A/N: My first attempt at Family Guy fanfiction/porn fic. Don't know if this counts as AU, but I thought it would be nice to give Jillian an equally sexy twin sister. Also, expect plenty of pop culture and political references. Cutaway gags are in italics. No sex in this first chapter, but plenty in later ones. ENJOY!


It was a beautiful Sunday morning in Quahog, and simple New England housewife, Lois Griffin, was folding laundry with her one year old baby, Stewie Griffin. Lois seemed very much happier today than usual. That's because her retarded husband, Peter Griffin, was away with their two oldest children, Meg and Chris, in New Mexico for a week to follow Ye's 'Make America Great Again' tour. And being alone with just her baby, dog Brain Griffin, and of course herself made her extremely happy because the three biggest pains in her life weren't there to make her miserable for a week.

"You know how odd it is to find a rainbow on a lot of shirts these days?" Stewie commented as he helped his mom fold his Pride T shirts. "But the strangest thing? We got this AFTER Pride month. At Goodwill no less! Why couldn't we at least get this at Marshall's?! At least they're not sucking up to MTG!"

As the one year old evil genius continued to rant, Brian came down the stairs, looking very happy today too. "Oh hey Brian. Wanna fold some laundry and Netflix with us?" Lois asked. "Since Peter and the kids are out of town for the week following that black turned ultra MAGA lover I used to love for his music but I hate so much now I'm not even gonna say his new name, I got control of the TV now. There's a new movie about that Gabby Pieto case on Netflix now!"

"You know, why is it that whenever crimes become national sensations, they just send their movie adaptations to Lifetime or streaming?" Stewie commented. "I would love to see Jason Blum do a movie about Gabby Pieto." Stewie then blinked. "Of course, knowing the company Blum runs they have to add a twist to it."

"No. I can't be around him anymore." Gabby Pieto cries into her phone. "He keeps hitting and the cops didn't do a damn thing about him two weeks ago! I need to get away from…" Suddenly a bear attacks Gabby and mauls her, leaving her remains a bloody mess. After she died, the bear stood on its hindlegs, swallowed Gabby's phone, and morphed into her abusive boyfriend, Brian Laundrie. "Good. They won't be able to pin this on me for sure." He smirked devilishly at the camera.

"Oh thanks, Lois. But I'm actually gonna go to the farmers market with this new girl I've been chatting with." Brian smiled. His track with having a long term relationship with girls wasn't always the best, his longest being one year.

"Well, good for you! Getting back in the game!" Lois chuckled with a grin. "So, where'd you meet her? Facebook? Instagram? Tinder?"

"Parler." Brian smiled to which Lois and Stewie went wide eyed. "Now, before you start questioning me, I don't like that site at all! Believe me, I would not sell my entire writing stuff to Ted Cruz in order to become his master to that fucking MAGA site. But, I met this wonderful girl who has amazing blue eyes and perfect black hair, who's also into literature and loves classical music. And yes, she is a die hard follower of Trump." Brian then blinked. "How come we can't make his last name into a curse word?"

"Probably because Fox News would burn down the FCC and our animation studio within minutes." Stewie replied dryly.

"Anyway, I've decided to chat her up, starting with our love of books, then I decided to tweak with my profile to make me look like a MAGA supporter. We've been chatting for two weeks, then just yesterday, she invited me to the farmers market for a wine tasting seminar." Brian explained. "I'm hoping that once we click romantically, I can actually get her to change her whole MAGA worldview. What do you think?"

"She's gonna dump you when you mention Joe Biden is the winner of the election." Lois replied without missing a beat.

"If she doesn't chase you down with a semi loaded gun and tries to beat you with an American flagpole before that." Stewie quipped with a grin. He then grimaced. "Eww…even I found that to be in bad taste."

"Normally I would quip back at both of you, but I'm in just too good a mood to get down suddenly." Brian grinned as he walked out the door. "See ya later."

Lois shrugged. "Say Stewie, out of all of Brian's ex girlfriends, which one did you like best?" Lois asked her son with a smile.

"Oh no debate about it: Jillian." Stewie smiled while continuing to help mommy fold clothes. "Sure she was dumb, hence the name dumb blonde, but she's pretty sweet and way hotter than The Rock's attempts of being a super hero."

"So, the movie is called Black Adam!" Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's agent smiled as they read the script in his apartment. "So, it's a superhero film…"

"I'm in!" The Rock happily exclaimed, pumping his fists into the air. "Finally! The Rock is gonna be in the MCU!"

"Uh, it's DCEU." the agent replied sheepishly.

"Oh." The Rock sighed before perking up again. "I'm in!"

"Really? But nobody really likes the DCEU." the agent said, astounded.

"Hey! It's a superhero film goddamnit!" The Rock growled. "And that's good enough for THE ROCK!" He then yelled so fiercely it knocked the hair off his agent's head.

"Oh, I love Jllian too. She was my absolute favorite." Lois smiled. "I know why Brian didn't put up with her for another year. They could have finally been away from her in their own house by then." Lois then blinked. "I wonder how Jillian's doing anyway…" Just then, there was a knock at the door. "I better answer that."

"I'm gonna go fetch me some Apple Jacks. Clearly this folding has gotten me hungry." Stewie smiled as he walked into the kitchen.

Lois walked to the door and answered to find Jillian, Brian's ex girlfriend, standing at the doorway, smiling. "Hi Lois!" Jillian exclaimed happily, wrapping the bitchy housewife in a hug.

