To Seek the Lost
By Pyreite
"It's a terrible thing to despair", said Ellana. "To see the inside of your heart and know it's broken. It's worse when the one who broke your heart turns away in shame". She took a step towards the cliff, careless where she placed her feet. Loose gravel tumbled over the edge into an abyss.
Ellana stood on the precipice, her back turned to him. Her eyes on the horizon.
"Are you feeling guilty again, Solas?"
He dared not venture further. She was so close to that jagged peak, so likely to put a foot into space and fall. The feeling of utter helplessness washed over him in a tide of fear. Solas shuddered, uneasy when Ellana glanced over her shoulder. The gesture was careless, the look she gave him full of reproach.
"Why are you here?" she demanded. "I never thought you'd leave your pearl towers or crystal cathedrals to venture this far into the Fade. It's taken you months to find me. I heard you were sniffing about the ruins of Tarasly'an Te'las weeks ago. I know you were looking for clues of my passage".
Solas swallowed his pride. He chose his words with care, making certain not to use that endearment though he wanted too. He'd loved her in the fleeting years before the tearing of the Veil. The kiss in the snow in Haven, was one of his most cherished memories. Solas loved her still, despite the time and distance between them now.
Ellana had always been at the centre of his thoughts.
"It is true. I wanted to find you".
She sniffed in disdain, nose wrinkling. "Why? Have you finally come to kill me?"
"What?" barked Solas, paling. "No! Never!" he cried, aghast. "How could you think such a thing? I have never wanted to hurt you!"
"You did", she countered. "You have. You are".
"Ellana! Please! Come back with me! There is a place for you inside the waking world! You needn't stay here in the Fade!"
"Now he begs me to leave the Setheneran. I didn't think you'd stoop so low". Ellana shook her head, uncaring when he gasped. "You're not the only one who's proud, Solas. What makes you think I'd ever want your help?"
She turned on her heel in a swirl of velvet robes. She was as Solas remembered her to be. Bronze-skinned, silver-haired, and green-eyed with a haughtiness that rivalled his own. Ellana was fearless staring down her nose at him. She lifted her scarred chin, mouth thinning as she judged him.
"Go back to your precious city, to your crystal spires, and pearl bridges".
Solas shook his head. "Not without you".
She snorted, eyes rolling. "No, Solas. I chose to escape the Thedas you made not live in it. Remember? It was freedom or a hellish existence in the world you built from the bones of my people".
"Come with me! Please!"
"No", repeated Ellana. "Go back to your life. Go back to your precious Elvhenan. Leave me alone. It's better to live as an exile than to risk being a pawn in your games again".
Solas saw the moment her foot slipped. He felt the horror when she threw her arms wide like the wings of a bird. He used the spell without thinking, grey eyes glowing fiery-blue. He had only wanted to stop her, to slow her down not to do this. Solas gaped when Ellana froze, fingers and hands stiffening as the spell crawled up her arms.
"You are trying to kill me".
"No!" he cried when he saw her skin turn grey.
Ellana was smiling when the spell petrified her legs, the weight of her body shifting as she turned to stone. She wobbled on granite toes, shoulders stiffening as the spell took hold. She lost the power to breathe when her throat seized, the ability to speak left her when her tongue grew heavy. Her cheeks dimpled when she bared her teeth in amusement. Solas watched in dismay, falling to his knees when her eyes turned to stone.
Ellana was a statue in a matter of moments. The spell changed every strand of her silver-white hair to a drab grey. It was over when she teetered on the edge of the cliff. Solas' heart was in his mouth when she toppled backward. He rushed forward, seconds too late.
She sailed over the cliff into oblivion.
Solas bolted upright in bed, chest heaving. His face, neck, and shoulders slick with sweat. He was breathing hard, arms and legs tangled in the blankets. He tensed when soft brown hands cupped his face. He stared when he saw the person he loved most in the world.
He couldn't believe what he was seeing.
Silver brows furrowed with worry. Green eyes glinted with concern in a sweet brown face. She no longer wore the vallaslin of Mythal. He'd washed it away centuries ago with a touch. The tears prickled at the corners of his eyes when Ellana spoke to him, her voice full of concern.
"Ma vhenan. You were tossing and turning in your sleep. Are you all right?"
Solas' lower-lip trembled. "I petrified you".
"No", soothed Ellana with a shake of her head. "It was a dream, ma lath. I'm here. It's all right".
"I hurt you".
"You can't", she corrected. "I'm immune to your magic. Remember?"
He frowned, perturbed. "No", he told her. "You are not". He stared at her long and hard, flinching when she smiled at him with a flash of white teeth. "You are not my beloved".
"Oh", she teased with impish delight. "You've caught me. Clever boy. I wondered how long it would be before you noticed. She laughed, licking her lips with relish. "Despair suits you, Fen'Harel".
Solas returned to the waking world with a jolt. He awoke on a bedroll within a makeshift camp amidst the ruins of an old fort. The air was cool and crisp though the sun hadn't yet risen. It was early in the morning, dawn was several hours off. A small group of elves camped with him.
Solas sat up with care, soon finding a cup of something hot being pressed into his hands.
He looked up into a pair of golden eyes.
"Did you find her?"
Abelas' expectation always made him uncomfortable.
"For a moment. I thought so. It was not to be. I encountered a demon of despair instead. The spirit took her form, preying on my fears".
Abelas sighed, bitterly disappointed by the news. He glanced around the camp at their fellows, all the elves garbed in the gilded armour of Mythal's acolytes. "They will not like the news. It has been centuries since we learned Ellana was the last living descendant of Mythal. If she is lost to us than all hope of peace is lost as well".
"I did not know who she was, what she was", said Solas, though part of him had always found Ellana alluring. The way she'd smiled had caught his fancy when they'd first met. But it was her kindness, her insight, and wisdom that'd stolen his heart. He had loved her with a fierceness he'd not realised until she'd disappeared from Thedas in a burst of silver light. "You must believe me. Ellana hid what she was until the very end".
Abelas exhaled a weary breath. "I know. I was a fool not to see it when first I met her in the heart of the Temple of Mythal. The light in her eyes. The righteousness of her claims to kinship with my people. I saw a Dalish savage not a child of Mythal".
Solas took a sip of the tea in his cup. "We were ignorant of the truth".
"Yes", acknowledged Abelas. "Though it shames me to admit it". He patted Solas on the shoulder with a gauntleted hand. "I will spread the news. Drink and rest. It is late in the night. We are hours from dawn".
Solas nodded, grimacing as he swallowed another mouthful of herbs. He still hated tea five centuries after the tearing of the Veil. He watched Abelas move among his peers, touching shoulders as he relayed the news. His head shook when several sentinel elves asked if Ellana had been found. Solas saw the disappointment in their faces when myriad sets of eyes turned upon him.
"Ir abelas", he told them, apologising yet again for his failure. "I will try again in a few hours. You have my word".
