Prompt #48: As the season changes, Liv and El reflect on their summer spent together and what the future holds. ("All at once, summer collapsed into fall." — Oscar Wilde)
Wanting to Fall
~oOo~
Autumn, my love,
Reminds me how vibrant, how natural, it is to transform
Shows me how violently soft we can fall
Says, darling, if you are going that way, we might as well dance on the way down.
— B. Branch
It had been a beautiful summer, not one of much change or definition in their relationship, but one of actually seeing what a friendship could be, letting themselves rely on each other more, and be a part of each other's lives.
Elliot had been able to get to know Noah more and the way Olivia wanted him to, and Olivia had been spending more time with Elliot and his family, especially before Eli left for school in California.
They were getting to know each other more again, were starting to learn the new rhythms that they each had, and were remembering all the things they already knew. They were getting back in sync.
Elliot had finished up being undercover, and decided to make it a slightly slower summer. As much as he could control that.
To really be there for his family and her and pour himself into truly seeing the people cared for and being there for what they need. Part of that was fulfilling his promise to take a family vacation in Maine, and another part of it was listening to Kathleen when she said it would probably be better if Bernie moved in with her.
Olivia had spent the summer working a lot. As the temperature rose, so did the number and brutality of their cases…and so did the level of loneliness she felt. Even with a busier schedule with work and Noah being out of school, she had started to make it more of a priority to focus on her healing and figuring out what she needs in order to get the happiness she deserves. She had found that time with Elliot, even if still in an in-between phase, was a safe space for her to collapse.
That meant that their summer had included more intentional time with each other at her request. She had realized that she really did need to figure out what they needed to and could be to each other, but that they weren't going to get there without being in each other's lives.
They started off with getting coffee at least weekly, even if it was just him bringing it by her office when she didn't have time to step out. Then Olivia and Noah started joining his Sunday night family dinners with the entire Stabler crew; and Elliot, and sometimes Eli, joining spaghetti and movie night.
Then it started being nightly phone calls if possible or texts, if they really couldn't get away for a phone call. Then they added in other meals; with each other's families more often, or he would bring lunch to her during the week, because she would often forget about eating during the work day.
A couple days a week phone calls started turning into him coming over after Noah was asleep and debriefing about the day, or learning about each other now and the time spent apart. They definitely were closer in every way; physically, mentally, emotionally. Yet, they still had not crossed the line of friends.
They could be considered more than friends by some aspects of their relationship. Some could view the meals and coffee as dates, or the deep and simple integration into every aspect, whether sad, difficult, joyful or mundane, of each other's lives as profound dependence and commitment that some married couples don't even have. But by the definition that they were sitting in, last they actually discussed it, they were still 'friends for now'.
Summer had been for them a season of brightness, being together, and no pressure; and with it there came growth, hope, and possibility. Summer came and went just as quick and now the season was turning into fall, and with the change of the season, it had them evaluating what could be next….
~oOo~
They both had been adjusting to their new seasons personally the last couple of weeks, and figuring out new and old routines to see each other and be there for each other. Because if they had learned one thing over the summer, it is that no one could be there for them like the other person. Whether that be just as friends or more.
Elliot had moved Eli into school across the country, and had gotten Bernie settled in with Kathleen. Noah went back to school and had just started another season of dance. Even where they were at now was part of their new rhythm.
Elliot would meet her on Saturday mornings, when she wasn't working and Noah had dance class, to have coffee and walk through the park. This was their second Saturday, and she would be lying if she wasn't slightly more anxious than usual. To spend time with him was normal now, but she knew they had been comfortable in the holding pattern they were in but, it was probably time to redefine. They both had been toeing this imaginary boundary in sand, but not bringing attention to it, possibly for the fear of not knowing what the other one was thinking, but they both deserved clarity to know if the love they were feeling and showing was more than friendship.
Last night she had not slept well, knowing that she should probably bring it up. From the time when they first met up on the designated corner, she thought he could tell something was off too.
He handed her her iced oat milk latte, it was still too warm to drink anything hot, but spending time outside was becoming more enjoyable. "Here you go!"
"Thanks," she grabs it from his hands and takes a sip, not really making eye contact with him.
"Hey, Liv, what's up?" Realizing the new tension of her holding something back, which hasn't been around as much lately.
