Note: This quirky little series is deciated to Nemi and Mura. Although I realize neither one of them likes SxK fics in the first place ;;;; The Kamui thing comes from Mura's theory about the impending ending of the X manga, her brillance I'm just stealing. And to Nemi for make me realize that Lady Sumeragi's character is horribly written in 99.9 of fanfics and making me want to follow her lead with her version of her in her unfinished fic Crimson Stars (AGHH!!! Nemi! Nemi! FINISH IT!!!! o). And yeah... nods to Nelly Furtado because I was listening to "Shit On the Radio" all through writing this XD
Servants made polite silent tracks through the halls, moving so quickly to minimize the amount of moment that rippled through the still manor. If by some chance they should pass a member of the family, or perhaps the new master of the house, they would stop for a moment, bow lightly and wait for him to pass before hurrying on. To each other they made no such gestures for there was work to be done.
An event in a family has a way of embodying the house none more so than a death. In the main house there would be no laughter, no trivial conversation, no excessive hallway traffic. The servants had to work quickly and effectively because the house was decorated for mourning with a lack of moment and excitement in the house. And the only sound inside the main house was the occasional wondering whisper; there had been rumors that with the death of the Lady Sumeragi much of the staff would be fired.
This was terrifying and unthinkable to many who had been born into service here. Whose parents and grandparents and great-grandparents had served the Sumeragi estate. If they should lose their jobs, where would they go? Where would their children go? How would they ever adjust to change in generations of tradition?
Thus an uneasy stillness fell over the house. A waiting tension leaking into walls that were not accustomed to such a thing. And the house fell into a true sense of grief and uncertainty.
None more so than it's current master.
There was one place in the house where the waiting tension was not at all unusual. Although age had made it softer and understated like worn and beaten leather. This not surprisingly was where Subaru was spending his time, leaning against the bed frame staring at a blank plaster wall.
He didn't know what he was going to do.
He felt as though he had killed her. He had after all condemned her to years of suffering and selfblame, years of torment and guilt. Never once easing her heart with word of acknowledgment.
It's not your fault this happened, it's mine ... all mine.
He wondered idly if she would have listened. Or whether she would have always blamed herself for the tragedy that had become his life.
He supposed self loathing and guilt ran in the family.
She was a powerful, healthy woman. She could have lived well into her 90ies without a problem. But over the years her health had been failing, stress and grief and loss ... so much loss, over a lifetime draining away her spirit until today when it had finally been time to let go.
He had been in the house at the time, though not at her side as he would have liked to be. He had caused her so much pain, he would have liked to be there with her in the end and if he could not soothe it ... at least she would not die alone.
But that was not to be either, he thought perhaps she had waited for him to leave. As if dying alone was some final penance for her own mistakes.
He did not blame her, and up until the end all he had for her was love. Although he pushed her away and treated her with a mask of cold contempt, never did his heart betray her. He could not face her after Hokuto died. He couldn't stand to have her look at him after his shameful love for the Sakurazukamori was revealed. Bad enough to love another man, but the one person who she condemned as well? He knew it was that shame that had killed his sister. And if she didn't blame him for that, he felt she should. He could not stand to be in her company and accept the forgiveness she would have gladly given because he could not forgive himself. And it was only that he had grown so accustomed to mourning that he did not cry now that she was gone.
She too.
Judgment upon men had been passed and having nothing to do and nowhere to go, he came home. Had it been up to him he probably would have wondered the streets of Tokyo aimlessly for the rest of his life, but there was another matter that drove him out of the city and back to Kyoto. True, he could have just dumped the it here and ran back to Tokyo and the Sakura, but he was apathetic to his future at best and once his wish had been denied for good he had no reason to push away from her anymore.
And with what he had become he thought for sure she would grant him the scorn that he deserved from her.
She knew. She knew and she said nothing. In fact he believed the entire family probably knew, but no one said anything. They simply let it be. And when he had come here nine years prior, kneeled obediently and informed her of the proposal, he was quite surprised to find that she did not hate him either. She did not condemn nor disown him nor berate him for his decision to take up the position of Sakurazukamori and Dragon of Earth. She merely looked at him sadly, for these were matters of Fate that could not be helped, and nodded softly.
And he had stayed, not as clan head or as a Sumeragi, but simply as a quiet presence in the house.
