Bollocks.
Harry spent Thursday morning before the portkey activated packing a small suitcase from the attics with clothes and shrinking it. Then deciding he needed one more thing, just in case and redoing it. In the end he took toiletries, some charmed sandwiches, and a bottle of water just in case. He wore his bezoar carrier, just in case. And a pocketknife, which he put into a coin pocket. The suitcase he shrank one last time and put in his robe pocket.
As the clock approached noon, Harry eyed the teaspoon from Dumbledore with mild disgust, then checked the time again. And realized he didn't have a watch. Still, he was going to Switzerland, he could pick one up there easily enough.
And, thought Harry, customs paperwork, and import duties were about to become a thing of the past for him.
The teaspoon portkey activated, dragging Harry off like a hook behind his navel, in a spinning whirlpool of light, much more… sucking along than the ministry one to France and back. Harry landed in a heap, on a huge carpet, in a large room, with a large circular wooden table, many chairs, and enough varied people to make Harry immediately suspect that this was the actual ICW Mugwumps chambers.
Albus Dumbledore got up from a huge golden throne-like chair and approached Harry.
"Ah , you've arrived" he said, looking down at Harry, and he straightened and said to the seated people "Honourable Mugwumps, may I present Harry Potter. The very best candidate I could find."
Harry stood up, thankful he'd shrunken his suitcase and kept it in his pocket.
"He's just a kid" said a dark skinned woman with an American accent in what was either a dress robe or a robe-like suit. Some American fashion, Harry assumed.
"I can vouch for Mr Potter's ability to vanquish dark lords." said Professor Dumbledore.
"Toddlers aren't going to cut it. Even if you've let him grow up in the meantime" said the woman.
"Well, Harry did rather a lot of the work in finally vanquishing Voldemort last year" said Professor Dumbledore "Voldemort had gone to … extreme lengths to resist being killed. I believe he has set some sort of record."
"Doing what exactly" said the American Mugwump.
"If we told you" said Professor Dumbledore "You might attempt it, or some person who found out from this august body."
Harry drew himself up straight and brushed of his robes.
"We wouldn't go off and become dark lords" said a mugwump.
Professor Dumbledore nodded, and drew a parchment from his sleeve, and banished it into the centre of the table, where it multiplied into a flurry and one copy landed in front of everyone still sitting.
"Mr Potter's NEWT exam marks" said Professor Dumbledore "Better than mine, and he did defeat his first full dark lord at sixteen. Though he put Voldemort, or Tom Marvolo Riddle, as that's his real name, he put Tom into a state of powerlessness that meant we didn't find Tom very difficult last years. Wouldn't you say, Harry?"
"Not the simplest job in the world, but the four years beforehand were a lot of work" said Harry "As I was a child at the time." he added.
"Yes Quite "said Professor Dumbledore quietly, "I can vouch for Mr Potter's ability to … terminate Dark Lords."
A dark skinned wizard in a brightly coloured robe and a boxy sort of has asked in a deep voice "And is an acceptable replacement for you, Albus Dumbledore, defeater of Grindelwald?"
"As he's already saved my life twice on missions" said Dumbledore, and at that ,the Mugwumps all started talking to each other in what sounded like surprise.
"I am rather old" said Professor Dumbledore loudly, "The next truly troublesome dark lord will most likely not rise for decades. I will not… in three decades time be in a position to stop a dark lord. Mr Potter is not yet twenty, yes, but also… is extremely effective in dangerous situations."
"Well... we should … organise a test." said an elderly Asian Witch in robes embroidered with dragons.
"Mr Potter, conveniently has already won the Tri-Wizard tournament, when he was fourteen, against adult wizards and witches." said Professor Dumbledre "And then went on to an … un-schedulded elimination round where he defeated a dozen followers of Voldemort, and crippled the barely resurrected Voldemort that was present."
Harry smiled nervously.
"At fourteen, he beat adults" asked the … probably Chinese witch.
"I was well prepared, and fortune does favour the prepared mind" said Harry, in Chinese. She looked at him, and looked thoughtful.
Professor Dumbledore started to speak, "Mr Potter has, as you can see from his NEWT results, some not insignificant ability to divine the future. That, coupled with training under Alistor Moody since he was four, has made Harry…. Indomitable." finished Professor Dumbledore, and Harry was amazed at the audacity of Dumbledore. Who wasn't lying, but… he might as well be portraying the Chudley Cannons as having engaged in an elaborate campaign to put the other League teams off their guard. For the last sixty years.
