It Always Works in the Fanfics
Author: Luimenel
Author's Note: Hmmmm, I'm running out of witty and entertaining things to say in these so let's move on.
Disclaimer: Also running out of witty and entertaining things to say here, so howabout we just go with: Not mine, don't sue.
Generic Time, a Mary-SueTest and Fun with Metaphors
The Fellowship plus Audrey and Anna was continuing on their merry way and, through the magic of skipping boring and redundant parts, were approaching the Misty Mountains.
The long journey was beginning to show on the group and Audrey was getting bored. The Hobbits were still entertained as long as she handed them bubble wrap every now and then and Anna was just going along with it because it is a good idea to just agree with people like Audrey. Nevertheless, Audrey was still bored.
Night was falling, metaphorically speaking, of course, because night couldn't actually fall, unless, of course, there was a person named and he went up to a high place and...(Charlie: You're rambling. Why don't you just move on now?) It was getting dark (Charlie: Muuuuuch better) and Audrey sat down to watch her very favorite fellowship unpack sleeping rolls and cooking utensils for the night. Just like she had for the past...however long it had been. She let out a gusty sigh and slumped on her stump.
Anna picked up on her friend's boredom and walked over to see if she could help. So, where are you planning on having this story go? Or are we just going to continue on and on and on?
Audrey looked up and blinked owlishly.
Why owlishly? Anna asked.
I like owls and it was a metaphor, I'm having way too much fun with them. Actually, that was an implied metaphor, sorta. Oooh Ms. Kalamaras would be so proud!
Anna shuddered like Jell-O at the mention of the EEEEEEVIL english teacher who analyzes all pieces of literature to DEATH! she continued, Where is all this going?
Audrey blinked again, this time more turtle-ish-ly. I hadn't really thought that far ahead.
Anna looked thoughtful like a duck(Charlie: It's probably best not to ask.) and said, You could have Legolas fall in love with you. Oh Oh! No, wait! You could have Aragorn fall in love with me!
Audrey skipped the blink and sat bolt upright. A Mary-Sue!? Are you crazy?! I could get flamed! Or... well, flamed is really all they could do to me. But I do have my pride. She struck a noble pose.
Anna looked skeptical like a...um....grey squirrel. Do you, really?
said Audrey, But, GASP! What if I am subconsciously turning this into a Mary-Sue just for my own fiendish purposes? We had better do some tests, or who knows where this could go. Come on! Audrey grabbed Anna by the shirt collar and dragged her off to the fellowship, who were still quite busy making camp.
I'm sorry to announce that your evening unpackings and whatever will be interrupted. This is only a test. Audrey then scuttled over to her backpack like a hedgehog (Luimenel: hehe, hedgehog) and pulled out numerous pieces of printer paper, then a printer, then a computer. She plunked herself down like a...plunking thing and searched for Mary-Sue in a generic search engine that she most definitely didn't own or make money from mentioning.
The Fellowship, knowing it was useless to ignore Audrey because she would just get mad, and Audrey mad is not a pretty sight. Anna plunked right next to Aragorn, like another plunking thing but a little more plunky than Audrey.
After a while, (Luimenel: Don't you just love generic spans of time?) the fellowship and Anna had fallen asleep but Audrey was busy as a caterpillar clicking away at the keys. Finally she hit the print button satisfied with what she had accomplished. She turned around with her eyes lit up like lightbulbs and was about to say something to the fellowship when she realized they were all asleep. She pouted, then looked thoughtful then devious and mischievous and a couple other things that end in that I can't think of now.
she shrieked still grinning, A whole swarm of fangirls and they're all coming to get you!
The entire fellowship jumped up with their hands at their weapons and peered into the darkness that it had gotten. Gimli and Gandalf were a little less nervous because there are no Gimli or Gandalf rabid fangirls that I have come across so far.
Before they could regain their composure, Audrey was handing out pieces of paper to everyone in the fellowship, who all blinked owlishly. Once everyone had one she returned to the center of the clearing and began her speech.
Hello, you have been chosen to take part in the Are Audrey and Anna Turning into Mary Sue's survey. You each hold in your hand your own test. Number two pencils only.- at which point number two pencils appeared in everyone's hands
The Fellowship blinked owlishly, again.
Now, please. Audrey managed to growl, even though she was being polite and saying .
Pippin looked confused and poked Frodo. What's a Mary-Sue? he asked puzzled-ly.
Frodo thought for a little while and then said, I think a Mary-Sue is like a fangirl, only with special powers.
Pippin pointed at Audrey. Like her?
No, she's a fangirl with an author's license, that's even worse.
How could it be worse? asked Pippin.
Fangirl authors have control over Mary-Sues.
Audrey, noticing that people were not focusing on the survey she had worked so hard to concoct and sent one of her better death glares in their direction.
Pippin and Frodo hurriedly returned to filling out their surveys like, like, ummmmm daffodils. Yes, daffodils Bwahahahaha!
After another generic span of time, let's say, more than five minutes, less than five days, Audrey strutted down the row of furiously writing fellowship members.
Are you done yet? she asked.
Well, actually, said Sam, I just have one more-
Oh, wonderful! said Audrey, Pass your tests forward please.
Once Audrey had all of the tests she grabbed Anna by the shirt collar, again, and dragged her over to the original stump she had been sitting on a generic amount of time ago. Anna sat down on a rock next to the stump Audrey had been and now was sitting on. Audrey was mumbling to herself like a water purifier.
asked Anna, Are we turning into Mary-Sues?
exalted Audrey, not a single one of them identifies either of our smiles with the words radiant' gorgeous' or breath-taking'. They have no desire whatsoever to recite love poetry to us and the first words that come to their mind when they hear us sing are loud' crude' and obnoxious'. If we got injured they say they would most certainly NOT stop their quest to help us and would just leave us somewhere without even trail rations!
And this is good? asked Anna, looking rather saddened.
Oh yes, said Audrey, nodding vigorously, it means we aren't Mary-Sues and also, this has kept me entertained for a rather substantial chunk of generic time.
Author's Note: Yes, it was short. This was the shortest one I've written so far but I think I enjoyed writing it the most. I am also very proud of myself for updating before leaving for camp again. Go me!
