now would you? Audrey said soothingly.

You're messing it up even worse by slowing them down and bugging the hell out of them, Caryn argued.

Yes, but I have an author's license. I am allowed to do this with minimal harm to the story line because it is my fanfic and I said so.

said Caryn, dropping Frodo. I can tell when I'm not wanted. I suppose I will just have to leave. She started stalking off to the forest but stopped when she passed Legolas. You know I think you are really cool, my favorite character almost, she said, flirtatiously batting her eyelashes. Audrey noticed that someone was putting the moves on elf. She immediately jumped in between the two and growled menacingly. Well, it's been a joy seeing you, Caryn, but I am afraid you must be going, lots of things for a busy student like you to do so goodbye, adios, farewell and don't let the door hit you on your way out. At this Audrey all but shoved Caryn out of the clearing and calmly walked over to where Anna was standing. Nobody touches my elf.

Anna sighed, Right, your' elf. How many people are you planning on randomly bringing in to this story?

Oh, I don't know, said Audrey, Well, at least one more, Yanyan and possibly Amie because she has been bugging me and maybe Christy but only if she gets to fight someone.

Ok, well don't let it get out of control. said Anna worriedly.

I wouldn't dream of it. said Audrey, crossing her fingers behind her back and grinning maliciously.

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Row, row, row, your boat. Now you come in, Pippin.

Gently down the stream, Pippin sang incredibly off-key.

Now Anna, said Audrey, waving her hands around like she was conducting an orchestra.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaam.

All of the Hobbits applauded their impromptu concert. Can I sing now? asked Sam.

Of course, Sam. said Anna. What should we sing? she asked Audrey.

We could sing Black Socks'. That is a good walking song for going nowhere in particular.

We are NOT going nowhere in particular. said Aragorn who had been listening to their conversation. We are going to Mordor.

muttered Audrey under her breath, but not all of us are going to get there.

What do you mean by that? Legolas asked, slowing his pace so he could walk next to Audrey and stare at her inquisitively.

hissed Anna, It would REALLY screw up the plot line if you tell them what is going to happen.

I know that, Audrey hissed back, No one was supposed to hear what I said. Unfortunately, I hadn't counted on a certain hot elf's above average hearing abilities.

The entire fellowship could easily hear what the two were saying and decided that this issue was pressing enough to stop walking for a moment or two. You know the future? said Gandalf.

The hobbits clustered near Aragorn and looked frightened and Frodo looked like a deer in the headlights. Gimli had an I-knew-it-all-along look on his face. Legolas just looked impassive and Borimir looked fidgety.

Well, I don't think we should tell you. said Audrey. The damage to the plot line would most likely be irreversible. I wouldn't want to completely destroy the great and all-mighty professor Tolkien's work.

But I feel so sorry for poor ol' Bori- mph Audrey had tackled Anna before she could say too much. No one should listen to anything she says. It is just a little joke, right, Anna? *glare*

Right, just a joke, Anna said unconvincingly.

Borimir looked panic stricken. She was going to say MY name! Something horrible is going to happen! The apocalypse is upon us! Repent your sins! He then started running around in circles like a chicken with it's head cut off.

Can't you do something about this? Anna asked Audrey, gesturing at Borimir.

Audrey said. She snapped her fingers and Borimir stopped running, everyone was back in the line they had been in and no important information regarding the outcome of certain unnamed pincushions had been spilled. Audrey asked.

Much better. said Anna surveying the fellowship that was back to normal, well maybe not completely, but, well, as normal as it had been before Audrey had blabbed.

What can we sing now? asked Frodo.

Audrey and Anna replied by way of bursting into song.

Black socks they never get dirty.
The longer you wear them the stronger they get
Sometimes I think I should wash them
But something inside me keeps saying not yet, not yet, not yet.

After quite a few rounds of Black Socks' the Hobbits got bored so Audrey pulled out a couple of pieces of bubble wrap to keep them entertained, much to the annoyance of the more mature members of the fellowship. After which they continued on their merry way.

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Well tada, there is chapter 4. Go me! I certainly hope you enjoyed it. Oh yes and I don't own Caryn, not at all. And if you would like to make a brief *glares at Yanyan* appearance leave a review as a bribe and I will probably stick you in somewhere. If you don't want yourself portrayed in a way you wouldn't like, make sure to describe how you want yourself to appear in the story.