"You had Alistor train him since he could crawl" said the American Mugwump. "Mr Potter , is this true?"
"Alistor Moody was my closest companion as a child" said Harry. It was… technically true. "And we're friends now."
"Fark" said a wizard wearing a hat with the brim decorated with hanging corks in an Australian accent. "Moody's Maad. And this kid's… Moody and Dumbledore's prota-jay."
"Professor Dumbledore has taught me many things" said Harry. Mostly not to trust Albus Dumbledore, but many other things too.
"Albus eez he really good enough?" asked a French witch.
"Oh Harry's perfectly capable of being the ICW's associate." said Professor Dumbledore.
This level of lying was, Harry supposed diplomacy. Harry and Dumbledore hadn't told the truth yet. Or really lied either.
"If we could have a show of wands?" asked Professor Dumbledore. "Those in favour of appointing Harry Potter as my replacement, as the new Associate?"
The Mugwumps, well some of them, lifted their wands.
"A majority" said Professor Dumbledore "Thought not a super-majority. Mr Potter will be receiving his Order of Merlin, first Class in late August. The British ministry of Magic has been a trifle recalcitrant, mostly because of his youth." Everyone lowered their wands and looked over at at person sitting at the table.
"Stevens!" said the American Mugwump "Is Potter really getting an order of Merlin?"
A wizard in normal looking robes, where everyone was looking, stood up and said "Since Supreme Mugwump Dumbledore has deigned to tell you, in contravention of a Ministry communications blackout, I can say that yes, the Ministry of magic will be awarding Harry Potter an Order of Merlin first class, with bar, for his work in defeating the Dark Lord Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Voldemort."
"With BAR?" said Professor Dumbledore, in a tone that suggested he hadn't known about it.
"Well… Daedlus Diggle suggested it. As Harry Potter did defeat him as a baby, and again, as a teen, it seemed, that… with bar, like the Muggles do, when they award their highest honours twice… might be appropriate. And He did stop … you know who before he killed a lot of people the second time." said Mugwump Stevens.
Harry almost smiled at the veiled reference to Dumbledore's slow response to Grindelwald's war.
Harry stood there feeling a bit smug, when, like a fly in a kitchen, the thought that Granger could, conceptually at least, be a dark Lady. Harry thought about that for a bit. Well... she' probably limit herself to stealing books, and possibly punishing those who damaged books, so there was little risk, and … Harry thought to himself, with her limited agility, she was hardly going to skip to one side in a duel in high-heeled black boots. The unwanted recollection of Greengrass duelling in high heels came back to Harry, the view of her thigh in stockings, and the only mercy was that his robes covered his trousers.
He really, he mused, really needed to deal with that mental weakness of his, before he got distracted at some critical moment and possibly injured. Especially if these… diplomats gave him a part-time job kicking dark lord's arses. A memory charm, he mused might do it. An idea about how he might do that, started to come to Harry. Some sort of sound recording to remember the message...
But the Mugwumps , almost all of them lifted their wands, and a gemstone stone on the ceiling lit up with a bluish light.
"Supermajority" said Professor Dumbledore "The ICW has moved to appoint Harry James Potter of England as the Associate of the ICW."
And with that, he took a dull grey ring off one of his fingers, and offered it to Harry.
"This is yours now" he said.
Harry blinked, stopped inventing a technique for removing ones' own memories using an enchanted talking parchment and the obliviation charm, and walked over. It was an odd grey ring, with three letters stamped into it. 'ICW'
Harry took it from Dumbledore's quite wizened fingers. It was warm, obviously. Harry put it on his left index finger easily. And the damn thing subtly shrank to fit.
"Well done Harry "said Professor Dumbledore. "Now… the after-match function." And he waved his hands and two sets of double doors opened. By magic, obviously.
The doors off the meeting room. Into … what was clearly a ballroom with tables and chairs, and a buffet, tables of champagne flutes and a bar.
The Mugwumps, all two hundred odd of them, rose and left the chamber for the ballroom, chattering. The carpeted floor made it a quiet process.
"Why'd they leave" asked Harry.
