It was the summer of 81', the summer of foolish childhood dreams and the summer when I lost a friend. Peter, lets call him was my best friend at school, timid like me and also a nerd into games we were always together at lunch, playing cards amongst the other boys but always were able to hold our own conversations about games that locked us into our own special world separate from adults and even most of our peers who were more interested in sports, cars, and the sort. Its sad how those pointless conversations are the things we cherish most in the long walk of life and how we don't know something's value until we lose it.

After school we'd usually head down to the arcade in the strip mall by the 63. It was a bit out of the way home so we'd only go on days when homework was light, and we'd share notes to make sure we could both go, we accidentally got a lot of our work done for that reason. But the real joy was the pull of the lights, the silly smell of the carpets and popcorn, the hum and chaos of the cabinets - its irreplaceable. Peter would tend to always try the new games, if there was some weird gimmick he would be first to try it out than the other kids in the arcade. This one weird one had a giant ball as the controller that looked pretty dumb and sure enough we both sucked at it, but Peter had an army of quarters (I never asked from where) and a determination to master everything - which he really did, he just had the knack or gift or whatever you want to call it, dude was a natural gamer. Meanwhile I was just stuck on grinding the same games over and over trying to improve my top score - asteroids and space invaders mostly, but Peter was ALWAYS better than me, even by just a little. Either way we both had a blast cracking jokes and complaining about teachers, it was our special place, we just had to watch out for the older kids that would come in on weekends but besides that I wouldn't trade those days for anything. Of course there was one time I wish I had, one game actually, if only it had never been there...

One day we walk in as usual and a new cabinet was there, its blue outline and odd shape caught our eye and the lights from the screen seemed like some brand new tech. As we approach I tried to make out the title "Poleebus" Peter tried to correct me "Polybius". I looked over for the owner, the old lanky guy who ran the place to ask him about it but he seemed to be talking to two men in suits and shades. In classic Peter fashion he didn't hesitate to even read the cabinet instructions and was already putting in a quarter into the slot to get started, so I took the moment to look at the cabinet for any instruction so I could at least smugly give our pro gamer the obvious game rules when failed the first round but... there were no instructions, just very a tapestry of extremely complex shapes, swirls, symbols and trapezoids, I actually kinda distracted by them as some seemed embedded and had weird 3D effects, I started to look as I swore I saw something like a picaso face in there but my attention was pulled away Peter yelling "Whoa". He was wide eyed and mouth agape as the screen was flashing like crazy, from the angle I was at it was kinda hard to look at even harder to discern what was going on. All I saw was a GAME OVER screen and Peter scrambling to put in another quarter, while I asked him how it was, he said something like it was 'crazy' or 'unbelievable'.

This time I was paying close attention to the screen, but it was difficult to make out. The thing about older games like asteroids was that they had their own light displays that they don't make now, they felt more like a military radar system than a CRT or LCD or well any conventional screen we have now, I can best describe it as something running beyond 120 frames per second. There's also the the weird magic of analog controls, knobs and sticks that made the pixels 'flow', its something almost impossible to explain that can only be known by experiencing it. In any case this game was like that on steroids, it was a fluid cluster of multi coloured shapes that were moving 'in and out' of each other - I swear it looked 3D, and the intermittent flashing ever half second with breaks felt seizure inducing like those banned obscure games. I felt mesmerized like I was having a weird dream or leaving my body until I felt something like a splitting headache and had to clutch my head and look away. Worried I might have one of those seizures I looked at the ground and slowly opened and closed my eyes until the clawing in my head went away. I looked over at the owner and men in black suits who were now staring directly at us with their dark sunglasses and stern faces. I look back at Peter who mouth was moving as if sounding out words, he was definitely in the zone and the sounds coming from the cabinet only helped immerse him in the alien landscape.

