"James were did you sleep last night?"

"Quidditch field..."

"James...Sirius told me about what happened last night. He's scared. He's scared that he's lost your friendship. He's confused. He swears he doesn't know why he did it. James?"

"He should have thought about it, he should have thought about the consequences. I can't deal with him right now. I don't even want to deal with myself."

"What did you feel?"

"Too much..."

"James-"

"I don't want to talk about this right now...everything is so weird...I have to go."

"Don't do anything stupid James."

"Nothing could be worse than the shit he pulled last night."
******
He didn't see Sirus until that night.

"James...We need to talk."

"What is there to talk about? What can you possibly say to make things better?"

"Maybe what I say can stop things from getting worse."

"Listen," he continued when he knew he had James full attention, "I don't know why I kissed you. I couldn't control myself last night. Something came over me...All these feelings surged inside of me. Feelings for you. But I know that nothing can ever happen and that you will never feel the same way and I swear that this will never happen again. I just don't want to loose you James..."

He is willing to stop himself because of me. He is willing to stop himself from everything. But do I really want him to stop?

"Sirus..."

Sirus looked at him, his eyes filled with fear and regret...yet at the same time he could see that they held a sort of passion and want for the impossible.

"Sirus Im so scared."

None of them thought from that moment on. Sirus automatically pushed James down on his bed and closed the drapes around them. James gave a soft moan, trying to stop his body from trembling. But as Sirus started kissing his neck it began to tremble even more. "It's ok" Sirus whispered into his ear then proceeded to nibble on it. He knows everything he's doing. Well, it's not like he hasn't done it before thought James. And at that moment he was overcome with jealousy. Even though Sirus was now making him feel the most wonderful sensations, even if he was with him he felt jealous at the fact that others had had that same pleasure. In one quick movement Sirus had taken of his shirt, he now began to kiss James's chest, every kiss making James tremble even more. Sirus moved his hands down to James pants. He had began to unbuckle the belt when suddenly James pushed him off. "We can't do this" he said looking at Sirus's surprised expression. He pulled his shirt on and walked quickly towards the door, slamming it on his way out. Sirus sighted and began to get dressed.
**************

That night James and Lily ate together.

That night Sirus sat in the dark dormitory and filled his veins with heroine.

That night it was Reamus who slept out in the Quidditch field.