"You can't conjure water here, and there are no drinks laid out. It helps focus their minds. When I started here, they had carafes of water, it was a battle to see who could hold on longer" said Professor Dumbledore "And I'm an old man. Taking away their water was the easy way."
Harry looked across the ballroom, where Mugwumps were taking champagne flutes.
"They're not drinking water" observed Harry.
"If offered water or champagne, a diplomat will likely go for the champagne" said Professor Dumbledore tiredly "You must be brave, stoic and try not to get plastered and tell them what you really think" he added.
"We're going in there?" asked Harry.
"You're the guest of honour. I estimate in eight hours or so, the ball in the honour of the new Associate will wind down."
Harry eyed Dumbledore "Drinking for eight hours?"
"Stick to water. You'll seem terribly clever in an hours time."
Harry nodded.
"Oh and Harry… you will be coming in for monthly wand checks. Just a precaution, and a chance for a catch-up." said Albus.
"What's stopping me taking the ring off" said Harry, and he tugged on it. And it wouldn't budge.
"It can be removed until the ICW appoints a replacement" said Professor Dumbledore.
"And if I cut my finger off?" asked Harry.
"A rather clever piece of charms work." said Professor Dumbledore "The quite vile withering curse Tom used, is being held at bay by the ring. I feel it's rather symmetrical. His ring, caused a withering curse… this one… prevents one."
And Professor Dumbledore smiled. "I have every faith in you Harry." he said "But also, a little insurance policy. Do turn the ring should you desire not to be seen with it."
Harry resisted the urge to swear.
-==0==-
The party did feature increasingly drunk Mugwumps shaking Harry's hand.
And there was finger-food; and Harry ate quite a bit of caviar on crackers. And crudites. And some mini pain-au-chocolat. Harry kept sipping tall glasses of butterbeer.
The Swiss Mugwump slightly drunkenly wanted to know Harry's impression of Switzerland.
Harry smiled politely and said "Well, I've not seen much yet, but I'm looking forward to finding a watch." The Mugwoump patted Harry on the shoulder and assured him that of something in a German dialect that was so different that Harry was pretty sure he didn't just say 'We'll send a spindle up your raincoat.'
Time passed, Harry got sick of snacks, went to the well signposted loos, came back, ate some more, got sore feet, a sore face from fake-smiling, and started to really wish he was somewhere else.
Finally the crowds thinned out, and with last hiccough of drunken Mugwumps leaving, Harry and Dumbledore were left.
"Your first event as a member of the ICW" said Professor Dumbledore "The wide-awake potion I've been taking will wear off soon, so I must dash." and with that, he vanished in the blur of a portkey. Clearly he had no reluctance to make portkeys for everything.
The members had mostly gone out other doors from the ballroom, so Harry walked tiredly out, and they opened into a place like a small hotel.
There were a few staff in dark robes with gold frogging, who stopped Harry, and led him to the lift, and the thirteenth floor, and room… well next to twelve. The suite was … bland. And warm and comfortable, and … Harry fell asleep as soon as he lay down.
The next day, Harry woke up, found the ensuite, discovered it had really good plumbing and large bath, and had a great soak. And when he got back to the suite, he found a covered tray of cooked breakfast waiting for him.
It was, like the idea of being at home with a house elf, but without the faint smell of mould, or Kreacher insulting him. And… cheese on everything.
A letter, little more than a memo appeared after breakfast, on top of a book. The memo explained that his ring was a portkey; that would let the ICW bring him in if they needed him. And his proof of his position with the ICW. The book, that was the official rules of the job. Harry put it in his suitcase; he might need it later.
Not having any real reason to stick around , Harry went down to the lobby, and found Professor Dumbledore sitting on an overstuffed chair, reading a book. He looked up.
"Ah. Harry. You've had breakfast, I trust?"
Harry nodded.
A staff member hurried over and pressed a wooden box the size of a rubik's cube on Harry "Mr Potter, from the Mugwump, as a token to remember Lucerne" they said. Harry pocketed it.
Harry got to Dumbledore, who looked tired.
"Excellent. Your portkey?" asked Professor Dumbledore.
Harry took the teaspoon out of his other robe pocket.
"Excellent. We'll take this back to the Hogs Head, and mother's cutlery set will be that little bit less incomplete" said Professor Dumbledore, cheerily.