"Hey Jillian! It's been so long!" Lois chuckled as she returned the hug. "I'm surprised to see you here at all after losing Derek." Lois then winced at mentioning Jillian's dead husband who was killed by former local anchor Diane Simmons. "Sorry…"

"No it's OK. I'm doing great actually!" Jillian smiled before another female figure who looked exactly like Jillian, from their hair and eyes, all the way to their double D boobs and Kardashian style asses, stood next to her, much to Lois's shock. She thought that Peter must have spiked her tea before he left as payback for not letting him play with her iPad last week.

"Hey Jilly Bean! Is this Lois?" the identical looking female asked with a smile. "Why, she looks a lot nicer than expected!"

"I know! She has to be the nicest housewife in the whole neighborhood." Jillian smiled as the two giggled, signaling to Lois that the blonde next to Brian's ex girlfriend had the same IQ and personality as her.

"Uh, Jillian, who's this incredibly sexy girl standing next to you?" Lois asked, not realizing she was staring at both blondes with lusty eyes. Not that they both minded.

"Oh, right! This is my twin sister, Jenny!" Jillian happily introduced to a stunned Lois. Of all the times they talked, Jillian never mentioned a sister to her, Brian, or anyone else in their family. All she knew about Jillian's family was that both parents were dead. If Brian were here now, the incredible sight would send his dog's mind into a tailspin. "We both look alike! We have the same bra sizes, same asses…"

"And we both like to have a lot of fun!" Jenny smiled.

"You got that right, Jenny Bean!" Jillian smiled, using a cute nickname for the blonde next to her. After getting over her shock, Lois smiled wickedly. With Peter and her two teenage children out of the house for the week, the two matching blonde twins could provide a whole seven days worth of fun. And maybe help out a certain down on his luck dog…

"Well it's very nice to meet you, Jenny." Lois smiled. "Brian isn't here right now, but would both come in for a bit?"

"We'd love to! In fact, I wanted to ask you something!" Jillian smiled before her mind went blank. "Huh, I lost it."

"Can we pretty please stay here for awhile?" Jenny asked with an innocent smile, while clasping her big boobs together, which Lois gulped with pleasure over.

"Oh! That was my question!" Jillian realized with a giggle.

"You're so silly! Luckily you got that amazing mattress in your pants to make up for it!" Jenny giggled, grabbing her sister's ass suggestively, making the dumb blonde giggle. Normally in any other town in America, the sight of siblings acting in that way would be frowned upon. But luckily, not in a crap town like Quahog, and Lois didn't mind it one bit!

"And let's not forget those pillows in her bra!" Lois cackled, grabbing Jillian's boobs, causing her to squeal before giggling with both Lois and Jenny.

"Anyway, I was taking a shower at my apartment in San Jose, but then my pipes burst!" Jenny explained. "So I took a bus all the way here to stay with Jillian while they bail out my place."

"But then my pipes burst when I tried to take a shower! So, would you mind if we stayed here for a week?" Jillian asked. Lois didn't need to be asked twice. She was staring at an amazing opportunity and she was not gonna waste it.

"Why sure you can! It's not everyday that a nice housewife gets a break from her husband and two teenagers and gets to spend it with twins!" Lois smiled.

"Oh thank you so much, Lois! We're gonna have so much fun!" Jillian squealed with joy before bouncing up and down with Jenny, with Lois just grinning in amusement over how those udders they call breasts bounce. As the two dumb blondes continued to bounce, Lois's mind was already filling with ideas.

"LOIS!" Stewie exclaimed as he angrily marched back into the living room. "How many times do I have to tell you to NOT SHOP AT FUCKING ALDI'S?! THEIR APPLE JACKS ARE FUCKING CRAP THAT FLOATS IN MILK!"

"Hey Stewie, look who decided to drop in for a visit!" Lois smiled, allowing Stewie to drop his anger when he saw Jillian again.

"Hi Stewie! It's so good to see you again!" Jillian smiled. "Is that a new shirt?"

"Yeah, that's a very cute shirt." Jenny smiled as she leaned down to face him, and then the one year old had the same shocked face that his mother did earlier.

"Uh, did Brian spike my apple juice before he left because I made him watch Wonder Woman 1984 last weekend?" Stewie asked, not knowing what to make of the sight in front of him. His question made all three females laugh.

"Stewie, this is Jenny, Jillian's twin sister." Lois explained with a smile. "She and Jillian are gonna be staying with us for the week. And we're all gonna have a lot of fun." Lois then leaned down and whispered with a grin, "Especially messing with Brian."

Stewie began to form a seriously huge smile as it became clear to him. "Brian's dumb ex girlfriend? And an identical twin sister? Staying here? For the week? And Brian possibly losing his mind over this? Well alrighty! This is gonna be way more exciting than my guest appearance on Station 19!"

"Everyone! Clear the area! We have a chemical fire!" the Station 19 crew yelled as they ran upstairs to find what was the source of the fire. They then burst a door open to find Stewie coughing over the smoke coming out of his Easy Bake Oven.

"OK, note to self: don't use Russian plutonium to make your own Easy Bake Oven." Stewie commented, not realizing his room was in flames.


Next chapter, Lois and Jillian get comfy and the housewife puts on a little show for the dumb blonde, which leads to hot action on the bed. Also, find out how Brian's date went!