He tilted his head back and stared at the edge of an arm that could be seen of the body on the bed from where he sat. Soft, pale, creamy skin. As fresh and innocent as if it were newborn. He reached up, and with the tips of his fingers ran a touch across the side of one lifeless hand and down an unmoving pinkie finger.
He had come here shortly after the day Tokyo Tower fell with Kamui, for not long after the battle had ended Kamui had collapsed and had failed to wake up. What remained of the 7 Angels and the 7 Seals were scattered by the wind like dust, mere sparkles flowing aimless into an ignorable existence. There weren't many options for Kamui, everyone was to move on and carry with them the fragments of their own lives. Who among them could afford to take care of a comatose boy? He had no family left, and although Clamp Campus would surely pay for his medical care ... we would likely spend to bulk of his days alone. It seemed silly to worry about a boy in a coma being lonely, but it was Yuzuriha assertion that it would be horrible of them to leave him by himself.
The rest fell into place rather easily. The Sumeragi family had the money, the best medical professionals in Japan, scores of holistic specialists and the power to dredge up God knows what else. Plus and perhaps most importantly, it was far away from Tokyo. Too many painful memories there for it to be good for Kamui's recovery.
Subaru thought it was a little absurd to give a boy who by all medical standards was brain dead a change of scenery. Like Kamui would know a room in Kyoto from a room in Tokyo from a closet in a motel. But he had no reason to argue the point and had the proper arrangements made.
And so Kamui stayed, in bed as if asleep. With nothing but an IV to nourish his body and a dialysis machine to clean it, and daily medical care as impersonal as it would have been in CLAMP Campus Hospital.
Subaru rose enough to sit in the chair at Kamui bedside and took the boy's hand in his as he sometimes did, if only because he could imagine Kamui doing the same for him and he wanted to be polite and return the favor. But today he really just wanted the life. The warmth, the soft rhythm of blood moving through the vessels, an occasionally tremble as a muscle twitched. He had held her hand as she lay in bed, the difference being that she had been dead by then. And he really needed to feel the touch of something alive now because he mourned for her more deeply than he would have thought he would and it was comforting to hold a hand like this and feel something alive.
"She's dead Kamui."
He did sometimes did this as well, and sometimes stroked the boy's hair tenderly and sometimes kissed him on the forehead before leaving. He did none of these things because he cared for Kamui, although he had once harbored an affectionate instinct for the boy, but because it entertained him to do so.
Not in the way it would have entertained Seishirou to do so of course. Not in the dark and manipulative way. But it was something to do, as insignificant as brushing his teeth in the morning ... it was just something he did for lack of other better things to do.
But what did it matter? Kamui was probably long gone ... it wasn't as if these falsetto actions could hurt him.
It had been suggested several times by many different people that, perhaps, one of the Sumeragi tradition's special techniques should be employed to draw Kamui out. That Subaru should go inside Kamui's mind as he had before to bring him back.
Subaru would not, if only because he had no idea what he would say to Kamui once there. He couldn't think of any reason why Kamui should return, and there would be no purpose in lying to the boy ... he might as well stay how he was.
Subaru would tell them: He's been through a lot ... let him rest. And although that didn't satisfy their hearts it was not something that one could argue with. They would drop the matter and Subaru would go on silently envying Kamui for gaining the escape that Subaru had been denied so many times.
His brushed his fingertips over the Kamui's forehead, his mind skimming over the surface of the boy's mind ... merely curious as to whether Kamui was in fact there at all. The lightest of touches, too light to be detected by someone such as Kamui with no onmyoujitsu training, reflected nothing and if he was there he was down much much deeper.
Subaru pulled back ... satisfied for the time being.
He would go to Tokyo tomorrow morning and not return for a few days. "Business" the staff would say when asked. And it was true although it was not any business of the Sumeragi clan that called him back so routinely.
He came home to chaos.
He was not used to coming home to chaos. He was not used to chaos in the main house of the Sumeragi estate. The compound had always held a stifling peace, an almost choking calmness, one that discouraged loud noises and so much movement.
Nevertheless.
"What the hell is going on?"
"Sumeragi-sama!" a servant he vaguely recognized exclaimed. "Kamui woke up!"
Subaru had never expected to ever hear anyone say that. He had figured that Kamui was gone, completely brain dead and that he would live motionless in that room until his body gave up. To realize that the same boy that he had known nearly a decade ago had now in effect returned from the dead, was sent a shock right throw him. Not only had he not planned on this, he had no idea what to do with this. "When?" was what he managed to get out.