And he handed Harry the end of the teaspoon, and said "Hogs-Head" and they were off in the hooking spin of a portkey.
Harry landed just outside the Hogs Head on the cobbled street, and let the teaspoon go, and stood up off the cobbles.
Professor Dumbledore looked around "Still early." he said.
"Who do I report to, at the ICW"? Asked Harry.
"Why me, of course" said Professor Dumbledore "You can catch me at Hogwarts for your wand checks. Save us both going to Switzerland."
Harry apparated home, trying not to fume till he got in the door. Fucking Dumbledore had… got out of a job he didn't want and given it to Harry. And was now going to keep tabs on Harry's wand.
Harry apparated up to the parlour, and there was a smell. Like… women's perfume; something like jasmine, but musky. And there were a pair of women's' shoes on the rug at the end of the couch.
Harry looked at the shoes, sniffed. Women's shoes. Perfume.
The logical conclusion was the Remus had a lady-friend. Harry eyed the shoes. Expensive looking, high heeled, and black. He picked one up and eyed it closely. Silver heel-caps, so definitely not Greengrass's shoes. Harry put the shoe down and wanted to wipe his hand on something. He settled for going to his room, unpacking and putting the rulebook on the bookshelf.
The wooden thing was a box of some sort.
Harry opened it, and inside the box, in a blue velvet notch, glittering and silvery, was a watch. A large, horribly expensive looking watch. A watch, Harry surmised, that was Swiss, a gift from the Mugwump of Switzerland, and… probably very expensive. Harry put it on; it was rather heavy, had lots of dials and buttons and knobs, and even had a tiny dial for phases of the moon. Harry clicked the band shut and looked in the box. There was small book included. Harry opened it.
'The wizards multifunctional chronometer' was the title. And it had an index. So many functions. Harry put the watches instructions next to the rulebook, closed the box with a snap and lay down to think.
-==0==-
The next morning, at breakfast, Remus started reading the paper, to crumple it up and slam it onto the table. Harry looked over, and Remus's face was… contorted into some strange grimace.
"Harry?" he asked soflty "Have you just been made a part of the ICW?"
Harry, who was still chewing nodded.
"And you didn't bother mentioning it to me?" asked Remus. Harry swallowed.
"Didn't seem important." said Harry "It's part-time."
Remus shuddered. "They're saying you're the next Albus Dumbledore" said Remus "which is not true."
Harry nodded "I'm miles younger, and did defeat my dark lord while still at Hogwarts" Harry said sarcastically.
"You… you should have told me!" said Remus, "It's important. What if you get sent off to fight some dark lord?"
"Well, it's not very likely" said Harry "Once every fifty years or so. And I don't have to do it alone. And in the meantime there are perks." Harry thought for a bit "Oh, and if I fill in the paperwork correctly I'll get an allowance based on how many languages I know."
"You should have told me" said Remus. "You don't even have your NEWTs yet!"
"Oh, Dumbledore gave me my results as a sweetener" said Harry "I passed everything."
"Professor Dumbledore?"
"Supreme Mugwump Dumbledore" said Harry "but he did need to give up the associates's job. He is too old to do it these days."
"You… his old job?"
"Dark lord arse kicker, yeh" said Harry bluntly "last few adventures we went on, I had to keep him alive."
"Adventures?" asked Remus hollowly.
"Secret defeating Dark lord business" said Harry. "Speaking of secrets. Who's your witch?"
"What witch?" said Remus.
"Well you wouldn't fit in the black high heels" said Harry. "Would you? That one."
"Well… um. I don't feel comfortable talking about that" said Remus.
"Just… no shagging where I can see" said Harry blandly.
"You didn't tell me about the ICW hiring you!" said Remus.
"You're my steward, so , here you go . I don't get paid, I get carte-blanche when I'm working, I get cooperation from every government, cheap portkeys, and I can cadge accommodation from Mugwumps if I'm not fussy." Harry held up his hand with the ring "Official ICW ring. It's a portkey, so If they need me… off I go."
"But you might not be safe!" said Remus, Harry blinked at that.
"I'm an adult" said Harry "And did defeat Voldemort last year. So… not that bothered really. Dumbledore pointed out that he's been called to the ICW twice. Ever. So … it's not a big risk."