Olivia meets Elliot's soft yet worried gaze, and lets out a deep sigh. "Uhh," she starts but is having a difficult time finding the words she needs. Need a couple more seconds to collect her thoughts; she rubs her chin, turns around and starts to walk along the path, knowing that he will soon be right in step beside her.
"Come on Liv, tell me what's going on inside that head of yours," he is starting to sound a little more concerned. "I know you, I know when you are overthinking something."
"But, what if I am not overthinking it? What if it messes everything up?" She blurts out fast, but comes to a screeching halt in the middle of the path.
A bike is close behind her, so before he says anything Elliot grabs her shoulder and moves her out of the way and them off to the side of the path. He slowly draws his hand down her bicep to her hand which is firmly placed by her side, and her coffee in the other.
It was nothing new after this summer for him to tangle his fingers with hers. He squeezes her hand, and leans down to catch her line of sight. "What will mess everything up?"
Her deep brown eyes brimming with emotion and hesitation finally look back at his blue eyes that are filled with care and questioning as he tries to figure out what is going on.
"Wanting clarity, wanting more."
"I can't see how clarity could be a bad thing? But, what are you wanting clarity and more of?" He is still really trying to figure out what she is talking about.
She sees a bench a couple feet away from them, and pulls him to sit next to her. Her heart is racing, and maybe he can feel her pulse as he grips her hand, not letting go.
She takes a deep breath. "Us."
Elliot now understands why she is nervous, he has been trying to get the nerve up to talk to her about this too. He would be happy with what they have currently, if that meant that he got to have this level of involvement in each other's lives, but he would be lying to both himself and her if he said that he did not desire more.
He had always wanted more. He wanted to have ALL of her, and he would give her all of himself; but at this point, Elliot would try to be content with whatever she was willing to give him, because she was an integral part of his soul.
Elliot doesn't know though if she does mean more of him, more of them, or more boundaries.
"What about us?" He figures that is a good place to start.
"Where do we stand Elliot? What are we doing? Where are we going? How do we define this?"
He is trying to comprehend quickly her long list of questions, to her he seems very calm right now. He is still holding her hand, now tracing his thumb over the base of hers in small circles.
"Liv, I don't know the answers to those questions on my own." She starts to look at him frustratingly before he quickly says, "those all sound like things we need to figure out together."
He pauses before continuing, "I do however, know what I want. I want you. To be honest, I want all of you, every single part of you. I want this, to have nothing between us. But, it is up to you because I will take as much or as little of you as you will let me have."
His hand now grips hers even tighter, bringing her back, his words landing with an intensity in her soul. "What do you want Olivia?"
She looks at him, but the words don't come, so she goes for it.
The next thing they both know her lips are on his, she is leaning into him with passion, a kiss filled with 24 years of wants and desires. As he kisses her back, not being able to believe that this is happening, he slows it down, melts them into it more, trying to take in every part of her and this moment.
He wraps himself around her as much as he can, not letting her go now, trying to ground them both in reality, while she has one hand on his thigh and the other is running slowly up and down his back.
They could both get carried away with this, he was already forgetting to breathe. So, he hesitantly separates from her pulling her bottom lip with his teeth as he goes to rest his forehead against hers.
He smiles and says smugly, "I guess we both want the same thing?"
Olivia laughs softly, backing up just enough to see his eyes; but wrapping her arms around him. Their heartbeats pounding in sync.
"I am in love with you, Elliot. I want to see where this can go, I want to be all in with you. I am just afraid of losing you."
"You have me."
Her gaze tells him that she still isn't sure, that she still wants to figure out those questions.
"I am going to do everything in my power to never leave you. You are my world Olivia, and I have been in love with you for a long time."
She leans into him again and brings a soft kiss to his lips. Knowing they could get lost in the moment doing this, he grabs her hand again and leads them to start walking again.
Easing back into the steadiness of being side by side of each other. "Let's figure out the answers to your questions. What's first?"
"Where do we stand?"
"Together and with each other."
"Falling deeper into this and each other."
His face turns over his shoulder towards hers, and he kisses her again, before looking at her. Their eyes speak the unvocalized desire of wanting to fall into every fiber of each other.
Note: The author of this SVU: Fall in Love story will be revealed in November