As soon as the GAME OVER sound came on he immediately pushed in another quarter, at this point watching Peter's behaviour was more entertaining, he looked like a total goof and I even yelled out over the game "you look like you got zombie-brain virus!" but frustratingly he totally ignored me, dude was in the zone. So I waited a few seconds calling his name like his mom "Peter... Peterrrrrrrr... PETER!" while poking him trying to aggravate him enough to gimme a turn, but he REALLY was ignoring me. He had just put in his third quarter and jumped back in so I pushed him lightly and said "Hey!" and what I got was him coming back with both hands and pushing me off my feet to the and ground yelled "NOT NOW" with a wild look in his eyes before quickly turning back to the screen. I was shocked and mad, Peter knew how much we had to deal with bullies so being treated like that really hurt me more emotionally than just the push, I looked back at him hoping he'd see how much he hurt me but he was totally sucked into the game. I felt bad so I just walked away hoping to make myself happier by going to my usual cabinets. I played my usual rotation but couldn't shake that gnawing in my gut, I couldn't focus and that just made me play terribly, which made me even angrier. I just felt crummy and thought I should just go home, I came by the entrance again and Peter was still there, mouth agape and moving while staring up at the illuminated machine, same as I saw him an hour ago. I walked up to him pensively out of pushing range and said I was heading home, I waited but no response came back, feeling totally ignored pissed me off so I just stormed out, he could stay there forever for all I care.

The next day at school Peter wasn't there, we all assumed he was probably sick. I was joking with the guys at lunch it was the new game that did it, "Which game?" "oh something called Polly-bus", one of the douchier kids spoke up "oh that's the game Matt's older brother got addicted to, I heard he was so addicted he lost his job" Matt sulked "yeah I don't know he's just angry now" the other kids didn't notice but there was real pain behind his words. "What a loser, its just a game whats wrong with him, he's probably gay" Matt responded bitterly, under his breathe "I don't know, its his problem". The guys started to take a real interest and from their talking we all decided to head there after school to have a look at the 'nerd machine'. I was secretly hoping to see Peter there so we could make up like mom said but instead i saw something even more strange, the cabinet was surrounded by kids, it was a huge crowd - I even recognized people from other schools pretty far away, it was obvious this was the next 'big thing'. Some of the guys waited in line but I just walked around playing the other, now very free games. I just kept thinking of how I'd play with Peter and feeling empty along with the other guys having nothing to talk about I went home.

As the week went by more kids in class had suddenly 'became sick' and the teacher told us that faking being sick for any reason was grounds for suspension. I mostly avoided the arcade for the week, going every time made me think of Peter and I had to help my parents with garden stuff so I put it out of mind. By the weekend Peter still wasn't back so my mom baked some cookies for me to bring over to his place, so I got on my bike and went. As I pulled up to his driveway I could hear yelling inside from his parents, I got pretty scared to knock so I decided to go in the back. It was a pretty wooded area and we had our secret hideout behind these rocks that was like a TP, so I went there looking for him. Sure enough he was there but something was... off. I said hey and he jolted his head up like a deer, saw me, and went back to what he was doing - pushing a stick into the ground. I walked up closer to him and repeated "Hey", "hey..." was the mechanical response. I unpacked the cookies and tried to give him one, he took it but didn't bite into it. "So are you sick?" "No... not really...". I sat down beside him enjoying a cookie myself wondering what he was thinking, were his parents made at him or each other? That's when I noticed it, he was actually pushing his stick into a dead animal, some kind of squirrel or something but its face was so disfigured with guts coming out its eye sockets and its face horribly crushed. "What are you doing?" "Playing..." came the mechanical response and after a pause gave little chuckle, that gave me goosebumps. I just looked incredulously at him and the dead animal, his face was empty of emotion except for that one second he chuckled his eyes lit up and then went dead right after, it was creepy. "So, you know that game has gotten pretty popular..." no response as he kept absentmindedly disemboweled the small creature. "You know, you hurt me when you pushed me" still no response. This was ticking me off. The squirrel corpse was so stretched and mashed that it barely resembled itself, with its legs and stomach being totally separated, it made me kinda sick. "You know i think its dead" I said jokingly, Peter paused and then said in a voice that sounded not his own "This will be us one day". He then slowly began to smile to a full grin and then immediately went back an empty expression. Peter is a quiet kid, socially shy, but he is not a freaking weirdo, this was NOT the Peter I know. He just kept grinding the corpse, never even bothering to look up at me. The cookies hadn't worked and he wasn't acting normal, and he still hadn't apologized for pushing me, so I got up and in anger said "then die then" as I walked off to my bike and back home. To this day, this is my biggest regret because that was the last time I ever saw Peter.