"That's not what the Daily Prophet says!" said Remus, and he flung the paper on top of Harry's toast.
Harry straightene out the prophet and read the headline.
'Bangory Bats crush Cannons in 450-0 win' Harry skipped that, and read the headline below the fold.
'Harry Potter youngest ever ICW staff' Harry's lips twitched involuntarily. He dipped into the article. The gist was that Harry, poor naive Harry was roped into being a child soldier for the ICW's war on everything. Harry looked up at Remus "This is quite insulting." he said.
"But you are a soldier for the ICW!" said Remus, quite unreasonably.
"I'm a grown man" said Harry "Do I need to being testimonials from a number of attractive French witches?"
"A number!" said Remus indignantly.
"Four" said Harry "In my defence, I'm very fond of Elyna, and Ines just wouldn't date me after that nutjob Greengrass came to Pont-le-Baton and duelled her. Ines had very pretty eyes."
Remus seemed to settle down at that.
Harry had just finished a nice cup of tea, when he asked "So… how serious are you about this Elyna?"
"We're dating Remus. I'm only eighteen. Things are good, she's at her family's farm since school ended, helping with the animals." said Harry.
"So you're not … getting engaged unexpectedly?" asked Remus.
"There are potions, honestly." said Harry.
"Not that you… oh dammit you're so like you bloody father!" said Remus. "And with your mum's predilection for snark."
"Mum was snakry?" asked Harry, perking up. Cool, stories about mum and dad.
"Not as bad as you." said Remus. "But could be incisive when moved to. She was well liked across many houses."
Harry felt a surge of anger, and glared at Remus. Who flinched.
"I'll um… just go visit tenants" said Remus, leaving.
-==0==-
Harry finally realised a week or so later, that Remus wasn't going to buy croissants or pain-au-chocolat now matter how many times he mentioned it, went to Diagon Alley and started checking the grocery stores for imported foods. There had to be some in a sealed package, imported for homesick French wizards and witches. Didn't there?
And, leaving Westerby's Weevil-free Provender, who had nothing he wanted, Harry met Daphne Greengrass, of all people, who was wearing a frumpy grey robe.
"Um hi Potter" said Greengrass. "I need to talk to you, to apologise, and ask for you help. Mugwump Potter"
"What?" said Harry, a hand on his wand, a silent duelling shield coming up… and up. He relaxed; he knew what she could do in a duel, he'd be fine.
"Apologising. Here, in person. I… I… I was shit to you." said Greengrass.
Harry thought that was pretty accurate. And totally out of character, but her eyes were not fogged, so imperious was out.
"Can we go… sit down" said Greengrass. "I need to talk." Unfortunately at this juncture Harry remembered the sight of her skirt, split from duelling, her stocking clad thigh, the curve of her arse in that skirt when intact. Weak-minded from blood rushing away from his brain, he followed her.
Harry went to Forescues, and sat in a booth, and Greengrass took her wand out with a pincer grip that meant she couldn't cast, and put it on the table facing sideways. She put one finger on it "You can hold my wand down" she said "But don't break her, I love my wand."
Harry pressed his index finger down on her wand – it felt a bit warm and he relaxed a bit. She couldn't cast anything now. And he cursed himself. He really needed to get those bloody memories out and incinerate them. Or something.
"You could put yours on the table too" she said.
Harry flicked his wand out of his sleeve and put it in the table, and put one finger on it.
Greengrass cheekily lifted her left hand and put her left index finger down on his wand.
"Your wand's … cold" she said.
"It feels determined to me" said Harry as blandly as he could. He gathered his wits "First things first. I'm not a Mugwump."
"You're not?"
"I'm an associate of the ICW" said Harry "A trouble-shooter" he quipped.
Greengrass nodded.
"I got delivered back to Britain in chains, and taken off by the hit-wizards" said Greengrass.
"Then I spent a day in the cells while the DMLE decided what to do with the paperwork the French DMLE sent."
And Greengrass seemed to stare at his left hand for some reason. Harry looked at his hand. Oh, the stupid ring, and the watch might be glittering from further up his cuffs. Like a magpie she was attracted by shiny things. In hindsight, Harry was a little surprised to hear she'd been sent to Britain in chains. It hadn't really occurred to him.