"This morning, he woke up and started screaming because he couldn't move."
"Well of course he couldn't move, he's been in a coma for nine years, his muscles have atrophied," Subaru grunted as he pushed past people and stalked towards the room where he had left the boy.
What the hell was he going to do with him now?
Someone had apparently helped Kamui sit up and he sat in his bed working the only muscle that for some ungodly reason had stayed into good enough shape to be used, his tongue. Throwing what could arguably be called, even if limited use of his body, a grand scale temper tantrum.
Subaru would later wonder if it was really Kamui that had woken up and not some obnoxious, vengeful spirit possessing his body.
"Stop it," he ordered as he entered the room. It was not very authoritative, but then it didn't have to be either. He was addressing his staff, he had no need to be authoritative around them. They would nod solemnly and obey regardless.
Kamui's breath caught in his throat. "Subaru..."
Once the room had been cleared of servants, Subaru turned to address the awestruck character in front of him. "Good morning," he said conversationally.
"It's 2:50" Kamui pointed out rather dumbly, as if trying to buy time in order to regroup. "What are you doing here?"
"This is my home."
"It is? Seriously?"
"Yes, you're in a spare room in the main house of the Sumeragi estate."
"Oh... Forgive my rudeness I didn't know." He might have bowed Subaru imagined, if that was at all possible.
"Mmm, well no matter. I assume once you're recuperated you'll be returning to Clamp Campus."
"Eh?" Kamui blinked. "I thought..."
"Well what else would you do?" Subaru shrugged casually. "I mean if you have something else in mind, I'm sure Imonoyama-san will be able to arrange it."
Kamui stared at him for a long moment, both searching and disbelieving although what Subaru couldn't quite determine. "What's the matter?" he asked more of habit then anything else. He was more accustomed to see problem, fix problem, go back to life.
"Nothing," Kamui mumbled. "That will be fine ... Subaru?"
He had been turning to leave. "Yes?"
"Why can't I move?"
It was an overstatement, he could of course move, just not very well. He was physically weak to the point where he could not hold himself up and even the simple task of lifting his weight onto his arm was exhausting. His body felt like it were a hundred thousand tons. This all was to be expected, but to Kamui who had no idea what was going on it was frightening and extreme.
"Kamui," Subaru said, walking fully into the room and sitting down on the bed next to him. "Do you have any idea how long you've been unconscious?"
Kamui's shoulders fell out of a shrug midway, so he settled for looking at Subaru dumbly instead. "I dunno, a few days maybe?"
"Nine years."
At first Kamui had no reaction whatsoever, it was if the words simply got stuck in a hole in his brain so that they made absolutely no sense. "Nine years..." he repeated, swallowing timidly and turning to stare at his hands. "Nine years?"
"They'll be a physical therapist in to see you tomorrow."
"Wait!" Kamui cried out as Subaru attempted to leave once again. "What's happened? How are the others?"
"I wouldn't know," Subaru remarked calmly, only half turning back to him. "The last time I saw any of them was before we left Tokyo.
Kamui thought to ask Subaru why had hadn't kept in touch with any of them when it occurred to him that why would he? Even if what remained of the Seals accepted his decisions, Subaru had not been a very sociable person in the first place. What reason did he have to keep in touch with them?
He thought for sure Subaru would use his silence as an opportunity to leave before he could pull back with more questions. But the Sumeragi had a question of his own that kept his hand grounded on the door frame. "Kamui."
"Eh?"
"What happened to you? After Fuuma ... there was nothing wrong with you physically, nothing that would induce a coma at least. I've never seen anything like that before."
Kamui looked up, a tad bit confused. "Like what?"
"You fell." Subaru eyes moved over the groves in the door's frame.
"I've been waiting I suppose. When it was done and I knew he was... I decided something, but I don't remember what it was. And... that's all I know."
"You've been waiting?"
"Yes."
"And now that there's no more waiting time to suffer... you've woken up?"
"Yes."
"I can do it myself," Kamui snorted, folding his arms over his chest and turning up his nose. "I don't need to be bathed" The word was loaded with contempt and violet eyes cast a scathing glance in Maiko's direction.
"You can, can you?" Subaru lifted an eyebrow. "Fine then get up and do it."
Subaru was just as stubborn, standing in the doorway his own arms folded over his chest with complimenting firmness. He stood and he waited for Kamui to get up and walk across the hall to the bathroom.
Kamui paused, his eyes weaving over the folds across the blanket he was clutching, trying to hide his obvious embarrassment.