It was Monday and our class had dwindled to half volume, causing our teachers much frustration last week to our entertainment but when Ms. whatsherface came in this morning she was wearing a very forced expression, the other kids weren't paying attention and the girls were gossiping as usual until a police officer walked in, the entire atmosphere of the room changed. "Good morning class, please take your seats, this is officer ? who would like a few minutes with us today" she announced nervously before taking a seat. The officer stepped forward with a stern expression, all attention locked on him, awaiting some life changing news. He took off his hat and started "Good morning, over the weekend one of your classmates Peter ***** has been reported missing, I'm here to ask if anyone has seen him the past week and..." the rest of the words faded out, Peter was... missing? I had just seen him, sure acting weird but... oh my god. It felt like something had sunk into the bottom of my gut and a giant shadow of terror was looming over me, I felt like I had lost control of my life, that this was strange new reality I didn't know how to exist in. I later came forward and told the officer everything I knew as he seriously listened and reassured me. The next days passed uneventfully besides my mom making sure I came home before dark and no going over to anyone's house. We heard rumours that other kids had also gone missing but slowly our class returned to full capacity but Peter's desk remained uncomfortably empty. I hadn't thought of going to the arcade until I heard some of the kids gossiping that the Polybius game had been removed. Going there right after school I entered the familiar archway only to see a blank space where the cabinet had been, only the indentation on the carpet of where it was remained. Seriously freaked out I decided to ask the owner what happened but behind the counter was a much younger man who I thought was an assistant or his son. Apparently he stated he was new owner as the old guy had suddenly sold it. When I asked about the game he had no idea what I was talking about, he even went into the inventory logs and said they had never purchased a cabinet called "Polleebeeus", he said I must be confused with some foreign game. The rest of the school year went by as a blur I, it felt surreal as life tried to come back to normal, it was only until the year end when we took our class photo that it was painfully clear that Peter was still missing.

Time passed, people graduated, moved away, and new memories replaced old. Its only now that my memories of that summer have returned to me, I had recently been fired from my job and going to therapy these memories all came back. When I ask my parents about Peter they say they don't remember him, so I went to go get my old class pictures to show them but I forgot I had thrown them all out years ago. I went over how we used to hang out together and mom baked cookies for him but thought it must've been another friend, "Peter" just didn't sound right she said. This started driving me mad so while visiting my parents I drove back to the old school to see the class photos they might keep. I arrived just an hour after school finished so it was fairly empty, my eyes met one of the teachers and asked her where the class photos were kept, she happily brought out an old dusty binder asking if I was a previous student to which I said yes. Flipping through the pages I finally found the class of 80', scanning the faces excitedly I saw myself in the front row and finally I saw him! Yes Peter was there on the left but as I read the names my mind twisted. "Andrew Schultz". What. The. Hell. The picture was definitely Peter, who the hell was this Andrew? I looked at the previous years, Andrew again, again, and again. Visibly distraught the teacher asked if there was anything wrong "Do you know the teacher in this photo" pointing to the class of 81' "Oh Ms. Passiondale! Well I didn't know her personally, I recall she retired a few years ago and moved" "Do you know where?" "Oh heavens no, probably Florida. I hear she was very nice if not a bit stern haha, was she your's?" "Yeah, I was in the class of 81'" "Oh... I see" as she lowered her voice "Did you know that kids went missing then" she fidgeted with her hands as she responded "Well I did hear many families moved away, apparently they was an odd streak of parents putting their children in special care schools, mental issues, very sad I think." "I see, thank you". I felt I had bothered the nice teacher enough and ended up heading home.

The next day googled Andrew Schultz, many people came up so I added the town name. The third result was an obituary, it read: 'Andrew Schultz passes away at at the age of 90, his loved ones...' I scrolled down '...remembered for opening the local Arcade for 30 years which brought...' wait what. What the hell is the name of the old arcade owner doing on Peter's school picture? A chill ran up my back. I ended up searching the town name and mental illness, it came up with stats and studies and apparently my hometown was listed in the top ten areas for mental illness in the country. I felt like my reality was just shattered. It all started to come together, the game, Peter, the owner, the men in the suits, something very wrong happened that summer and it was being covered up. I couldn't find any proof but I knew the outbreak of mental illness was due to the game, I knew that those men had something to do with it, and I know Peter did not just 'run off' but something terrible had happened to him. But that's all I know and all I'm left with more questions that no one can seem to answer and the guilt of what I said to one of my best friends all those years ago. Peter if you're still out there I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry for not being the friend you needed.