"And then my grandmother dragged me off to Switzerland to a clinic" said Greengrass "And they put their wand in my noggin did... stuff."
"What?" said Harry – as that had been a very odd direction for her story to go in.
"Grandmama was horrified I'd been deported from France." explained Greengrass "A stain on our family."
"Well. Greengrass's name is a mess now, I guess." said Harry.
"Her family name… Bathory" said Daphne "Which is ridiculous, I know."
"Ridiculous?" asked Harry, not getting her point. Bathory sounded foreign, not ridiculous.
"You don't know? Our ancestress was one of the last Dark Ladies before the International Statute of Secrecy. She's still famous as 'The Blood Countess of Hungary.' Using virgin's blood in some sort of ritual to reverse ageing." said Daphne, and she lifted her eyebrows.
"For real?" asked Harry, mildly interested.
"Obviously the family have no records of necromantic blood rituals" said Daphne smoothly "And are only technically part of the Hungarian royal family- which isn't a royal family any more."
"And she's… upset .Wow" said Harry, feigning interest… in Greengrass, but thinking about the blood rituals. Clearly very messy, but he'd not thought about that as an approach. Neither clearly, had Voldemort. The things you learnt talking to psychos from Hogwarts, thought Harry.
"Was" said Daphne, "They scooped out my brains and remade me. Well… they at least found the strength of my temper and turned it down. Being grandmama, she also had me stomach-banded, manipulative old cow."
"What?" asked Harry, sparing a moment to eye Greengrass up and down. She hadn't become fat or anything since he left Hogwarts, she was… well she was no marathon runner, but the bulges seemed appropriate for a girl of about Harry's age, though the dress seemed designed not to advertise a figure. "Why the hell?" asked Harry.
"I like ice-cream" said Daphne Greengrass. "Grandmama's been on my back about it since I was ten, and once she had me there… well… it was 'just to take care of you, liebling'" she quoted in what was clearly mimicry of an old woman with a Germanic accent. "So now I can't eat very much at one go."
"Is that even… legal?" asked Harry.
"Grandmama didn't care. I'm just lucky I came out the same shape." said Greengrass.
Harry resisted making the observation that Greengrass's shape was perfectly decent. The recollection of her arse retreating juxtaposed with Greengrass squeezed into the ripped short skirt in France. His traitorous bollocks itched at the memory of her thigh in a stocking, her white hip. And his pants might be slowly getting tighter. And the bloody robe she was wearing covered everything and was… well no French witch under fifty would wear it.
Harry swallowed awkwardly remembering the nightmare about Greengrass winking.
"Are you all right Potter?" asked Greengrass.
"Um" said Harry, shaking his head "Just um… memory holes." he lied.
"Memory holes?" asked Greengrass.
"I have gaps" said Harry, thinking,'I really need to remove or tamper with those memories.'
She nodded. "Your awful fit." she said, and hesitated.
Harry waved his free hand, hoping she'd get a move on. The last thing he wanted was to spend hours listening to Greengrass complain about her life.
"So, I was talking to my friends about what Grandmama had done to me" she said. Something about the words she chose had Harry's ears pricking up.
"And I realised I don't know what they did." she said. "They told me, just reducing my temper and making it so I can't eat large meals. But…. They didn't tell me about the stomach banding. What if they did other things to my mind."
Harry thought about that for a moment. "You said, done to you. Did you go voluntarily?"
"Not … really." said Greengrass. "Grandmama packed some things for me, grabbed me and activated the portkey."
"So you hexed the people at this clinic a lot then" asked Harry.
"The first thing they did was disarm me" said Greengrass. Harry mentally praised their forethought.
"Grandmama has some very … fixed ideas about my life" said Greengrass. "It's … I'm scared she messed with my head. Made me , I dunno. Confounded to fall in love with some idiot she's already picked out for me."
"Magic can't create love" said Harry politely.
"I know that, but I could be confounded to … to… be the slave to some brainless eastern European in his thirties." said Greengrass. "She's not the most law-abiding old Countess"
"Countess?"
"She's a countess. It's a thing. Get over it." said Greengrass.
"Castle?"
"Small-ish., draughty, and with the baggage of our ancestress having been walled up in one of the towers." said Greengrass.
"Still there?" asked Harry curiously. That would be very interesting to explore.