"See now, you can't ... so why don't you let Maiko-san do her job and behave? The more cooperative you are the faster it will be over."
"I don't need someone to bathe me," Kamui insisted, showing that he had no intention of been moved from his bed anytime soon.
This was beginning to irritate Subaru, who had grown quite accustomed to having his life go a certain way without question, who was quite used to not having to deal with these sort of problems, who did not usually have his own reflections interrupted by piercing screams other than his own. "I assure you Kamui she knows what she's doing, there's nothing you've got she hasn't seen."
Kamui blushed and ducked his face under the safety of his bangs.
"What did you think you went a full nine years without being bathed?" Subaru sneered.
"No..."
"Then?"
Subaru didn't wait for an answer, he simply walked off-- informing Maiko that "if he keeps giving you trouble I'll have Tein-san come up and restraint him."
Kamui straightened immediately, eyes wide as if Subaru had suggested an execution. "Who's Tein-san?" he whispered to Maiko once Subaru was out of sight.
"An Imperial guard," she explained, adding at the sight of Kamui's expression. "The Sumeragi family is very important to the government and the Emperor, there are a few guards on the estate for security and emergencies."
"Oh.."
"Now!" she brightened. "We have a wheel chair you can use, so you won't have to stay in bed all day."
Kamui looked at her curiously as she walked back into the hallway to retrieve the item. She returned with an antique looking thing, with large wooden arm rests and plush faded cushions. He frowned as he saw it, "Is that thing safe? You wouldn't be plotting against an invalid would you by chance?"
She laughed, "of course it's safe. And it's not like you're going to put that much stress on it, what with you being like 94 pounds." She poked him softly in the ribs, he gave a defenseless yelp and she laughed again.
"I weigh more than that!" he protested.
"Not much honey, I'm afraid the coma hasn't done wonders for your figure. Here, let's get you in here..." As if illustrating her point she picked him up without much trouble and slid him into the wheel chair. "There, comfy?"
The chair felt ... strange. He couldn't really explain it, but he got a stiff chill as soon as she sat him down in it. One that passed through him quite quickly. The old metal chair was cold, not like ice but like stone. He shifted as best he could, trying to pin down the exactly feeling ... finding that the harder he thought about it, the more the feeling retreated in the back of his mind. "I suppose," he mumbled.
"Well good," Maiko smiled as she started wheeling him down to the bathroom. "A nice hot bath will make you feel much better Shirou-san, you'll see. It will warm up those stiff muscles."
Being bathed was a frightening and an embarrassing experience. To have it so obvious that he weak and needed to be cared for to do the simplest of tasks was humiliating. To have his body exposed, scars revealed, weak limbs and evidence of out of shape muscles obvious, to a person who thought of him as...
"Weak," he said.
The bath did feel good though, having Maiko thoroughly scrub and shower him before was a pleasant feeling once he got over the initial self consciousness. "How did you do this when I was unconscious?"
"Oh it wasn't as difficult as you'd imagine. We didn't do an actual bath per say, just this."
"Hmm..." he murmured. "I'm ... sorry. About before."
"It's all right Shirou-san, I think I'd feel the same way if someone was going to give me a bath."
"No... I mean... that wasn't why I yelled at you. I was mad at Subaru, and I still am ... but that doesn't mean I should take it out on you."
She was quiet, the shower head running water over his skin dominated his senses for a brief moment.
"You and Sumeragi-san were friends once neh?" Maiko asked casually as she worked the shampoo into Kamui's hair. It was soothing, the feeling of her fingers up against his scalp, rubbing in little circles. He relaxed a bit.
"Yeah ... we were once."
"Maybe one day you'll be so again?"
"I doubt it ... as soon as I can walk the first place I'm going is out of here," Kamui scowled. "I hate him."
"Why?"
Kamui looked up at her, "do I need a reason?"
"Is it because of the Sakura?"
"No..." Kamui sighed. "I hated him before that..."
"There must be some reason..."
Kamui thought about this for a moment. "Yes ... there is, because he's a goddamn coward and he couldn't just tell me the truth. I thought I knew ... but now I wake up here to find he's the one that's been taking care of me. So I think maybe I was wrong ... or maybe he's changed. But then he speaks to me and I realize it's just the opposite. Nothing's changed, and it never will. He's just a selfish bastard who doesn't care who he hurts. He's always been like that, for as long as I've known him.
"And I hate him."
