Alternate Universe
Sakura
I love him so much I can't even breathe. Why doesn't he love me? Why do I have to think about him every second of the day? I don't want anybody else. I just want him. He's him. I love him so much. I hate how much I fell in love with you Sasuke. Why won't you love me?
I never thought about him much before my friend said anything. "Sasuke likes you. He's watching you draw." Since then, that fucking boy is the only thing I think about. Since the beginning of the year. 9 fucking months and I'm dying. I couldn't tell if he liked me for the longest time. Things helped: drawing, the item he gave me, him placing his hands over mine for a fleeting moment, sitting next to me in the class, of his own accord. Things didn't help: Being quiet, not looking at me. Silence, silence, silence…
Then, that one day on our shared social media, he said the name of the game I love. I jumped at the opportunity. We called for 3 hours that night and read a chapter of a book together over that call. We read them all together. The last chapter was approaching. He said we could watch it together at his place, and I could meet his mother, Mikoto. Boom. I went to his home 7 days in a row following that. We had become a "thing."
I feel it. He's pulling away again—the last day of our 11th year of school. I go to his place. I go. Almost didn't. We cuddled and laughed and he told me I made him feel better. He had seemed upset when I arrived. I still left feeling like shit. Why? Sunaghakure. No warning. "Moving too fast." "I don't think we should try this out again." "I'm so sorry, Sakura." Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me… I cried so much. I lost my sense of self-respect and self-worth.
That's when I knew I loved him. Actually no, not yet. That's when I knew my heart was going to suffer because of him. I was over him a little. Then the sequel to our book series drops. "Do you still want to read it together?" He asked me. He asked me, even after everything. "Do you want me to read it with you?" "Yes." I went. I couldn't relax. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to touch him. I wanted him to want me to touch him. I wanted him to want to touch me.
We didn't. I sat in his room and cried. He felt bad. He wiped my tears. "It's okay to cry." I woke up the next morning sick. "Over him." Or so I thought. Month and one half later. "Realistically, if you need anything, let me know." "I'm starting to regret my decision." "You don't deserve that, Sakura." "Just stay with me." "Mikoto loves you."
I thought he might've liked me again. Then he ignored me. "You know how to twist the knife, Sasuke." "Jesus Christ, is there anything I can do to untwist the knife?" ["I'm fine."] God, I'm fucking sick of telling him that, because I'm not fine, I'm dying. Our 12th school year starts. He didn't want a class with me. I pretended I didn't notice and that it didn't hurt 1000 times over. It did. But I didn't cry that time.
"No, I'm not talking to anyone, Sakura." He's walking with a girl 6 days later. I was silent the rest of the day after spotting them. "She'd love that." I planned to have dinner with his family before, but it never happened. Sasuke and his new girl helped. She was a complete downgrade. Even I could see that. My friends did too. It was a mean thing to think, but it helped. "They won't last 2 months," I thought. They didn't. I had several boys interested in me for the first time in my life, and I couldn't settle for one, even though I wasn't even longing too strongly for him at the time. I only wanted him to realize what he left behind, that's all.
I kept thinking: "They'' break up, and I'll be here for him to talk to again. Just like with the last girl. Just like I will always be." That's how I know I love him. I'll think about other boys, see him with other girls, lose my sanity, but at the end of it all, it's always him I want, I care about. It's Sasuke.
I had that dinner with his family. "You know I will always listen, Sakura." "Dude, it doesn't matter what you tell me, Sakura, I'll listen." "You're a good person." We trained together not too long ago. I asked about what happened while I was in Suna. "It was just moving too fast, but I bet that if I had calmed down, we would have been fine." "It was nothing you did." "You can stay and eat if you want." I went to bed confused and broken. I was over him, but I wasn't. I'm not.
I love him. Dear, fucking, God. Sasuke. My heart is devoted to you. I've been dying, but now it's dead. You stole my fragile heart and I'm in pain. I'm miserable. I'm suffering. I'm in hell. Sasuke, I love you. I hate you. Give it back. "I'm so in love with you I can't even stand it."
And so I've decided that's it. I will love you through your dark times, and hurtful words. Ignorance. And if you never accept it, it won't ever matter. My heart is solely for you. I'll be waiting. Even if I have to wait forever. I'll cry my heart out and put myself through hell for eternity. Because there's no one else for me but you. It's my fate. Sasuke Uchiha, I love you.
-Sakura.
As sad as it may seem if this story made sense to you, this is a true story of mine, current, slightly reworded to fit Sakura's perspective.
Thank you.