"No don't be stupid" snapped Greengrass. But not in her normal, hexing innocent people sort of way.
"Your temper is markedly improved" said Harry, surprised.
Greengrass blushed. "The clinic I went to…. I …. I don't get furious any-more. Well… I do get angry, but… it's like I can control it. I don't'… I don't lash out. You, Potter, could do with going there."
"I'm fine" said Harry "I've got control of my life." He smiled, thinking of Elyna's kisses, and ignoring the portkey on his index finger.
She nodded "Sure" said Daphne Greengrass, sounding unconvinced. "Theo Nott's still terrified of you, Crabbe and Goyle go mute if someone mentions your name."
Harry felt a surge of … of brutal satisfaction. They feared him, they would never dare move against him. He was fairly sure he wasn't grinning.
"Your temper is as bad as mine was" said Greengrass "go get help. They're expensive, but you're wealthy."
"Changing my mind with spells seems to be dangerous to me" said Harry, hypocritically.
"I'm still me" said Daphne Greengrass, "my friends all think I'm still me, I think I'm still me. I just… it's like not having an angry voice in my head."
Harry tried not to flinch, not to react to that turn of phrase. Tried not to freeze as the memory of the faint voice in the dark came back. He was fine. Fine. Totally fine. His left hand clutched the edge of the table top and shook slightly. Fine, totally fine.
"Before you get yourself into real trouble" said Greengrass.
"Says Daphne Greengrass, felon" said Harry, and the nagging worry of wand-checks loomed like an iceberg on a foggy ocean voyage. Bother, and Dumbledore, who was so judgemental about spells was doing them.
Greengrass… stuck her tongue out at Harry. Harry's brain practically stripped a gear. Greengrass… her hair trigger temper was missing. Replaced with some sort of… childish humour.
"Childish felon" said Harry, channelling Snape.
"I wish… I wish mummy had taken me to that clinic before I started Hogwarts" said Greengrass. Harry felt like his collar had got too tight, like he couldn't breathe. Greengrass… regretted her life at Hogwarts. Her adult life really… and regrets, Harry felt could lead to the worst kind of suffering. His back started to sweat, his collar felt tight and wet and. He was fine. He was in control.
"And your father?" asked Harry, not croaking. A husky masculine voice, not a croak.
"My father doesn't think his daughters hexing boys is a bad thing" said Greengrass "He'd be horrified to find out that despite my temper, I did investigate a few Hogwarts broom-closets."
"Oh, who's your boyfriend?" asked Harry "Nobody ever knew."
"Because … I found Slytherin without you more relaxing, I dated after you left – it was…. Well I'm just saying it was like a dark lord leaving the 'snake pit' but… Theo doesn't count and Blaise… everyone already avoided Blaise by the time he stared Hogwarts."
"Oh really?" said Harry, who had no idea about that; he didn't know the Slytherins socially, just in dorms.
"He was your best friend" said Daphne "Surely you know all his horrid stories?"
"We're more… acquaintances than friends" said Harry "My best friend's Hermione Granger. You may remember the girl that the troll nearly killed? Came with the Beauxbatons contingent, danced with Victor Krum at the Yule ball?"
"The know-it-all with the big teeth and the big hair" said Daphne.
"She was eleven" said Harry "You were… what… the little blonde girl that hardly talked."
"I distinctly remember saying… he broke his actual wand, who does that" said Daphne.
"Oh" said Harry, "That was you? How… delightful" he added drily.
"You really don't like me do you?" asked Greengrass.
"Oh no…" protested Harry passionately "I want to marry you, don't you… " Harry paused and continued in a monotone "wait, no It's the most horrible thing I can think of."
Greengrass's eyes narrowed and her mouth pressing into a thin line "You are such a sarcastic arsehole" said Greengrass, unable to contain a brief glimmer of amusement. "Which considering your rant about how awful your family were… and how you didn't find Slytherin welcoming… makes sense, I suppose." She sounded… oddly unmoved by Harry's little jibe.
Harry was impressed. Greengrass actually did have a markedly improved temper. She could pass for a human being, not a jeroboam of boiling enrumpet fluid.
He scratched the back of his head, "Your temper is … enormously improved. I'll… ." Harry was tempted to make another jibe for old time's sake, but the thought, fleeting as a swallow darting into a Hogwarts cloister came to him… he'd had Tom's voice in his head for years. His temper was, probably going to get him arrested at some point… and the ICW, in the form of Dumbledore, was going to do monthly bloody wand-checks "I'll think about it." he said instead.
Greengrass nodded "And that's some payback for… you know. My sister." She sounded quite sincere. Which was oddly uncomfortable.
"Just don't expect me to marry you" said Harry "It doesn't sound like a reward to me."
Greengrass exhaled a scoff of outrage "You're a liar, Harry Potter. I saw you checking my bum out – and you winked at me." She lifted her head and looked… well an impression of imperious. Helped by her quite large conk.
"Ogling is not the same as wanting to live with" said Harry.
"So I'm ogle-able?" asked Greengrass.
"Eminently" said Harry drily. "Take your improved temper, a pretty dress and go capture some foolish Ravenclaw."
"Your ex beat me to the best looking one" said Greengrass.
"My what?" asked Harry.
"Ginny Weasley" said Greengrass, "Michael Corner, the only Ravenclaw possibly describable as Tall, Dark and Handsome."
"Ginny?" asked Harry "I never really had much interest in her, she was all 'The Boy Who Lived.'"
"Well you did, technically" said Greengrass "You're just not heroic. Or selfless, or…"
Harry glared at Greengrass, and she stopped listing virtues he didn't have. Or even actually want to have, but that wasn't important.
"I never did understand that" said Harry diplomatically. "I had enough of not getting anything before Mr Moody came. At least he got me decent meals" For some reason Harry's lower lip wanted to curl downwards. Harry fought the stupid muscle contraction with all his will.
"Yeah" said Greengrass slowly, staring at his face, "you go get some professional help. Look at me, I'll be a witch with a boyfriend who doesn't run off screaming soon."
"I'm not sure you're that cured" said Harry drily.
"Sarcastic shit" she said, but not terribly angrily. Harry felt… oddly that Greengrass was now in the same league as Zabini. Not someone you'd have in your house willingly, but… he supposed at a long social event, someone he could exchange a few sarcastic remarks with to keep from falling asleep. Gods, even Greengrass would have been a mercy at the ICW party. Well, not that he wanted to take Greengrass to a party. But someone to be sarcastic with, would have made eight hours drag by less. Zabini would have been equally helpful, he mused. Still, Zabini would have spent lots of the party trying to hit on mature, drunk witches. Probably. Greengrass had implied that by the time they got to Hogwarts the rich girls all knew Blaise and he'd been awful to them.
"What I'm scared of is that grandmama's set me up" said Greengrass. She swallowed "She was excited about you and ...well I. She though the heir of the Blacks was quite wealthy enough and then you being famous as the boy-who-lived too." Greengrass frowned "You really are the new Dumbledore for the ICW?"
"I'm not going for Supreme Mugwump" said Harry "I can avoid all the meetings at present." Harry looked at Greengrass, who had an expression on her face that wasn't anger or disdain. She looked… like she was pleading.
"Please investigate the clinic, Potter?" she asked. And inconceivably, her eyes started tearing up. "I'm so scared Grandmama's messed with me." Harry felt faintly uncomfortable at a girl starting to tear up.
"Besides, the clinic never asked me for consent. Never told me what they were doing" said Greengrass "And nobody cared when I complained. I think they… they do what people pay for, to whoever gets dragged in. I know you don't like me, but I think they've done this to other girls too."
Harry stood up and left. His back didn't even itch. Seeing Greengrass with her vile temper gone was weird. She was… just like a normal witch now. Well, a good-looking one with mild delusions (hopefully cured) of Harry wanting her. There was a real chance that someone had messed with her head. Harry felt virtuous about that, he'd never do that to anyone.
"And I really am sorry" she said as he left Fortescues. Greengrass apologising was weird, thought Harry.
As Harry apparated home, he was stuck by the hideous notion that Greengrass's mind, now with the huge temper removed might have gaping holes in her personality. He couldn't imagine her having much of a personality once you eliminated being a harpy, apart from her stupid hobbies and flirting. More fool whatever Ravenclaw she dragged off to her lair.
Harry's traitorous pants felt tighter at the thought of that.
That night he couldn't sleep, and Greengrass's words ' but I think they've done this to other girls too' haunted him.
